


We Don't Need To Say It

by mylifeiskara



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Actors, Alternate Universe - Celebrity, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Eventual Smut, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Implied Sexual Content, Minor Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, Minor Josephine Lightbourne/Gabriel Santiago, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, and i mean sloooooowwwww
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:35:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 112,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25195537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mylifeiskara/pseuds/mylifeiskara
Summary: John Murphy loves his job. He’s the star ofAlpha, a show about the protectors of space nobility on the CW that’s in its third season, and he gets to go to work everyday with his best friends. And no, he’s not being dramatic when he says that season three changes everything.
Relationships: Emori/John Murphy (The 100)
Comments: 291
Kudos: 103





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I have wanted to write a longer Memori fic since about January, and this idea for an actor AU came about at some point this past winter. And here it is! Major props to my beta and bestest Memori friend [Mobi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mobi_On_A_Mission/pseuds/Mobi_On_A_Mission) for being so encouraging, because this would not be happening without you! Also I am not kidding when I say slow burn, just prepare yourself now.
> 
> Title is from [Sweet](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pZ31pyTZdh0) by Cigarettes After Sex.

**Part One: Murphy**

It all starts when Bellamy and Clarke get engaged.

Or at least, that’s the moment Murphy is able to pinpoint as the moment that everything around him changes. And maybe that mere statement is a bit dramatic, but what else do people expect from an actor?

If anything, John Murphy is a creature of habit. Ever since he landed the lead role on _Alpha_ , the CW’s most popular show, he’s been fortunate enough to become a creature of habit, something that not all actors are able to do. Every October he goes to Vancouver where they film, and every year he lives with Bellamy. Bellamy unfortunately threw a wrench in their living situation when he decided to propose to Clarke over the hiatus between seasons two and three. Since he wanted to live with his fiancée, now Murphy’s stuck living with Josephine, seeing as her living situation was also abruptly ended with Clarke and Bellamy’s cohabitation.

In the grand scheme of things, Murphy’s not actually that upset. He loves Bellamy and Clarke, and he’s happy for them. And Murphy has had to spend plenty of time with Josephine, seeing as their characters are love interests. Hell, they even hooked up while they were filming season one. He loves Josephine, too. But living with her is very different from living with Bellamy. Mainly because Bellamy always let Murphy know when Clarke was coming over. Josephine’s boyfriend Gabriel has been visiting Vancouver regularly, but with very little warning. And Murphy’s tired of walking into his house to hear loud sex raging above him. Thankfully he always has a place to escape.

“Gabriel’s in town?” Emori asks, a knowing smile on her face when she answers her door.

“And of course, the only reason I found out was because I was greeted with loud reunion sex upon entering my house,” Murphy answers as he steps inside.

“Maybe you should say something to her.”

“Nah, she’d probably just do it more often to spite me.”

Emori chuckles. “Gotta love Josephine.”

“And I do. Just not when Gabriel’s here.”

They share a laugh as Emori goes to the kitchen and grabs Murphy a beer. At least one thing remains the same in all this. Emori.

Murphy and Emori are the two leads of the show. They play Cullen and Nadia, the youngest members of Alpha’s Royal Guard, who have been sworn to protect the twin princesses, Lyra and Stella (played by Clarke and Josephine). Murphy didn’t know Emori before they got cast, but they did a few screen tests together, and Murphy immediately decided he liked her. She clearly paid attention to detail and took notes better than any other actor he had ever met. He remembered hoping that she got the gig, even if he didn’t. Luck would have it that they both did, and Murphy’s never been more excited to work with someone. It was the first lead television part for both of them. Murphy had done some guest spots, but this was Emori’s first television gig in general, since she comes from a theatre background. Most of the cast was fairly new to the scene, except for Josephine, who’s been acting since she was ten, and Bellamy, who’s just older than the rest of them.

Emori quickly became Murphy’s best friend. He probably could have predicted it, based on how their screen tests went, but filming the first season of the show is a memory that Murphy counts among his favorites. As a person who likes few people, he’d always been skeptical of casts of television shows that seemed like they were all best friends. How could that possibly always be the case? He’s never been happier to be proven wrong, because the cast of _Alpha_ really are some of his best friends, and he’s glad he gets to work with them every year. He’s glad that their show ended up becoming insanely popular, because even though he’s had some weird fan interactions and people are always in his business, it means that he gets to come back and work with his favorite people for another season. So, though he wouldn’t say it out loud unless he were very drunk, he’s grateful.

“What’s Gabriel even doing here?” Emori asks as she hands Murphy his beer and flops back onto the couch next to him.

“Hell if I know,” he says before taking a sip of his drink. “Unless he’s here for Bellamy and Clarke’s engagement party at the end of the week.”

“I don’t see why he had to come so early for that. What’s he gonna do while Josephine is shooting this week?”

“You know you’re really asking all the logical questions, but Josephine and Gabriel’s relationship apparently defies logic.”

Emori shakes her head with a smile. “You’re so mean, John.”

He smirks. “Mean or just truthful?”

That comment earns him a playful push in the shoulder with Emori’s foot. He laughs and responds by putting his beer down so he can tickle her foot. She jumps at the unexpected move, giving Murphy the advantage to pin her down and tickle her sides. Emori shakes with laughter.

“Fine, you win!” she pants in between laughs.

“I’m surprised you’re giving in so easily,” Murphy says. He makes like he’s going to stop and lets up for a moment, then goes back in for another attack. Emori screams, tears in her eyes from laughter and Murphy can’t help but laugh himself.

They’re so busy shouting at each other that they don’t notice Harper standing in the doorway of the living room for about a minute. Murphy ceases tickling Emori when he looks up and sees Harper standing there, a knowing smile on her face. He feels his face go red as he takes in their somewhat compromising position, now that Emori is fully on her back and he’s looming above her. Emori catches her breath, confused that Murphy’s finally stopped, but understands when she sits up and turns her head.

“Hi,” Harper finally says.

“Hi, Harper,” Murphy says, moving from his position on top of Emori. “Didn’t know you were home.”

“I was in my room and I thought I heard your voice. Figured I’d come down and say hi.”

“Well Emori called me mean, so I had to defend my honor.” He smooths down his shirt and picks up his beer as if nothing happened.

“You are a little mean.”

Murphy feigns shock. “And here I thought you were too nice to point that out, McIntyre.”

Harper rounds out the main cast of _Alpha_. She plays Aeyrn, the villain. At first it seems like Aeyrn is only following the orders of Bellamy’s character Bastian, but by the end of season two it’s clear that Aeyrn has been the mastermind all along. It’s a testament to how great an actor Harper is that she’s made some fans a little afraid to approach her in real life. But she’s nothing like Aeyrn, rather the opposite. She’s one of the sweetest people you’ll ever meet and talented to boot. This is her second season living with Emori, so Murphy spends a lot of time with her by default.

“Do you want in on our takeout order, Murphy?” Harper asks. “We’re getting Chinese.”

“Knowing Josephine, she and Gabriel are gonna be at it for a while. So might as well.”

This is what a typical evening looks like for Murphy, even when Gabriel isn’t visiting. More often than not, he ends up at Emori and Harper’s house, whether to run lines with Emori or just to hang out and watch TV. Since it’s the day before the table read for the next episode, there are no lines to run yet so they watch a movie while they eat their food.

Murphy eventually does go back to his house so he can mentally prepare himself for the day ahead. Table reads take up a different energy than the days that are spent on set. Even though they’re just sitting and discussing what new challenges the episode presents for the characters, he finds read throughs more draining than the actual filming, probably since he’s flexing a different muscle. He puts his key in the lock and lets himself in. As he hangs up his coat he notices Gabriel and Josephine are in the living room with the lights dimmed as they watch a movie. Thankfully, they really are just watching it.

“Hi, Murphy!” Josephine calls from the couch, not bothering to turn in his direction.

Gabriel turns his head and lifts his arm that’s splayed across the back of the couch in greeting. Murphy gives him a polite nod.

“You know, I appreciated the ‘all clear’ text, but a warning text beforehand would have been great, too,” Murphy says as he comes into the living room.

“Did I not send one?” She finally looks up at him, feigning innocence.

“Don’t pull that with me! Honestly, sometimes it feels like you do this shit on purpose.”

“Yeah, maybe I want you to hear it so one day you’ll get the hint and come join us.”

Murphy’s eyes widen at Josephine’s statement. Half the time he can’t tell whether or not she’s being serious, but he’s almost positive that this isn’t a joke.

Gabriel jumps to fill the silence. “She’s kidding! Unless you want to, of course.”

“Nah, I think I’m good. No offense to either of you, you’re both insanely good looking.”

Josephine shrugs. “Yeah, well. If you change your mind you know where to find us.”

Murphy nods and makes his way upstairs and into his room. He can’t decide if he’s flattered or uncomfortable. Maybe it’s a bit of both. But one thing he knows for sure is something like that never would have happened if he were still living with Bellamy. So naturally, he tweets about it.

The next morning Murphy and Josephine carpool to work. They can’t always, since their filming schedules don’t always line up, but seeing as it’s a new week and the new week always starts out with a table read, they don’t have to travel separately.

Next to Emori, Josephine is Murphy’s favorite scene partner. Season one ended with Cullen and Stella confessing their feelings for each other and deciding to be together, though that posed its own problems, which was an important story in season two. There wasn’t necessarily a rule forbidding the two of them from being together, but it was frowned upon for the royal family to be with the people that served them, so they kept their relationship a secret. The queen found out, and threatened that Cullen would lose his place and never work again if he didn’t end things with Stella. Not wanting to come in between Stella and her family, Cullen ends their relationship, but doesn’t say the real reason for doing so, so Stella takes out her anger on him instead of her mother. The end of season two and beginning of season three have made for an interesting shift in their characters’ relationship, that’s manifested in fewer scenes together. Murphy’s been filming a lot recently with Emori, while Josephine has more scenes with Clarke, much like it was in season one.

Once they’re parked they head into the building where all their table reads are held. They walk the familiar path to the big studio on the second floor. Josephine makes a beeline straight for the coffee and snacks, while Murphy opts to go talk to Bellamy and Emori.

“Murphy, you can’t just tweet about missing your old roommate where your new roommate will see it,” Bellamy says in greeting.

Much like Harper, Bellamy is also nicer than Bastian, the character he plays. Bastian is the son of nobles from Polis, who are hellbent on defeating Alpha for reasons that span generations. But unlike Harper’s character, Bastian is going through a bit of a redemption arc.

“Yeah, well, my new roommate and her insanely hot boyfriend propositioned me last night, so I think I’m allowed to miss you,” Murphy quips.

Bellamy’s eyes go wide and Emori chokes on her tea.

“And I’m guessing you didn’t take them up on the offer?” Bellamy asks.

“Absolutely not.”

“Why not?” Emori asks. “That could have been so interesting.”

“I want no part of Josephine and Gabriel’s dynamic, thank you very much. We’ve been living together for a month with more than that to go, I’m not trying to mess with our current rapport.”

Emori chuckles and takes another sip of her tea, though an odd look briefly crosses her face that Murphy doesn’t know how to place.

“At least you know the option’s always there,” Bellamy jokes before heading into the studio space to find his seat.

Murphy turns to Emori and smiles at her. She smiles back and they head into the room.

“So how was the rest of your night?” he asks.

“Fine. Less eventful than yours, evidently.”

Murphy snorts. “I wouldn’t say eventful is the right word, since nothing happened, but it was interesting.”

They find their seats. Emori is next to Clarke as usual, and Murphy is seated on her other side.

“So there’s an upside to living with Josephine! It could never be boring.”

“Damn right,” Josephine says as she slides into her seat next to Murphy. “If I’m ever boring, someone please put me out of my misery.”

“Don’t think we’re in danger of that anytime soon.”

“You should be flattered. Gabriel won’t consider a threesome with just anyone. I vouched for you!”

“Thank you?” He’s still not sure how to take the whole situation.

The conversation throughout the room dies down as Marcus Kane, _Alpha_ ’s head writer and showrunner takes his seat at the table. Next to him is Raven Reyes, his co-executive producer and Murphy and Emori’s best friend. She’s a talented writer, and Murphy knows when this is all over she’s going to be a great showrunner in her own right.

“Good morning to you all,” Kane begins. “We’re really back in the swing of things now that we’re on episode five. You’re all doing great work, and it’s shaping up to be an interesting season.”

Murphy tunes out most of Kane’s speech. After a while they all start to sound the same, and as much as he respects his boss, he’s also pretty sure Kane just likes to hear himself talk. They go around the table and introduce themselves as usual, for the new people in the room. Next he turns things over to Raven, since she wrote the episode and is also going to be directing it. She says a few words, then turns things over to one of the writer's assistants who begins reading the action.

The end of season two saw the big reveal of Aeyrn’s long game to take over an uninhabited planet called Sanctum. The royal guard on Alpha was informed of these plans ahead of time, thanks to Bastian, so they sent a delegation led by Nadia and Cullen ahead to Sanctum so that Aeyrn’s crew from Polis couldn’t overtake it. The episode they’re reading starts off as mainly filler, since their team has time to kill before the Polis army arrives.

Things get interesting at the end of act three. Earlier in the episode, one of the new recruits makes a big deal about flirting with Cullen, even though he doesn’t seem all that interested. This bothers Nadia, and when Lyra jokes that maybe it’s because Nadia is into Cullen, Nadia acts weird about that response. Murphy frowns to himself, not sure where this is going.

“Interior. Cullen’s tent. Evening,” the assistant reads. “Cullen is lying on his back in his tent, taking a moment’s rest before he makes his rounds. He hears the flap to his tent rustle and opens his eyes to see Nadia enter. She lays down next to him and they sit together in silence. Eventually she turns on her side to face him. Cullen frowns and turns his head to look at her, searching her face for what might be wrong. Nadia kisses him. It’s brief, and when she pulls away, Cullen is confused.”

“What are you doing?” Murphy reads. He tries to hide the confusion in his own voice, seeing as he’s just supposed to be reading the lines and not actually emoting.

“Testing a theory,” Emori says. He turns to look at her, but she’s too focused on the page to notice. She looks confused herself.

The assistant reads more of the action. “Nadia kisses Cullen again, and this time Cullen kisses her back. Though they’ve never done this with each other, they’re comfortable and they find a rhythm easily. They begin to shed their clothes. Cullen pulls away again to check in.”

“Nadia, are you sure?” Murphy asks.

“I wouldn’t have done it if I weren’t,” Emori answers.

“Cullen takes in Nadia’s face one last time, searching for any sign that she’s hesitant. He doesn’t see one and kisses her again. This time they don’t stop. End of act three.”

Murphy’s mind is racing after hearing that scene out loud. He looks across the room at Raven, who’s too busy taking notes to notice him looking in her direction. Why did she write this? Where is this going? He then takes a moment to look at some other cast members. From the looks on their faces, everyone seems to be a bit lost. Clarke and Emori are whispering to each other. Out of everyone, they seem the most confused.

Eventually Emori turns to Murphy and they share a frown.

“I thought Nadia was a lesbian?” Murphy whispers to her.

Emori shrugs. “So did I.”

Clarke and Emori are lucky enough (or maybe unfortunate is the better word for it) to play the two characters that make up the most popular ship on the show. Lydia, as the fans call them. People latched on to their relationship immediately, and they’ve had a hardcore, passionate fanbase since Lyra was captured by Bastian and Aeyrn’s henchmen in season one and Nadia spent the entire rest of the season desperate to find her. A sex scene between Cullen and Nadia seems entirely out of the blue.

“Act four,” reads the assistant.

Murphy turns the page, remembering there’s still more of the episode to read. Maybe this will all get sorted out.

“Interior. Cullen’s tent. Later. Cullen and Nadia are lying under Cullen’s blanket, staring up at the ceiling of the tent. They’re both contemplating what just occurred.”

“So did this help with your theory?” Murphy asks.

“I think so,” Emori says.

“Nadia sits up and moves to put her shirt back on.”

Emori continues. “I don’t know if I want to do this again.”

“Yeah, we probably shouldn’t. It was fun, don’t get me wrong. But I don’t want this to become a habit.”

“Would Stella have something to say?”

“Cullen scoffs,” the assistant reads.

“This isn’t about Stella. Not everything’s about Stella.”

“Nadia smiles at him. She’s known Cullen long enough to know when he’s flustered.”

“It’s okay if that’s the reason,” Emori says.

“I don’t wanna talk about it,” Murphy says, seemingly ending the conversation.

“Nadia finishes getting dressed and goes to exit. She turns to address Cullen one more time.”

“This never happened.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Nadia nods and turns to go. Exterior. Sanctum. Continuous. Lyra sits outside her tent, a little further off. She sees Nadia leaving Cullen’s tent. Close on Lyra looking confused and hurt.”

After hearing the end of that scene, the events of the previous act make a little more sense to Murphy. Much of season three has seen a shift in Cullen and Stella’s relationship. They used to be really close, but their break up resulted in all of their interactions after being stilted, since Stella wanted nothing to do with Cullen for a while. And this moment between Cullen and Nadia seems to plant some sort of seed for Lyra’s feelings for Nadia. He trusts Raven enough to wait until they get to the end of the episode to pass final judgement.

Things start to make more sense at the end of the episode, with a scene between Lyra and Nadia. The previous scene saw them in a blow-out public disagreement, which is not something that normally happens, seeing as neither of them loses their cool.

“Interior. Lyra’s tent. Night,” the assistant continues. “Lyra storms into her tent and begins pacing, still reeling from her argument with Nadia. Nadia storms in after her.”

“What the hell was that?” Emori reads.

“I don’t know, you tell me,” Clarke continues.

“Lyra, you’re not making any sense.”

“And neither are you, clearly.”

“I don’t get why you’re so mad! You’re the one that said maybe I was into Cullen.”

“Well you didn’t have to sleep with him to figure it out. You know he’s still in love with Stella, right? So it’s not gonna work out for you.”

“Nadia is taken aback by Lyra’s bitter attitude. This isn’t normal behavior for her,” the assistant reads.

Emori keeps going. “I don’t feel that way about Cullen. It was a one-time thing, and it’s not gonna happen again.”

“Why did it have to happen at all?”

“Why do you care so much?”

“Because I was jealous!” Clarke reads. “Okay?”

“Beat. Nadia is shocked.”

“You were jealous?” Emori continues.

“Bria flirting with Cullen seemed to bother you so much. And I guess that bothered me because I didn’t think you liked Cullen that way. I thought—”

“You thought what?”

“I thought that the feelings weren’t just in my head. That you felt the same way.”

“Pause. Lyra takes this to mean that Nadia doesn’t feel the same way about her and she’s embarrassed.”

“Forget it,” Clarke says. “I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“Lyra moves to leave the tent, but Nadia stops her by taking her hand.”

“Lyra,” Emori says. “I do.”

“Nadia steps closer to Lyra so that their faces are only a few inches apart. Lyra closes the distance between them, and they kiss. It’s a long time coming, a kiss filled with almost a year’s worth of build-up, and probably nothing short of perfect. Fade to black. End of episode.”

Polite applause ripples throughout the room. Murphy looks up from his script at Raven, who is all smiles. Miller, another writer and producer, gives her a pat on the back.

“Alright everyone,” Kane says once things quiet down. “We’ll take a ten minute break, then come back and discuss.”

Murphy stands up to stretch his legs. He turns to Emori, who is excitedly chatting with Clarke about the episode and what it means for their characters going forward. He’s happy for the two of them, since he knows how much they’ve wanted the show to explore Lyra and Nadia’s relationship in a romantic light. And he knows the Lydia fans will be very happy.

Eventually Emori turns back to him, a bright smile on her face.

“You excited?” he says with a laugh.

“Is that even a question? I have to go talk to Raven.” She pats him on the shoulder and heads over to the other side of the room.

Murphy goes over to the table with food and grabs himself half of a bagel. He’s spreading cream cheese on it as Josephine sidles up next to him.

“So. Looks like we got confirmation that Cullen is still in love with Stella,” she says.

“Yeah,” Murphy agrees. “Maybe we’ll get to some better reconciliation as the season goes on.”

“I feel like Nadia sleeping with Cullen was a really roundabout way to get to where we were going, but at least it got Lyra and Nadia to finally admit their feelings out loud. Raven always writes a good episode, and I’m sure the whole Nadia and Cullen thing had something to do with Kane’s thoughts on the matter.”

Murphy pauses mid-cream cheese spread. He had completely forgotten that Nadia and Cullen hooked up earlier in the episode. Meaning he has to film a sex scene with Emori. How had he blocked that out of his brain so quickly?

“Murphy?” Josephine asks. “You still there?”

“Hmm?” He looks at Josephine again to see she’s frowning at him. “I’m fine.”

She raises an eyebrow, but doesn’t push any further, though Murphy’s pretty sure she’s gonna bring this up later.

Murphy goes through the motions of discussing the episode and asking questions once they return from break, though his head’s not really in it. He’s still stuck on having to do an intimate scene with Emori. He trusts her, and he knows it’ll be fine. But the weird feeling in the pit of his stomach as he thinks about it won’t seem to go away.

He’s glad Josephine drove, because he’s not sure he’d do the best job concentrating in the weird state he’s in. It doesn’t help that after learning the shooting schedule for this week, the Cullen/Nadia sex scene is closer to the tail end of the week.

“You’ve been uncharacteristically quiet today,” Josephine mentions as they pull into their driveway.

Murphy shrugs. “I’m not allowed to be quiet sometimes?”

“But you usually have way more to say about the episodes during discussion. What’s up with you?”

“Nothing’s up with me.” He gets out of the car and closes the door, hoping that’ll be the end of the conversation.

“Is this because you have to do a sex scene with Emori?” Josephine asks as she follows him into the house.

“You’re not gonna drop this, are you?”

She scoffs. “Of course not. You know me better than that.”

“I don’t know, I just worry it’s gonna be weird.”

“It shouldn’t be. I mean, look at us. We’ve done plenty of sex scenes together and it’s not weird. Why should it be any different?”

“I don’t know! I’m in my head about it, stop bothering me.”

“Murphy, she’s like your best friend. If anything, you should probably be more comfortable doing the scene with her than with me. And it’s not like it’s gonna happen more than once. Just a slightly uncomfortable couple of hours. You’ll be laughing about it in a week.”

Thankfully Gabriel comes downstairs and presses a kiss to Josephine’s cheek, effectively ending their conversation. Murphy didn’t think he’d be able to handle much more of that.

“How was work?” Gabriel asks.

“Murphy has to do a sex scene this week!” Josephine says, waggling her eyebrows.

“With someone other than you?”

“Yeah, it’s with Emori.”

Gabriel frowns. “Isn’t her character in love with Clarke?”

Murphy runs a hand through his hair, annoyed that they’re still discussing this. “They get there eventually. How was your day today, Gabriel? Your job doesn’t miss you?”

“You know I’m on sabbatical, right?”

“He’s working on a book about quantum physics,” Josephine chimes in.

“You know, you really don’t give off scientist vibes. You’re almost too hot for that.”

Josephine glares at Murphy. “No mixed signals. You either want to have sex with us, or you don’t.”

“Whatever. I’m gonna go learn my lines.” With that, Murphy grabs a banana off the counter and goes upstairs to his room. He needs to throw himself into work so he can stop thinking about the scene with Emori. That shouldn’t be his priority right now, no matter how nervous the whole idea makes him.

As much as he hates to admit it, Josephine is right. He shouldn’t be this bent out of shape about having to do a sex scene with his best friend. They’re acting. It’s literally their job. But that doesn’t mean that Murphy still can’t worry about it. It’s probably not very professional to worry about how this is going to affect his feelings for Emori, but that is the thing at the forefront of his mind.

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that Murphy likes Emori. It’s pretty much an open secret between the cast and crew at this point. Everyone knows. Except for Emori, unfortunately. He doesn’t think he’s been very subtle about the whole thing, but if she hasn’t picked up on it by now, then she clearly isn’t into him. So there’s no point in embarrassing himself by attempting to ask her out or anything like that. This isn’t a Bellamy and Clarke situation, no matter how much he wishes it were.

It also doesn’t help that Murphy’s seen what the internet has to say about him and Emori. He’s gotten his fair share of fan comments on Instagram posts of the two of them together wondering if they’re dating in real life. It’s always the sort of thing that he ignores, but seeing it is just another reminder that sometimes he’s in over his head, and this thing he thought was just a crush has developed into way more than that.

Thankfully Murphy has to focus on learning his lines. A lot of his scenes are at the beginning of the week, save for the scene at the end of act three. So he’ll have something else to focus on other than the sex scene until about Thursday. So, positives and negatives on the situation. He’s focusing on the positives for now.

Their first day of this week’s shoot has them on location, rather than in the studio. They’re back in the same fields they were in last week, that are supposed to make up Sanctum. Murphy’s barely awake as he heads to the hair and makeup trailer first thing, coffee cup in hand. Clarke and Emori are already inside. Emori’s make-up always takes the longest, since she has to get Nadia’s face tattoo painted on.

“Morning, sunshine!” Emori says.

Murphy just grunts in response as he sits in the open chair next to Clarke.

“I’ll be over in a minute, Murphy,” Fox says as she puts the finishing touches on Clarke’s face.

“Take your time,” he answers. He pulls out his phone and sips on his coffee while he waits.

“You know for someone who’s done this for as long as we have, you think you’d be used to the early mornings by now,” Clarke muses.

“I’m used to it, that doesn’t mean I enjoy it.”

“Cheer up, John,” Emori says. “You don’t have to be up as early as I do.”

“And for that I’m thankful.”

Fox finishes up with Clarke and steps over to stand in front of Murphy.

“Why does Emori call you John but nobody else does?” Fox asks. “I’ve never understood it.”

“Reporters and fans also call me John.”

“Yeah, but nobody else you work with does.”

“Emori is just more special than all of us, Fox,” Clarke chimes in as she gets up and heads for the trailer door. “Simple as that.”

“John is a good name, I don’t get why you don’t let people call you that,” Emori says.

“It makes me sound old. And I let you call me that!”

“Yeah, but I’m special.”

Murphy can’t contain his grin at that, which Fox doesn’t appreciate since she’s starting his make-up. Clarke is right. Emori is special. He usually tells everyone to call him Murphy immediately upon meeting them, but when she called him John for the first time, it didn’t really bother him. So he never corrected her.

“You guys are somehow simultaneously cute and gross at the same time,” Clarke says.

“That’s rich, coming from one half of Bellarke!” Murphy shouts. He’s glad he can’t turn his head, because he can feel himself going red.

“Yeah, well Bellamy’s my fiancé, that’s allowed.” And with that, Clarke leaves the hair and make-up trailer.

Emori laughs. “People are ridiculous.”

Murphy lets out a half-hearted chuckle of his own. “Yeah. We work with crazy people.”

They chat idly until Emori is finished and she goes back to her trailer to get dressed. After she’s gone, Murphy lets Fox tell him all about her weekend plans. He chimes in every now and again to make it known he’s still listening, though he can’t help but let his mind wander back to when Clarke joked that he and Emori basically acted like a couple, and Emori’s response to that was ‘People are ridiculous.’ Sometimes he feels pathetic for having a crush for this long and not acting on it, but what else is he supposed to take that to mean other than she’s not interested?

Murphy still has some time to kill once he’s dressed and ready to go, so he goes in search of Raven. He finds her holding court with some other producers at her director’s chair. He stands off to the side until the others go on about their business. Once she’s alone, she sits down in her chair again and flips through her script, taking more notes.

“What do you want, Murphy?” she asks, still not looking up.

“Hello to you, too, Reyes,” he quips as he sits in the chair next to her. “And people tell me I’m not a morning person.”

Raven looks up from her script and gives him a fake smile. “Happy?”

“I mean, it’s 8am, so things could be better.”

“I know you didn’t come all the way over here just to talk about how early it is.”

“I’m not allowed to come say hi to my friend?”

“Not when I’m trying to get things done before we start shooting. Do you have questions about the script? You were kind of quiet yesterday after the table read.”

“Didn’t have much to add that wasn’t already said,” Murphy says with a shrug. “Just processing, really.”

“You wanna ask about the sex scene, don’t you?”

“I mean, if you wanna talk about it, we can talk about it. It just seems like an odd way to get to the end result.”

Raven sighs before setting her script aside. “Fine. You’re my friend, so I’ll level with you. It took a great deal of pestering from me, Monty, Miller, and Jasper to convince Kane to actually go through with Nadia and Lyra. The Cullen and Nadia scene is kind of a compromise.”

Murphy frowns. “Why would you have to convince Kane to make a decision that naturally progresses that storyline?”

She pauses, choosing her words carefully. “Um, it’s complicated.”

“That doesn’t make any fucking sense.”

“That’s all I can say right now. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to keep looking at my notes.”

Murphy lets Raven have her space, but he’s not completely satisfied with her answer. Kane himself has talked in countless interviews about how much he loves Nadia and Lyra’s relationship. Why would he be hesitant to explicitly write it into the show? He doesn’t have much more time to worry about it before they actually do start filming for the day.

The morning shoot consists of Nadia and Cullen overseeing their mission recruits now that they’re settling in on Sanctum. One of the new recruits takes a liking to Cullen, and he very politely declines her advances. Ontari, the actor who plays the shameless flirt, is also a shameless flirt in real life. Between takes, every time Murphy turns his head, she’s beside him. He can’t escape.

“You know, I so admire your technique, John,” Ontari says, mere seconds after Raven calls cut.

Murphy hopes his grimace looks more like a smile than it feels. “Call me Murphy.”

“Oh. Okay. So where did you train?”

He snorts. “What, like you didn’t Google me before you got this gig?”

Ontari giggles and swats at his arm, and Murphy frowns at the physical contact. Why can’t this girl take a hint?

“You’re funny,” she continues.

“Not really, though.”

“John!” Emori calls as she runs up to him. “Do you wanna help me run lines for the next scene?”

“Yeah, sure.” He turns to Ontari as he follows Emori away. “Maybe we’ll talk later.”

Once Ontari’s out of earshot, Murphy lets out a breath. He’s never been more thankful for Emori in his life.

“Man, she was really laying it on thick,” Emori says. “It didn’t seem like she would let anything deter her.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever been so aggressively flirted with in my life.”

“Guests flirt with you all the time, though.”

“Not like that. I don’t know what would possess someone to think that that’s somehow going to make me want to go out with them.”

Emori hesitates, before saying, “Well what would make you go out with one of them?”

Murphy furrows his brow. “What do you mean?”

“It just seems like an easy way to have a date and be done. And you always turn them down. I don’t get it.”

He shrugs. “Dating’s not really for me.”

It’s not a complete lie. Murphy doesn’t enjoy dating. He’s tried all sorts of dating since his career took off. Right after season one aired he dated a girl from his hometown for a couple months, but he was too busy to spend as much time with her as he would have liked to, and she seemed more attracted to the glamour of his lifestyle than she was to him. And Murphy doesn’t enjoy going on dates with other famous people all that much. Every time he’s thought he planned something in a secluded area where nobody will find him, someone always does. It’s just easier to not date. Especially since he’s so stupidly hung up on Emori.

“Who said you had to date them?” Emori asks.

Murphy snorts. “What, is sex something we talk about together now?”

“It can be. I don’t see what the big deal is about it.”

“I just don’t want people to get the wrong idea. Like can you imagine if I actually did sleep with Ontari? She’d never leave me alone.”

“Well I obviously would not advise that you have sex with Ontari. I just meant in general.”

“I’m not that pressed to have sex, honestly. Maybe I’m more of a romantic than I let on.”

Emori chuckles at that and fondly rolls her eyes. Murphy smiles and ignores the way his stomach flips when Emori looks at him like that. Why did she decide that today of all days would be the day that they’d discuss their sex lives?

“You know, speaking of sex,” she continues, “do you want to go over that scene at some point?”

Murphy nods and attempts to play it cool. “Yeah. Yeah, we can do that. Later this week? I’ll make dinner.”

“I am never one to turn down one of your delicious meals. I probably eat the healthiest when you cook for me.”

“Noted. I’ll be sure to sneak some other vegetables into the pasta somehow.”

They laugh, and Murphy is glad that he can make light of the situation with Emori. If she can be chill about it, he can be chill about it.

Since Murphy’s week is light in terms of shooting, when he’s not on set, the only thing he has to occupy his mind are his lines for the sex scene. He’s pretty quick when it comes to learning lines, so once he’s learned them he just stares at his ceiling willing time to pass quickly so the week can be over with and he can find something else to hyperfixate on. When he’s not staring at his ceiling, he hangs out with Josephine, since she also has a light week and Gabriel really is working on writing a book. He even went so far as to leave the house and go find a library to work at. Murphy’s only grateful that Josephine has stopped bringing up the offer of sex with the two of them, because he doesn’t need another thing to worry about on top of his fake sex with Emori.

Thursday night rolls around and Murphy is in his element in the kitchen as he cooks dinner. Emori only had to shoot in the morning, since most of the day was spent at the studio shooting Harper and Bellamy’s Polis scenes. Josephine and Gabriel have declared it date night and are going out to dinner, so Murphy has the house all to himself. He’s grateful, because he’s absolutely sure if Josephine had been home while he and Emori were rehearsing their scene she would have hung around and made inappropriate jokes.

The doorbell rings at about 6:30 as Murphy is adding the pasta to the sauce. He turns off the burner and goes to answer the door. Emori smiles as she comes inside and sheds her coat. She hangs it on the hook and toes off her boots. She’s always been one to make herself right at home.

“It smells delicious!” Emori says as she follows Murphy back into the kitchen.

“It’s just pasta, nothing that exciting.”

“You’re a good cook, John. You let every other compliment go to your head, but you can’t take this one?”

Murphy shrugs as he plates their food. “It’s just about following instructions.”

“Well then you’re very good at reading,” Emori jokes.

They sit next to each other at the kitchen island and catch each other up on what they did during the day. Emori talks about filming with Clarke, and Murphy recounts the more ridiculous things Josephine had to say during the movie they watched. Once they have seconds, they get into running their lines for the actual scene. It’s not very complicated, so there really isn’t much to do.

“Do you wanna talk a bit about it?” Emori asks. “I haven’t done a screen sex scene before, but I’ve done some intimate scenes on stage and it was good to talk it through with my scene partner during rehearsal.”

Murphy nods. “Yeah, yeah. We can do that.”

“Do you ever get nervous at all beforehand?”

“Oh yeah, definitely. I think nothing will be as weird as the first scene I did with Josephine, but once we got into a rhythm with things, it got better. And we always made jokes, so that helped a lot.”

“That makes sense. With theatre, there’s no stopping and starting, unless it’s rehearsal. So nothing to really take you out of the moment. I think that might be the weirdest thing for me in terms of adjustment.”

“And scenes like this are always better when it’s a director you’re used to,” Murphy adds. “So lucky for us, we’ve got Raven.”

“True.”

They lapse into silence, though this one feels a bit more stilted than Murphy’s used to. Though he might be imagining that, since he’s weirdly nervous about this whole conversation. Emori rarely seems nervous about things, but something is off about her energy and that doesn’t help him out.

“Me and Josephine also had the added advantage of having had sex before. So even though it’s not the same when it’s for camera, it wasn’t like the whole thing was exactly new to us,” Murphy says eventually, though in retrospect he’s not sure why he had to add it at all.

Emori nods. “Do you think we should like kiss or something, then?”

Murphy’s head snaps up and his eyes meet Emori’s. He can tell she’s serious. He shouldn’t be this excited at the prospect of a practice kiss, but the mere suggestion of it has his heart racing.

“What?” is all he can manage to get out.

“Do you want to kiss? So that we don’t have to do it for the first time on camera. Do you think that would help?”

“Yeah, maybe.”

She frowns. “We don’t have to.”

“No! We can. You’re probably right.”

“Okay.”

Of all the ways Murphy pictured his first kiss with Emori, this option absolutely never crossed his mind, mainly because he didn’t think he’d ever have to do an intimate scene with her. Emori slowly leans into Murphy’s space. He leans in as well, trying to ignore his heart threatening to beat out of his chest. His eyes drop to her lips as they lean closer. The next thing he knows, his eyes are closed and her lips are on his.

Emori’s lips are soft on his. He’s only expecting a peck, but she lingers, and he gets a moment to relish what it would actually be like to kiss her. If this weren’t just them practicing before they have to go into work and do this in front of all of production. He wishes he could get used to the feeling, but he can’t. And it’s over as soon as it started.

“See?” Emori says after pulling away. “No big deal.”

Murphy chuckles. “Right.”

Except for Murphy it is very much a big deal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Comments fuel me, so definitely let me know what you think!
> 
> I've got a good bit of this outlined, and I'm trying to keep at least a chapter ahead. My goal is to post every Friday, but don't hold me to that, we'll see how it goes. I do fully intend to finish this, so I promise it will get done!
> 
> And special shout out to [imunbreakabledude](https://archiveofourown.org/users/imunbreakabledude/pseuds/imunbreakabledude) for coming up with the ship names for the show because I am useless and could not do it myself. Thanks for being the OG Lydia shipper!
> 
> If you wanna shout more about Memori with me, come find me on [Tumblr](https://queenemori.tumblr.com/)!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I've made a deadline, and I'm back with another chapter. Thanks so much for the lovely response on the first one last week! I am having so much fun with this story, and getting to hear what people thought is getting me even more excited to continue. This chapter isn't as long as last week's, but my first chapter usually tends to be a bit longer to set the scene!
> 
> So full disclosure, I only have a theatre background, so I'm not completely sure what goes on with intimate scenes on film/tv sets, I kind of modeled the following scene off my experience acting in someone's directing scene in college, but I like how it turned out. Hope you enjoy!

Murphy has never enjoyed evening shoots. It’s a complaint he keeps to himself, since he already openly complains about waking up early, but he prefers working in the morning to late nights. Evening shoots give him more time to be nervous about a scene beforehand. So he considers it a form of torture that the Cullen/Nadia scene is an evening shoot. This is his last scene of the episode too, so he didn’t even have another scene he could occupy his mind with beforehand. Besides the Nadia, Lyra, and Cullen drama, the episode mainly took place in Polis, making Harper and Bellamy the busiest.

Murphy arrives at the studio at 5:30. The one good thing about this evening shoot is that they get to be inside. Since they mainly film in the fall and winter, it’s too cold in the evenings to shoot much outdoors, even if the scene does take place outside, so Murphy’s glad he doesn’t have to sit half naked in a tent on the cold ground. He runs through his lines in his head as he gets his hair and make-up done, though they’re fairly simple lines and he knows them all by heart.

He gets into costume, and the whole situation fully dawns on him. Not that he hadn’t been thinking about it since he saw the script, but now that the day is here, it feels less like a weird fever dream and more like some monumentally shitty luck. He can’t be in his head about this. He takes some deep breaths and puts in his headphones and plays music on his phone until he’s called to set. He’s just doing his job. So what if he’s a little in love with his scene partner?

A PA comes to get Murphy when it’s time for him to make his way to set. He takes one more deep breath before leaving his dressing room and follows after the assistant. When he gets there, he stops next to Raven, who is looking through her script and diligently taking more notes.

“I think you’re probably the most overprepared director I’ve ever worked with, Reyes,” Murphy jokes.

“I know you’re joking, but I take that as a compliment,” she says.

“It is a compliment.”

“Then you should learn to say it like one. Also the more prepared I am, the sooner you get to go home.”

Murphy chuckles. “Fair enough.”

Emori comes to stand with them.

“Great,” Raven says, putting down her pen. “You’re both here. Let’s have a chat.”

“Sounds good,” Emori says.

“I’m sure you guys have talked already, since you’re smart actors, so I wanna hear what you guys think about this scene for your characters, and I’ll fill in with what I’m thinking.”

Murphy and Emori nod. He turns to her and motions for her to go first.

“Nadia is confused. She knows how she feels about Lyra, and she thought Lyra felt the same way, but she’s questioning it because of how quickly Lyra assumed that Nadia had feelings for Cullen. And she thinks trying this with Cullen will make her less confused,” Emori explains.

Raven nods, then turns to Murphy.

“Cullen is feeling off. People keep flirting with him, and he’s upset things won’t go back to the way they were with Stella. And when Nadia kisses him, it kind of feels like the one thing he can control.”

“Yeah, that’s a good way to look at it,” Raven says. “To me, this is a hook-up completely born out of curiosity, so I’d like to play that up. Does that sound good?”

They both nod in agreement.

“Okay. That was easy enough. We’re gonna make sure the lighting’s good, so if you wanna walk through the scene a bit, you have time. I’m okay with whatever you guys want to try out.”

Murphy and Emori make their way into Cullen’s “tent”. Different assistants bustle around them as they lie back and block through the scene.

“So since I start the encounter, I was thinking it makes sense for me to initiate each move,” Emori says.

Murphy tries to swallow the lump that’s settled in his throat before he speaks. “Yeah, that makes sense.”

“Can I touch you?” she asks, rolling over and looking at him to make sure she has his consent.

“Yeah,” he says with a nod.

“So after that first initial kiss and those couple of lines, I’ll end up on top of you.” As she speaks she takes hold of his arm to give herself leverage as she straddles him. “And then since you have to get off your back to take off your shirt, I can grab at your shirt to kind of pull you into a sitting up position.”

“That works. Just as a heads up, we’re probably not gonna get much further than you getting on top of me on the first take,” Murphy adds.

Emori nods. “Good to know.”

They block through the rest of the scene, talking through the moments. Raven watches them once they’ve got it figured out and gives them a couple notes, then makes her way back over to her chair behind the monitor.

“You guys good to go?” Raven calls to them. Kane sits next to her, though he seems a bit more focused on his phone than anything else.

“Yup!” Murphy answers.

“Okay, let’s take it from the top of the scene. So, Emori, I need you outside the tent.”

Emori gets off of Murphy and stands to go to her place. She turns around one last time and stares down at him.

“Hey. Deep breath?” she says.

They take a breath together, which is a nice reminder that Murphy hasn’t been fully breathing for about twenty minutes. He takes in her expression and notices that even she looks a bit nervous. It helps him feel less alone.

“We got this,” he says.

She smiles, before leaving Cullen’s “tent”. Murphy lies back and closes his eyes, taking a moment to center himself and get into character. He feels the camera move in on him. They’re shooting from behind him first.

“Alright, we’re rolling,” Raven says. “And action!”

Murphy hears footsteps as Emori steps in. He cracks an eye open as she sits down beside him. They’re silent, both staring up at the ceiling. Next thing he knows, Emori is turning over on her side and running a hand down his arm. He frowns, turning his head to face her. She hesitates before leaning in and giving him a quick kiss. It’s fast enough that he doesn’t have time to close his eyes before it’s over. He’s shocked enough that he almost forgets to say his line, but it probably fits with the moment for there to be a pause.

“What are you doing?” he asks once he finds his voice again.

“Testing a theory,” Emori answers, as if it’s the simplest thing in the world.

When she leans in again, Murphy has more time to react and can actually close his eyes. As they continue to kiss, Emori pushes Murphy onto his back so she can straddle him. It doesn’t end up being seamless as she topples over and lands fully on him, knocking the breath out of him.

“Oh my god, are you okay?” she asks. He can hear the laugh in her voice, but he knows she won’t actually laugh until he confirms that he’s fine.

“I’m good,” he says as she moves off of him.

“Cut!” Raven calls. “You guys good?”

Murphy sends a thumbs up.

“Okay, well let’s reset and take it again.”

“I won’t lose my balance this time,” Emori laughs as she goes back out.

“I’ll catch you if you do.”

She smiles. “My hero.”

They get through that bit again without any real issue, though Raven calls cut before the scene gets really hot and heavy. In between takes people rush onto set to touch up their make-up as the camera ops reposition themselves and they adjust lighting.

“So, does the fact that Kane sits in during these ever get less weird?” Emori wonders aloud. “I’m assuming I’ll have to do at least another one with Clarke.”

Murphy chuckles. “I wish that got less weird. He does a good job of staring down at his phone when nobody needs him, though. Which is nice once we get into actually taking our clothes off.”

Emori laughs, and Murphy thinks he sees a blush set in on her cheeks. “Right.”

“The first one is always the weirdest, though. So at least you’re getting it out of the way.”

“I’m just glad it’s with you.”

Murphy frowns. What does she mean by that?

“Just because we’re so comfortable with each other,” she adds on.

He nods. “Yeah. It helps a lot.”

“Alright, let’s take it from the second kiss, guys!” Raven says.

Murphy and Emori get back into position on their sides facing each other.

“Okay, we’re rolling. And action!”

Emori leans in again and thankfully Murphy’s finally into the repetitive nature of filming and is less thrown off by the fact that he’s kissing his best friend. He’s allowed to be a little thrown off, since that’s what the scene calls for. At least he’s still in character in that respect. Emori pushes Murphy onto his back and he grabs her hips as she straddles him to keep her steady. Their lips move together and Emori’s hands roam down Murphy’s sides to reach the hem of his shirt. He sits up so she can remove it. While the kiss is still broken, Emori removes her own shirt, so she’s just in her bra.

She goes in for another kiss, and he stops her so he can say his line.

“Nadia, are you sure?” he asks.

“I wouldn’t have done it if I weren’t,” she says with a shrug.

Murphy looks her in the eye one more time before leaning in and initiating the kiss himself. She grabs his face in her hands as he moves forward to unhook her bra.

They don’t get any further, since Raven calls cut again.

Murphy is taken aback by how quickly Emori stops kissing him once cut is called. It’s like she’s listening for it. He can’t say he feels the same way. Even if this is his job, he’s probably never going to get the chance to kiss Emori in any other setting, so he might as well enjoy this.

Raven comes over as they’re getting their make-up touched up.

“You guys are doing great,” she starts. “Just a couple notes, Murphy, on this next take, don’t look so eager. You’re still confused as to why this is happening.”

“Got it,” he says as his face heats up. He hears a snort next to him, and turns to see Emori trying to suppress her laughter.

“And Emori, we’re gonna try a different line. So now your response to Cullen is ‘I’m sure. Just kiss me.’”

“Okay,” Emori says.

“Great. We’re gonna go from Emori taking her shirt off.” With that, Raven goes back to sit behind the monitor.

Emori puts her shirt back on as Murphy takes a breath and works on tamping down his eagerness, as Raven called it. Emori gets back in Murphy’s lap as they return to their position.

When Raven calls action, Murphy keeps his hands on Emori’s hips as she takes off her shirt. She goes in for a kiss again and he says his line, furrowing his brow this time.

“Nadia, are you sure?”

Emori nods. “I’m sure. Just kiss me.”

Murphy takes a beat, as if making complete sure, then kisses Emori again. Emori’s hands go back to his face, while Murphy’s move to the back of her bra. It’s one of those sports bras that still has a clasp in the back. Murphy’s used to them from scenes with Josephine, so it’s easy to unclip. As he unhooks it, Emori pushes him back down so he’s on his back again.

“And, cut!” Raven calls.

Emori rolls off Murphy, this time holding her bra to her chest as she goes. They have a lot less to say to each other during this break, and it doesn’t help Murphy get out of his head. Thankfully the hold is short and they keep going.

They go on like this for what feels like ages, but is only about an hour. In one of the takes right after Emori’s bra comes off, her stomach audibly growls, which sends them into a fit of laughter. All in all, it’s not as bad as it could have been. But he almost forgot about the scene of dialogue that follows their encounter. He and Emori lie back with a blanket over them as everyone bustles around them preparing for the next shot.

“I think the weirdest part of all this is how we just have to sit here and wait for so long,” Emori says.

Murphy nods. “Yeah, well. I take solace in the fact that the crew isn’t paying that much attention to us in the first place. And it’s nothing they haven’t seen before. This is tame compared to what I’m sure they’ve seen on other sets.”

“True.”

Raven comes over to check on them before they go into the next scene.

“You guys are both doing great,” she says. “This shouldn’t take too much longer.”

She talks them through a couple moments then goes back behind the monitor.

“Action!” she calls.

Murphy and Emori lie under the blanket, both staring up at the ceiling. He turns to look at her as he says his next line.

“So, did this help with your theory?”

“I think so,” Emori answers. “I don’t know if I want to do this again.”

She sits up and fishes for her shirt on the ground. Murphy watches as she gets dressed again.

“Yeah, we probably shouldn’t. It was fun, don’t get me wrong. But I don’t want this to become a habit,” he says.

“Would Stella have something to say?” Emori asks as she pulls up her pants.

Murphy rolls over on his side and leans on his elbow.

“This isn’t about Stella. Not everything’s about Stella.”

Emori gives him her signature Nadia smirk. It’s almost always directed at Cullen. The fans love it, and it’s been giffed a thousand times over.

“It’s okay if that’s the reason.”

“I don’t wanna talk about it,” Murphy says as he rolls back over and folds his arms across his chest.

Emori is dressed now and she goes to the opening of Cullen’s tent, but turns back to Murphy before leaving.

“This never happened,” she says.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

She nods and leaves. Raven calls cut. Then they reset to do it from a few other angles. All in all, it doesn’t take as long as the previous scene, which Murphy is still slightly reeling from. He keeps it together for the last few takes, knowing he can have a crisis about this whole ordeal once he gets home.

When Murphy gets back to his house, he hangs up his coat, toes off his shoes, and immediately goes to the liquor cabinet for a drink. Josephine and Gabriel are unfortunately in the kitchen as he pours his bourbon. He was hoping he wouldn’t have to interact with either of them, but fate is not on his side today. Josephine looks up from her script, and Gabriel pretends to type on his laptop, but Murphy knows he’s not actually doing any work. Murphy knocks back his first glass then pours himself another.

“That bad, huh?” Josephine asks.

“I’m a professional, Josie,” Murphy quips. “You should know.”

Josephine rolls her eyes at her nickname, but doesn’t say anything else about that. She’s too focused on getting Murphy to talk about his traumatic experience.

“It couldn’t have been that much different than doing a scene with me,” she continues.

Murphy opens his mouth to answer, but notices that Gabriel has stopped pretending to type. As intriguing as he finds Gabriel, he’s not sure he wants him all up in his business so soon into their acquaintance.

Murphy takes another sip of his drink. “I’m not saying anything with him in the room.”

“I’m not even listening!” Gabriel protests.

“Baby,” Josephine says with a pout. “I want the gossip.”

Gabriel looks between Josephine and Murphy, but eventually relents, taking his laptop and going upstairs to Josephine’s room. Josephine pours her own glass of bourbon as he goes.

“Alright. Spill.”

“There’s not much to tell, really,” Murphy responds.

Josephine doesn’t buy that. “You made me make Gabriel leave the room just to say that?”

“I mean, it was kind of awkward at first. I was maybe a little too into it at some points.”

“Ew.”

“You said you wanted to know!”

“Here’s what I really want to know. Is Emori a better kisser than me?”

Murphy stares down into his glass, not sure how to respond. He’s going to be living with Josephine for another four months, they have to stay friendly.

“I’m gonna take your silence as a yes,” Josephine sighs. “It figures. Her lips are fuller than mine.”

“Can we be done talking about this now?” Murphy asks.

“I mean, you had a face like there’s something else bothering you about it.”

“It’s nothing I feel like talking to you about.”

“Come on, Murphy. I’m not an idiot. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Like I said, I’m a professional. Sex scenes are weird, no matter who they’re with. And it’s the only one I’ll ever have to do with Emori, so I don’t see why we have to dwell on it.”

Josephine purses her lips, but doesn’t say anything else. Instead she takes her script and goes upstairs. Murphy is shocked that’s all it took. He thought for sure the conversation would have lasted longer than that. Maybe he’s more pathetic about all this than he realizes. That wouldn’t surprise him.

Murphy shuts himself in his room for the rest of the night, ready to forget about filming. Unfortunately, his mind just keeps replaying the whole ordeal. After a while it morphs into something else. It’s no longer a scene for the show, but just him and Emori having sex. Her hands on him, her lips searing every inch of his skin, them moving together as one. All things considered, he holds off on reaching down to touch himself for a surprisingly long time. He does give in eventually, a weird wave of guilt washing over him once he’s finished, mostly at the realization that it helped him somehow. He pulls out his laptop and finds his way down a YouTube rabbit hole, hoping that gets him thinking about anything other than sex with Emori that he’ll never actually have. What they just did today is as close as he’ll ever get.

After the episode wraps the next day, the cast and some crew members go out to eat for Bellamy and Clarke’s engagement party. Murphy doesn’t completely understand the appeal of celebrating with people from work, but he can’t fault them for being excited. Since Clarke’s mother paid for the whole thing, there isn’t much reason to complain. And any opportunity to make fun of Bellamy for crying is a good one in Murphy’s book.

Once the dessert gets passed around, Bellamy stands up to make a speech.

“I’d like to thank you all for coming out to celebrate with us tonight. It means the world to us, especially when we’re all pretty beat at the end of a long week,” he says. “But I would be remiss to not say a few words.”

Murphy leans over to Emori and whispers, “Guesses on when he starts to cry?”

“Within the next two sentences,” Emori whispers back.

“Bonus if he starts by mentioning how she said no when he first asked her out.”

“I think all of us are grateful for this show in some way or another,” Bellamy continues. “I count myself grateful to work with such an amazing and talented group of people. And I feel extra lucky, because I never would have expected to meet my future wife working on this show.”

He turns to Clarke, who is beaming up at him, trying not to cry herself.

“Clarke and I had to spend a lot of time together during season one, after Bastian captured Lyra. And for a good bit of it, I was incredibly embarrassed, because I misread a situation and asked her out only to be turned down.”

“Called it,” Murphy says as the other guests laugh. He remembers vividly the day that Bellamy came home and sat on the couch with his face in his hands for about an hour, wondering what had possessed him to do something so monumentally stupid.

“To this day, I’m still not sure what changed her mind, but the day she asked me out changed everything for the better, and I’m thankful everyday,” Bellamy says as he starts to get choked up.

“Damn, I thought he would cry sooner,” Emori says.

“It was a good guess, though. You know how emotional he is,” Murphy responds as he pats her on the shoulder.

“Clarke, I love you so much, and I’m glad that even after the show comes to an end, I’ll still get to spend everyday with you forever. I can’t wait to see what our future holds.”

Murphy curses under his breath as he feels his own eyes sting with tears. Emori elbows him with a grin on her face.

“Sap,” she whispers.

Bellamy lifts his glass in a toast. “So let’s all raise our glasses. To Clarke, the love of my life, and to the crazy TV show that brought us together.”

“Cheers,” everyone says, raising their glasses as Bellamy and Clarke share a kiss. People begin to make their way over to them to give congratulations.

“I can’t believe people love Bellamy and Clarke so much that nobody’s questioning the fact that they’re having an engagement party in November when they got engaged in August,” Murphy wonders aloud.

“Well wouldn’t you want to celebrate with the group of people that saw your relationship through its beginnings?” Emori asks.

He frowns. “Mmm, I’m not so sure I would.”

“I’m sure you’d feel differently if you were in their position.”

“Maybe.”

“Just think. One day it’ll be you up there making a teary-eyed speech about how you initially spurned Ontari’s advances,” Emori jokes.

Murphy chuckles, though he can’t say he loves the joke. “I highly doubt that’s gonna happen. And if it does, that means hell has frozen over, so nobody wins.”

She shakes her head, before grabbing his hand and pulling him over to Bellamy and Clarke.

“Bellamy, your speech made John cry. Great job,” Emori announces.

Murphy feigns shock. “That was our secret!”

Bellamy laughs. “It’s okay, Murphy. You can admit you’re not as unfeeling as you pretend to be.”

“We like that you have emotions,” Clarke adds.

“Yeah, yeah. But I only have emotions with you guys,” Murphy says. “I can’t have you ruining my aloof and disinterested persona.”

Clarke smiles. “Oh, is that what that is?”

Murphy laughs, while pulling Bellamy and Clarke into a hug.

“You two are my favorite couple,” he says.

“You have a favorite couple?” Bellamy asks.

“Yeah. I can’t stand most couples. I mean, look at Josephine and Gabriel. They’re gross.”

He gestures to where Josephine and Gabriel are standing off to the side, completely lost in their own little world. Josephine has her arms wrapped around Gabriel so that her hands are in his back pockets. It’s disgusting.

“Well we’re honored that you think so highly of us,” Clarke laughs.

After another half hour of exchanging more pleasantries with their guests, Clarke and Bellamy invite a smaller group of people back to their house. That’s when the real party starts. They pass bottles of wine around and let loose as Monty and Jasper try and pressure people into doing shots with them. Only Raven and Emori take them up on this offer.

Murphy is pleasantly buzzed after a couple beers. He takes a moment to scan Bellamy and Clarke’s living room. He hasn’t spent much time at their new Vancouver place. They aren’t even married yet, and their house already looks like that of a couple who’s been married for years. There are signs of both their personalities throughout, what with the shelf filled with the old looking history books Bellamy likes to collect. Murphy remembers them from when he lived with Bellamy. The ones that are in the living room are only about a third of the collection he knows are hidden somewhere else in the house. He takes in the more Clarke touches, mainly their art. She’s picked a few tasteful abstract pieces. It really looks like a home.

After surveying the decor, he looks around at other people in the room. It’s pretty clear everyone’s drunk. Gabriel is sitting in an armchair, with Josephine splayed across his lap. They’re engaged in some sort of animated conversation with Monty and Jasper, or more like Monty and Jasper are very animated, while Gabriel and Josephine look on politely. Bellamy and Clarke are even on top of each other, which is a testament to how drunk they are. They’re not big on PDA, unless they’re not sober. It’s almost sickening how in love they look. They’re leaning against the wall like they’re sizing each other up at a college frat party, which is a bizarre thought, but Murphy doesn’t know how else to explain it. Raven is even flirting with Wick, one of their directors of photography. Murphy’s not sure when that situationship started, but he’s never felt the need to be interested in anyone’s love lives. Mainly because he doesn’t like the reminder that he’s perpetually alone.

Murphy is 25 years old, but it seems like all of his friends are in different places in their lives than he is. Bellamy and Clarke are about to get married, though they’re a bit older than him, so that doesn’t bother him much. But Josephine is his age, and she and Gabriel are very seriously dating. He knows he’s got a lot more going for him than other 25-year-olds, but in terms of interpersonal relationships, sometimes he feels a bit inadequate. Pining over Emori for the past two years probably hasn’t helped, but at this point it’s just second nature, so he’s not sure how else to get over it.

He downs the rest of his beer, grabs another, then moves to the couch to wallow a little further away from the couples. He gets this is a party celebrating love, but maybe he’s had enough. It doesn’t help that he’s drunk.

He feels lighter when Emori settles onto the couch next to him. She rests her head on his shoulder, and he puts his head on top of hers.

“Love’s a little sickening,” Murphy blurts out.

Emori chuckles. “Sounds like someone’s had too much to drink.”

“It’s true, though. Look what it’s doing to our friends!”

“It seems like it’s just making them happy, John. And don’t our friends deserve to be happy?”

“I guess.”

They lapse into silence. Emori wraps an arm around Murphy’s waist, and Murphy leans further into her touch. She must be pretty drunk too. As far as friends go, they’re pretty tactile, but this feels different from normal.

“Do you think we’ll find love like that one day?” she asks.

“Well I have no doubt you will,” Murphy says. “Who wouldn’t want to love you?”

She nuzzles her face into his neck, as if she’s embarrassed.

“You’ll find love, too. It’ll be when you least expect it, but it’s going to be amazing. I know you think you don’t, but you deserve love, too, John.”

A ridiculous grin spread across Murphy’s face and his cheeks heat up. “What would I do without you, Mori?”

“I’m sure you’d find someone else to stroke your ego,” she says with a laugh.

“No, I mean it.” He lifts his head to look her in the eye. “You’re my best friend. I’m so lucky to have you in my life. And the entire experience that is this show wouldn’t be the same without you.”

Emori ducks her head at his compliment, as if trying to hide the fond grin on her face. She reaches up and kisses Murphy’s cheek in response, then settles back into his side. They sit together in comfortable silence, watching the rest of the party around them. After a while, Murphy’s eyelids grow heavy, but he’s too comfortable where he is to do much about it. He lets the sleepiness overtake him, and closes his eyes. Someone will wake him up eventually.

Murphy wakes up early the next morning with a crick in his neck and an unfamiliar weight on his side. He opens his eyes to see that he’s still in Bellamy and Clarke’s living room. When he wonders why nobody woke him up, he notices that Gabriel and Josephine are passed out in the armchair they were sharing last night. That can’t be comfortable. He turns his head and finds that the weight on his side is Emori. They somehow stayed like this all night. That might explain the crick in his neck, too. Not that he minds. Even though he was in an uncomfortable position, it might have been the best sleep he’s gotten in a while.

He hears footsteps, and Clarke comes into the living room. She’s in her pajamas and a fluffy robe, so she clearly made it back to her room last night. She chuckles at the remaining guests in her living room before noticing Murphy is awake.

“Morning,” she whispers.

Murphy lifts his free hand in a wave.

“Coffee? I’m about to make some.”

“I’ll be there in a minute.”

Clarke nods and turns to head into the kitchen. Murphy turns his attention back to Emori, who is still out cold, her mouth hanging slightly open. She looks so peaceful and he almost doesn’t want to move so as not to disturb her, but the thought of coffee wins out over that. He does his best not to jostle her too much as he extracts himself from their sleeping position. He takes one last look before deciding that staring at someone while they sleep (even his best friend he’s a little in love with) is a bit creepy. He smells the coffee brewing, so he makes his way to the kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for reading. Let me know what you think!
> 
> Also as a fun reminder, I'm writing for [Bellarke Fic for Black Lives Matter](https://bellarkefic-for-blm.tumblr.com/), though all types of t100 writers are involved! You can check out the Tumblr for more info, but basically if you donate to a BLM cause, you can request a prompt from me. If you've read my Memori wedding [fic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24635236), that was a prompt from one of my friends! I'd love to write some more Memori, so my ask box is open for prompts.
> 
> You can also find more info about what I'm willing to write specifically on my [Tumblr](https://queenemori.tumblr.com/blm) and if you have any questions, feel free to shoot me an ask or a DM!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! Sorry for no update last Friday, but I wanted to get a little bit ahead of myself in terms of writing, so I took a week off. This chapter's a bit long so hopefully it makes up for it. 
> 
> Also, this is the real beginning of the angst, just to warn you. Sorry in advance. But also, we can play a fun game which is "Guess which part of the chapter made my beta say she hates me!" Sound off in the comments if you have a guess.

Murphy sips his coffee and scrolls through Instagram as people filter into the studio for the final table read of the season. The months spent shooting in Vancouver seem to pass by quicker each year. It feels like just yesterday he was agonizing over his sex scene with Emori, but now it’s March and they’re about to wrap the season.

If he’s being honest, Murphy hasn’t found season three to be all that interesting. He knows he’ll have to get himself psyched for it before they do promo, but he’s worried the show is losing its footing. Seasons one and two were great, and he just hopes they can keep the momentum going. Maybe the finale will be super interesting. He wants the fans to be able to look forward to something decent.

Season three has seen a lot of focus on Aeyrn’s character, since Harper was promoted from recurring to series regular after season two. She’s been doing a great job, as expected, and Murphy is happy she gets to shine. Lyra and Nadia are solidly a couple, and Clarke and Emori are having a lot of fun with all their scenes. Bastian has been working closely with Lyra as he relays plans for Aeyrn’s ambush, so Bellamy still mostly works with Harper and Clarke. Cullen and Stella are working on getting things back to normal and not letting it affect their jobs, and Murphy’s had a lot of fun working closely with Josephine again.

The room is basically full and buzzing with anticipation as Emori sits down next to him with her tea, a sleepy smile on her face.

“Tired?” he asks.

“I didn’t sleep well last night,” she admits.

Murphy frowns. “Something on your mind?”

“I guess. Couldn’t really shut my brain off.”

He stares at her, waiting for her to elaborate further, but she never does. Is something wrong? He shakes it off and puts his phone away, seeing that Kane looks ready to begin.

“Good morning, everyone,” he says. “It’s crazy to think that the season has flown by, but here we are. I’ll obviously say a lot more later in the week when we wrap, but I can’t express enough how grateful I am to work with such an amazing and talented cast and crew every year. You’ve all really outdone yourselves, and the end result is going to be absolutely fantastic.”

Kane’s speech is accompanied by applause before they move into business as usual and start the read through. Kane and Raven co-wrote the episode and Anya, one of their recurring directors, is directing this week. Murphy has a vague idea of how the episode plays out, since Kane walked him through Cullen’s season before filming began, but he tends to leave bits out so they can be surprised about certain things.

Episode twelve ended with Aeyrn’s crew on their way to Sanctum. It was revealed that she learned Bastian was working with Lyra and the rest of the Alpha team, so she’d been feeding him incorrect information, leaving the crew on Sanctum vulnerable to attack.

Episode thirteen is action packed and fast-paced. As they read through it, Murphy already finds himself excited to shoot all the fight scenes that the assistant reads out. It’s definitely a finale that will keep everyone hooked.

In the middle of all the chaos there’s a touching moment between Nadia and Lyra as they go into battle together.

“Lyra grabs Nadia’s arm before she heads back into the fray,” the assistant reads.

“Lyra, we don’t have time for this,” Emori says.

“Just don’t be a hero,” Clarke says.

“That’s kind of my job.”

“I know. But I want you to make it back in one piece.”

“Nadia crouches back down and pulls Lyra in for a kiss.”

Emori continues. “I’ll be careful.”

“With that, Nadia squeezes Lyra’s hand one last time and rushes back into battle.”

Clarke and Emori have been doing a great job with Lyra and Nadia’s relationship, from what Murphy’s seen so far. He can’t wait to see how the rest of their story unfolds.

As the episode draws to a close, the Alpha team realize they’re outnumbered and they begin to retreat.

“Bastian and Stella rush to the waiting ship,” the assistant reads. “Cullen is on his way but realizes Nadia and Lyra are not right behind him. Follow Cullen’s eyes to Aeyrn and Nadia engaged in an epic battle.”

“Nadia,” Clarke reads.

“Nadia turns when she thinks Aeyrn is distracted to make a run for it, but Aeyrn stabs her in the back. Nadia falls to the ground as Aeyrn removes her sword and turns away. Lyra screams and rushes forward to Nadia’s side.”

Murphy’s stomach drops as he hears those words read out loud. He thinks he hears Harper gasp nearby. Is this real? This has to be some sort of twisted dream. He pinches himself, just in case. It’s real. Fuck.

“No, it’s not fair,” Clarke continues.

“I’m sorry, Lyra, ” Emori reads.

“Don’t apologize. It’s not your fault.”

“Remember what we said. You’re a fighter, too.”

“How can I be a fighter without you?” Murphy can hear Clarke’s voice wobble, and he works hard to keep his own emotions in check.

Emori’s voice remains steady. “Because you’re strong. You inspire people. And I’ll always be with you.”

“I love you, Nadia.”

“I love you, too.”

“Nadia draws her last breath, and Lyra presses a kiss to her forehead, not ready to let her go. The battle wages on around them, but this is a moment where they are the only two people in the world. It ends when Cullen rushes in to pull Lyra away from Nadia so they can board the ship,” the assistant says.

Murphy feels sick to his stomach. Nadia is dead. He turns to look at Emori as the scene changes, but she doesn’t look up from her script.

He reads his lines in the next scene on autopilot. Stella comes to comfort Cullen when he finally breaks down after losing his best friend once they’re safely on the ship and on their way back to Alpha.

“Nadia is, or was… a fighter,” Murphy reads during the memorial scene. “When we first joined the guard, she said she joined to help those who didn’t know they needed saving. She owed her life to someone who thought she was worth a second chance, and she wanted to pay that forward. She was selfless. She had a big heart. She saw the good in everyone. Alpha might have lost its brightest light with her. For me at first, this was just a job. But for her, it was her duty, something she was born to do. And she died protecting the people and the place she cared about most. We will remember her as that same fighter. That person that strived to do right by the home and the people she loved. I hope to live up to what she saw in me.”

“Interior, the palace, later,” the assistant reads, setting the last scene. “It’s a few hours since the memorial, and Cullen is staring out the window in a deserted area of the palace. He’s no longer crying, just numb. Stella comes up behind him.”

“Do you need anything?” Josephine reads.

“I don’t know, a time machine?” Murphy says.

“It’s been a long day, why don’t you get some rest?”

“Not tired yet.”

“Will you at least come sit down?” she asks.

“As long as you stay with me.”

“Of course.”

“Stella offers her hand to Cullen and he takes it,” the assistant says.

“It wasn’t supposed to be like this,” Murphy reads. Tears sting in his eyes and he wills himself to keep it together.

Josephine rests a hand on his arm. He turns to her and they share a sad smile.

“Things are gonna be different. But we’ll get through it. Together,” she continues.

“Stella leads Cullen back up the hall. Fade to black. End of episode. End of season three.”

The room is dead silent. Murphy doesn’t think it’s ever been like this. He looks around to gauge other people’s reactions. Bellamy stares ahead in disbelief. Harper and Clarke are both in tears. Emori’s eyes haven’t left her script since Nadia died.

Josephine lets out a nervous chuckle. “Um, what the fuck?”

“Alright, everyone,” Kane finally says. “I think we could all use a break after that. Let’s take ten, then we’ll come back and discuss.”

Murphy gets up from his chair and wordlessly exits the room. He turns a corner and walks down an empty hall. He leans against the wall and sinks down to the ground. Why does he feel like he can’t breathe? He takes a few deep breaths to calm himself down. How could they kill Nadia? He didn’t think Kane was the type of person to kill a character off for no reason. Maybe he was wrong?

He has his face in his hands, so he can’t see, but he hears footsteps approaching. Someone comes to sit next to him. He eventually looks up to find Raven beside him. She looks like she’s having trouble holding it together, too.

“What the fuck, Raven?” Murphy finally says.

“I know, it’s a lot to take in.”

“How could you write Emori off? The show won’t be the same without her!”

“We didn’t want to,” Raven explains. “Emori asked for this.”

Murphy’s heart sinks. “What?”

“During Emori’s sitdown with Kane before the writers room, she asked if we could reevaluate her contract. So we had to find a way to write her off. It wasn’t our decision.”

Murphy doesn’t understand. Emori’s always seemed happy to work on the show. He knows Raven wouldn’t lie to him, but it doesn’t add up. He thought he and Emori talked about everything together. How could she keep this from him?

“Okay,” Murphy finally says. “I believe you.”

“I’m sorry you had to find out like this. I wish I could’ve told you sooner.”

He shrugs. “It’s not a big deal.”

“It is. But at least now you understand.”

He nods, and she pats him on the shoulder before getting up and heading back into the studio. Murphy rests his head back on the wall, taking another deep breath before getting back up to face the rest of the day. And to think he was actually looking forward to this table read.

When he gets back to the room, everyone is fairly quiet, a stark difference from the usual chatter and business of a normal break. But then again, this break isn’t normal. Clarke and Emori are talking in hushed tones at their seats. It seems like Clarke just got herself together.

Murphy sits back down, and Josephine looks at him with actual concern.

“You good?” she asks.

“Not really.” He doesn’t see the point in lying.

The discussion once the break is over is one of the most stilted talks Murphy has ever had to sit through. It’s clear everyone has questions, but they’re questions that they’re not necessarily going to get the answers to, so nobody asks them. They stick to discussing character journeys and moments that felt weirdly worded once they were read out loud. Kane mercifully lets them go early, asking for Clarke and Emori to stick around.

Murphy is once again grateful that Josephine drove, because he certainly wouldn’t have paid attention to the road on the way home. They drive in silence, Murphy still in shock from what they all just read. It still doesn’t feel real.

He shuts himself in his room for the rest of the afternoon. He lies back on his bed, staring at the ceiling with music quietly playing in the background. He spends probably hours replaying all the recent interactions he’s had with Emori, searching for any sort of sign that she’s been unhappy. Other than her claiming to not have slept well last night, he can’t come up with anything. But that comment makes sense now, since she knew how this was going to end.

He’s not sure how much time passes, but he hears a knock on the door as it starts to get dark.

“I don’t wanna talk about it, Josephine,” Murphy calls.

“It’s not Josephine,” comes Emori’s voice from outside the door. She cracks it open and sticks her head in.

Murphy looks up at her. She looks like she’s been crying as well.

“Can I come in?” she whispers.

He nods, and she steps inside, closing the door behind her. She flops down onto his bed next to him. They don’t say anything at first, both staring at the ceiling.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” he finally asks, turning his head to look at her.

She sighs. “I wanted to. But they made me sign a gag order.”

“That’s a little extreme.”

“Maybe it is. But I didn’t want to get in trouble. Believe me, it was really hard. I almost broke down and told you a couple times.”

“Why did you want to leave? Do you not like it anymore?”

“It’s not that I don’t love the show. I do,” Emori explains. “But I miss doing theatre, and our filming schedule makes my chances to do any stage acting really limited. It’s a different muscle, and I miss flexing it.”

Murphy looks back up at the ceiling as tears threaten to fall. “That makes sense.”

She turns on her side and touches his arm. “Hey, look at me.”

He turns back to her. He hates that she looks guilty. She shouldn’t feel that way, and he doesn’t want to be the reason she feels that way.

“I am so grateful for this show. It’s different from any other project I’ve ever done, and I’ve met so many amazing people because of it. I’ll always be grateful for it, because without it I never would have met you. You’re my best friend, John.”

“You’re my best friend, too.”

“So if we can agree on that, it’s not like we’ll never see each other again. It’ll be different, sure. But it’ll be like hiatus.”

“Just longer,” Murphy points out.

“But when you care about someone, you make an effort to see them. And we care about each other. Don’t we?”

Murphy nods. “Yeah, we do.”

They stare at each other for what feels like an eternity. At some point, Murphy’s eyes drift down to Emori’s lips. His eyes might be playing tricks on him, but he thinks she’s doing the same with him. If there were ever a moment to just throw caution to the wind and kiss her, it would be this one. They’re so close to each other, he wouldn’t even have to move that far. He’s not sure why he doesn’t just do it. A part of him is still scared. Scared of what could happen if he messes things up in such a vulnerable moment. He doesn’t want to mess this up. So he doesn’t lean in.

He sits up with a sigh. “I don’t want you to feel guilty. You shouldn’t feel guilty for doing what’s best for your career.”

“Thanks,” she says as she sits up. “And thank you for understanding.”

“At the end of the day, I just want what’s best for you.”

Emori smiles at him before resting her head on his shoulder. They stay like that and Murphy takes a moment to let it sink in that this week will be his last time working with Emori on the show. He really doesn’t know what it’ll look like without her. Who will he hang out with all the time? Who can he joke with about how insufferable Josephine gets when Gabriel’s around? He tries to put that out of his mind, knowing that if he thinks too much about it he’ll be sad, and that’s the last thing he wants to be before he has to.

Since there’s a lot of fighting in this episode, the week starts off a bit differently. The next day is spent learning battle sequences from Roan, their go-to fight choreographer. Cullen isn’t in the big battles of the episode, so he gets his moments out of the way and is finished a few hours after lunch. He tries to spend the rest of the day working on his lines, but the amount of free time he’s experiencing doesn’t help the fact that all he wants to do is mope.

“Dude, I can feel your sad, and it’s bringing me down,” Josephine says that evening as they run lines.

Murphy shrugs. “Sorry.”

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

“Not really. I’ll just channel it into all the scenes where I have to cry.”

Josephine nods, but Murphy can tell she’s worried. She’s been walking on eggshells around him ever since the table read. She even let him know that Gabriel will be back at the end of the week for the wrap party. It’s the first time she’s ever said in advance when he’s coming to visit. So Murphy must really be in a state. It doesn’t help that they’re not filming Nadia’s death scene until the last day of the shoot.

Murphy’s missed filming with Josephine, and doing their scenes for the last episode reminds him how much fun she is to work with, as annoying as she can be sometimes. She can tell when Murphy is thinking too hard, and helps to get him out of his head. She knows when to be serious and knows when to goof around, and it’s the exact energy that Murphy needs this week.

They film the final scene of the episode midweek, so Josephine and Murphy spend the whole day together. Between takes, they sit on the windowsill and talk about what’s probably in store for their characters.

“If we get picked up for season four, I’d say we’ll be back together by the end of it,” Murphy decides.

“I think more mid-season,” Josephine says. “There’s probably gonna be a bit of a time jump so we don’t have to deal with everyone grieving.”

“There has to be some grieving.”

“Not saying there won’t be. But the point of these last few scenes is to show Cullen grieving, so I’d expect they’d only focus on Lyra when they pick things up again.”

Murphy considers this for a moment. It makes sense.

“Maybe you should be a writer.”

Josephine snorts. “And not be seen? I don’t think so.”

“I think we’re gonna get cancelled,” Murphy admits quietly. He’s been thinking it for a while, but he’s never said it out loud, afraid of how the others would react. He knows he can trust Josephine to hear him out, though.

Josephine frowns and turns to look at him. “Why do you say that?”

“Well think about it. This season is pretty meh, if you ask me. And Nadia and Lyra get together just for Nadia to die at the end? And sure, when people find out Emori asked to leave the show, maybe they’ll feel a little better about that, but I think her death is gonna alienate enough people that they won’t want to watch anymore.”

“I don’t think the network is gonna wait the whole season to decide whether we get picked up again or not, though. They made a decision after two episodes last year.”

“Yeah, but the content was better.”

“Murphy, it’s the CW,” Josephine says as she rolls her eyes. “You really think people are coming back for the content? It’s because we’re all good looking.”

He chuckles. “Fair enough. This show is just such a constant part of my life now, that I don’t know what I’m gonna do when it’s over. And I guess I never really thought about it ending until this.”

“Well you’re talented, so I have no doubt you’ll be able to find other work. But we’re not cancelled yet, so I don’t think you should worry about it for right now.”

Murphy nods. “You’re right.”

After talking with Josephine, Murphy tries his best to focus on the here and now, and not the inevitable end of the show, which might come sooner than expected once audiences see this season. He bottles up his emotions to save them for the end of the week.

The last two days of the shoot are on location in the fields that make up Sanctum. Murphy so rarely gets to work with everyone at the same time, so he’s excited to spend the last couple days of the season with everyone, not just Emori or Josephine. He tries to keep all his emotions pent up for the last day, when Cullen breaks down on the ship. It’s hard, but he’s pretty good about it.

He soaks up all the time with Emori he can get between takes. One of his fight sequences is with her, as Cullen and Nadia face off against two Polis warriors. They’ve had a lot of fight sequences together over the past couple years, and shooting this one feels like a culmination of sorts. Cullen and Nadia have grown so much together, and now they’re fully in sync. The two characters have always balanced each other out, even in moments where they’re fighting.

They shoot Nadia’s death in the morning on the last day. Murphy wakes up with a pit in his stomach, and even eating doesn’t really help it. Sure, he’s been dreading this day since they read the script, but he didn’t realize how much. He’s quiet as he gets ready, but so is everybody else. They’re all feeling the enormity of this, too. It’s their last day working on set with Emori. She’s one of the most beloved members of the cast, and with good reason. She’s nothing but nice to everyone that works on the show, and she’s an amazing scene partner. Nobody’s sure how they’re going to go on without her.

Once everyone’s assembled in the field, Anya begins to shout direction into her megaphone. Murphy, Bellamy, and Josephine stand off to the side as Anya talks through things with Harper, Emori, and Clarke. Bellamy and Josephine are chatting with each other, but Murphy’s off in his own little world.

“Murphy?” Bellamy asks, waving a hand in front of his face.

Murphy blinks and turns his head. Bellamy and Josephine look at him with concern.

“Hmm?” he asks.

“You just didn’t seem all there.”

“I’m here. Just going over lines,” he lies.

“You’re not worried about the ship scene this afternoon, are you?” Josephine asks. “You’ve got those lines down perfectly.”

“I know. But it’ll still be a lot when I add in the emotions. I’m worried I’ll forget.”

Bellamy nods. “I think you’ll be fine.”

They stop bothering him after that. They continue to look on as they film Aeyrn and Nadia’s fight sequence. Harper and Emori run through the moves a few times just to have it down in their bodies, then they start rolling. Murphy’s always found it weird to watch fight sequences be filmed, since they don’t look as epic. There’s no music to add to the drama, just the actors making grunts every now and again. And those don’t even sound all that great until you add in ADR later. But Harper and Emori are both talented, so watching them even without all the effects looks great. Murphy almost forgets that Harper has to ‘stab’ Emori at the end. As much as he wants to look away, he can’t bring himself to. The shock that passes over Emori’s face as she falls to her knees paired with Harper’s devious grin before she pulls her sword back, turns, and walks away is mesmerizing.

Eventually they have Clarke scream from off screen, then she runs into frame so she and Emori can have their goodbye scene. Clarke’s nickname on set is ‘Queen of Crying’, since she’s had so many scenes where she has to cry on camera. She’s good at it too. Murphy eventually has to turn away from the monitor. He can’t let his tears out before this afternoon.

It’s finally Murphy’s turn, and he talks a couple things through with Anya before they start rolling, though there’s not really much to say. He has to run in, grab Clarke and keep her moving to get her back to the ship.

“Okay, we’re rolling,” Anya calls out. “And action!”

Murphy runs toward Clarke, who is sobbing as she cradles Emori in her arms. As he gets closer, he realizes Emori is very convincing at playing dead, and it trips him up. He stops dead in his tracks for a moment, afraid to get any closer. It’s brief, but still noticeable. He starts moving again and grabs Clarke under her arms, pulling her away from Emori, as much as it pains him to do so. Once she’s on her feet, he takes her hand and they keep running for the ship.

“Cut!” Anya says. She gets up from behind the monitor to give a few notes.

“Murphy, that moment of hesitation before you went to get Clarke was great. Keep doing it.”

He nods. “Okay.”

She moves on to say something to Clarke, and Murphy takes a minute to catch his breath. A PA hands him his water bottle and he takes a big gulp. Kane and Raven approach him, so he doesn’t have time to mope while he’s not busy. It’s probably for the best.

“Great work so far, John,” Kane says, patting him on the back.

“Thanks.”

“We didn’t write any lines in for that moment where you get Lyra, but feel free to ad-lib. Whatever feels natural.”

“Okay.”

Kane walks off, leaving Murphy and Raven standing alone. Kane doesn’t have much to say if he thinks someone’s doing a good job, so Murphy counts himself lucky that that conversation wasn’t long.

“How are you holding up?” Raven asks.

“Better than I thought I’d be, honestly,” Murphy answers truthfully. There’s no need to bullshit Raven. If anything, she probably understands better than anyone else how Murphy is feeling.

Raven nods. “It’s a rough week. But you’ve been doing great work. As shitty as the situation is, I think the episode is shaping up to be pretty incredible.”

“I doubt the fans will think so once they know how it ends.”

“We’ll cross that bridge when we get there.”

“Alright, let’s reset!” Anya calls into her megaphone.

“That’s my cue.”

He hands his water bottle back to the PA and goes back to his position. He jogs in place a little, partially to keep warm and partially so he feels less silly running into the scene.

Anya calls action and Murphy runs into frame. The camera is directly on his face this time, so he feels a bit of added pressure, but swallows it down and stays in character. He hesitates as he nears Clarke and Emori, though it probably isn’t as good as the first take. Not that seeing Emori looking dead is ever going to get easier, but the first take was born out of genuine shock. He keeps going, pulling Clarke back.

“Lyra, we have to go!” he shouts as he lifts Clarke up.

“No, don’t make me!” Clarke screams through her tears.

Clarke’s reaction feels like a punch to the gut. It must have been based on a note Anya gave her.

“Please, Lyra. Keep fighting for her!” Murphy pleads. Tears sting in his eyes, but he wills them not to fall. That can’t happen yet, not until this afternoon.

This time, Clarke relents, though she’s still crying, but she lets Murphy pull her toward the ship. They break into a run as Anya yells cut.

They do it again from a few other angles, and then it’s time for lunch. Murphy opens his arms for Clarke after their last take. She’s been crying for a while now, and the other reason they call her ‘Queen of Crying’ is because she has trouble stopping once she starts.

“You’re okay,” Murphy says, rubbing her back.

“How are you not having a breakdown right now?” Clarke asks through her sniffles.

“Believe me, I’m as shocked as you are. But I’m saving it for this afternoon.”

Emori rushes towards them and pulls them into a hug. She’s crying a little herself.

“Clarke, it is very hard to play dead when you’re hardcore sobbing above me!” she says, wiping tears from her face.

Clarke laughs. “Well I didn’t earn my nickname for nothing.”

“Are we hugging?” Harper shouts as she runs towards their huddle.

“Join us!” Murphy shouts back.

As Harper joins the group, Bellamy and Josephine come jogging to them from the other direction. It’s not the end of the day yet, but the six of them take a moment just to be with each other. Harper and Emori are finished shooting, which means it’s the beginning of the end. Even Josephine is crying a little bit. It’s becoming more and more of a struggle for Murphy to hold it in, but he’s almost there. He can wait.

Even though Harper and Emori are done for the day, everyone typically hangs around for the last day on set, and since it’s Emori’s last day ever, things are different. They sit down to lunch together, Emori squished in between Murphy and Raven. They all try to keep the conversation fairly light, but everyone senses the elephant in the room. It’s hard not to be sad, knowing this is the last time their group will be like this. Murphy can’t say he’s paying attention to the conversation as they eat. He knocks Emori’s shoulder with his, as he chews thoughtfully on his sandwich. She leans into his touch, and pats his leg with her hand.

“Ready to cry all afternoon?” she asks.

“I’ve been hydrating all day,” he jokes.

“You’re gonna do great, John.”

Her smile is bright, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. He wraps an arm around her shoulder, pulling her in closer. She doesn’t fight it and rests her head on his shoulder. He relaxes into her touch, relishing in this moment with her. Just being in the same room as her is going to be hard to come by once they leave Vancouver, so he silently wills this to last as long as possible.

Once lunch is over, Bellamy, Clarke, Murphy, and Josephine make their way to the building near the field that they’ve made to look like the inside of the Alpha ship. A lot of stuff gets added in during post, but the bare bones are there. Harper and Emori make their way in as Anya is wrapping up discussing the scene with them. They watch from behind the monitor with everyone else.

“Alright, let’s try it,” Anya finally says.

Murphy and Clarke go to their places, since the scene starts with them running in. Murphy looks to Emori, who smiles and gives him a thumbs up. He takes a breath, finally letting his emotions wash over him as he links arms with Clarke. He’s sad. Utterly devastated. He’s feeling all the things Cullen is feeling. He’s ready to cry. He can’t let it out just yet, since he has to get through this little scene beforehand, but he’s ready.

“Action!”

Murphy pulls Clarke along with him as he walks them into the shot. Bellamy rushes forward to meet them.

“Nadia?” Bellamy asks, looking to Murphy.

Murphy wordlessly shakes his head. Recognition floods Bellamy’s face as Clarke falls into his arms. She’s still sobbing as Bellamy wraps his arms around her. He leads her off camera, and Murphy sits down at the “window” where he’s supposed to have his cry. He wishes he could just get it over with, but of course Anya calls cut.

They reset and go through Lyra and Cullen’s entrance a few more times from different angles. Eventually it’s time to shoot the last scene. They set up for the close up on Murphy’s face first, and he can feel the pressure. He tries to get that out of his mind as he listens to Anya.

“So we’re gonna do the close-up shots of Cullen crying, and end with Stella coming to rest a hand on his shoulder,” Anya says to him and Josephine.

“When do you want me to come up behind him?” Josephine asks.

“Just feel it out.”

She nods, then goes to her place.

Murphy takes a few deep breaths before they start rolling. He looks out past the camera and sees Emori standing next to Raven. She chuckles at something Raven says and Murphy thinks about how much he’ll miss that energy on set.

“We’re rolling. And action.”

Murphy lets out a jagged breath as he stares at a point on the ground. All the tears he’s been holding in most of the week, all the thoughts about all the things he’ll miss about having Emori around all the time, all the things he wishes he could tell her but he’s too chicken to, bubble up to the surface as he lets the tears fall. He lets out a choked sob, which he wasn’t expecting to happen, but he lets it. He feels everything Cullen feels. They’re both losing a best friend, someone they thought they’d face the world with, but fate seemed to have other plans.

He wipes at his face, wondering where the fuck Josephine is. He’s definitely been crying for long enough that they have what they need. After what feels like an eternity, he feels her hand rest on his shoulder.

“Cut!” Anya calls. “Great work, Murphy. Let’s reset!”

Murphy sniffles as he turns to look up at Josephine. She wipes a stray tear from his face.

“What took you so long?” he asks.

“You were making me emotional!” she admits. “I didn’t want to walk on in tears.”

“The camera wasn’t even on your face.”

She shrugs. “Well I got here eventually.”

“Well next take, come sooner. I’m not sure how long I can keep that up.”

They reset for a wide shot, so they can actually get into the scene when Josephine enters. When they’re rolling again, it’s easier for Murphy to cry now that he’s into it. Josephine comes up behind him sooner this time. He feels her hand on his shoulder, and he turns to look at her. She sits down beside him.

“I heard what happened,” she says. “I’m so sorry, Cullen.”

“She was my best friend. And now she’s gone,” Murphy sniffs.

There’s a pause as Josephine rubs his shoulder.

He looks up at her in confusion as he says his next line. “Where’s Lyra? You should be with her.”

“Bastian took her to lie down. She doesn’t really want to talk to anyone right now. And I knew you’d be hurting.”

“I had to be strong for Lyra back there. But she was so still, Stella. So lifeless and pale.”

Murphy lets out another sob at the image. Emori lying on the ground earlier is really sticking with him. Josephine wraps her arms around him and he leans into her, letting himself cry.

“How am I supposed to do this without her?” he says once he’s calmed down a little.

“You go on because it’s what she’d want you to do,” Josephine says. Her own voice wobbles, but she stays firm. “We still need you. _I_ need you.”

Murphy pulls back from Josephine’s embrace to look her in the eye. Stella is not one to be so direct, especially when it comes to her feelings, so this admission is a big deal. This whole scene is a big deal.

He nods, before melting back into Josephine’s touch. She runs a hand through his hair as they sit there in silence for a moment, Murphy still shaking from his sobs.

“This feels like the beginning of the end,” he says. “Like nothing will ever be the same again.”

For Murphy, it really does feel like the beginning of the end. Things can’t go on the same way without Emori. The show will be so different without her. His life will be different without her. Under normal circumstances, being this distracted about his personal life wouldn’t be a good look in the middle of a shoot, but it works in this instance. He’s not sure he’ll feel anything but sad for a while.

After some more takes, Anya eventually calls cut, which means they’ve finished filming for the season.

“That’s a wrap, people!” she shouts.

Everyone cheers and applause fills the room. Josephine hugs Murphy a little tighter once they’re done. When they pull apart he can see she’s got tears of her own in her eyes. She’s cried a lot more than usual today, but it seems like everyone is emotional.

Kane steps onto set as the applause dies down. It’s time for him to make his usual wrap speech.

“We did it! Thank you so much everyone, for your incredibly hard and diligent work this year. I am always in awe of the talent we have with us on the set of _Alpha_ , and I’m lucky to get to work with each and every one of you. But I can’t let another moment pass without shouting out someone very special. Emori, can you come here, please?”

The room breaks out into hoots and hollers as Emori makes her way to stand next to Kane. Murphy lets out a whoop, and Emori rolls her eyes at him with a fond smile on her face.

“Now, we saw Emori Chiu pretty early on in the audition process, and from the moment she walked in the room, I knew I wanted to work with her. It might have seemed a little crazy of me to take a chance on someone with no screen experience to lead a television show, but I had a good feeling. And I’m glad I trusted my gut, because I cannot imagine anyone else playing Nadia. Emori, you have breathed life into this role in a way I never could have thought possible. You are kind, thoughtful, and so talented. I wish you all the best in your future projects, whether they be stage or screen. You have a very bright career ahead of you.”

The cast and crew applaud Kane’s speech as Kane brings Emori in for a hug. She wipes at her eyes before taking a breath and saying a few words of her own.

“I’ll keep it brief, because I’m trying not to cry. But I just want to say that working on _Alpha_ has been a crazy experience, but it’s been the best experience of my life. I’m so grateful to have met all of you. It’s been an absolute privilege to grow with you all, and I’ll cherish these three years we’ve gotten to spend together. I can’t express my gratitude enough.”

The main cast rushes in for another group hug. They’re all in tears now. Sure, it had hit them that this was their last time on set with Emori, but now it fully sinks in. Murphy hasn’t stopped crying since Anya called cut, and now that she’s closer to him, Emori notices. She smiles as she steps towards him and grabs his face in her hands to wipe at the tears before pulling him in for a hug of his own.

“I love you,” she whispers in his ear.

“I love you, too,” he whispers back.

Murphy relaxes into her embrace, as if he’s memorizing her touch before he loses her. He knows he’s not actually losing her. She’s his best friend, so this obviously won’t be the last time he sees her. But it won’t be the same. And he never thought this moment would come so soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So again, I'm sorry. But it's a slow burn, so there must be pain.
> 
> And now that this chapter is done, I thought I'd share where I got the idea for this fic! If you've seen my Tumblr, you will know that I am also very into The Magicians. And I guess I kind of got the idea for this story because of all the controversy surrounding Jason Ralph's exit from that show. The whole thing there is still a bit confusing for me, and what we have here is more of a clear cut reason for Emori leaving, but I thought it would be fun to write a story kind of based on the idea of Murphy and Emori being on a TV show together and one of them leaving, which makes the other realize how much they relied on having them right there with them constantly. The idea's evolved a bit from there and now clearly gotten away from me, but I'm very excited to get more into the story and keep sharing.
> 
> Anyway, hope you enjoyed and let me know what you think. Come and shout with me on [Tumblr](https://queenemori.tumblr.com/)!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! This chapter is not completely angst-free (yes it did make Mobi say she hates me at one point), but there's some fun because it's the wrap party! 
> 
> Special thanks to the peeps in the bellarkes discord for helping me pick out a karaoke song. Click on [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uPudE8nDog0) for the full effect!

Murphy tries not to let his sadness get to him so he can enjoy the wrap party. They’re supposed to be celebrating, this is no space for wallowing. He does enough of that on his own. They did great work this season, and he should be looking at it as one last hurrah. After a couple drinks, Murphy feels a little less sad, and more just excited to be hanging out with his friends. He has a speech to give, and he’s ready to give it so he can keep drinking.

“Could I have everyone’s attention, please?” he says, grabbing the mic and stepping up onto the small platform where people have been doing karaoke throughout the evening. The guests all turn in his direction, quieting down so he can speak.

“Now I’m gonna be a disappointment, because I’m not drunk enough to do karaoke yet. But I couldn’t let more of the evening go by without shouting out everyone’s hard work over the past five months. It’s a crazy thing we set out to do, but we always get it done, and I’m so glad I get to do this show with all of you every year.”

Everyone cheers, taking a moment to be grateful for everyone who makes the show possible.

“So almost four years ago, I came in to do a screen test with an actor named Emori Chiu,” he continues, meeting Emori’s eyes in the crowd. “I had never heard of her, but from the moment I met her, I knew there was something special about her, and I’ve never told her this, but after our screen test I said to myself, well she’d better get the part. I don’t give a shit if I don’t get it, but if she doesn’t get it, then we’ve got an issue.”

“Luck would have it that we both booked the show, and that’s probably better than her getting it and not me, because if that had happened, I never would’ve gotten the chance to know my best friend.”

Murphy doesn’t take his eyes off Emori for the rest of his speech. Nobody else in the room matters. He wants Emori to know how important she is to him.

“Emori, this experience is made ten times better for me because not only does it look good on my resume, but I get to have you in my life forever. You’re the most hardworking and sincere actor I have ever met, and you’ve never let anything get in the way of that. I’m a better actor today because I’ve gotten the chance to work with you. And I know you miss Broadway, so I hope they know how lucky they are to get you back. Because we’ll certainly all miss you. But just know, I’ll miss you the most.”

He holds it together surprisingly well, tears only pricking his vision at the end of the speech. He holds up his beer in a toast.

“So let’s all raise a glass. To wrapping season three, and to Emori!”

The crowd echoes Murphy’s toast and Emori jumps onto the stage and tackles him in a hug. He lets out a surprised laugh, but catches himself before they topple over. They sway together for a moment as he finds his balance again.

She pulls back with a smile on her face. “You are such a sap.”

He laughs. “But you like it.”

“Thank you, John,” she says before pressing a kiss to his cheek. Thankfully the room is dark, so she can’t see the blush that sets in on his face. “Now what should we sing for karaoke later once you’ve had another drink?”

“I don’t know, but it definitely has to be something epic.”

“Duh. It’s my last wrap party! I have to go out with a bang.”

Every year at the wrap party, Emori and Murphy perform a rousing duet that’s always one of the highlights of the evening. Murphy doesn’t remember much about their karaoke performance at the season one wrap party, since he got a bit too drunk that night. But Bellamy filmed it, and played it back for him the next day. Murphy sounded like a dying hyena on the recording, which was doubly embarrassing compared to Emori’s Broadway level vocal abilities, but they had been such a hit that people begged them to do it again the next year.

Emori pulls Murphy along to pick out their song for later. After much deliberation, they decide on ‘Don’t You Want Me’ by The Human League. Once they’ve picked, she drags him to the bar, but he can’t say he minds. He’s fully soaking up all their moments together, because once they leave Vancouver, all they have left is the press tour, and then Emori’s _Alpha_ obligations will be at an end. He throws back the shot she hands him, clearing his throat as it goes down. He’s gonna have a good time tonight. He won’t allow himself to mope. He throws himself into planning their routine for their karaoke performance.

After another hour, Murphy is solidly drunk. He’s finally in a headspace where he just wants to have fun. He and Emori rush onto the stage and are met with thunderous applause. Or at least, it feels like thunderous applause because of how drunk he is. They stand with their backs to the audience. As the first notes of the song begin to play, they shake their hips to the beat and snap before turning to face the front as Murphy starts to sing.

The thing that makes karaoke with Emori so fun is that they’re very good at playing off of each other. As Murphy sings the first verse, Emori dances around him, waiting for her turn to join in at the chorus. She’s great at improvising moves that fit with the song. They go into their synchronized routine once it hits the chorus. It’s a few simple jumping up and down steps for Murphy’s benefit, then turning towards each other to shimmy, but it works well. Murphy almost forgets that people are watching them, he’s having so much fun just dancing and singing (or maybe shouting in his case) to the music with his best friend. It’s easily their best karaoke duet, and it seems the rest of the cast and crew would agree.

When it’s over, people cheer for them again as they take a bow. Murphy turns to say something to Emori as they put their microphones down and step off the stage, but she gets dragged away to talk to people who want to wish her well and all that. It’s not that Murphy didn’t expect that sort of thing tonight. But he can’t say he’s not bummed that he can’t spend more time with her.

Murphy spots Bellamy by the bar, and goes to stand next to him. He leans against the bar, waggling his eyebrows at him.

“Having a good time?” Bellamy chuckles.

“Always,” Murphy answers.

“I was worried you’d be sad drunk tonight. I’m glad you’re not.”

“I got most of my moping out of the way during filming. Tonight’s about celebrating.”

Bellamy nods. “So are you saying you’re gonna go for it?”

Murphy frowns. He knows what Bellamy is getting at, but he doesn’t really want to get into it.

“What are you talking about?”

“Come on, Murphy. We’re not dumb.”

Murphy is quiet, unsure how to play this off. He knows everyone knows how he feels about Emori. But this is the first time someone has confronted him about it so directly.

“Emori’s my best friend, Bellamy. I don’t want to mess up what we have.”

“Yeah, Clarke is my best friend. That’s not an excuse.”

“That’s easy for you to say, man. And Clarke is still gonna be working on the show next year. What’s the point if I don’t even know when I’m gonna see her next?”

“The point is, at least she’ll know how you feel about her. I mean, it’s pretty shocking that she doesn’t know already, but at least if you tell her, then you won’t have to wonder what could have been. It’s up to you, though,” Bellamy says with a shrug. He picks up his drinks and heads back over to where Clarke is sitting.

Murphy stares after Bellamy, contemplating what he just said to him. It is honestly a wonder that Emori has never picked up on Murphy’s feelings. Then again, he always just assumed she had, but didn’t feel the same way, so was politely ignoring the situation. But Bellamy has a point. He’s never actually admitted it to her out loud. Sure, they say ‘I love you’ to each other all the time, but those are friend ‘I love yous.’ And telling Emori ‘I’m in love with you’ seems like too big a step. But he’ll never know how she really feels if he says nothing.

He flags down the bartender. “Can I get a shot of tequila, please?”

Once the bartender pours the shot, Murphy downs it, slams a hand down on the bar, and gets up to make his way to Emori. It’s now or never.

He takes a deep breath as he navigates the crowd. It might just be the alcohol, but he’s hyper focused on this. It’s his new mission. _Tell Emori how you feel_ , he thinks to himself. _She might actually feel the same way_. He scans the room as he searches for her, and his heart drops when he spots her.

He sees her talking to a crew member that Murphy admittedly can’t remember the name of. From a distance, it seems like a flirty conversation. Emori laughs at something he says as she grabs hold of his arm. Murphy can’t help but wince as he watches her flirt with this guy. Maybe now’s not the right time to tell her how he feels after all.

Murphy takes a deep breath and turns back to the bar. He slumps into his seat, ignoring the bartender’s sympathetic look upon his return. He doesn’t need pity from someone who doesn’t understand the situation. He idly slides a cocktail napkin back and forth on the bar’s surface, not sure where to go from here. So much for not moping at this party.

After a moment, Raven plops down next to him. She takes one look at Murphy and orders two shots of tequila. She slides one to him and clinks her glass with his. He grimaces before downing his shot.

“Where’s Wick?” Murphy asks.

Raven laughs. “That was barely ever a thing.”

Murphy nods. He really hasn’t been tuned into what’s going on with Raven lately. He makes a mental note to do a better job of checking in with her when they’re not both drunk at the wrap party.

“I’m surprised you’re not attached to Emori’s side,” Raven says.

“She’s a little preoccupied at the moment,” he says, pointing to where she’s still in conversation with the crew member.

Raven raises an eyebrow as she looks on. “Shit. That’s some serious flirting.”

“I noticed.”

They lapse into silence again, Murphy wishing he had another beer. He doesn’t order one, figuring he’s probably had enough to drink, but he just wants something to hold in his hands. He needs to do something, anything to get the thought of Emori probably going home with that guy off his mind. He’s startled out of his thoughts by Raven resting her hand on top of his.

“Hey,” she says, a mischievous glint in her eye. “Wanna make a stupid decision?”

He narrows his eyes and looks her up and down, trying to gauge if she’s serious. Eventually he lets out an amused chuckle and waves down the bartender for one last drink.

Murphy wakes up with a splitting headache, mentally scolding himself for not drinking enough water last night. Thankfully he doesn’t feel like he has to throw up, so he’ll live. As he opens his eyes and takes in his surroundings, he notices an arm slung around his waist. He frowns and turns his head to find Raven asleep in the bed next to him.

His eyes go wide as he shouts, “Fuck!”

Raven groans as she opens her eyes, realizes where she is and screams before jumping out of bed pulling Murphy’s blanket with her.

“What the fuck!” she shouts as she frantically searches for her clothes.

Murphy lies back and covers his face with his hands. “Oh my god, we might just be the dumbest people alive.”

“I can’t believe we did that!”

She stumbles around the room as she gathers her clothes while trying to keep herself covered with the blanket.

“Hey, you’re not allowed to say shit like that when it was your idea,” he reminds her as he sits up.

“Shut up, Murphy. And don’t look at me!”

“What, _now_ you’re gonna harp on me seeing you naked?”

Raven closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. “Here’s what we’re going to do. We’re going to get dressed, and I am going to leave, and we are going to pretend this never happened.”

“Well if you’re that ashamed of me.”

“Murphy!”

“I’m kidding! You’re right.”

Raven throws on her clothes from the night before as Murphy pulls on a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. Once they’re dressed, he opens his bedroom door and walks ahead of Raven downstairs to let her out. Murphy stops short at the bottom of the stairs, surprised to see Josephine and Gabriel in the kitchen. They look up at him and frown.

“What time is it?” Murphy asks.

“Almost ten,” Josephine says. “Why?”

“Who the fuck are you talking to-” Raven says, also pausing as she reaches the bottom of the stairs. “Um, good morning.”

Murphy feels his face go bright red as Josephine bursts out laughing. Gabriel at least has the decency to hide his smile with his coffee cup. This really wasn’t how he thought the day was going to go.

“Well you might as well stay for breakfast,” Gabriel says to Raven.

“We made french toast,” Josephine says with a smile. “I’m sure you’re both ravenous from your lovemaking.”

“Don’t call it that,” Murphy groans as he walks into the kitchen. He turns to Raven. “Do you want to at least eat?”

Raven sighs. “Yeah, whatever.” She sits down at the table as Murphy gets plates for them.

As Murphy pours his coffee, the doorbell rings. He frowns, not knowing who could be here so early in the morning. He goes to answer it, and immediately wishes he hadn’t when he sees Emori standing there.

“Morning!” she says, a bright smile on her face. “Sorry I’m late.”

“What?”

Emori steps into the house and sheds her jacket. “God, are you really that hungover that you forgot about breakfast? It smells great, though.”

Murphy’s brain finally catches up as he remembers that he and Emori always do breakfast after the wrap party. It’s tradition. He definitely had way too much to drink last night.

Murphy lets out a nervous chuckle. “Yeah, I’m pretty messed up.”

He’s not sure how to stop her from going into the kitchen without looking like a lunatic, but she’s too fast for him anyway. Emori steps further into the house and pauses once she reaches the kitchen. Murphy comes up next to her. He takes in the look on her face, which is an odd mixture of amusement and something else he can’t quite place. Raven looks as though she’s been caught, and Josephine and Gabriel are definitely enjoying this a bit too much.

“Hi, Raven,” Emori finally says.

“Good morning,” Raven answers, staring into her mug.

Silence engulfs the room, save for a couple stray chuckles from Gabriel. Murphy sends him a death glare and he shuts up. He feels like he’s having an out of body experience, watching this disastrous morning unfurl. It’s been quiet for too long, and eventually he realizes nobody’s going to say anything unless he does.

Murphy pats Emori’s shoulder. “Tea?”

She nods. “Yes please.”

Murphy adds water to the kettle and flips it on. He hands Emori a plate and they sit down at the table. Emori fills her plate quietly, leaving the room deadly silent yet again. Every so often Josephine throws Murphy knowing looks and Murphy shoots daggers back.

“So are we all just hungover or what?” Emori eventually asks.

“Mm, something like that,” Josephine says before taking the last bite of her food.

Murphy has never wanted the floor to swallow him more than he does in this moment. He turns to look at Raven who hasn’t looked up from her plate since Emori sat down and opts to play with her french toast. At least someone is as uncomfortable as he is.

Eventually Josephine and Gabriel finish eating and go upstairs. Murphy lets out a sigh of relief once they’re gone, but that still doesn’t help how uncomfortable it feels to sit in the kitchen with Emori and Raven after the events of the previous night.

“So, you guys had sex last night?” Emori asks.

Raven chokes on her coffee while Murphy stares down at his hands. Had he done something to piss some higher being off? Is that why this is happening to him?

Emori takes the silence to mean she can continue speaking. “I mean, it’s not a big deal if you did.”

“You’re not mad?” Raven asks.

Emori snorts. “Why would I be mad? It’s none of my business what you guys do.”

She sips her tea casually, as if her two best friends had not just had sex the night before. Murphy and Raven glance at each other cautiously. Though they’re not saying anything, they seem to be wondering the same thing. This doesn’t seem like normal Emori behavior. But they’re not super sure how to remedy the situation, so it just ends in them sitting in more awkward silence.

Raven puts down her fork. “Okay, well I should get going.”

“I’ll walk you out,” Murphy says as he goes to stand up.

“No, it’s fine. Emori, we’ll talk later?”

Emori smiles and nods. She and Murphy sit in silence until they hear the door open and shut and Raven is gone.

All Murphy wants to do is break down and apologize. For forgetting about breakfast, for sleeping with Raven, for being an all-around dumbass. But before he even opens his mouth, Emori talks again.

“So. You and Raven.”

Murphy shakes his head. “It’s uh… not like that.”

“It’s okay if it is,” she says quietly.

Murphy studies her as she says it. She won’t meet his eye, but it seems like the thought of him and Raven together genuinely bothers her. Is she jealous? That doesn’t seem right.

“Well, it’s not,” he reassures her. Eventually she nods and looks up at him again, seeming slightly less bothered. Murphy hates that they’re sitting in such stilted silence. It’s never like this with them.

“How was the rest of your night?” Murphy asks. “That crew guy seemed to take a liking to you.”

Emori chuckles. “Oh, that. Nothing happened.”

Murphy nods, feeling like even more of an idiot than he did a minute ago. It’s not as though he owes Emori anything, especially since he hasn’t verbally stated his feelings, but he can’t help but feel like he’s betrayed her somehow. Guilt is very quickly settling into his stomach and he wishes he weren’t so rash with his decision making last night.

“So if it’s nothing, we can just gloss over this, right?” Emori says after a minute. “Pretend this weird moment in time never happened?”

“I’d like that.”

“Cool. Because Clarke sent me a video of our karaoke performance from last night, and I have to say, we really outdid ourselves this year.”

The tension Murphy was holding in his shoulders drifts away as Emori resolutely takes out her phone and moves past the weird events of the morning for the both of them. This is good. He’s not sure what he would have done if they ended on an off note. They laugh as the video plays. Murphy hopes Emori didn’t look at this video too closely, because the look on his face as he watches her sing her verse couldn’t be misinterpreted by anyone who saw it. He looks so in love he might burst. He’s also pretty sure he saw his eyes drift down to her butt at one point. How does she really have no idea how he feels?

They finish their breakfasts, chatting casually about packing and getting ready to head back to their home bases; New York for Emori, LA for Murphy. They draw out their conversation, neither of them ready to say goodbye.

“It feels like this is the end of something,” Murphy remarks as he plays with the last piece of french toast on his plate.

Emori shrugs with a sad smile. “It is. But we still have the press tour and Comic Con.”

Murphy snorts. “It’s gonna be so weird to do press and Comic Con knowing the outcome this year.”

“Well we always know the outcome. It should be no different than normal.”

“It’s not just a normal outcome, though, Mori.”

She rests a hand on his. “I know. But we’ll get through it.”

He nods, knowing she’s right. He just wishes that once they get to the other side, she’ll be there with him.

“Do you know what you’re doing after this? Like once you get home?” Murphy asks.

“I’m taking a bit of a break to start,” Emori says. “I’ve already talked to my agent, so once I’m settled again, I’ll just start auditioning. Do you know what you’re doing?”

“I don’t have anything lined up for hiatus right now. So I won’t be busy until after the press tour at least.”

“Well don’t just spend all your time moping.”

He laughs. “When did you get to know me so well?”

“I don’t know, really. It sort of snuck up on me.”

“I really am happy for you,” Murphy says. “I hope you know that.”

Emori smiles at him. “I do. Thank you, John.”

As much as neither of them seems to want to move, eventually Emori says she should get going. Murphy walks her to the door, soaking up these last moments with her as she puts on her shoes and jacket again. This is all too final. He’ll see her in a couple months. He has to stop treating this like he’s never going to see her again.

Once her jacket is zipped, she turns back to him, staring into his eyes. They’re glossy, as if she’s holding back tears. He blinks a few of his own away and pulls her in for a hug.

They hold each other for what feels like an eternity. He’s safe in her arms, and for as long as he’s holding her, she doesn’t have to go. But eventually he has to let her. They finally pull apart, and his heart threatens to burst out of his chest. Should he say something?

“I’ll miss you,” Emori says in almost a whisper as she swings her hand in his.

“I’ll miss you, too,” he says back.

They swing their hands between each other, neither one seeming to want to break the contact.

“Mori, I…” Murphy trails off.

She looks at him expectantly. There’s so much he wants to say, but it all feels too extreme. How can he say all that right before they’re about to be apart for months? He can’t lay that on her now. It wouldn’t be fair.

“John?”

“It’s nothing. Have a safe trip home.”

Emori nods, a flash of something crossing her face before she smiles again.

“You too. I’ll see you in May.”

She squeezes his hand one last time before heading out the door. Murphy closes it behind her and rests his forehead on the wall as he lets out a deep sigh. He feels like a real idiot. He probably missed the only chance he’ll get to tell her how he feels. But something about the moment felt off. Confessing his feelings after having sex with someone else the night before is not how he planned to tell her. Not that he’s ever really planned to tell her.

Murphy goes back upstairs to his room to lie down. He needs a few more minutes before getting on with his day. Maybe the events of last night and this morning are some sort of sign. A sign that just because he likes Emori, that doesn’t necessarily mean they’re right for each other or that they’re meant to be together. Bellamy can give him speeches about timing all he wants, but Murphy knows the truth. He doesn’t deserve Emori, especially after what he did last night. It’s not like they won’t be friends anymore because of it. He should be thankful that he has her in his life at all. And maybe one day these feelings will fade. All he can do is hope that maybe some distance will help to ease the pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed! It's been great hearing your thoughts, so drop a comment and let me know what's on your mind.
> 
> Things are gonna look slightly different in the next couple chapters since they're done with filming, and we're nearing the end of part one as well. Also I won't lie, we're nearing the end of light angst and going into full on ANGST. Just don't say I didn't warn you...
> 
> And you can always come find me on [Tumblr](https://queenemori.tumblr.com/)!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Friday! Posting a bit early since I'm all finished with this one. It's time for the press tour, and it's not too angsty, but I did receive an "I hate you" from Mobi, so there's a little of that sweet angst for you today.

Murphy unpacks his last shirt and hangs it in the closet of his hotel room. He’s only going to be in New York for a few days, but that’s no reason to not keep things neat. It’s the beginning of May, and he and his other castmates are about to start on their pre-season press tour. As much as he’s nervous about the fan and critic reception of the season, he can’t say he’s not excited to see how it all turned out, regardless of the grim ending.

The trailer was released a couple days ago, and it looks nothing short of epic. It highlights Aeyrn’s plot for control, featuring a great shot of Harper laughing maniacally. If Murphy didn’t know Harper, he would definitely be scared of her. She makes a very convincing villain. The trailer also teases Stella and Lyra training and Lyra and Bastian working together. There was even a brief Nadia and Lyra moment. The trailer ends on a close-up shot of Murphy in one of the finale scenes saying that nothing will ever be the same again. He shared the trailer on Twitter after it premiered, and fans seem excited and are already speculating about different moments.

The brief Nadia and Lyra moment in the trailer, where Nadia grabs Lyra’s hand in the episode where they kiss, has the Lydia shippers online in a frenzy. It’s the type of moment where if you blink you miss it, but Murphy’s gone through this enough times to know that people analyze every second of the trailer like it’s their job. He’s seen Twitter threads breaking down each moment, as well as a couple articles. Some of them are just crack theories, but a few people seem fairly on the money. It makes Murphy wonder if the whole thing is becoming too predictable. He knows that’s not what matters, as long as people are still enjoying it. But he does want people to be surprised.

Murphy is looking forward to this press tour for the most part. Besides the group interviews, they all usually split off into pairs for their other appearances. Last year Murphy was paired with Josephine, since a good portion of the first half of the season focused on Cullen and Stella’s romance. Josephine is a lot of fun to do press with, since she can be so unpredictable, so they had a great time. This year since Cullen and Stella aren’t on good terms when the season begins, Murphy is paired with Emori, and he’s excited to get to spend time with her, even if he is a bit nervous to see her for the first time since March.

The hiatus always separates Murphy and Emori, seeing as Emori’s based in New York and Murphy is based in LA, along with the rest of the cast. They text constantly while they’re apart, but Murphy did notice a shift in their communication this time around. Emori’s been busy. Though she did take a bit of a break, she’s been going on a bunch of auditions. She’s had some fun audition room stories to report back when she and Murphy do get the rare opportunity to FaceTime or talk on the phone. Though she never tells him what the auditions are for. She claims she doesn’t want to jinx it. Murphy shrugs, figuring it’s a theatre superstition he’s not aware of.

Though the rest of the cast lives in LA, Murphy hasn’t seen them all that much during this hiatus. Josephine wasn’t in town, since she booked a movie that was filming in Arizona. Harper was busy with her charity, and Bellamy and Clarke were just being cute and engaged. Though everyone on the set knew they were engaged, they only made a public announcement in April. It caused an internet frenzy, but people seemed genuinely happy for them. And who wouldn’t be?

Murphy puts his suitcase away and is all ready to flop back on his bed and watch TV when he hears a knock at the door. He frowns, wondering who it could be. It’s not like they have anything planned until Good Morning America tomorrow. He opens the door and is shocked but excited to find Emori behind it.

“Surprise!” she says, arms extended as if she’s waiting for a hug.

A grin spreads across his face as he wraps his arms around her and lifts her off the ground. She laughs, leaning into his touch.

“What are you doing here?” he asks as he deposits her back on the ground.

“I’m kidnapping you! I thought it would be fun to hang out and catch up just us before we get super busy tomorrow.”

“I’d like that.”

“Great. Get your stuff, let’s go get ice cream.”

Murphy grabs his wallet, room key, and a pair of sunglasses before following Emori out the door and into the lovely New York day.

Murphy always worries about running into fans when he’s on trips like this. And on a day like today when he has Emori all to himself, he definitely doesn’t want to have their time interrupted by people stopping to ask for a picture. He counts himself lucky that in New York people seem less inclined to stop him, or at least by the time they’ve noticed he’s John Murphy, he’s already halfway up the next block. It’s one of the convenient things about New York City being so fast paced. Thankfully it’s a sunny day, so both of them being in sunglasses looks less like a stupid celebrity disguise and more of a necessity.

Emori navigates them to an ice cream shop not too far from Murphy’s hotel. Once they’ve got cones, they keep walking to a park. Since this is Emori’s city, she knows all the secluded spots, so they won’t be bothered. There are a few people milling about, but it’s mostly families, not teenagers looking for their autographs.

“I feel like we haven’t talked about the trailer yet,” Emori says once they’re seated.

Murphy nods. “It makes the season look a lot more interesting than I actually think it is.”

“That’s the point of the trailer, John.”

“I know. It feels hard to get excited when I know how it ends.”

“Well I hope you figure it out before tomorrow, because I don’t think Kane would take kindly to his lead actor being a bummer on Good Morning America,” Emori jokes.

He chuckles. “You’re right. I am excited about the press tour, though. Maybe that’ll get me more excited about the season in general.”

“Yeah! I’m excited that we’re paired together this year. We’re gonna have a fun day.”

“Even though we have to be up ridiculously early.”

“You’ve had a whole month and a half of sleeping in, I think you’ll be okay this week.”

Murphy snorts. “Fair enough.”

They sit in comfortable silence as they finish their ice cream, and Murphy soaks up being in Emori’s presence. He missed her a lot. It’s definitely weird to live on the opposite side of the country from his best friend, and it doesn’t help that he’s not sure when their schedules will allow them to see each other again after the summer.

“So how have your auditions been?” he finally asks.

Emori nods. “I haven’t had too many recently. One of my friends wrote a play that’s being workshopped, and she approached me to help out with a reading. That’s been fun. And I have an audition I’m preparing for that’s coming up after the press tour.”

“Do I get to know what it is?”

“Not yet. I don’t wanna jinx it. But I’m really excited about it.”

“Well I bet you’ll get it. They’d be a fool to turn down my amazing karaoke partner.”

Emori throws her head back as she laughs. “Who are you, my biggest fan?”

“Is that even a question?”

She smiles at him, placing a hand on his leg. “You’re so sweet, John.”

He chuckles and ducks his head in embarrassment. When he looks up again he notices someone with a camera in the distance. He knew it was too good to be true that someone wouldn’t follow them.

“Ah, well at least this guy’s discreet,” Murphy quips, still staring past Emori’s head.

Emori frowns and turns to see what Murphy’s looking at. She chuckles.

“They’re only following me because of you,” she says. “I so rarely get bothered here.”

“I don’t know if that’s completely accurate. People like Nadia way more than they like Cullen.”

“Please, you’re like every teenage girl’s brooding fantasy man.”

Murphy laughs. “I mean, maybe. But you’re not giving yourself enough credit. You’re famous now, Mori!”

“Ew, it’s so weird to hear people say that!” she groans in embarrassment.

“You’d better get used to it.”

“I mean, I’m used to it on the Broadway fan level. Like there’s a very dedicated group of people that camp out by the stage door constantly. But that’s really specific. When it comes to not just people who watch the show knowing who I am? I don’t think that’s something I’ll ever get used to.”

Murphy nods. “That’s fair. It’s never not weird. But if you just moved to LA like everyone else, you’d get used to it much quicker.”

“John, I can’t just move to LA because you want us to be in the same place all the time,” she jokes.

“My motives may be selfish, but I don’t think you’d hate it.”

She hesitates before answering. “I’d never rule it out completely. But for right now, New York is the place I want to be.”

“Fair enough,” he answers.

He’s only mentioned Emori moving to LA a few times, but she’s never seemed all that keen on the idea. It’s clear she likes New York, maybe because she’s used to it, but she does love it a lot. She fits right in.

Eventually, Murphy is ready to take a nap before the jet lag gets to him, especially since they have to be up early. Emori walks him back to his hotel before making her way back to her apartment, which is slightly more uptown. They take their time, happy to be in each other’s presence without an agenda. Though press tours are fun, they get so busy that Murphy forgets to take a moment for himself. This afternoon with Emori was just what he needed.

Murphy’s phone goes off at 5:45am, and all he wants to do is roll over and go back to sleep. He didn’t become an actor to wake up early, but it’s almost a necessity while he’s working. He sluggishly pulls back the covers and starts in on some of his pre-press morning prep so he feels like more of a human.

He washes his face and does all the skin prep his aesthetician tells him he should do everyday, but he only ever does it before he goes on interviews. After about twenty minutes, he hears a knock on his hotel door. He goes to open it and finds his stylist Bree behind the door. She’s holding a garment bag and has a bright smile on her face.

“Morning!” she says as she steps into his room.

“How are you this alert already?”

“I’m just good at turning it on when I need to.”

She lays out Murphy’s outfit for him, then helps him choose between the different shoes he packed. All in all, it doesn’t take very long. Murphy likes working with Bree. She’s willing to let clients pick out pieces they like, and she’ll base an outfit around that. She’s encouraging about fashion risks too, even though Murphy doesn’t take many of those.

Once Murphy’s ready in a vertical black and white striped shirt, fitted black jeans, and what he’s deemed his ‘fancy’ sneakers (because they’re expensive), he grabs his things and heads downstairs to wait for the car that’s taking them all to Good Morning America. Nobody really says anything, all of them still feeling the fact that it’s only a little after six.

“Why do we have to be there so early when we’re not going on until 8:30?” Josephine groans.

“You’re asking all the real questions,” Murphy says with a sleepy nod.

Roma, the show’s publicist shakes her head at them. “There will be coffee and snacks when you get there, if that makes you feel any better.”

“So basically, stop complaining.”

“You got it.”

As they get a few blocks away from the studio, the crowds of people become larger. He can’t imagine how long they’ve been standing there for, just for a glimpse of them as they walk into the building. Murphy’s stomach flips, both with excitement and nerves. He doesn’t often feel like a celebrity or anything like that. He feels fairly normal most of the time, just with an abnormal job. But when there’s screaming fans for blocks, he remembers the enormity of what _Alpha_ is to people, and he still has trouble wrapping his mind around that. He’s incredibly lucky.

Their car stops in front of the studio and they all put on bright faces as the door opens and they’re met with screams of fans behind the partitions. Murphy smiles and waves at fans but keeps moving as he follows the assistant that greets them into the building. They’re brought into a green room area and told someone will come get them when it’s their turn. Josephine and Murphy go straight for the coffee while everyone else spreads out around the room.

There’s a routine to their early press mornings. Bellamy and Clarke sit down together on one of the couches and talk quietly to each other, Harper sits in a corner with her headphones in and sleeps sitting up, Murphy talks with Emori, and nobody bothers Josephine until she’s eaten something.

Once Murphy’s got his food, he makes his way to Emori. She’s looking at the monitor, where Michael Strahan has just announced that the cast of _Alpha_ is in the building.

“We’ll be talking to them later. There hasn’t been that much screaming outside since Harry Styles was here!” he jokes.

“Did you hear that, guys?” Murphy asks the room. “We’re as big as Harry Styles.”

Emori snorts. “I bet he says that about everyone.”

“Emori, you have to come to terms with it. We’re as big as Harry Styles, there’s no turning back now.”

She chuckles and rolls her eyes fondly before reaching down to slip off her shoes. It must suck to have to wear heels all day. Murphy certainly doesn’t envy her, even if her shoes do look cool.

“I wish I could lay down,” she says as she lifts her legs and puts them in Murphy’s lap.

“What’s stopping you?” he asks.

“I don’t want to mess up my curls. It took way too long to get them looking this nice. You’re lucky that your getting ready just consists of putting some gel in your hair and throwing on an outfit.”

“I think Bree would beg to differ, since we spent most of our time together agonizing over a pair of shoes, but I get it. Honestly, I think you guys always look cooler than me and Bellamy anyway. And nobody really cares what we’re wearing.”

“Well I envy you.”

Murphy shrugs. “At least you look hot.”

She laughs and a blush spreads across her cheeks. “Shut up.”

He chuckles to himself. He’s not kidding. She does look hot. Underneath her denim jacket, she’s in a black crop top with a deep v and a black and white pencil skirt. It almost makes Murphy wonder if Bree put them in complementary outfits. He’s sure people on the internet will have a field day with that.

One of the things that makes Murphy dread press tours the most are the inevitable comments he’s gotten since the show began from people on the internet telling him that he and Emori would make the cutest couple. From what he’s seen, only a few people ship Cullen and Nadia as characters, but some of the fans seem invested in him and Emori being together in real life. There was a moment during their first press tour, where an interviewer pointed out how comfortable they seemed with each other, and Emori announced that they had quickly become best friends. So fans of _Alpha_ want Murphy and Emori to be together almost as much as fans want Nadia and Lyra to be together. He would find it all a lot funnier if he didn’t so badly want for that to be the reality of the situation.

They all sit fairly quietly, still feeling how early it is, and wanting to conserve their excited energy for the interview. An assistant comes in about ten minutes before they’re set to go on to help them all get their microphones on. When the show cuts to commercial two minutes before their segment airs, they’re ushered on set so they can be seated in their chairs. The sun is fully up in the sky now and Murphy has to shield his eyes when they’re in view of the big glass window. There are fans basically pressed up against it, and no matter how many times he does this, he’s glad there’s a barrier separating them. People can be a little too intense.

There are two rows of three chairs, the second row raised on a platform. Murphy, Emori, and Josephine sit in the front, while Harper, Bellamy, and Clarke sit behind them. They exchange quick pleasantries with the hosts before they’re given the signal that they’re about to be live again. Murphy shakes himself out one last time in his chair and plasters a smile on his face. He’s ready. Michael Strahan welcomes them.

“Welcome back. _Alpha_ , the CW’s most popular show is back for its third season in just a few weeks. Today we’re joined in the studio by John Murphy, Emori Chiu, Josephine Lightbourne, Clarke Griffin, Bellamy Blake, and Harper McIntyre to talk more about this season. Welcome, and can I just say, my daughter is obsessed with the show!”

“Ah, you really know how to butter us up, don’t you, Michael?” Murphy jokes. It may be 8:30 in the morning, but that doesn’t mean he can’t turn on his interview charm.

Michael laughs. “But seriously, look out the window. You guys are like rockstars! Did any of you think the show would get this big?”

They all laugh at that.

“Absolutely not!” Emori says.

“I can’t speak for everyone, but when I sign onto a project, I’m not really thinking about how people are going to receive it,” Bellamy adds. “I’m thinking about how I feel connected to the character and the journey they’re going to take. And sometimes we get lucky enough that audiences seem to love it too, so then we get to come back and keep making more for everyone.”

“And you must feel extra lucky, Bellamy, since you met Clarke on set,” Robin Roberts chimes in. “And I hear congratulations are in order, because you two recently got engaged!”

Murphy hopes his eyes don’t actually bug out of his head the way it felt like they did. Every year without fail, someone mentions that Bellamy and Clarke are together during their press tours, and every year without fail, the room gets awkward. They’re private people, and they don’t put their relationship on display. And it’s always weird that they get asked questions about it in the middle of group interviews.

“Thank you,” Clarke says with a polite nod. “We’re very happy.”

“Wow, I wish people asked me about my boyfriend as much as they ask you guys about your relationship,” Josephine says. She turns to the camera and winks, presumably at Gabriel.

Thankfully they don’t dwell on Bellamy and Clarke’s relationship for much longer, unlike some uncomfortable interviews they’ve had to sit through in the past. They talk generally about where things left off at the end of season two. Murphy sometimes finds it hard to talk in interviews before the season starts, because Kane is adamant that they don’t give too much away, which sometimes makes it difficult to hype things up.

“You all seem to be a pretty close knit group,” Robin points out. “Do you have any favorite or memorable moments from set?”

“I have one!” Harper chimes in.

Murphy turns in his seat so he can see her as she talks. Harper always has such positive things to say during interviews, so he wonders what she’ll pick.

“Since my character is on a different side from everyone else, I don’t get to film many scenes with everyone. So I always love days where we all get to be together on set, and we had a day like that this season. And we were all standing in a field on the last day of shooting, and I saw Clarke and Murphy hugging in the distance, then Emori running to join them. So I start running towards them and I call out, ‘Are we hugging?’ And then I join and by the time I get there Josephine and Bellamy are running to join in too. It was just really nice to be together, and it was also kind of cold so the body heat was lovely.”

They all laugh, reminiscing about the last day on set. Murphy thinks of that moment as bittersweet, right after wrapping Emori’s last scene. When Harper tells it out of context, it seems like a cute cast bonding moment, which it was, but they were all crying because it was a moment of change for all of them. The fans really have no idea what they’re in for.

“Now Harper, I’m sure you get this a lot, but you are nothing like Aeyrn,” Michael says.

Harper laughs. “Yeah, I think that’s always a genuinely shocking thing for people to learn. I’ve definitely had some weird fan encounters because people were initially afraid to approach me.”

“Yeah, Aeyrn is scary, but Harper’s a sweetheart,” Clarke says, resting a hand on Harper’s knee.

“And before we wrap up, what’s something you think the fans should be looking forward to this season?” Michael asks.

“And now we will give you purposely vague answers, so our boss isn’t upset with us,” Murphy jokes. Everyone laughs. Kane would kill them if they spoiled anything.

“I think people can look forward to a lot of exploring,” Emori says. “In many senses.”

“I’m excited for fans to see Stella and Lyra jump into leadership roles in new ways,” Josephine adds.

“Well thank you for being here with us today and we are so looking forward to seeing you all in action in just a couple weeks,” Robin says before turning to the camera. “Season three of _Alpha_ premieres on May 17th at 9pm on the CW. Here’s a peek at what’s to come.”

The trailer plays and the show cuts to commercial, ending the first engagement of the day. They’re ushered off the stage and back to the green room where someone helps them take off their mics. They’re splitting up into pairs for the rest of the day. Bellamy and Clarke are staying behind at Good Morning America to do a cooking segment, Harper and Josephine are going to record a podcast, and Murphy and Emori get to go to the Wired offices to film one of those Google autocomplete interviews.

Even though they’re working, Murphy is excited to spend most of the day with Emori. It just feels like they’re hanging out, along with some added talking about the show and playing some games. He wants to make the most of the day they have, since after these few days in New York he won’t see her again until Comic Con.

They make it to the Wired offices by about ten, and Murphy is much more awake and doesn’t have to pretend to be pleasant. It probably helps that on the car ride over, Emori made up elaborate backstories for all the more interesting people they saw on the street as they were stopped in traffic. He didn’t realize he could miss a person as much as he missed Emori while they were apart, but it really did feel like there was a piece of him missing while they were away from each other. He can’t imagine how he’s going to feel after all their press and season three wraps up.

Someone sets them up on stools in front of a white background. A producer comes by as they adjust lighting and explains how the segment works. They’ll be handed different boards with common questions that people Google about both of them, and then they’ll answer the question.

“It can be totally conversational, but just make sure you look at the camera every now and again,” the producer says.

Murphy nods. “Sounds good.”

They begin rolling and they’re told to introduce themselves and then name the segment.

Murphy turns to Emori. “Do you wanna say it together?”

“We can try, but I don’t think it’s gonna work,” she says with a chuckle.

“What do you mean, we’re so in sync.”

“Just say your name and we’ll try it.”

Murphy looks to the camera. “Hi, I’m John Murphy.”

“And I’m Emori Chiu.”

They look at each other before saying together, “And today we’re doing the Wired Autocomplete Interview.” They’re a little off, but for the most part they say it at the same time.

Emori laughs. “That was better than I thought it was gonna be.”

“I told you, we’re in sync.”

An assistant hands Murphy a board with searches about Emori. Everything is covered up except for the word ‘how’. He rips off the first one and reads the question out loud.

“How old is Emori Chiu?”

“Oh, that’s easy. I’m 28,” Emori answers.

“You have a very youthful face though, so I get why people Google that.”

“Yeah, I also Google people’s ages. It tracks.”

“How many movies has Emori Chiu been in?”

“None, actually. Unless you count the student films I did in college, then it’s three.”

“You should do a movie,” Murphy says.

“Maybe one day.”

She answers a few more and then they move on so Emori has a board about Murphy.

She rips the first sticky off. “Is John Murphy single?”

Murphy lets out a snort. “Love how that’s the first thing people want to know. I am, thank you for reminding me.”

“I wonder who’s gonna slide into your DMs after seeing this,” Emori jokes.

“No, no, let’s not give them the wrong idea though.” He’s had enough of random people sliding into his DMs. He’d rather not have this interview make it worse.

“Is John Murphy an Aries?”

“Are people really that into making guesses about my star sign?”

Emori shrugs. “They must be. But you’re not an Aries, are you?”

“I’m not. I’m a Leo.”

“Oh, yeah I feel like that tracks.”

“What’s your sign?”

“I’m a Scorpio.”

“Right, because we always celebrate your birthday on set.”

“Growing up I always used to have a Halloween themed party since my birthday’s right around then,” Emori says.

“And everyone would wear a costume?”

“Yeah, it was always really fun.”

“We’ve gotten very off topic very quickly. They should’ve known this would happen if they sent us,” Murphy says shaking his head.

“Yeah, well that’s on them. We didn’t schedule this.” She turns back to the board and continues to ask Murphy questions.

It’s Murphy’s turn to ask Emori things again.

“Was Emori Chiu on Broadway?” he asks after peeling back the first sticky.

“I was! I did some Off-Broadway stuff, and then I made my Broadway debut as a swing in the Deaf West revival of _Spring Awakening_. I was in it for most of the run, and I did a lot of tracks, but I went on most often as Ilse.”

“And then you booked _Alpha_ ,” Murphy says.

“Yup. So I basically finished up with _Spring Awakening_ and went straight to Vancouver to shoot the pilot.”

“Look at you staying booked and busy.”

She smiles and playfully bats at his arm. “Ask me another one.”

Murphy chuckles and peels back another. “Emori Chiu instruments. Well they didn’t feel like wasting words with that one. I actually don’t know this, do you play any instruments?”

“I do, I play piano.”

“Oh wow.”

“Yeah, when I was about five I told my mom I wanted to play piano, and she signed me up for lessons. And my first piano teacher told me I’d never really learn without the use of all ten fingers,” she explains as she lifts her left hand. She was born with a few fingers fused together, so Murphy sees how learning the piano might be difficult.

“So I started to teach myself out of spite,” Emori continues. “I just modify the left hand so I can play it. And I eventually found someone else who was willing to teach me.”

Murphy nods then looks to the camera. “You hear that, kids? Sometimes doing things out of spite will get you everywhere.”

Emori frowns at him. “Mm, not necessarily the best lesson to teach children, but I won’t lie that it didn’t work out for me.”

The last board they read from is for Murphy, so Emori pulls back a sticky and laughs before reading it.

“Are John Murphy and Emori Chiu dating?” she asks.

Murphy chuckles, thankful that his cheeks don’t heat up.

“No, since we said earlier I am very single. But we’re best friends.”

“Yeah,” Emori agrees. “Which is fun because we’re basically in matching outfits.”

“Oh yeah, and this was totally planned.”

Once they’ve gotten through the last board, the producer asks them a couple questions off screen.

“So did you find any of the things people Google about you surprising?”

“It’s a little concerning to me that so many people are trying to find my address,” Murphy muses.

“Yeah, I wasn’t aware that people were trying that hard to learn our phone numbers, either,” Emori adds.

“Yeah, I barely give out my phone number to people I actually know. But for the most part they were fairly standard.”

“I’d agree. Oh, I did find it flattering that people wanted to know my skincare routine.”

“You’ve got great skin. Like even up close it looks airbrushed.”

“Shut up, don’t exaggerate!” Emori says with a laugh.

“I live to pay you compliments, it’s my job!”

They banter for a few more minutes before the producer tells them they’ve got everything they need, and before they know it they’re being whisked away to their next engagement.

The rest of the day passes almost in a blur. Murphy and Emori meet up with everyone else for dinner that they eat as they lounge in Bellamy and Clarke’s hotel room. They trade stories about their interview experiences after they split up, laughing about Clarke’s lack of cooking skills that were put on display during Good Morning America.

“That was a really involved recipe for a ten minute segment,” Clarke says.

“You don’t have to explain yourself, cooking can be hard,” Bellamy says as he rubs her shoulder.

“Not eggs, though,” Murphy mumbles so only Emori can hear him. They’re sitting on the floor with their backs on the couch, Murphy’s arm resting on the couch above Emori’s shoulders.

She chuckles, resting her head on his shoulder. He wraps his arm more deliberately around her shoulders. She’s tired and he can’t blame her. It’s been a long day. Harper passed out on the floor a long time ago. Josephine is texting Gabriel, but a yawn escapes her every now and again. At this point, Bellamy and Clarke are really just talking to each other.

“I’m gonna have to start heading back to my apartment at some point,” Emori says sleepily.

Murphy’s so comfortable with her pressed against him that he doesn’t want her to move.

“You don’t have to,” he suggests quietly.

She opens her eyes and looks up at him. “Hmm?”

“You don’t have to go back to your apartment. You can just stay in my room.”

She stares at him for a moment, almost as if she doesn’t believe what he’s just said. The silence makes Murphy feel like an idiot for suggesting it. So he backtracks.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to. But if you’re too tired to go anywhere, it’s not like you have to leave.”

Emori nods. “Okay.”

He frowns. “Okay?”

“Let’s go back to your room. I’m tired.” She takes her shoes in one hand and stands up, taking a moment to stretch.

“Oh. Okay.” He scrambles to his feet as Emori walks to the door.

“Good night, guys,” Murphy says to the group.

“Thanks for letting us hang in here,” Emori says.

Bellamy and Clarke give them a wave and go back to their quiet conversation.

“Sleep well,” Josephine says with a smirk as Murphy walks past her.

Murphy gives her the finger as he follows Emori out the door. She stands in the hall, waiting for him to lead the way back to his room. He extends a hand to her and she takes it. They walk silently down the hallway until they’re back at Murphy’s room. He swipes his key card and lets them in.

Murphy is a bundle of nerves. He knows they’re just going to go to sleep. Hell, he’s exhausted too. But the gravity of the situation finally hits him in a way that it hadn’t when he suggested Emori just stay the night. She probably would have been fine just going to sleep in Harper or Josephine’s room. He’s a masochist for even offering up his room in the first place.

“Do you have like a t-shirt or something I could borrow?” Emori asks. “I’d rather not sleep in this.”

“Yeah.” He roots through his suitcase until he finds a simple shirt and a pair of shorts she can throw on and he hands it to her.

“Thanks. I’ll be right back.” She goes into the bathroom to change.

While she’s in there, Murphy changes into his own pajamas and takes a few deep breaths. They’re just going to sleep. He has to stop dwelling on the fact that he’s never shared a bed with Emori before. They’re literally always on top of each other. But sharing a bed feels different, more intimate. Like they’re crossing over to something completely new, though Murphy’s not sure what that is.

After a few minutes, Emori comes out of the bathroom, her clothes from the day folded neatly. She rests them on top of the dresser and stands looking at Murphy.

“Which side of the bed do you normally take?” she asks with a yawn.

“The left.”

She nods. “That’s good. I sleep on the right.”

He chuckles nervously. “That works out well. I’ll be right back.”

Murphy shuts himself in the bathroom. He brushes his teeth and goes through his nightly routine, though somewhat slower than usual. He splashes some water on his face and takes a few more breaths before going back out into the room. They’re just going to sleep. It’s not a big deal.

Emori’s already settled into bed when he gets back. He turns out the overhead light and pads over to his side. He really is beat. Thankfully they don’t have to wake up before six tomorrow. He gets under the covers and gets comfortable, turning on his side so he’s facing Emori.

She smiles, eyes half open.

“Hi,” she says.

“Hi,” he answers with a smile of his own.

They don’t say anything else, but Emori scoots closer to Murphy, tucking herself into his chest. Murphy is thrown by how easily she does this, seeing as he was half expecting them to both just sleep as far away from each other as the bed would allow. Thankfully his heart doesn’t betray how nervous he is and he relaxes, resting an arm lightly around Emori’s waist. He looks down at her, and she’s basically already asleep. Murphy doesn’t have time to overthink their contact, because he’s not far from sleep himself. His eyelids droop, feeling impossibly heavy as sleep overtakes him.

Murphy’s not sure what time it is when he wakes up, but he’s surprised to still find Emori in his arms. He watches the steady up and down of her breathing for a moment, not wanting to move and disturb her. It’s not like they have anywhere to be this morning. He smiles to himself, as he pretends that this is something normal for them. He wishes he could get used to it, but he knows that’ll probably never happen. So he just revels in it for a moment before he closes his eyes and drifts back to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I somewhat based the Wired interview off of [this one](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sI27vm63wgs) with Noah Centineo and Lana Condor. They're very cute friends, so I thought their dynamic worked really well.
> 
> We're kind of reaching the point where I'm about to catch up with myself in terms of what I have written (lol I knew this day would come). But, in case you didn't know the Bellarke for BLM initiative is trying to reach $2,000 donated by The 100 series finale! I have a prompt I'm working on now, but if you want to donate to a BLM cause and request that I update this fic, I would not say no to that.
> 
> You can find more info [here](https://bellarkefic-for-blm.tumblr.com/) or just shoot me an ask on [Tumblr](https://queenemori.tumblr.com/)!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I'm here with a chapter that won't break your heart, don't get used to it. But this did not make Mobi say she hates me, so there's that.
> 
> You might also notice that this fic finally has an end amount of chapters! I finished my outline, so I can say that there will be 21 chapters and an epilogue. Which also means that I'll be posting this fic until December, so that'll be fun. But I promise though there is angst ahead, there is fluff too.

As crazy as it gets, Murphy has always loved San Diego Comic Con. It brings him an immense amount of joy to see fans of the show come together and ask questions, give him their most ridiculous fan theories, even just tell him they think he’s cute. He needs the ego boost every now and again.

Since _Alpha_ airs in the spring, Comic Con is always about midway through the season airing. Fans have been very receptive to season three so far, so much so that they’ve already been renewed for season four. This somewhat calmed Murphy’s fears they’d get outright cancelled, but he’s still of the opinion that once the audience sees what happens in the finale that season four will be it for them.

The internet was in a frenzy after episode five. Kane encourages the cast to live tweet as the episodes air, and the general sentiment went from outrage when Nadia hooked up with Cullen, to confusion and shock when Lyra and Nadia kissed at the end of the episode, to finally happiness that they were together. A few fans had a more nuanced reaction after the screaming died down, saying they were happy that Nadia and Lyra could finally be together, but there could have been other ways to portray Nadia’s confusion rather than having her sleep with a man. Murphy doesn’t disagree, since he’s still not sure why Kane felt the need to make that compromise, but he lets it go, since he knows he’ll never get a straight answer about it.

Murphy loves Comic Con so much, he doesn’t mind that he has to wake up a bit early. It’s also an event that he can get away with his more casual wardrobe, so he’s grateful for that as well. Bree still makes him take a photo of what he’s going with, in case she wants him to pair something different, but she basically gives him creative control.

The first day consists of autograph signing and cast interviews with entertainment outlets. The group ones all take place on the first day, and Murphy will be paired with Josephine for the ones where they split up. He hasn’t interviewed with her in a while, so he knows he’s in for a fun afternoon tomorrow. Clarke and Emori get to participate in the Fan Favorites panel, and Murphy’s excited to get to watch them at that.

The other reason Murphy loves Comic Con is because it’s the one press junket a year that he gets to hang out with Raven as well. Kane and Raven usually accompany the cast for Comic Con, but this year they along with Monty, Miller, and Jasper are taking part in a sci-fi TV writing panel. It’s basically going to be a fun party for the weekend, and as Murphy piles into the van with the rest of the cast, he can’t help but let the excitement wash over him.

Before getting to San Diego, Murphy was a bit nervous about discussing the rest of the season with fans and press, knowing how it all ends. He knows everyone’s going to be disappointed. Nadia is a universally loved character, and the blow of losing her is going to be devastating. He’s still excited for everyone to see the finished product, because as much as Murphy found the season boring on paper, it’s definitely been more fun watching it back with all the extra elements added in. Even though he’s enjoying watching the season back, it still feels like he’s lying when he tells people about it. It shouldn’t be any different than it is every year, but the gravity of the secret is much bigger than normal, so he can’t help but feel wary.

They arrive at the convention center and crowds are already forming. Murphy puts on a genuine smile as the group is ushered inside and to their autograph signing area. It’s going to be a fun weekend. He can feel it. His castmates seem to sense his excited energy.

“Look out, world. John Murphy’s in a good mood,” Bellamy jokes.

“He’s just excited to hear people tell him how much they love him,” Josephine says.

Murphy frowns at her. “What, like you’re not excited for that too?”

“I don’t need people to tell me how much they love me for me to love myself.” She rolls her eyes and walks ahead of the group.

Murphy chuckles as Emori falls into step next to him.

“Don’t let her kill your joy,” Emori says with a smile.

“I won’t. I always have too much fun at these.”

They get situated in the autograph signing booth. Murphy always stands next to Emori, and no one questions him if he switches their nameplates around so he gets his way. This year, Bellamy and Clarke are on the other side of him, so he knows he’s going to hear a lot of congratulations throughout the day about their engagement. People still aren’t over it. Murphy’s not surprised, but he did think people would have found something else to hyperfixate on by now.

Murphy enjoys the rhythm of signing autographs. It’s orderly, as people make their way down the line of actors and present their posters and merch to be signed. It’s a lot less daunting than running into a fan on the street where there’s nothing standing between them. Murphy much prefers these settings. The only downside is that his hand gets tired after a while.

They make it about twenty minutes into autograph signing before someone mentions Murphy and Emori’s Google autocomplete interview.

“I loved watching you guys do the autocomplete interview,” the fan gushes.

“Aw, thanks,” Emori says. “I never thought I’d actually get to do one.”

“I love those interviews and yours was my favorite one. I love that you guys are best friends.”

Murphy nods and passes back her poster. “We do, too.”

She smiles, moving on to Bellamy and saying, “Congrats on your engagement!”

Bellamy smiles. “Thank you!”

After she moves on, Bellamy leans over to Murphy and whispers, “It’s so weird to still get congratulations on something that happened almost a year ago.”

“That’s what you get for not sharing it with the public earlier,” Murphy jokes. “At least nobody’s asked me if me and Emori are dating yet.”

Bellamy laughs and turns back to Clarke.

No more than two minutes pass before Murphy realizes he spoke too soon. A fan cosplaying as Nadia with the tattoo and everything approaches next.

“So are you guys dating?” she asks Murphy and Emori.

Murphy turns to Emori, who is clearly trying to suppress a laugh. He wishes he could laugh about it.

Emori shakes her head. “No, we’re not.”

“You’re not just saying that and dating in secret, are you?” she presses.

“I think we’d know if we were dating,” Murphy says. Maybe he’s had enough of signing autographs for the day.

“People really love to get in our business,” Emori remarks after the fan is out of earshot.

“I guess I kind of understand why Bellamy and Clarke didn’t want to tell everyone they got engaged right away.”

Murphy sighs, and puts on a smile for the last stretch of autographs. It happens every year, but he hates fielding questions about Emori. And even if they say they’re just friends, it’s not as though people seem to believe them. He’s tired of it being the first thing that comes to mind when people want to ask him a question. He bets Josephine’s only fielding questions about the actual show or how she styles her hair. The internet is really curious about that for some reason. If he got questions about stuff like that, maybe he’d feel less bad about the fact that he isn’t actually dating Emori.

Autograph signing mercifully ends, and Clarke and Emori are ushered off to the holding area for people on the Fan Favorites panel. Everyone else heads to the ballroom where that conversation is being held, excited to see their friends in action.

“Now, Clarke and Emori, you guys make up both halves of the ship Lydia,” the moderator says. The statement is met with thunderous applause, so much so that he has to pause before continuing.

“The enthusiasm with which that statement was met only furthers what I was about to say, which was, you guys have a very vocal fanbase.”

Clarke and Emori turn to each other and laugh.

“I’d say that’s the understatement of the century,” Clarke says.

Murphy chuckles. From what he’s seen on the internet, even people who don’t watch the show ship Lydia.

“I think it’s really lovely,” Emori adds. “There have been a lot of people that have been really passionate about wanting Lyra and Nadia to be together since the show started, and it’s actually really great to see everyone’s reactions now that they are together.”

“Do you think the fan response to them is part of what brought them together on the show?”

“I don’t think so. I think this has been the natural progression of the relationship from pretty early on. I’ll speak for Nadia, but this is the person she was sworn to protect, so she and Lyra have always been in close proximity of each other. And when Lyra gets kidnapped in season one, it’s a real defining moment for Nadia, I think. Sure, she’s doing her duty by trying to get Lyra back, but I think that’s when she realizes that there’s more to this than just doing her job.”

The moderator nods. “And you guys have this amazing chemistry, so I’m sure that made the writers’ jobs a lot easier. Did you guys have to work at that, or was it kind of instant?”

“I feel like it was fairly instant,” Clarke says. “It’s very easy to get along with Emori, she’s just an all-around lovely person.”

Emori laughs and echoes the same sentiment about Clarke.

“Now since the season is still airing, I know you can’t say too much, but is there anything you can tease about what else we’ll see in terms of Lyra and Nadia’s relationship?”

Murphy braces himself as Clarke and Emori turn to each other again. They do a better job of keeping neutral faces than he would in that situation. They take a moment before Clarke finally answers.

“I would say that with some new relationships you’d have to see that phase where the two people learn more about each other and take time to get comfortable with each other. And the nice thing about Lyra and Nadia is that they already know each other really well. So it’s almost like we get to skip some of that and see them tackling new situations together.”

“Wow, I can’t wait to see the rest,” the moderator says before moving on to ask a question of someone from a different show.

Murphy lets out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. He knew Clarke and Emori would do a good job of being diplomatic about what’s in store for Lyra and Nadia, and that answer was perfectly vague while still being satisfying. Most everyone in the cast has always done a better job of giving those sorts of answers than Murphy. He has trouble hiding his true feelings about things, which is the main reason he’s nervous for when people start asking him questions.

The cast spends the rest of the afternoon together doing interviews and photo ops with different entertainment outlets. Full cast interviews are easy enough, since they can share the questions. Bellamy is also good at giving thoughtful responses on the fly, so he usually has a lot to say in these settings. And of course, Josephine loves to hear herself talk, so she makes sure to chime in where she can.

The main event comes on day two, with the _Alpha_ panel in the morning. The show panel is Kane’s bread and butter, the thing he looks forward to all year. It’s always the actors, Kane, and Raven. Murphy always has fun with their big panel, but Kane tends to monopolize the conversation. To a certain extent, Murphy gets it. It’s his show, his brain child and all that. But he’s pretty sure people aren’t coming to Comic Con to hear his boss ramble.

Once everyone is seated at the long table and the applause dies down the moderator begins.

“So, at this point we’ve seen the first half of season three,” she starts. “It’s been an interesting ride so far!”

Kane chuckles. “Yes, we work hard to keep things interesting.”

“And I’d say you’re doing a great job. Do you want to give a brief summary of what we’ve seen so far?”

“So where we’ve left off, Cullen, Nadia, Lyra, and Stella are on Sanctum. Cullen and Nadia are in charge of this new group of recruits, and everyone’s preparing to stop Aeyrn’s attack. Meanwhile, Bastian is working with the crew on Sanctum, while still making sure Aeyrn thinks he’s loyal to her.”

“And even while all this is happening, you’ve still found time for some romance in between,” the moderator chimes in.

The crowd erupts in cheers and someone holds up a sign that reads ‘Lydia Forever.’

Kane nods as the cheers die down. “Yes, we always have to throw in a little bit of romance.”

“So let’s talk a little bit more about Lyra and Nadia. The internet has wanted them together probably since the pilot. What made you decide that season three would be the time for them to finally cross the line from friendship to romance?”

Murphy chuckles to himself, knowing one of the big reasons was to have it happen before Emori left.

“I mean, you said it yourself, people have wanted them together since season one,” Raven says. “And when we sit down to talk about what’s going to happen in the season before we start writing, we think about where each character has ended up and where we want the new story to take them. Some of our first conversations this season were about when Nadia and Lyra should get together. I think it’s always just been a question of when will it happen.”

“Yes,” Kane agrees. “I’ve always loved Lyra and Nadia’s relationship. I think sometimes fans get this idea in their heads that we sit around on the internet scrolling through Reddit or Twitter reading their theories and ideas. And sure, we definitely see some of their thoughts. Some people are very persistent with tweeting at us. But what you end up seeing on screen is really born out of conversations in the writers room as well as what the actors bring to the table.”

“And I think it’s a testament to the storytelling how invested fans have been in that relationship since the start,” Bellamy chimes in.

Murphy’s thankful for Bellamy’s addition. Sometimes Kane can get a little snippy about Lyra and Nadia. People have asked him when they’re going to get together since the show started, and though it’s obvious to someone working on the show he’s always had a clear vision in his head, he doesn’t want to spoil it for them. And Murphy’s sure Kane doesn’t take kindly to interviewers or fans insinuating that they only got together finally because the fans asked for it.

The moderator moves on to ask Clarke and Emori a bit more about Lydia, namely their favorite things about their relationship.

“I think my favorite thing might be how much faith Nadia has in Lyra,” Clarke answers. “Season three sees both Lyra and Stella in positions of power, which is something that neither of them have ever really experienced. Lyra sees that Stella comes by leadership more naturally, and she’s worried that people won’t follow her the way they follow Stella. But Nadia is constantly there to remind Lyra that she’s a fighter, too. I love how much they believe in each other.”

The rest of the panel goes fairly smoothly. The moderator moves on to ask Bellamy and Harper questions about their dynamic now that the audience knows Aeryn is the true mastermind behind everything, and Murphy and Josephine get a few questions about where Cullen and Stella stand. They take questions from the audience, which is always interesting. The questions are fairly tame this year, something Murphy is grateful for.

“We’ve got time for two more audience questions!” the moderator says as the panel wraps up.

“Hi! I’ve been watching the show since season one and I love you all so much. Of the scenes we’ve seen so far this season, which have been your favorites to film?”

“Oh that’s easy,” Murphy says. “Any scene I get to do with Emori.”

“Aww,” Emori says, reaching a hand over to pinch his cheek.

“Um, excuse me!” Josephine protests.

Everyone laughs, though Murphy knows there’s a little part of Josephine that’s deadly serious.

“What sorts of things can we expect from the rest of the season?” the final fan asks.

Murphy glances around at his castmates, not sure what he has to say, other than heartbreak. And he can’t say that out loud.

“Epic battles,” Harper says.

“More of Cullen and Stella being awkward around each other, if that’s your jam,” Josephine adds.

“Harper just alluded to this, but up until the midpoint of the season, we’ve seen everyone in peace time. But peace can only last for so long,” Kane says.

“And on that ominous note, it looks like we have to wrap up. Thanks so much to the cast of _Alpha_ for being here with us today!” the moderator says.

With all the group interviews out of the way, Murphy spends the rest of his day doing pair interviews with Josephine. He tries to match her energy and prays that he can remain neutral when he’s asked how the rest of the season plays out now that there’s just two of them.

Thankfully, since Cullen and Stella are love interests, most of the questions Murphy and Josephine get are related to their relationship, so there’s not too much for him to feel weird about answering.

“So, John. A bit earlier in the season before Nadia and Lyra get together, Cullen hooks up with Nadia, and we learn Cullen might not be as over Stella as he lets on. Can you talk a bit more about that?”

Murphy nods, though he doesn’t think it’s a very good question. He thought it was fairly obvious that Cullen wasn’t over Stella from the get go.

“Well, I think that in the back of his mind, Cullen kind of wishes he could be over Stella. It would definitely make his job a lot easier,” Murphy jokes.

“Wow, can you imagine having to work with your ex constantly?” Josephine muses.

“I can’t, but I think that’s kind of why Cullen’s in such a weird position. He’s the protector of one of the most important people on planet Alpha. It’s a good job, he’s not just going to leave it. So I think he kind of swallows down all those feelings so that he can still do his job. I think for him after sleeping with Nadia, he realizes that swallowing his feelings is a lot harder than he thought it was going to be.”

“And it’s an interesting dynamic because Stella’s so cold with him at first,” the interviewer adds.

Josephine chimes in. “Yeah, I really don’t think Stella has ever been broken up with before. I mean, she’s a princess, who does that? And as far as she was aware, things were going really well with her and Cullen, so him breaking up with her came out of nowhere. But I think deep down she misses him, so we see the shift of her realizing that she still needs him, though she hasn’t admitted it out loud yet.”

“What can we expect for your characters going forward?”

Murphy and Josephine glance at each other.

“Do you wanna take this one?” he asks her. He’s gotten in trouble for giving away too much before, so he’s wary about these sorts of questions.

She nods. “I think we’ve already seen Cullen and Stella come to a place of understanding. They still have to spend time with each other, and they so obviously miss each other. They’re trying to get things back to the way they were, even if they haven’t outright said so.”

“I love that! Well, I can’t wait to see the rest of the story play out. Thanks, guys!”

“Thanks for having us,” Murphy says.

Murphy and Josephine let out a sigh. With that interview out of the way, they’re finally finished with all their Comic Con obligations. As much fun as Murphy always has, it’s still an exhausting weekend. But that doesn’t mean he’s not excited for the party later.

“Hey, do you think I can convince Robert Downey, Jr. that I worked on a Marvel movie with him?” Murphy asks Josephine as they walk through the convention center.

“Nobody’s gonna let you within ten feet of Robert Downey, Jr,” Josephine says.

“I can dream, can’t I?”

“And that’s all it’ll ever be.” She pulls out her phone, and Murphy assumes it’s to text Gabriel, but he notices her open the Tumblr app.

He frowns. “Did you just open Tumblr?”

Josephine nods. “Yeah. I want to see what people are saying about the panel this morning.”

“I thought you just had your stan Twitter account?”

“I have a Tumblr, too. It’s a different group of fans. There’s some overlap, but Tumblr is a bit more rational on a good day.”

“What sorts of things are they saying?” Murphy knows he shouldn’t care, but he can’t help that his curiosity is getting the better of him.

“They’re mainly just talking about Lydia. And of course there’s always some mentions of Bellamy and Clarke being cute. Do you want to hear if anyone says anything about you?”

“I mean, I’m not that pressed.”

“So that’s a yes.”

Murphy snorts, but is glad that Josephine’s going to keep him in the loop about what the fans are saying, even if he won’t admit that to her out loud.

They meet up with the rest of the _Alpha_ crew at the party _Entertainment Weekly_ is hosting. Murphy’s glad for a moment to kick back and relax, especially since this is his last time getting to do this party with Emori. He finds her sitting at the bar and wraps his arms around her.

“How were the rest of your interviews?” he asks.

“Pretty good,” she says. “Also a girl came up to me and Clarke and basically just burst into tears.”

“Love that.” He orders his drink and sits down next to her.

“How about you? What was your afternoon with Josephine like?”

“It was fairly normal. I feel like we always just get questions about Cullen and Stella’s relationship, which is pretty cut and dry, so not that exciting.”

Emori nods, sipping on her margarita. “Everyone is so excited about Nadia and Lyra. People kept asking me and Clarke what their journey is like for the rest of the season, and while I think it’s a good journey, there’s no getting around audiences being disappointed.”

“It’s so weird to talk about it, right? Like knowing what’s coming and knowing people are gonna be upset.”

“It almost makes me wish I didn’t ask to leave,” Emori mumbles.

Murphy puts a hand on her leg. “Hey. Nobody’s blaming you.”

“The internet’s gonna blame me. And I feel bad, leaving Clarke to deal with the aftermath.”

“I know that superfans have tunnel vision about these sorts of things, but TV is not made in a vacuum. There’s so many outside factors that play into the decision making. It’s not on you. And if anyone gives you a hard time about it, they can answer to me.”

Emori chuckles. “You can be my knight in shining armor.”

“I mean, I play one on TV, so I’m qualified.”

“I’m gonna miss having you around all the time,” she says, a sad smile crossing over her face.

“All you have to do is call me. I’ll always pick up for you.”

She nods. “I promised Harper I would take pictures with her, but save a dance for me later?”

“Obviously.”

She gives his hand a squeeze, then gets up to go find Harper. Murphy watches her go, sipping his beer as she fades into the crowd. He’s trying his hardest not to mope, but he’s still sad as they near the end of their last full cast _Alpha_ obligation. He certainly won’t be drinking as much tonight as he did at the wrap party, which will probably help him a great deal, but that doesn’t mean he’s not upset. He gets up from the bar, determined to find someone to make small talk with until he can hang out with Emori again. He spots Josephine and Clarke chatting together as they stare at Josephine’s phone. Josephine lets out a cackle as Murphy gets closer.

“What’s so funny?” he asks.

Clarke shakes her head, looking a little embarrassed. “It’s nothing.”

Murphy frowns. “Well, Josephine clearly thought it was funny.”

“He might laugh,” Josephine says to Clarke.

“Okay, well now you have to show me.”

Josephine scrolls through her phone as she speaks. “So you know how people asked us what our favorite scenes were?”

“Yeah.”

“Well your answer was any scene you got to do with Emori, and the internet has taken that to mean that your favorite scene was the one where Cullen and Nadia have sex.”

Murphy rolls his eyes. “Goddamn, I can’t say anything without having people hyperfixate on it, can I?”

“Oh, it gets better,” Josephine says, still scrolling through her Tumblr likes.

“You don’t have to show him the actual post,” Clarke pleads.

“He said he wanted to see it! Ah, here it is.” She clears her throat and reads the post. “So I know we’re not supposed to ship real life people, but I would sell my soul for John Murphy and Emori Chiu to be together.”

This is the exact reason Murphy hates the internet. Sometimes fans seem to forget that what they say doesn’t exist in a vacuum, and the actors can see the things they say about them. Especially with Josephine’s weird obsession of searching every corner of _Alpha_ fandom because she’s curious about that sort of thing. And all of this on top of the questions he and Emori got yesterday about if they were together is the last thing he needs.

“Don’t show that to Emori, please,” he finally says. He wishes he had heeded Clarke’s warning that he probably didn’t want to see it.

“Oh come on, Murphy, it was a joke!” Josephine says.

“It’s not a joke to me.”

Josephine and Clarke don’t say anything, but they give him that pitiful look he hates. He’s pathetic, he gets it. He doesn’t need people to keep reminding him of it by staring at him like that.

“I’m gonna go find a snack,” he says, desperate for an escape. He doesn’t want pity, especially from people who are in happy and committed relationships.

Murphy piles his plate with snacks, then stakes out a spot by the table, away from all his friends. He just needs a minute alone. He feels his phone vibrate after a couple minutes. It’s a text from Josephine, saying she’s sorry. He knows she didn’t mean any harm by it since she doesn’t always think before she acts, but the whole thing still stings. He sighs, and puts his phone back. He’ll deal with that later.

He’s not sure how long he’s standing by the food, but eventually Emori runs over to him, a giant smile on her face.

“There you are!” she says. “Do you still want to dance?”

Almost immediately, the sadness he was feeling drifts away. He nods and lets Emori eagerly pull him to the dance floor. He can be sad about her leaving, but he throws himself into spending time with her and making it last before it’s over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed! Let me know what you think. 
> 
> If you want to know how I'll be spending my unexpected extra hiatus, it'll be thinking about Murphy and Emori being parents. If you wanna do that with me, come find me on [Tumblr](https://queenemori.tumblr.com/)!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Friday! We've made it to the season 3 finale of Alpha and all the aftermath when the fans inevitably lose their minds. It's been a lot of fun to write fandom reactions for this fic, so I'm glad you guys are enjoying that bit.

Murphy walks around with a pit in his stomach the entire day leading up to the season finale. He usually looks forward to live tweeting and hanging out with the others, but today is different. Sometimes on the day of the season finale, one of the actors will take over the CW’s Instagram and go live after the show, but nobody had the heart to volunteer this year, knowing how the episode ends. They all still plan to gather at Bellamy and Clarke’s house to watch the episode together, but there’s more of a sense of dread for the internet’s reaction than normal.

Emori is still back in New York, so she can’t make it to their cast viewing party, but she and Murphy always text throughout. And they have plans to FaceTime and talk about things once Murphy gets back to his house. Just hearing Emori’s voice will probably make him feel better.

They gather at six so they can watch along with the east coast. Murphy sits in between Raven and Josephine, beer in hand. Josephine has her laptop in her lap, her screen split between Tumblr and Twitter so she can stay up-to-date on the fan response. Murphy looks over her shoulder to see what she’s looking at.

“Is your username really ‘stellenendgame’?” he asks with a frown on his face.

“Please, if you don’t think Stella and Cullen are endgame, you’re an idiot,” Josephine says. “And our ship has the fewest fans.”

“Yeah, because we’re not interesting.”

“Shhh! It’s starting,” Raven says.

They watch the episode in relative silence, save for select commentary at moments Murphy finds comical. The episode looks great so far. The effects are well done, and it’s fast-paced, just like it was at the table read. According to Josephine’s fandom sleuthing, people are loving the episode so far. Considering the ending, Murphy takes that with a grain of salt.

“Maybe we’re overreacting,” Harper offers.

“If anything, we’re probably underreacting,” Clarke mumbles.

“Well whatever happens, we’ve already been renewed,” Bellamy says. He’s always been the most positive of the group, but even he sounds a little unsure of himself tonight.

Murphy sighs, the knot in his stomach only growing as the episode continues. He can barely bring himself to tweet, which he knows Kane will be annoyed about. He wishes he could watch the episode with his hands covering his face, but that still wouldn’t shield him from what’s coming.

His heart pounds in his chest as the battle heats up, and Lyra and Nadia’s mid-battle scene plays out.

“Just don’t be a hero,” Lyra says, holding fast to Nadia’s arm.

Nadia chuckles. “That’s kind of my job.”

“I know. But I want you to make it back in one piece.”

Nadia leans in for a chaste, but searing kiss.

“I’ll be careful,” she says, before giving Lyra’s hand one last squeeze and rushing back into battle.

Even though Murphy is watching this episode with dread, he can’t help but marvel at how well Clarke and Emori work together as their scenes play out. They have an absolutely perfect dynamic. Their moments are subtle, yet powerful, even the shortest ones filled with meaning. It’s no wonder the fans love Lydia so much.

He holds his breath watching Bastian and Stella retreat to the ship. He watches himself on the screen, a frantic look in his eyes. For as much as this episode was a bitch to film, Murphy can’t help but pat himself on the back for his acting.

Lyra watches as Aeyrn and Nadia are embroiled in battle. With all the added effects, it’s even more mesmerizing to watch than when they were just shooting. Harper’s gotten Aeyrn’s crazy eyes down to a science, and the close-ups on her face almost make Murphy want to turn away in fear.

Time slows down when Nadia turns and Aeyrn stabs her in the back. The moment happens in slow motion, and even Josephine lets out a gasp as they all take it in. Murphy hears a sniffle and turns to see Clarke wiping her eyes. Emori’s exit has been hard for her too, though she’s not as open about it as Murphy is. He still can’t imagine what Lyra’s story will be like next season after having her story so closely linked with Nadia’s this whole time.

“Nadia!” Lyra cries out as things return to real time and she rushes to Nadia’s side.

“No, it’s not fair,” Lyra says through her tears as she brings Nadia’s head into her lap.

Nadia coughs, her voice weak. “I’m sorry, Lyra.”

“Don’t apologize. It’s not your fault.”

“Remember what we said. You’re a fighter, too.”

“How can I be a fighter without you?” The close-up on Clarke’s face in this moment is devastating. Murphy almost wants to tweet about her being the ‘Queen of Crying’ but he can’t bring himself to when he knows Twitter is probably imploding.

“Because you’re strong. You inspire people. And I’ll always be with you.”

“I love you, Nadia.”

“I love you, too.”

Lyra kisses Nadia’s forehead and the rest of the battle goes out of focus. This is the last moment that Lyra and Nadia will ever have together, and it is just about them. Nothing else matters. And there’s not a dry eye in Bellamy and Clarke’s living room.

The rest of the shot comes back into focus as Cullen pulls Lyra away from Nadia’s body. They used what looks to be the first take of Murphy running in, where he hesitated before grabbing Lyra, then some of their ad-libbed dialogue as they run for the ship.

Murphy is a wreck watching back the scene between Cullen and Stella on the ship. He hasn’t had to cry very often on screen, so watching himself cry is a little unnerving, especially since it’s a full-on ugly cry. It’s probably why watching it makes him so emotional. All those feelings from the last day of shooting rush back up to the surface. It’s not like he’s never going to see Emori again, but this is the start of something completely different, and he’s still worried that it’s going to change how they are with each other.

“This feels like the beginning of the end,” Cullen says as Stella cradles him in her arms. “Like nothing will ever be the same again.”

The show cuts to commercial after this moment, and the room is deadly silent, save for Clarke’s occasional sniffle.

“Fuck,” Josephine mutters as she wipes at her eyes. Her eyes are trained on her laptop as she scrolls feverishly through her feeds.

“I don’t have the strength to tweet right now,” Clarke admits. “I don’t want to see what everyone’s saying.”

“Yeah, I’d steer clear if I were you,” Josephine says, though she can’t seem to take her eyes off the screen.

“I do not envy Kane’s Twitter mentions right now,” Murphy mumbles. It’s probably worse since he hyped up the end of the season so much, only for the ending to result in Nadia dying.

They watch the rest of the episode in relative silence, everyone a little too sad to have anything to say. Josephine even tears her gaze away from Twitter to watch Nadia’s memorial scene and the last few minutes of the episode.

The credits roll and the next show begins, but everyone stares at the screen in shock. The episode was well done, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt. And if they’re all in tears even knowing what was coming, Murphy can’t imagine how the internet is reacting.

“Hmm,” Josephine says, finally looking back down at her laptop.

Murphy pulls out his phone and opens Twitter, wanting to see the reactions for himself. He almost wishes he hadn’t.

_WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED_

_Is this real? Am I being punked? I keep waiting for a scene where Nadia just magically rises from the dead but I don’t think it’s coming?_

_I am absolutely baffled that @Alpha_CW would kill off Nadia. The show would be nothing without her._

_BURY YOUR GAYS IN 2020??? quick question Kane do you have ANY understanding of the cultural context you’re writing in at ALL_

_That’s it. I’m done. This show gets no more of my time._

_@MKane turn on ur location i just wanna talk_

_NADIA IS THE BEST THING TO HAPPEN TO TV AND THE SHOW WON’T BE THE SAME WITHOUT HER! I KNEW LYDIA WAS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE._

_This is why we can’t have nice things._

_Sooo we got a love confession BUT AT WHAT COST???!!!_

_@MKane WTF DUDE_

He scrolls for a bit longer, but there’s more of the same sorts of comments. It doesn’t seem like anybody’s happy. Nobody saw this coming.

“Welp. We’re getting cancelled next season,” Murphy declares.

“You don’t know that,” Bellamy says quietly, but it doesn’t sound like he means it.

“Please. People are pissed. Don’t act like I’m the only one of us who saw this coming. Half of the tweets I’ve seen are people saying they’re not even gonna watch anymore. We just alienated most of our audience.”

“We’ll cross that bridge when we get there,” Raven answers. Murphy knows she has to be diplomatic about the situation, given her position, but he can tell she’s worried.

“Even Tumblr’s looking pretty grim, and they usually always find a way to put a positive spin on things,” Josephine says.

“I can’t imagine how you would put a positive spin on this,” Harper says.

The viewing party feels like less of a party and more like a wake at this point. Murphy excuses himself a bit early, so he can go home and talk to Emori. He knows seeing her face, even if it’s just on a screen, will calm him down immensely. And he can’t imagine how she’s feeling seeing all the reactions on Twitter. He texts that he’s on his way home and will call when he gets in. She responds with a thumbs up emoji.

Murphy lets himself into his house and kicks off his shoes. He grabs another beer and sprawls out on his couch before pulling out his phone and pressing the FaceTime button next to Emori’s phone number. It rings a few times before she picks up. She’s sitting on her bed, her face puffy and eyes red as though she just stopped crying.

“Hey,” Murphy says, sitting up in concern. “Are you okay?”

Emori sniffs. “I guess not. I didn’t think this would make me so sad.”

“Did someone say something to you on Twitter? I’ll fight them.”

“No, they’re being nothing but nice to me. They’re all just mad at Kane. And I kind of hate that tomorrow when they find out that my leaving was voluntary they’re going to be so disappointed.”

“Why are they finding out tomorrow?”

“I did an interview with _Entertainment Weekly_ that’s going to run tomorrow,” she explains.

“Oh, really? I’m excited to read it.”

She lets out an exasperated laugh. “I _was_ excited for people to read it. Less so, now.”

“Emori, nobody’s blaming you for this,” Murphy says. He’ll say it over and over again until she believes him.

“You guys aren’t. But the fans will. And you’ll have to bear the brunt of it without me. I feel like you should hate me.”

“I could never hate you.”

He says it so simply, a fact he knows deep in his gut. He wishes he could reach out and touch her, give her a hug, take some of this weight she’s carrying and shoulder it for himself. She shouldn’t feel bad for wanting to take a new step in her career.

“You’re too nice to me, John,” she says, a small smile forming for the first time since she picked up.

“Hey, I’m only telling you the truth.”

“I love you.”

At this point in their friendship, Murphy and Emori say ‘I love you’ to each other all the time. It shouldn’t make him feel so giddy inside to hear her say it, but it still does.

“I love you, too. So what do you need right now? To talk about the episode or something else?”

“Something else, please.”

“Any exciting news on the audition front?”

Emori perks up at this as she wipes a tear from her eye. “Yes, actually! But you have to promise not to tell anyone.”

“My lips are sealed,” he says with a chuckle.

“So, you remember how back at the beginning of the press tour I had that big audition coming up?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, we’re still working out contract stuff, and it’s not being officially announced for like a month or so, but I’m going to be playing Girl in the national tour of _Once_.”

“Oh my god, really? Emori, that’s amazing! Congrats.”

“Thank you! I’m really excited.”

“So, tell me more. I don’t know the show.”

“It’s really cool! I don’t know if you know the movie, but it’s based off of that. But basically an Irish busker meets a Czech woman—that’s me—who hears his songs and wants to help him with his music, and they fall in love. And all the actors make up the band, so we’re all playing instruments.”

“So you get to play piano?”

“I do! I’m honestly still in shock that I landed it. Like I keep having to pinch myself.”

It warms Murphy’s heart watching Emori light up as she talks about the show. It sounds like a great opportunity for her, one she wouldn’t have been able to pursue if she did another season of _Alpha_. As much as he’s sad she won’t be on set anymore, he loves that she gets to do something she’s clearly so excited about. He can already tell she’s going to have a blast.

“I’m not shocked at all. You’re talented, and they would’ve been idiots not to see that, so I’m glad they hired you. I’m so happy for you, Mori.”

“Thank you.”

“And don’t let anyone make you not excited about this next thing for you. You deserve to be excited about it, and I’ll fight anyone who disagrees.”

Emori laughs. They lapse into silence for a moment. Silence is always comfortable with Emori, so Murphy doesn’t mind. He still wishes they were in the same room. He misses curling up on the couch with her. He misses the way her hair smells. He misses _her_.

“I miss you,” Murphy finally says out loud.

“I miss you, too. Are you doing anything the rest of the summer?”

“Not really.”

“Well, I’m going on vacation with my brother’s family for a week, but when I get back, I’m in a reading of my friend’s play. You should come see it.”

Murphy nods. “I could probably make that work. Text me the date.”

“Okay.” She leans her head against her pillow. “It’s always really nice to talk to you. You helped make me feel less sad.”

“Well I’m always a phone call away if you need me.”

“I wish I could give you a hug.”

“Me too. But it’s like you said before. We care about each other and we’re gonna make an effort to see each other when we can.” At this point, Murphy’s only repeating this for his own benefit. He needs the reminder every now and again just so he doesn’t lose his mind without her around.

“You’re right. I should go, but I’ll probably talk to you tomorrow,” Emori sighs.

“You’ll definitely talk to me tomorrow. You’re not getting rid of me that easily.”

Emori laughs. “Okay, I’ll talk to you soon, then.”

“Sleep well. And stay off Twitter!”

“I will. Good night, John.”

“Good night, Emori.”

She hangs up and Murphy lets out a sigh, though it doesn’t help him feel less heavy. Though he knows he’ll always have Emori in his life, it’s going to be different now, especially now that the season is finished airing. They’ll have to figure out what this new normal looks like for them. He’s willing to put in the work, because he values their friendship. But it’ll still take adjustment, and he hopes beyond hope they can work through it.

Murphy knows he should follow his own advice and stay off Twitter, but he can’t help himself. He opens the app and almost immediately regrets it. It’s a shitshow. People are devastated, angry. He gets why. It’s still hard for Murphy to imagine the world of _Alpha_ without Nadia, and he’s known for months. He likes and retweets some things, namely goodbyes and well wishes to Emori. He types out a quick tweet of his own, attaching a photo of them napping together on set:

_To my favorite scene partner and best friend. I’ll miss you, but you’re a star and you’re gonna do great things._

It gets likes and retweets pretty quickly, and Murphy closes the app and turns off his phone before the inevitable ‘Are you guys dating’ questions that will surely flood his mentions. It’s not that late, but all he wants to do is get into bed. He’s feeling more emotional now than he was while watching the show back, and that was definitely hard. He hates seeing Emori cry. She doesn’t normally break down, so seeing her upset tonight made Murphy’s heart ache. There shouldn’t be guilt attached to her doing what’s best for her career, and it kills him a little that he can’t shield her from the hate. There are a lot of fans who are very lovely, but the ones that want to complain or be rude are always the loudest. It’s a shitty part of being in the public eye that Murphy has always despised.

Murphy must drift off soon after that, because the next thing he knows, he opens his eyes and it’s morning. He stretches, cursing himself for falling asleep on his couch. His neck is definitely going to be feeling that later, even if his couch is pretty comfortable. He goes up to his bedroom and plugs his phone in before turning it back on. It buzzes with a ridiculous amount of notifications once it’s on again. What the fuck is going on?

He checks Instagram first, since it’s the first thing that pops up. He’s been tagged in a few posts from different cast members, all wishing Emori well. He likes them, then keeps scrolling. Emori posted a cute thank you post for the team with some fun behind the scenes pictures. Murphy laughs as he remembers the stories behind some of the photos, when they were bored between takes. As he’s scrolling, he gets another notification. He frowns, then clicks on it. Emori has tagged him in a separate post. It’s a photo of them sitting together on set, Murphy’s arm around Emori’s shoulders as they smile up at the camera. He looks at the caption:

_John. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that booking this TV show would also mean finding my best friend. I am so unbelievably lucky to have met you and to have gotten to work alongside you these past three years. Not only are you my favorite scene partner, you’re my favorite person. I can’t imagine this crazy, whirlwind experience without you. I love you, I’ll miss you, and don’t have too much fun without me._

“Fuck,” Murphy whispers to himself a tear rolls down his face. He’s going to miss her so much. He likes the photo and leaves a reply:

_I love you. Forever your biggest fan._

He scrolls through a few other notifications before going to Twitter. He clicks on something he was mentioned in and immediately regrets it. After Emori’s post just for him, there seems to be an uproar among a specific group of fans, wondering why Emori didn’t make a separate post for Clarke or call _her_ her favorite scene partner. Murphy rolls his eyes at this. Why are people so invested in reading into every single thing they post? Some of the replies are reasonable, with people adding that it’s clear Murphy and Emori are very good friends in real life and not just on the show. With a few of them he has half a mind to respond, but he thinks better of it. Instead he puts his phone down and goes to take a shower.

Murphy spends the rest of the morning moping. He’s not sure what else to do. He knows it’s probably better to stay off Twitter, but he’s a bit of a masochist that way. It’s still a shitshow, though he’s not surprised. People are still angry, mainly sending hate Kane’s way. Murphy looks out for Emori’s _Entertainment Weekly_ article, but he doesn’t see it before he has to get lunch with Josephine.

Murphy and Josephine have post-season traditions of their own. After the season one finale aired, they got lunch the next day to jokingly celebrate their characters finally confessing their feelings for each other, and they’ve been doing it ever since. This year when they made plans Josephine said they’re celebrating Stella and Cullen’s inevitable getting back together. He gets to the restaurant first and gets them a table. He stays off his phone, though it takes a lot of willpower to do so. He plays with the napkin on the table until she arrives.

“Sorry I’m late. I was talking to Gabriel,” she says as she sits down and pushes her sunglasses up on her head.

Murphy nods. “You’re good. I ordered you a Coke.”

“Thanks.” She takes a look at the menu before looking back up at him. She frowns. “What’s the matter with you?”

“What do you mean?”

“You look all sad and mopey.”

“I’m just thinking about the episode still, I guess,” he says, hoping she lets it go.

“Murphy, did you get on stan Twitter again? I told you to stop doing that,” she scolds.

He frowns. “You literally have your own account!”

“Yeah, but I don’t internalize things the way you do.”

“I know I keep saying this, but it just hits me over and over again that the show is gonna be so different without Emori.”

“Yeah. I’m really interested to see how the writers handle it.”

Murphy nods, taking a sip of his drink.

Josephine frowns at him again. “You miss Emori, don’t you?”

“It’s just gonna be so different without her.”

“You said that already.”

“Sorry.”

Josephine sighs. “Look. I’m not gonna tell you how to cope, but she’s your best friend. It’s not like you’re not gonna see each other again, even if you do see each other less.”

“I know.”

“And this means you’ll actually be forced to spend time with me in Vancouver.”

That comment succeeds in making Murphy laugh, and he loosens up a bit.

“And look on the bright side,” she adds. “Even if we do get cancelled after next season, you’ll get to go do other stuff. Sure we’ve been lucky to get to play these characters for so long, but won’t it be fun to try something different?”

“That’s true.”

Murphy calms down a bit after that, allowing Josephine to lead the conversation. Lunch with her is a pleasant distraction, and he’s glad he didn’t give into the brief impulse he had to tell her he wasn’t feeling up to it.

Once they’re done eating, Murphy figures he should check in on Clarke. She seemed like more of an emotional wreck than him last night, so he hopes she’s doing okay. He calls her from his car.

“Hello?” Bellamy answers.

Murphy frowns. “Bellamy? I thought I called Clarke’s phone.”

“You did. Clarke wouldn’t stay off Twitter, so I’m holding her phone for the rest of the day.”

“Oh. Yeah, I was calling to see how she’s doing.”

“She’s sad. She made her goodbye post to Emori, then called her and they talked for a bit. I don’t think she likes seeing the hate Emori’s getting from some people about wanting to leave the show. I could tell it was wearing on her, so we’re getting off social media for the day and we’re gonna go camping.”

“You’re a good husband,” Murphy says.

Bellamy laughs. “We’re not married yet, Murphy.”

“Still. Well, tell her I say hi. I’m probably going to unplug for the rest of the day, too. But I’m just gonna watch a bunch of movies on my couch, not go outside.”

“Sounds about right. Hey, while I’ve got you, I wanted to ask you something.”

“What’s up?”

“Would you be my best man?”

Murphy is shocked. Hearing those words come out of Bellamy’s mouth weren’t something he was expecting in the slightest. Yeah, they’re good friends, but he assumed that maybe Miller or one of Bellamy’s friends not involved with the show would get the job.

“You want me to be your best man?” Murphy asks, making sure he’s heard correctly.

“Yeah,” Bellamy answers. “You saw me through the rough part of things before me and Clarke figured everything out. I want it to be you.”

“Well when you put it like that.”

They both laugh.

“I’d love to be your best man, Bellamy,” Murphy says, a smile on his face as he pulls into his driveway.

“Cool. Thanks, Murphy.”

“Of course, anything for one half of my favorite couple. So does this mean you guys set a date?”

“Yup. Next year, September 4th.”

“Wow. Planning a wedding while shooting season four, I do not envy you.”

Bellamy chuckles. “Yeah, maybe not our smartest decision. But we just want to be married. And we know we’ll figure it out.”

“Makes sense. I’m happy for you guys. And as your best man, please know I’ll be throwing the best bachelor party known to man.”

There’s a pause before Bellamy responds. “Oh, now I’m worried.”

Murphy laughs. “You’re in good hands, Blake. Just trust me.”

“That’s the thing, I don’t.”

“Well you already made me best man, no take backs. You brought this on yourself.”

“I guess I did. I should go finish packing, but I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Yeah, have fun.”

They hang up, and Murphy gets out of his car and goes back inside. Since Bellamy mentioned Emori getting hate for wanting to leave, Murphy figures the article must be out now. He opens his laptop and Googles ‘Emori Chiu Alpha’ in hopes of finding the interview to read. It’s the first search result that pops up, so he clicks on it and reads.

Alpha _’s Emori Chiu on Nadia, Her Broadway Roots, and The Cultural Phenomenon of Lydia_

_By Gaia Forest_

_If you’ve ever had the privilege of being in the same room as Emori Chiu, you will see immediately why everyone has nothing but good things to say about her. Kind, funny, and humble to a fault, she lights up any room she walks into with an infectious energy. Within moments of meeting her for lunch, it felt like we’d been friends for years. We chatted about season three of_ Alpha _, including the events of that finale episode. Spoilers ahead if you haven’t already watched, so proceed at your own risk._

**_Entertainment Weekly:_** _So what drew you to_ Alpha _initially?_

**_Emori Chiu:_** _(laughs) It was a bit of an accident, honestly. I was talking with my agent about projects and things I was interested in, and I had mentioned that I wanted to try television, and this pilot kind of fell into her lap. I like to push myself with auditions, and I enjoy auditioning for things that I think are a long shot. So_ Alpha _was actually one of the long shot things I auditioned for. And it ended up working out really well for me._

**_EW:_ ** _That must have been a pleasant surprise._

**_EC:_ ** _Yeah, but also a little terrifying. This is my first TV gig, so the enormity of carrying a show kind of hit me, especially after we got picked up for a full season. [Marcus] Kane had a lot of faith in me, and in John [Murphy], and I’m so glad he trusted us to bring this to life for him. I’m not necessarily one to believe in fate, but this was kind of one of those times. Things just worked out, and I’m so glad they did._

**_EW:_ ** _So the show gets picked up, and you shoot season one. What was the sort of reception you were expecting?_

**_EC:_ ** _I don’t know, honestly. Of course you always want people to like it, but that’s kind of a subjective thing. I know that the network is going to look at it in terms of numbers, but my barometer is if I feel I’ve done my best work more than anything else. And I thought everyone did great work on season one. So the amount of people that ended up seeing it and loving it was more of an added bonus for me, though it was and still definitely is overwhelming. I don’t think I’ll ever completely wrap my brain around the sheer popularity of the show. But I think it boils down to good writing, interesting characters, and talented people working in every department._

**_EW:_ ** _So let’s talk about season three. We’re on a whole different planet, Nadia and Cullen are in charge, and Nadia and Lyra are at a turning point in their relationship. It’s been a busy season for you! Did you have a favorite part?_

**_EC:_ ** _I’ll say. Nadia has such a rich story, and there was so much I got to play with. But I definitely think my favorite part has been getting to play this new facet in Nadia and Lyra’s relationship. They’ve been on the cusp of it for a while, so it seemed like a fitting moment to do that._

**_EW:_** _Fans are very intense about Lydia. I’d even go so far as to say that people who don’t watch_ Alpha _know about the ship. And there are also other very interesting dynamics on this show. Do you think there’s a reason people have gravitated towards this one in particular?_

**_EC:_ ** _I think part of it comes down to the trust these characters have built. I feel like that’s a similar thing with Stella and Cullen as well, but in season one, you see these two outsiders come to protect these princesses who of course they’ve heard of, but they’ve never interacted with them on such a personal level. And when someone’s sworn to protect you, there’s a huge amount of trust that’s placed between those two people. Lyra has to trust Nadia with her life, and I think that’s part of the reason Nadia struggles so much in season one when Lyra goes missing. She’s failed at her duty, and she blames herself. And I think Lyra could have also put the blame on Nadia, but she’s this wonderfully forgiving person, and so when they get Lyra back, I think that really is a turning point in making their relationship stronger. There was already a great foundation, and I think the next step was just admitting that they had feelings for each other. They genuinely care about each other, and they’re good friends, which is always a great basis for a relationship._

**_EW:_ ** _So they’ve got this great relationship, and they finally get to be together, but their time is unfortunately cut short. Do you have any insight into the decision making process in terms of Aeyrn killing Nadia?_

**_EC:_** _Yes, I do. Kane is a lovely showrunner to work with, and he sits down with everyone in the main cast each season before the writers room and we discuss different possibilities for our characters and where the story is going to take them. I brought up in my sit-down with him that I was kind of missing doing theatre and as much as I love being a part of_ Alpha _, it’s hard with our schedule to find time for anything other than some play readings. And he was very kind, and we discussed a few options for how that could be worked out._

**_EW:_ ** _How did your castmates react when they found out?_

**_EC:_ ** _They were all a little shocked at first, I think. They found out the day of the table read for the finale episode. I feel like everyone’s initial reaction was, ‘Has Kane lost his mind?’ (laughs) But when they learned it was voluntary, they were all super supportive. They’re such lovely people, and I’ve enjoyed working with each and every one of them. And my connection with them feels like something that is going to last. It’s a little cheesy, but they’re like my family now._

**_EW:_ ** _So what’s next for you, then?_

**_EC:_ ** _I’m hoping to get back onstage soon! Theatre is my first love, it’s what drew me to acting, and I don’t think I realized how much I would miss it when I went to television. With TV, we do lots of takes and there’s nobody there to react, and the conceit for the most part is to kind of get it exactly the same each time. With theatre, it’s different every night, whether that’s because of the new audience or a new moment the actors come to understand. It’s fleeting, and it’s a different feeling. Don’t get me wrong, I would love to do other screen projects again, but I feel most at home playing around on stage._

**_EW:_** _Is there a member of the_ Alpha _cast that you want to work on another project with?_

**_EC:_ ** _Oh, absolutely. I’d work with any of them again. They’re all amazing and uber talented. But if I had to pick one, I would pick John Murphy. He’s my best friend, and we’ve developed a great working relationship over the past few years. He’s incredibly giving in every scene, and always strives to improve and learn. I’ll never run out of nice things to say about him._

**_EW:_ ** _Watching it back, what’s been your favorite scene to see onscreen? It can be one that you’re in, or not._

**_EC:_ ** _I have to say, I’ve been a big fan of the scenes between Stella and Cullen, especially later in the season as they find their footing again. But I absolutely adore the scene between them in the spaceship when Cullen finally breaks down and Stella comforts him. That was the last scene we shot and we were all together on set. It’s some of the best acting I’ve seen from both John and Josephine [Lightbourne]. It’s such a vulnerable moment for both of them, which is rare for those characters. And a lot of the rest of the episode has a lot of effects and bells and whistles, but this one is quiet, and a break in all of that, and I think that’s why I love it so much._

Murphy lets out a sigh as he finishes the article, blinking back tears once again. Emori always has such thoughtful responses to interview questions, and he loves hearing what she has to say. His heart aches a little when he reads that she wants to work with him again. They’ve talked about it in depth before, how they would count themselves lucky to find another project as great as this to be a part of together in the future. He knows one day they’ll make it happen. He just wishes that one day could come soon. He closes the tab and starts looking at flights to New York. He references the date Emori gave him for the reading she’s in to see what’s available. He can’t say he’s ready for it, but he knows he has to forge ahead into their new normal.

**End of Part One**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's the end of part one! I hope you guys liked it, and let me know what you think. And another shoutout to [imunbreakabledude](https://imunbreakabledude.tumblr.com/) for not only being the OG Lydia shipper, but also coming up with Stella and Cullen's ship name because even though it was right there, I was still somehow useless and didn't see it.
> 
> Next week we get to delve into Emori's POV which I am very excited about. A few of my favorite parts are coming up, so I'm looking forward to everyone's thoughts once we get there.
> 
> Come find me on [Tumblr](https://queenemori.tumblr.com/)!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! So excited to share this chapter with you! We're diving into part two and Emori's POV and I'm very excited, since this is my first time writing in it for longer than a one-shot. Hope you enjoy!

**Part Two: Emori**

Emori plunks through ‘The Hill’ as best as she can from memory. The first day of rehearsal for the _Once_ tour is tomorrow, and she is equal parts excited and nervous. She can’t wait to get back into a rehearsal room and play around again. As much as she loved working on _Alpha_ , she didn’t realize how much she’d miss the theatre world.

She hums the song as she works her way through playing the piece. It comes at the emotional turning point of the second act, when Girl realizes she is in love with Guy but cannot be with him because she knows in her heart she should try to work things out with her husband. It’s emotional and raw, and one of the moments that Emori is most excited about bringing to life.

Though she did have to look up at the page for parts of it, she’s mostly satisfied with her progress. She’s never been in a show like this, where the actors also make up the band. She’s a little nervous about that element, but compared to the rest of the cast, she actually has less to play. And she knows she’ll get the hang of it. She’s always learned quickly.

Emori’s phone vibrates with a text and she reaches over to her coffee table to grab it. It’s a message from John, and she smiles at the notification as she unlocks her phone. It’s just the link to the _Broadway World_ article announcing the _Once_ tour cast. Her headshot is front and center. She chuckles fondly, shaking her head as she clicks the FaceTime button to call him. He answers almost immediately.

“Hey!” he says. It looks like he’s in the kitchen at his Vancouver house.

“So what, are you my publicist now?” Emori jokes as she moves to sit on her couch.

“Nah, just your biggest fan. First rehearsal tomorrow, right?”

She nods. “I’m actually a little nervous.”

“Please, you’re a star. You’re gonna rock it.”

“You’re just saying that because you’re my biggest fan.”

John scoffs. “Don’t put yourself down, you’re obviously gonna do great.”

“I don’t deserve you, John.”

“It’s definitely the other way around, but let’s agree to disagree.”

She chuckles, and her heart warms at getting to interact with John. She’s missed him. He visited her in New York at the beginning of September, but even that weekend together didn’t feel like enough time. It’s October now, and she has no clue when she’ll get to see him next since he’s filming and she’ll be on tour for the first half of the new year.

“So you’re back in Vancouver,” she points out.

“Yup. Got here yesterday. I’ve got the place to myself for now, since Josephine’s not back yet. It’s been very quiet without her.”

Emori laughs. “I can imagine.”

“Unfortunately for me, since you’re not here anymore, I don’t have any excuse to not hang out with her,” John says. “So it’s a good thing I like her.”

“At least Gabriel can’t show up unannounced anymore this season. Since his sabbatical is over.”

“That’s true. But he is coming to help her move in. I got a heads up and everything.”

“Wow, it already sounds like your living situation is improving.”

He chuckles, then picks up his phone and moves from the kitchen to his bedroom. He lies back on his bed as he continues talking.

“We haven’t even started shooting, and I already know it’s gonna be weird and different without you.”

Emori sighs, the guilt she’s been pushing down for leaving coming back up again. She knows John doesn’t mean anything by that, just that he misses her. And she misses him, too. But since the news came out that she asked to leave the show, she’s been fielding all sorts of questions from people about why she would want to leave such a good thing behind. She hates having to continually explain herself when people make career changes all the time and they aren’t this scrutinized.

“It feels weird and different not being there,” Emori admits.

John frowns, and he lets out a sigh of his own. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that to you. Not when you should be excited about your rehearsals. And I promised you I wouldn’t mope.”

“It’s okay. And I am excited. But I’m still a little sad to be missing out on stuff with you guys.”

“But you’re gonna make friends with the people on tour.”

“Yeah, it would kind of suck to have to travel around with people I didn’t get along with for six months.”

“Well there’s no question that they’ll love you,” John says.

Emori smiles at her best friend, and they sit in comfortable silence for a moment. All she wants is to fly to Vancouver to give him a hug. But it’s probably for the best that they put some distance between them.

“I miss you,” Emori says, resting her head on the couch.

“I miss you, too. Are you gonna come to LA for New Year’s again?”

“I have to see what I’m doing with my family and where we’re supposed to be next for the tour, but I can probably make that work.”

“I know that Raven would be excited to see you.”

“And you wouldn’t be?”

John laughs. “My excitement was a given. Though as much as I love talking to you, I need to go to the grocery store. I have no food.”

Emori nods. “I should keep practicing a little while longer.”

“Break a leg tomorrow,” he says with a wink. “I can’t wait to hear about it.”

“Thanks. I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

Emori hangs up and lets out a deep sigh as she falls back onto the couch. She’s not sure when her feelings for John got so out of hand. They’ve always been sort of distantly there, something she kept under wraps, but they’ve been getting harder and harder to ignore. And while they were filming season three, she was almost positive he felt the same way. Then he slept with Raven, and she figured she must have misread all the signals.

Raven is the only person Emori’s ever told about her feelings for John. After their weird breakfast the day after the wrap party, she felt like she needed to explain why Raven sleeping with John bothered her so much. Emori so rarely lets people in on her emotions. She doesn’t want them to look at her differently or feel like they can hold them over her head. Thankfully, Raven didn’t give Emori the look of pity that she was hoping to avoid when she found out. She echoed John’s sentiments that it was stupid and meant nothing. Now, it doesn’t bother Emori as much.

Even though Emori does like John as more than a friend, she never would have done something about it while they were working together. She learned quickly from her college days, when the leads of a play she was in had a showmance which spiralled out of control and almost ruined the show. And their friendship was never the same. Emori values and cherishes her friendship with John more than anything in the world, and she doesn’t want anything to get in the way of that. She doesn’t want to lose him as a friend, no matter how hard it is to be so close to him sometimes without leaning over and kissing him senseless.

She goes over all her music one last time before getting ready for bed. It’s still a bit early, but she’s not sure what else to do. She’s too full of anticipation for the day ahead, feeling like a kindergartener the night before the first day of school. When Emori signed on to _Alpha_ , she didn’t expect so many people to love it, to want to continue watching. They were lucky to keep being renewed, but she missed the constant new beginnings of a new project that she was used to with theatre. She can’t wait to step into the rehearsal studio tomorrow.

Emori jumps up as her alarm goes off. She stretches and a grin spreads across her face as she hops out of bed to get ready for the day. Since it’s the first day of rehearsal, they’ve all been alerted that some press and media outlets will be in the room, so she puts on one of her cuter, but still comfortable rehearsal outfits. They’re not going to be doing much movement today, with a read-through in the morning and music rehearsal in the afternoon, but since that means she’ll be sitting all day, she’d rather not do that in jeans. She puts on a bit of makeup just so she doesn’t look dead, opting for her favorite brown-red lipstick. She eats breakfast and packs her bag, before heading to catch the subway. As she nears the rehearsal studios on 42nd Street, she stops for a tea. Normally she makes it before she leaves the house, but today is a special occasion and calls for a splurge. And thanks to _Alpha_ she’s got a bit more disposable income than she’s used to.

As Emori steps foot into the studio, all the doubts she was having about leaving _Alpha_ behind are instantly quashed. The room has a similar energy to the day of a table read for an episode of _Alpha_ , people milling about and finding a seat or talking amongst themselves with people they know. She feels light as she checks in with the stage manager and finds a spot at the table. She looks through her script as more people file into the room. Emori scans the room, but she’s never worked with any of these people before. It really does feel like the first day of school.

Emori looks up from her script as someone sits down next to her. She stashes her violin case under the table. Though she’s got a slight case of resting bitch face, she smiles at Emori as she pulls her brown hair back into a ponytail. She recognizes her from something, but she can’t place what she’s seen her in.

“Hi, I’m Emori,” Emori says, extending her hand to her neighbor.

“Echo,” the woman says as she shakes Emori’s hand.

“It’s nice to meet you, Echo. I’m trying to place you, I swear I’ve seen you in something before.”

Echo lets out a laugh. “I could say the same thing about you, but I know where I’ve seen you before.”

Emori chuckles, her face heating up a little at the recognition.

“I don’t know if you’ve seen _Chicago_ lately, but I played Velma for a while, so I just finished that.”

“Oh, that is where I know you from! I went to see a friend who was on standby for Roxie. You were amazing, by the way. And I definitely didn’t recognize you at first without the wig.”

“Thank you,” Echo says with a smile. “And yeah, that wig was atrocious. Glad to be free of it, though it was a fun part to play.”

Emori and Echo chat for a little while longer, Emori also learning that another of Echo’s recent credits was Sheila in a regional production of _A Chorus Line_. _A Chorus Line_ holds a special place in Emori’s heart, since the 2006 revival was her first Broadway show. Though Emori’s never been enough of a classical dancer to be in that show in particular, seeing it really fueled her desire to be an actor in the first place.

Eventually Monroe, their stage manager, calls for rehearsal to begin. Thelonious Jaha, their director, starts off by making a bit of a speech. It’s not nearly as long and rambly as the ones Kane gives at the start of the season, and though Emori and John used to roll their eyes a little bit at them, she can’t help but miss them in the moment. Then they all go around the room and introduce themselves and name the part they’re playing.

The rehearsal portion of the day kicks off with a read through, somewhat stumbling over the songs, but skipping a few since they haven’t actually learned them yet. Though the actors are also the musicians for the show, they still have a rehearsal accompanist for learning their music and dances.

After the read through comes a break for lunch, and before leaving the room to eat, Emori stops to answer a few questions from a reporter who sat in on the morning’s rehearsal.

“So you’re back doing theatre after a while away. How does it feel?”

Emori nods, trying to keep her smile under control, but she’s having trouble. “It feels amazing. Theatre is my first love, always and forever. And I’m so excited to get to play with this talented cast.”

“Do you still talk to your _Alpha_ castmates?”

“Oh, all the time. They’re some of my best friends, and I miss them a lot.”

Emori knows she’ll have to get used to fielding questions about _Alpha_ for as long as she’s on tour, but it feels weird when all she wants to talk about is the present. Yeah, _Alpha_ is a big part of her life, but she’s still working out her own feelings about it, and continually having to talk about it isn’t really helping her to move on. Thankfully the reporter doesn’t have anything too invasive to ask, and Emori excuses herself so she can get lunch.

She quickly decides that Echo will probably be her favorite cast member. She plays Reza, one of Girl’s friends, so they’ll get to interact a bit during the show. They get lunch together a few blocks from the studio. None of the _Alpha_ people really did theatre before television, so it’s refreshing to talk to someone with a similar background again.

“So I know you’re probably tired of hearing this question, but I have to ask,” Echo says as she takes a bite of her salad. “What made you want to leave the stability of a TV show?”

Emori chuckles, because she definitely has gotten this question a lot. “I missed being on stage. It’s as simple as that, really. When I signed on to do _Alpha_ , I didn’t think it would ever get so popular or that I’d be doing it for so long. It just felt like the moment for a change of pace.”

Echo nods. “That’s understandable.”

Emori relaxes at Echo’s reaction. A lot of people have called her dumb for leaving such a steady gig behind. For her, the steady gig has afforded her the opportunity to be able to make a leap as big as this. It felt like the right time for a career change, and she wishes that were enough of an explanation for everyone.

“It’s kind of nice to hear someone else who wasn’t involved with the show say that out loud.”

“I mean, it’s your life. You’re in control, and you wanted to do something different. You shouldn’t feel stuck in something just because it becomes successful. TV is such a crapshoot anyway.”

“Yeah. And it’s not like I don’t miss it. I was talking to my friend John yesterday, and he just got back to Vancouver. It’s definitely weird to not be there with everyone else.”

Echo shrugs. “I think that makes sense. It was still a big part of your life, even if you were the one that wanted to leave.”

“Exactly!” Emori says, a smile on her face. She’s glad someone seems to understand where she’s coming from.

“So you and John Murphy really are best friends?”

She frowns. “Yeah. Why wouldn’t we be?”

“I mean, people act like they’re better friends than they really are for press all the time. I’ll be honest, I haven’t watched _Alpha_ that closely, but I know the premise and big plot points. I mean, you’d have to be living under a rock to not. But I just figured you guys played up the friendship for the cameras.”

“No, he really is my best friend. We talk practically everyday.”

Echo nods. “Huh.”

“What?”

“Nothing, I’m just trying to wrap my mind around the whole thing.”

“I don’t see what there is to wrap your mind around. He’s a nice guy, and when we first met, we got along right away,” Emori responds.

She lets out a chuckle before taking a sip of her water. Echo studies her, and Emori feels slightly uncomfortable under her gaze. What is she trying to learn? Is it really so hard to believe that she and John are actually friends? Sure, some people fake it, but Emori’s watched back some of their interviews, and she knows what people say about her and John on the internet. Obviously Echo is not part of the group on the internet that wants her and John to date in real life, but it still seems silly to have to explain herself to someone she’s just met.

“Well, he seems very nice. And it’s cute that you’re actually friends. I’ve always been skeptical of television casts and their camaraderie,” Echo continues.

“I think we all were, too. But we got lucky.”

Echo nods, and moves on to a different topic. Emori can’t tell what Echo hoped to gain from the questions about John being her best friend, but she chalks it up to curiosity and not much else.

After lunch, the cast works with the music director to work through a few of the big musical numbers. They begin with ‘When Your Mind’s Made Up’, which comes later in the show when Guy finally gets to record his demo. They’re just playing through the music, without singing, but Emori is already electrified by how amazing it sounds, and they’ve barely worked through it. Her heart soars as she plays through her part, so excited to be working with a new talented group of people. She feels like the luckiest person in the world.

They end the day working a bit through ‘Falling Slowly’, and Emori can’t believe the day flew by as quickly as it did. She had a blast, and she’s excited to get to know the rest of the cast better. All the nerves she had about not liking the people she’d have to travel on tour with no longer seem like an issue. She can’t wait for tomorrow.

As she makes her way back to her apartment, her phone lights up with a text from John.

_How was your first day?_

Emori’s stomach shouldn’t dip at such a simple text, but she can’t help it. She’ll never get over how thoughtful and attentive John is. Nobody’s ever made her feel so special before.

_So much fun!_

_That’s great! :)  
I knew it would be, but glad you’ve gotten confirmation._

Emori chuckles at John’s answer. He’s so smug when he’s right.

_How’s unpacking going?_

_Pretty standard. I’ve got a routine now._

_So unfortunately that leaves me time to help Josephine._

_Is she back today?_

_Yeah. She and Gabriel say hi._

_Tell them I say hi back!_

_About to get on the subway, but I’ll text you later._

_Sure thing._

Emori loves when John checks in with her. It’s always so casual, but he doesn’t do it with many people, so it’s very easy to know where she stands with him. Even though they’re apart, they’re still important to each other.

Once Emori is home, she makes herself dinner and texts Raven as she sits at her kitchen table. They have plans to FaceTime and she wants to make sure it’s still a good time. Raven responds by calling. Emori smiles, as she accepts the call, and Raven appears on her phone screen, a bright smile on her face, and her bedroom in the background.

“Momo!” Raven says.

Emori laughs at Raven’s nickname for her. “Hi, Raven.”

“Ugh, it’s so good to see your face.”

“Yours, too.”

“So let’s not beat around the bush. Tell me all about rehearsal.”

Emori grins, excited to talk in depth about rehearsal to someone who cares about her, and isn’t upset with her for leaving a good thing behind.

“It was so great, Raven. It’s such a talented group of people, and I can already tell a couple of them are going to be great to hang out with. This one actor, Echo, has such an impressive resume. She’s an amazing dancer, and crazy good at the violin. And Sterling, who plays opposite me, seems so sweet.”

“That’s great, Emori. I’m glad it was fun. I knew you were gonna have a blast when you told me about it.”

Emori nods. “I’m glad I took the leap and actually did it. But I miss you guys a lot. It feels weird not coming back, even if I do think I made the right decision.”

“We miss you, too. I hung out with Murphy last night, and he was all mopey that you weren’t around.”

Emori rolls her eyes, but she can’t help the way her face heats up at the mention of John.

“I told him not to be mopey.”

“And you thought he was going to listen?”

“I thought he’d at least try for me.”

“I think he is,” Raven says. “But there’s only so much sadness he can push down, I think.”

Emori doesn’t answer, starting to get in her head about John’s reaction. He misses her a lot. He’s said exactly that to her, but what Raven is saying makes it seem like it’s a bit more than just him missing a friend.

“Emori?” Raven asks after a moment.

“Hmm?”

“What are you thinking?”

She chuckles. “It’s embarrassing.”

Raven raises an eyebrow at that. “You know we’re past the point of keeping things from each other.”

Emori nods, knowing Raven is referencing the conversation they had after the wrap party when Raven and John slept together. After Emori confessed to Raven that she had feelings for John, they both agreed that they were going to be honest with each other, so things wouldn’t have to be weird between them.

She sighs before answering. “I think in the back of my mind, an added bonus of leaving the show was that there’d be a little distance between me and John. And that would help keep my feelings in check. But I think it’s actually doing the opposite.”

“Isn’t the saying ‘distance makes the heart grow fonder’?”

“Is this your way of telling me I’m dumb?”

Raven laughs. “Never! But feelings suck. And there’s no neat way to package them and make them go away. This is just a new thing you’ll have to get used to while you guys are apart.”

“You say that like I should let the feelings grow deeper.”

“Would that be such a bad thing?”

Emori rolls her eyes. “He doesn’t feel that way about me, Raven. Maybe he did at one point, but I don’t think he does anymore.”

“Have you ever actually asked him about it?” Raven counters.

“What good would that do? Even if anything were to happen between us, we’re not in the same place, and we’re not going to be for an indefinite amount of time. And I need to focus on my career right now. That’s my priority. Not a boy that might change his mind about me at the drop of a hat.”

Raven looks at her sadly. “I don’t think you’re giving him enough credit. I mean, has he ever given you reason to think he’d do that to you?”

Deep down, Emori knows this. She knows John would never want to hurt her, but that doesn’t mean he’s not capable of it. Emori’s never had a real relationship, always settling for quick hookups and anything that wouldn’t distract her from establishing herself in her career. That’s what’s been important to her for so long. And she’s been fine for the most part, because she’s never felt this way about anyone before. But now John has wormed his way into her heart, and she can’t let him in the way she wants to, because she doesn’t want to give him that much power over her. She’s scared of taking that risk, especially with someone who’s a little bit younger than she is. She doesn’t want it to mean different things for them.

“I just don’t want to open that door with him. Not right now,” Emori finally says.

Raven nods. “Okay.”

They sit in stilted silence for a moment, and Emori can’t stand it. She wants nothing more than to talk about something else, so she quickly switches the subject.

“So, can you give me any insider information on how season four is going to play out?” she asks, waggling her eyebrows. There are some perks to an executive producer of a television show being one of your best friends.

Raven laughs. “I guess I can tell you a few things. This season we’re kind of shaking things up in terms of storytelling. We’re doing these very character-focused episodes, so each main gets one at a different point in the season. Lyra’s is the season premiere. It takes a deep dive into her mind three months after Nadia dies and she figures out how to move on. And Kane let me write it.”

Emori’s eyes widen. Kane rarely relinquishes the premiere and finale episodes to other writers. It just goes to show how much he trusts Raven to do well, and Emori couldn’t be prouder of her friend.

“Wow! That’s amazing, Raven.”

“Yeah, I’m really excited about it. I think it turned out really well, and I think Clarke’s going to do amazing work.”

“I have no doubt the whole thing will turn out amazingly. Do you feel like the season wraps up nicely?”

The grimace on Raven’s face is the only real answer that Emori needs.

“It doesn’t end on any real cliffhangers, I’ll say that. Kane and I had a lot of discussions about how much we should plan for a possible series finale, rather than just a season finale. Even with all the backlash he’s gotten, he’s still fairly optimistic. And I really don’t think it’s a bad season, when all is said and done. I just think people aren’t going to give it a chance.”

Emori nods, the pit of guilt settling back in her stomach again. Nobody would be in this mess if she had just stuck it out for another year. Maybe then the show would have been able to come to a natural conclusion. She knows she shouldn’t get hung up on it, but she can’t help it. She almost wishes her friends were more upset with her to match her mood about the situation.

“You’re feeling guilty again, aren’t you?” Raven asks.

“A little.”

“Emori, stop it. We’ve talked about this. This sort of thing happens all the time on TV, and life goes on. This isn’t all on you, and you haven’t let anyone down. You shouldn’t let a few loud assholes on the internet make you feel that way,” Raven says firmly.

“I’m working on it. It’s tougher some days than others,” Emori admits. “I think it’s just all coming up again since you guys are about to start shooting.”

“That’s valid. But I just want you to focus on _Once_. You were just talking about how much fun you were having, and I want you to sit with that feeling and not guilt.”

Emori smiles, glad for a friend like Raven. “I’ll try my best. Oh, one last thing. Please tell me Kane didn’t make you pull some weird move and have Lyra and Bastian get together at the end.”

Raven laughs. “No, he did not. Didn’t even mention it, but it sounds like something he would do, so I get the worry.”

“Okay, good. That makes me feel a lot better. I expect constant updates on filming.”

“Same with rehearsals and tour!”

“Of course. You’re always the first person I text about that sort of thing.”

“After Murphy, of course,” Raven jokes.

Emori lets herself laugh, because Raven does know her well. “Yeah, I figured you knew that was implied.”

“It was nice talking to you, Momo. We should do this like once a week.”

“Yes, definitely.”

“And check your calendar for New Year’s!” Raven reminds her.

She nods. “I will. Love you.”

“Love you, too.”

Raven hangs up, and Emori makes herself a reminder in her phone to check where the tour starts back up after the holiday break so she can plan her trip to Los Angeles. She washes her dishes and goes to take a shower, losing herself in her thoughts.

Emori really tries to take to heart what Raven and John have both said to her about not feeling guilty for leaving the show. It’s a feeling that sits in the back of her mind, yet another thing she compartmentalizes and buries down deep, until she sees a tweet or thinkpiece about Nadia’s untimely death, and all those thoughts come rushing back up to the surface. She wants nothing more than to be free of the guilt, and she thought throwing herself into a new project would be just the cure. But even in her conversation with Echo today, and the reporter asking about _Alpha_ , it seems like there’s always going to be the constant reminder that she left a good thing behind.

She focuses on the ways that _Once_ is a new good thing. It’s an opportunity she never would’ve had the chance to even audition for had she not decided season three was it for her. And after just one rehearsal, it already feels like she’s back in her element, the place she’s considered home for most of her acting career. She works hard to revel in that feeling, of starting something new and opening even more avenues for things she can do next. Sure, she misses _Alpha_ , and she misses John, but she wants to enjoy this new experience. She deserves it. Even if she’s still working on convincing herself that that’s the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys liked it! Let me know what you think.
> 
> Also, here are links to what [When Your Mind's Made Up](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4fTwaLzPCHA&ab_channel=OnceMusical) and [Falling Slowly](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-GOFQReTlug&ab_channel=OnceMusical) would sound like with all the instruments and singing! 
> 
> And you can always find me on [Tumblr](https://queenemori.tumblr.com/)!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Friday! 
> 
> After this past week's episode, I have dubbed myself President of AU Land, so if you'd like to live with me here, I welcome you. And luckily this chapter isn't really all that angsty. So hope you enjoy!

It’s a couple weeks into rehearsals, and Emori is feeling more and more sure of her choice to leave _Alpha_ with each passing day. She’s gotten into her new routine, and she feels right at home with the cast now that they’ve spent a bit more time together.

Emori spends a lot of the rehearsal day with Sterling, since their scenes are mainly with each other. They’ve gotten into the habit of practicing their lines and instruments when they have a bit of downtime. Emori really likes Sterling. He’s got the perfect demeanor to play Guy, so she understands the casting. He’s sweet, a little quiet, and a big dreamer. And when they’re on breaks, he always pulls out his guitar and makes up little songs that make the rest of the cast laugh.

They’re running through the scene in the music store where Girl and Guy first play ‘Falling Slowly’ together. It’s their first time doing the scene while playing their instruments. Emori is weirdly nervous, even though it’s just the other cast members, Myles the music director, Thelonious, and the stage management team in the room.

Emori tries to lose herself in the music, and the wonder that Girl is feeling after discovering Guy’s talent. The cast feeds in their instruments as the song continues, and Emori’s heart soars hearing the whole thing come together. The show is really coming along, and they haven’t even had a full run through yet. She can’t imagine what the finished product will be like when they already sound this amazing.

“That was great!” Thelonious says once the song is over.

“Alright everyone, let’s take ten, and then we’re back for notes,” Monroe shouts.

“Thank you, ten,” the cast answers back.

Emori turns to Echo, who gives her a smile and a thumbs up from her chair. Emori grins and sends a thumbs up back. She was right about her initial thoughts on Echo. She gets along with the entire cast, but Echo is her favorite one to spend time with. Emori’s about to get up from the piano and head over to her when Sterling comes up to her now that he’s put his guitar down.

“Hey,” he begins, a bashful smile on his face. “Great job.”

Emori smiles back. “Thanks, you too. It’s so nice to start to see it all come together.”

“Yeah, totally.”

She nods and they lapse into silence. Sterling is nice, but they have these occasional weird moments, where it seems like neither of them knows what to say. Emori can’t tell if Sterling is searching for words he never finds, or what, but it’s happened a bunch now, and she’s still not sure what to make of it.

“I’m excited to run through act one tomorrow,” Emori says, trying to keep the conversation going.

Sterling nods, running a hand through his hair. “Yeah, yeah. I think it’s gonna be great.”

“Good way to end the week, too.”

“Yeah. So it’s been a while since you’ve really lived in New York, right?”

Emori raises an eyebrow, unsure where this is going. “I mean, I was always back here during _Alpha_ ’s hiatus. But I guess it has been a while since I’ve been here for more than a few months.”

“I was just thinking, it might be fun to like get dinner or something this weekend. Re-remember the city? Only if you want to, though.”

“That sounds like it could be nice!”

Sterling lights up. “Really?”

“Yeah. Let’s do it.”

“Cool.”

“I’m going to fill my water bottle, but we can make plans after notes?” Emori asks.

Sterling nods again, a bright smile on his face. “Sounds great.”

Emori goes to her bag to grab her water bottle, then out into the hall to stand by the water fountain. She waits as Atom fills his, then moves to fill hers once he steps away. She turns to find Echo has come up next to her, an eyebrow raised quizzically.

“What’s up?” Emori asks as she steps away from the water fountain.

“What were you and Sterling talking about just now?” Echo questions. “He looked more flustered than usual.”

“He just asked if I had plans this weekend. We’re getting dinner.”

Echo’s eyes widen. “He asked you out?”

Emori chuckles. “What? No. He just said it would be fun to get dinner this weekend.”

“Yeah, but I think he meant like on a date.”

“I think I would have known if someone were asking me on a date, Echo.”

“I just thought you would have noticed how Sterling acts around you. He can barely form full sentences.”

“He’s just shy,” Emori says.

“Only around you. How have you not noticed this?”

Emori’s face heats up. She’s been so caught up in her feelings for John for so long that when people pay her romantic attention, she doesn’t really notice. If what Echo is saying about Sterling is true, she might have just agreed to a date by accident. But she’s not sure how to get out of dinner without being rude. There has to be a way to politely let him know she just wants to be friends. She doesn’t date castmates, anyway. And has Sterling really been paying her as much attention as Echo says he has?

She’s a bit on edge as she returns to the rehearsal room, shoulders tensed and on high alert as she makes her way back over to Sterling. He doesn’t seem to notice, still smiley as ever. Thankfully there’s not much of the day left, just notes from Thelonious and Myles.

That night when Emori gets home from rehearsal, she sends a text to Raven.

_How can you tell when a guy likes you?_

_…_

_Is this a serious question?_

_I told Sterling I’d get dinner with him this weekend._

_And Echo seems to think he meant to ask me out._

_I mean, it usually depends on the guy._

_Maybe tomorrow in rehearsal pay attention to how he acts around you vs. everyone else._

_And if he really is into you, you’ll find a way to let him down gently._

Rationally, Emori knows this makes sense. She doesn’t need the distraction of Sterling being attracted to her, not when she’s doing so well without John around. He might not even actually be into her. Echo could be wrong. Emori decides to follow Raven’s advice and figure out how Sterling feels once and for all.

She doesn’t notice anything out of the ordinary. When she comes into the studio the next day, Sterling’s laughing with Bryan and Atom, who he seems to be the closest with. His head turns the moment she walks into the room, and he waves at her with a bright smile on his face.

“Good morning!” he calls from across the room.

Emori smiles and waves back. “Hi!”

That was normal. Right? She sits in a corner of the room, going through her normal routine before rehearsal begins. Every so often, she glances back over to where Sterling, Bryan, and Atom are still talking. Sterling is very animated with the two of them. Why has Emori never really noticed him this lit up before? She shakes her head, figuring how he acts around the other guys in the cast probably isn’t the best barometer.

Partway through running act one, Emori is about to sing ‘If You Want Me’. Sterling has just exited, and Echo and Lisa Ann take their places for their dance. At one point as Emori is singing, she looks up and makes eye contact with Sterling as he stands off to the side of the room. He smiles at her, but quickly averts his eyes. Emori disguises her frown, bringing herself back into the song. She has to stay focused, especially since she can’t seem to get the choreography right for this moment.

They finally reach the end of act one, with a rousing performance of ‘Gold’. Emori thinks it’s Sterling’s best number. He plays Guy with such care; nervous, yet passionate about his music, even if nobody wants to listen to him. It makes it easy for her to feed off his energy. She wants to root for him. Emori doesn’t have much to do during the song, except marvel at the patrons in the bar joining together in song. But every time they rehearse it, it sounds better and better, and she can’t wait to actually get to perform this for people.

Monroe calls for a break once the number is over. Emori turns to Sterling, a big smile on her face.

“That was great! That’s my favorite number of yours, you embody the part so well,” she says.

Sterling blushes, ducking his head at the compliment. “Thank you. It felt really good this time.”

“You’re doing such great work.”

“So are you. ‘If You Want Me’ was killer earlier.”

“Thanks.”

They talk for another minute, and then Emori excuses herself to go get her water from her bag. As she leaves, she hears Sterling shout something at Echo. Emori surreptitiously watches as he interacts with her. They laugh together easily, in a similar way to how he laughed with Bryan and Atom before rehearsal. Lisa Ann comes over and they continue to joke around. He’s loud and boisterous, and Emori wonders why she only ever sees the very quiet side of him. Was Echo right after all? She doesn’t really want to think about it, not while there’s still more rehearsal for the day.

The idea of Sterling having a crush on her is not in the least bit comforting. Last year when she suspected John might have had a crush on her, she thought it was cute, welcomed the idea, even. But with Sterling, she wishes more than anything that she’s wrong. As he’s leaving for the day, he tells her he’s looking forward to dinner tomorrow, before patting her on the shoulder and walking out with Bryan. Emori stills at the contact. That’s not normal. Is she overthinking this? She looks up to find Echo raising her eyebrow at her again, and Emori can’t help but roll her eyes. She’s not feeling like an ‘I told you so’, though she’s worried one is coming.

Emori spends much of her Sunday trying to decide what to wear to dinner with a castmate who might have a crush on her and thinks they’re going on a date. She goes for a simple black dress and a denim jacket. It’s casual, but at the same time a little bit nicer than something she’d wear on a normal day. Once she’s dressed and has on a bit of make-up, she paces around her apartment, trying to think of ways to politely tell her castmate that she does not want to date him. It should be easy enough, but that doesn’t mean the whole thing doesn’t make her nervous.

She knows she can’t control how Sterling feels, but she doesn’t want him to be upset. They have to spend so much time together, and it’s not like she can avoid him. Their characters fall in love every night. This is the exact reason Emori never lets herself date people she works with. She doesn’t think he’ll overreact, seeing as he’s fairly mellow, but she prepares herself for the worst, so she can hopefully just be pleasantly surprised.

Emori meets Sterling at a restaurant in the East Village. She’s never been before, but he mentions that it’s fairly new. It’s a little too trendy for her taste, but she’s always down to try something new. When she’s not looking at the menu, her eyes wander to the other people in the restaurant. A mix of hipsters, some older couples, and oddly enough a group of tourists are scattered throughout the dining area. She wonders how they ended up here.

“So how does it feel coming back to theatre?” Sterling asks once they’ve ordered. “I know all that television stuff is probably so different.”

Emori nods. “It is. But I’m having so much fun working with you guys. Even after years of doing the show, I never felt completely in my element. But back in rehearsal, I’m feeling at home.”

“That’s really good. I bet you miss the cast, though.”

“Oh, for sure. It’s definitely different not spending all my time with them. I’ve honestly become a bit of a hermit since I’ve been back in New York. I usually just go home, practice piano, FaceTime John, and get ready to repeat it all the next day.”

Sterling nods, something Emori can’t place crossing over his face at the mention of John. She’s not sure what that’s about.

“I’m glad I was able to get you out of your apartment, then,” he says with a laugh. At this point, there’s no mistaking the flirty tone in his voice or the twinkle in his eye. Emori’s stomach plummets as she realizes she’s going to have to say something.

“Sterling, before we get any further, can I ask something?” she begins.

“Yeah, what’s up?”

“When you asked me if I wanted to get dinner, were you asking me on a date?”

Even in the dim restaurant lighting, Emori can see a blush creep up Sterling’s skin.

“I was.”

“I’m so sorry, Sterling. I misunderstood. I thought you just wanted to hang out. I probably should have clarified sooner.”

He nods, looking a little embarrassed, but not all that upset.

“Honestly, it was probably stupid of me to ask. I mean, Atom told me you and that John Murphy guy were dating, but I didn’t believe him.”

Emori laughs in spite of herself. Where did Atom get that idea?

“John and I aren’t dating,” she says.

“You’re not? You talk about him an awful lot. I mean, you’ve mentioned him like ten times since we’ve been sitting here.”

Now it’s Emori’s turn to blush. “He’s just my best friend. And I miss him. But I don’t date castmates while we’re working together. It’s just a rule I have, that’s all.”

“That’s understandable. I mean we have to be in close proximity to each other for the foreseeable future.”

“Exactly. And I’m sorry for not saying something sooner.”

“No, you’re fine. I should have been clearer. I have never been great at asking people out.”

She chuckles. “You know, I said yes because I do want to hang out with you outside of rehearsal. I want to be friends, if that’s still on the table.”

Sterling nods, the smile returning to his face. “I’d like that.”

Emori lets out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. That didn’t go so terribly. Sterling is really nice, and Emori is excited to get to know him a bit better outside of the rehearsal room. Though now she’s wondering how she must sound to people if Atom thought that she and John are a couple. Has she really mentioned John that much since they’ve been sitting here? And how must she sound when she talks about him at rehearsal? Is it just Atom that thinks that, or does everyone else? She doesn’t want to dwell on it, but now she’s worried people are going to think she likes John. She _does_ , but they don’t need to know that.

Thankfully as rehearsal continues, Emori and Sterling don’t have very many awkward moments due to their misunderstanding. They’re even able to laugh when Thelonious compliments them on their amazing chemistry one day during notes. Sterling is a bit more easy-going now that he’s not trying to impress her, and they’re great at making each other laugh.

Another week passes and it’s time for the first run through of the entire show. A few press outlets will be present—things like _Broadway.com_ , _Broadway World_ , and the _Once_ marketing team—to record for a rehearsal highlights video. It’s not as though Emori’s never done something like this before, but this is the first time she’s doing it in a leading role. Everything she’s been working towards, the gravity of it hits her as she puts on her make-up that morning. Soon enough, they’ll be starting out the tour and constantly be on the road. She’s loving every minute of bringing this story to life, and it feels even more real with each passing day.

She recalls the conversation she had with John the night before as she makes her way to the studio for the day. She gushed about how much fun she’s having, which is a far cry from their first few calls where she said she was having fun, but she then asked for full, in-depth updates about what was going on in Vancouver. Sure Emori is still curious, but now it feels less like she has to live vicariously through John and more like she’s living her own life. He commented on it, saying he’s so happy that she’s having a good time and that she’s enjoying her new thing like he hoped she would. She still misses him so much it hurts, but they’re both in the same boat on that front. And the closer they get to December, the closer they get to New Year’s and time spent together in person and not just over the phone.

Talking to John never fails to make Emori happy. His voice is something calming after a long day, though their time difference is somewhat annoying, since sometimes when she wants to call, he’s still on set. But she stays up late for him, not wanting to miss out on talking with him. They used to talk everyday, but now they’ve cut it down to a few times a week, though they’re always texting each other. Ever since Sterling mentioned on their accidental date that Emori talks about John a lot, she’s tried to cut back on her mentions of him in the rehearsal room. She does notice how much she must have talked about him now that she’s actively trying to refrain from doing so. It’s not hard for Emori to find some way to connect the conversation back to John. But she really doesn’t want to give people the wrong idea. If anyone else has noticed, nobody says anything, so Emori finds that somewhat comforting.

The run through goes really well. The entire show is really coming together. When they perform ‘Gold’ at the end of act one, it brings Emori to tears, and the reprise of ‘Falling Slowly’ is the best they’ve ever played it. She can’t get over how talented this group of people is, and she’s glad she took the leap to try something new, even if she did have doubts about her decision.

The rehearsal highlights video is uploaded on social media by the end of the week, and Emori can’t get enough of it. They picked a great snippet of her performing ‘If You Want Me’ where she, Echo, and Lisa Ann are all reaching out with their hands to the same point in the distance. Thankfully it was on a day where she actually got the steps to the dance right. She laughs at the bashful face Sterling makes in a scene where Girl declines Guy’s kiss. Atom and Bryan roll around on the ground as Echo plays her violin. The video radiates an innumerable amount of joy, and Emori is so glad that she’s a part of it. She shares the video to her own social media:

_Being back in the rehearsal room has never felt so good! Can’t wait to share the whole show with people on tour very soon._

Emori gathers her things to head over to Echo’s apartment for a girls’ night. She’s gotten better about hanging out with her castmates outside of rehearsal, ever since she realized she was probably spending too much time talking to John. And she figures if she’s told him he shouldn’t mope so much, she should follow her own advice.

As she’s waiting for Echo to let her into the apartment, she scrolls through some of her Twitter notifications. For as long as she’s been in the business, she should probably know better than to do that by now, but sometimes her curiosity gets the better of her. She wishes she had left well enough alone when she sees one of the replies under her retweet of the rehearsal video:

_Can’t believe you’d flaunt your new project in our faces. Talk about selfish._

Emori’s heart drops at the comment. Sure, not everyone has been supportive of her decision to leave _Alpha_ , but they usually don’t discuss it in her mentions. Echo opens her door as Emori stares down at her phone in disbelief.

“What’s the matter?” Echo asks.

Emori wordlessly holds up her phone for Echo to see. She reads the tweet, then rolls her eyes.

“People are assholes.” She steps aside to let Emori in.

“You got that right,” Emori says, as she steps into Echo’s apartment and immediately flops onto the couch.

This shouldn’t affect her so much. Especially when she’s finally made peace with her new normal. But she has to admit, even if she has moved on, it still stings.

“Hey,” Echo says, coming to sit next to Emori. “Are you okay?”

Emori chuckles. “I mean, people have said meaner things.”

“That doesn’t mean this one feels any less bad. Honestly, I don’t know how you do it. You act like it doesn’t affect you half the time.”

“I’m used to it for the most part. I guess maybe I just don’t feel like dealing with it today, is all.”

“People get so attached to the actors that play their favorite characters and forget that it’s a job for us,” Echo says.

“Exactly! And it’s not that I didn’t love playing Nadia, but it’s not like I was going to do it forever, even if I did continue with the show.”

“Well for what it’s worth, I’m glad you’re here with us. Like I get it was a blow, but the world keeps spinning. And I never would have gotten to meet you.”

Emori smiles, glad to have her new friend on her side. Her phone buzzes with another Twitter notification. She almost rolls her eyes, but her heart skips a beat when she sees John’s handle pop up, so she opens it.

_She can flaunt whatever project in our faces that she wants. If you were really a fan you’d be excited for anything she’s a part of, so kindly fuck off._

Usually Emori likes to fight her own battles, but she can’t help but feel a bit giddy at John coming to her defense. It’s just one of the many ways he shows he cares. And the grin on her face must be incredibly stupid, because she looks up to find Echo staring at her in confusion.

Emori shows Echo her screen again, and Echo chuckles to herself.

“What?” Emori asks.

Echo shakes her head. “It’s nothing.”

“It’s obviously something.”

“You guys just care about each other a lot, that’s all.”

Emori frowns. “We’re best friends, you know that.”

“I know.” The smirk on her face suggests that she thinks there’s something more going on, but she thankfully doesn’t comment on it.

Emori’s face heats up, and she puts her phone away, willing the moment to be over.

“So are we going to order takeout or what?”

Echo nods and pulls out her laptop to order their food online. Emori’s pretty sure Echo just confirmed her suspicions that her _Once_ castmates think there’s something more than friendship going on between her and John. It’s a weird situation to be in, when she desperately wants that to be the case, but it’s just not. She doesn’t think she’s ever been so obvious about someone she liked before, and she’s not sure how to change her behavior so it’s not on the forefront of people’s minds. She knows it probably starts with talking about John less. And she really is trying, but she still finds it difficult at times. Everything reminds her of him.

Emori puts it out of her mind. She has all weekend to figure out a way to be more subtle with her feelings when she gets back into the studio. For now, she silently revels in the fact that John Murphy took on an internet troll for her, unprompted. She’s sure he would do it for anyone in the cast, but she decides to focus on the fact that he did it for her. He never fails to make her feel special.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a link to the OBC of Once performing [Gold](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pXCSdpJVe7I&ab_channel=SOPHIABP) at the Tony Awards if you want to listen.
> 
> See you guys next week! And in the meantime, come find me on [Tumblr](https://queenemori.tumblr.com/).


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Friday! Bringing this chapter to you a little early today because I'm excited about it.
> 
> I would like to thank Murphy and Emori for being so horny on main this season/being pretty much the only thing I have enjoyed about it, because that energy really fueled me when writing this chapter.
> 
> Have some [mood music](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DCDZKUESIPA&ab_channel=IndieSoundsGood) for when they get to the club. And please enjoy some New Year's Eve in the middle of September!

Emori pulls on her favorite boots as she and Raven get ready to go out for New Year’s Eve. She’s not sure what’s in store for the night, but she at least knows she wants to look good. She’s gone with a fairly simple outfit, a pair of black high waisted jeans and a fitted red strapless top. She wants to look hot, and it’s an outfit she feels good in. It’ll be her first time seeing John in person in months, and though she’s not necessarily dressing in this tight outfit for him, she won’t act like him seeing her in it isn’t an added bonus.

“Damn,” Raven says as Emori steps into the bathroom. “You look hot.”

Emori smiles, as a blush spreads across her cheeks. “Thanks.”

Raven goes back to her make-up, and the two of them stand in the mirror as they finish getting ready. Emori plugs in her curling iron and runs it through her hair for a bit more volume.

“Are you excited to see everyone?” Raven asks after a moment.

“Yeah. It’ll be so good to catch up with everyone.”

With Emori coming to LA for New Year’s, the main cast of _Alpha_ and a few of their favorite writers decided to make an evening of New Year’s Eve and have a little reunion. They’re going to dinner, then to a New Year’s Eve party hosted by _Variety_.

“I think Josephine is bringing Gabriel, too,” Raven adds.

Emori smiles, though she’s not sure what that has to do with anything. “It’ll be great to see Gabriel. And John says he’s been getting along with him better lately, so I’m glad there’s no weird tension between him and Josephine because of that situation anymore.”

“Yeah.” Raven puts the cap on her eyeliner and digs through her make-up to pull out a lipstick.

Though Emori is excited to see everyone, she’s obviously most excited to see John. Raven doesn’t question this, because she knows it’s the truth. Just talking to him on the phone isn’t enough, and she’ll be glad for some real, in person time, especially after one of their recent phone calls got a little tense.

It had started calmly enough, Emori mentioning her travel plans. The _Once_ tour picks up again in California, so she said it would be easy to get to where she has to be next from LA. She remembered aloud that she had to check in with Raven about staying at her place. John mentioned she could always come stay with him, but Emori quickly shot down the idea, not wanting to stay with John when all she wanted to do was jump into bed with him. What if they weren’t on the same page about that? It would get awkward very quickly. Her response was stilted though, and John seemed hurt. She added that she always stays with Raven, and she wants to spend time with her too, and John said he understood, but Emori still felt like she had upset him somehow. She hasn’t felt that much awkwardness between them since then, but she’s excited to see him in person so there can be no misunderstanding where they stand with each other.

“I think the real question is are you gonna come back with me at the end of the night?” Raven asks as she finishes her make-up.

Emori laughs. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“I mean, if you were to hypothetically hook up with a certain someone, I wouldn’t be mad. But at some point in the night, I need you to figure that out, so I don’t have to wait for you if I want to leave.”

“I guess I was hoping I wouldn’t have to rule it out as a possibility,” she admits, looking into the mirror to find Raven smirking at her. Her face heats up again. It feels weird to talk about this so openly, even if they’re not saying John’s name.

Emori thinks there’s a very good chance that she and John might finally get to explore a new side of their relationship tonight. Lately when they talk on the phone, he’s been more openly flirty, joking with her, always quick to pay her compliments. He’s always been pretty forthcoming with telling her she’s pretty, but recently he’s made it a habit, and Emori doesn’t know how else to read into that. She doesn’t want to get her hopes up too much, but maybe with a little bit of alcohol and the right music, she can get a kiss from him at midnight. The thought of that, maybe even going further with him sends a thrill down Emori’s spine. She tries to keep her expression neutral, still feeling Raven’s eyes on her.

Once they’re both ready, they order a car and head off to meet everyone at the restaurant. Emori fiddles with the button on her leather jacket as a way to occupy herself. She’s nervous, as if she’s not sure what to expect. She hopes that John’s flirty behavior wasn’t just in her head, especially since she has every intention of flirting back tonight. She’s so lost in thought she doesn’t hear a word Raven says.

“Emori?” Raven asks eventually.

“Hmm?” She looks up, though Raven already knows she wasn’t listening.

Raven laughs. “He’s gonna be happy to see you. I can’t begin to tell you how insufferable he got sometimes talking about how much he missed you.”

Emori lets herself smile at the thought of John being as annoying to his castmates as she probably was to hers about him. It feels odd to talk so openly to Raven about this, not because Raven and John had sex, but because it’s the first time Emori’s really let herself feel so openly about this with another person. It’s different from how she normally goes about things, swallowing them down so nobody knows. But this feels right.

“Do you think I’m stupid for waiting this long to act on my feelings?”

Raven frowns. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, I’ve liked John for over a year now. That’s a significant amount of time, more than just a silly crush. It kind of feels like I was using my no dating castmates rule as an excuse. What if I missed out on my one chance?”

“Well for one thing, I definitely don’t think you’ve missed out. And I mean, there were other reasons you might not have felt like it was the right moment to act on it. You knew you were leaving, and you were about to have a big transition. That seems like a good reason to me not to want to jump into anything new romantically. Even if you really do like the person.”

Emori nods, turning to look out the window as they continue their drive.

“If it makes you feel any better, I feel like the two of you have always kind of been an inevitability,” Raven adds. “Right now, I think it’s really just about the timing. And if you want the timing to be tonight, you can definitely make that happen.”

Raven and Emori aren’t the first to arrive, but they’re not the last ones either. Emori catches sight of Clarke and makes a beeline for her, so happy to see her after months apart.

“Oh my goodness, I missed you so much!” Emori says, pulling Clarke in for a hug.

“I missed you, too! It’s so weird not filming all my scenes with you,” Clarke admits. “But I’m so glad you’re having fun with _Once_. Murphy tells us about it a lot, it’s basically all he’ll talk about.”

Emori laughs as they break apart. “I am having fun. It’s definitely not the same not being in Vancouver with you guys, and it took some getting used to. But talk to me about you! Have you made progress with wedding planning?”

Clarke nods, her face lighting up with excitement. “It’s kind of a big task to plan a wedding while filming, but I’m so excited. We just want to be married. And we will be.”

“September 4th, right? John told me.”

“Yeah. Oh, I didn’t want to do this over text because I wanted to see your face, but will you be one of my bridesmaids?”

Emori grins even wider at this, especially since she wasn’t expecting it.

“Clarke, I would love to!” She hugs her friend again, so excited to be a part of her special day, and so glad to see her in person.

Emori makes the rounds after chatting with Clarke for a little while longer. Bellamy pulls her into a great bear hug, Harper makes her promise they have to take good pictures when they get to the party later, and she does a shot with Jasper and Monty while Miller cheers them on.

Time stops and Emori’s stomach dips when John walks into the room. They lock eyes, and for a moment, they’re the only two people in the room. He’s dressed simply, jeans and a black button down. He’s always been somewhat averse to buttoning his shirts up very far, but Emori can’t say she minds. She doesn’t stop herself from thinking how sexy he looks like she normally would. She barely notices Josephine and Gabriel, who walked in at the exact same time because she’s so focused on John. Emori’s not sure how she was able to deny her feelings for him for so long, but she knows she doesn’t want to anymore. She’ll be damned if she doesn’t at least kiss him tonight.

Emori greets Josephine and Gabriel, hugging them both before they say hello to the others. John lingers behind them, clearly waiting his turn for his hello. A smile lights up his face as they step closer to each other, and Emori is sure hers matches. She feels his eyes linger as he takes in her outfit. The look that passes over his face can only be described as heat, and Emori can’t believe she has to wait to really get her hands on him. But for now, she pulls him into a long hug.

Emori revels in John’s touch, nuzzling her head into his neck as she takes in his scent. He’s wearing a new cologne, and she wonders when he got it. But he still smells the way she remembers. She allows herself to feel all the things she pushed down while they were apart, glad that they’re finally together again and excited to see what the night holds.

John presses a kiss to her cheek and whispers in her ear. “I missed you.”

“I missed you, too,” she whispers back.

“You look really sexy.” He says it quietly, almost in a low growl that sends heat right to Emori’s stomach.

She smiles, raising an eyebrow at him as she pulls back a little to look at him.

“I had to go all out. Haven’t had much opportunity to look sexy lately,” she says.

“You’re always sexy,” he responds simply. It should feel weird, hearing those words come out of her best friend’s mouth, but Emori welcomes them. It looks like things might work out for them this evening after all. And now she’s sure that the seemingly flirty comments over the phone were definitely not just in her head.

“Weirdos!” Raven shouts at them. “Come hang out with the rest of us.”

Emori turns to see the rest of their friends at their table. Most of them are staring in disbelief at the blatant PDA, while Josephine seems to send John a knowing look, and Gabriel just averts his gaze. Emori turns to look at John, and sees that he sends Josephine a look back. She wonders what sort of silent conversation they’re having. Must be a roommate thing.

Emori chuckles, feeling the blush spread across her cheeks, but she takes John’s hand and pulls him to the table. She sits down next to Harper, John on her other side.

Dinner continues fairly normally. Bellamy toasts to having the whole original _Alpha_ gang back together, and they fill Emori in on stories from set, though she’s heard a great deal of them from John. For most of the meal, John’s knee knocks with hers under the table. At first it seems like an accident, but he stays there after the first time their knees touch. Emori welcomes it, allows it to ground her in the moment, even if having John so near to her is a bit of a distraction. Every so often, he leans over to whisper bits of commentary to the stories their friends are telling, always in that low voice from earlier. At one point when he leans in, he even rests a hand on her thigh. His touch is electrifying. He has to know what this does to her, and maybe he’s doing it on purpose. She’ll have to get him back later.

When John leans away to answer something Josephine asks him, Harper elbows Emori from her other side. Emori looks up from her dessert to find Harper with an amused frown on her face.

“What?” Emori asks, though she knows what this is about.

“What’s up with you and Murphy?” Harper asks.

“I’m not really sure. I guess we’ll find out later.”

“You’d better. The two of you have basically been eye-fucking since the moment he walked in.”

Emori laughs. She feels a little bad that her friends have to witness her and John’s less-than-subtle flirting, but she’s pretty sure they all had some idea that they’d be more insufferable than usual after not seeing each other for a while. But whether that was just as friends or maybe something more was unclear. She’s never been sure if her _Alpha_ castmates thought anything more than friendship was going on between her and John. She assumes if they thought something was up, they were too polite to point it out, which seems to be what her _Once_ castmates do.

Once they’ve settled the bill, they all pile into cars to head to the club where _Variety_ is hosting their New Year’s Eve party. Emori rides with Raven and John, though they probably could have fit another person, seeing as Emori and John are basically on top of each other. Raven only vaguely rolls her eyes, though she knew what she was in for this evening, even if she wasn’t sure to what extent.

Emori and John separate slightly as they arrive at the party, seeing as there are cameras around, and it’s probably best to not get the rumor mill buzzing about their relationship status. But the minute they’re past the cameras and safely inside the club, John slings his arm around Emori, pressing their sides together.

“I told Harper we would take cute pictures!” Emori shouts over the loud music.

“Let’s get a drink first,” John responds, leaning close to her ear so she can hear him. She has to stop herself from shivering at the contact.

She nods and lets him lead her to the bar. He orders them shots of tequila. Once they’re poured, he lifts his in a toast.

“To the new year!” he shouts.

“And a night of endless possibilities!” Emori adds.

John smiles at her, a fire behind his eyes. They clink glasses and down the shots.

“Another one!” she insists, clearing her throat once the first one is gone.

John laughs, but orders another round. They down the shots, then Emori insists on finding Harper.

“Save a dance for me!” he says.

Emori kisses him on the cheek. “Obviously.”

She lets her hand linger on his waist, looking him in the eye as she goes to find Harper. They take their pictures, then Harper pulls them to the dance floor. Feeling the tequila really hit her system, Emori lets the music overtake her, shaking her hips to the beat, laughing with her friends.

The dance floor is crowded, a sense of anticipation washing over everyone as it gets closer to midnight. After a few songs, Emori sees John walking towards her in the crowd. She smiles at him, biting her lip and shaking her hips a bit more for his benefit, and the way his eyes trail down to watch her, she knows it’s working. Once he’s closer, he puts his hands on her waist and draws her in close. They move together as the music continues, rocking back and forth. John rests his forehead on hers and they’re so impossibly close without kissing that it drives Emori wild.

After a while, she turns so she’s grinding on him. She feels John’s breath hitch at the new sensation, but he quickly gets into the rhythm of things and pulls her closer, his hands holding tightly to her waist before he lowers them to her hips. Emori is struck with how confident John seems tonight. He’s normally a bit reserved with her, quiet, like he’s always holding back. Tonight there’s no holds barred, and she finds this whole demeanor of his incredibly sexy. She knows without a doubt she can’t wait to go home with him tonight.

John and Emori dance together until about five minutes to midnight. They hold hands as they search for the rest of their friends so they can ring in the new year with them. Emori’s heart thrums with excitement, knowing that in just a few short minutes, her lips will be on John’s. All the reservations she had about him knowing how she felt about him, how starting something romantic with him would ruin their friendship have been thrown out the window. She’s not sure of the exact moment when she changed her mind. But she knows that even if they’re apart, she wants this, wants him. She can’t deny it anymore.

“30 seconds!” Harper shouts, taking Raven’s hand on one side and Emori’s on the other. She drunkenly jumps up and down, clearly excited. She almost knocks Emori over, but John is quick to catch her.

“You think it’ll be a good year?” John asks, leaning close so she can hear him.

Emori smiles. “Maybe the best yet!”

John grins at that, and Emori’s stomach flips. It’s almost time.

People begin to count down around them, but Emori’s preoccupied, too busy lost in John’s eyes to notice much else.

“10, 9, 8, 7, 6,” everyone shouts around them.

Emori can’t tell since it’s dark, but John seems to be blushing a little, almost as if all the bravado from earlier has washed away. As sexy as Emori finds the confident side of John she’s seen tonight, she has a soft spot for this side of him. It’s the same way he gets when he nuzzles into her neck when they cuddle, the way he lifts her and spins her around when they hug after time apart. She’s not sure why she waited this long to let herself actually kiss him.

“5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Happy New Year!”

Shouts and cheering erupt through the club, and the DJ plays an odd remix of ‘Auld Lang Syne’, but Emori barely hears it. She’s only focused on John. Couples are kissing around them, and John takes Emori’s hand, stepping closer to her as he starts to lean in. Emori leans in herself, heart thrumming in her chest, finally about to do the thing she’s wanted to do all night. She closes her eyes as he gets closer, but opens them again when John’s hand tugs her forward, through no fault of his own.

Emori frowns as after pulling away from Josephine, Gabriel pulls John from the other side and plants a kiss on his lips. Her eyes go wide at the sight, not necessarily just because Gabriel is kissing John. But because John quickly recovers from the shock and kisses him back. Almost as if he’s done it before. Her heart drops in her stomach, and not in the way she was expecting it to. What the fuck is going on? Emori wishes she could look away, but she’s so thrown that she can’t help but keep watching.

“Gabriel!” Josephine shouts, her eyes comically wide.

Josephine pulls Gabriel off of John. John seems conflicted, his eyes murderous, but his body language signaling the kiss was at least somewhat enjoyable. The three of them turn to Emori as she stares, rooted to her spot in disbelief.

John looks sheepish as he runs a hand through his hair. “Um, so I guess I’ve been meaning to tell you about this.”

“This?” Emori repeats.

“Yeah, we’re kind of a thing?”

Just when Emori thought her heart couldn’t break anymore, it does.

“Oh. Wow,” she says, not sure what else to say. “I have to go to the bathroom.”

Emori turns quickly, almost running to the bathroom, willing herself not to cry. When she finds it, it’s surprisingly empty, and she’s grateful. She closes herself into a stall and sits down on the ground, not caring how disgusting the floor probably is. She takes a few deep breaths, trying to steady herself. She doesn’t want to cry over a guy, doesn’t want to let John have that much power over her, but she can’t help it as tears fall down her face. She’s embarrassed and pissed at Gabriel for ruining what was supposed to be a perfect moment.

The door to the bathroom creaks open, and Emori quiets her sniffling so nobody bothers her.

“Emori?” Raven calls.

She lets out a sigh. “I’m here, Raven.”

She unlocks the stall as Raven walks over to her. She stands over Emori, concern etched across her face.

“Momo, are you okay?” she asks.

Emori lets out a wet laugh. “I’m crying on the disgusting floor of a club bathroom. Not really how I thought I’d be ringing in the new year.”

“What do you need?”

“I just want to leave.”

“Okay, I’ll call a Lyft,” Raven says, extending a hand to help Emori off the ground.

Emori splashes some water on her face, so it’s not so obvious she was crying. There’s no reason her make-up needs to look good anymore. Raven leads her out of the club and onto the sidewalk as they wait for their ride.

They sit in the Lyft in silence, Emori staring out the window, still in disbelief at the events that transpired in the last hour. John, Josephine, and Gabriel are a thing? He never said anything to her. Why would that be something he kept from her? And if they’re such a thing, why was he so flirty with her all night? He clearly wanted to kiss her. It was about to happen. He was leaning in. Emori’s mind is all over the place as they arrive back at Raven’s house. Once they’re safely inside, Emori lets out a groan and lies back on the couch.

“Well that’s not at all how I thought tonight was going to go,” she says bitterly.

“Yeah, Gabriel was out of line,” Raven says as she takes off her shoes. “The three of them aren’t normally so possessive in public. He must have been really drunk.”

Emori sits up, her eyes wide. “Wait, you knew about this?”

Raven frowns. “Yeah. They’ve basically been a thing since Gabriel helped Josephine move back in back in October. Didn’t you know?”

“Since October?”

“Oh my god, Murphy didn’t tell you?” Raven closes her eyes and lets out a frustrated breath. “Idiot.”

“So everyone knew except for me?”

“Yeah. I honestly thought you knew but just never wanted to bring it up. That’s why I mentioned Josephine was bringing Gabriel tonight.”

Emori recalls that she did find it odd when Raven brought up that seemingly random detail earlier. It makes sense now.

She laughs to herself. “Well. I feel like the biggest idiot alive.”

“Emori, you’re not an idiot.”

“Maybe I am. For pining after someone who clearly doesn’t actually give two shits about me.”

“You’re just upset, you know that’s not true.”

Emori opens her mouth to respond, but is interrupted by her phone buzzing. It’s John calling. She’s usually quick to answer his calls, but for the first time ever, she’s not sure she wants to talk to him.

“Is that Murphy?” Raven asks.

“Yeah,” she answers.

“I’ll go make us some tea, if you wanna talk to him.”

Emori sighs, knowing she won’t be able to sleep if she doesn’t pick up. She nods and Raven gets up and goes into the kitchen, giving her some privacy. She answers, silently putting the phone up to her ear.

“Mori?” John says after a moment.

“I’m here,” she says softly.

“Hey, I’m so sorry about Gabriel. He was really drunk and he’s not normally like that.”

Emori rolls her eyes, though John can’t see her. That’s not what she’s mad about anymore.

“You never said anything,” she says. “We talk all the time, and you never said anything.”

“I know, and I’m sorry for that. I’m a dick, I should have told you. I just couldn’t figure out how.”

“What changed?”

“What do you mean?”

“Last year when they wanted to have sex with you, you said no. What changed?”

John sighs. “I don’t know. I guess I was really enjoying their company, and they seem to like having me around. And honestly, it was nice to feel wanted. We’ve talked about it, and it’s not serious with them, never has been, but I should have told you.”

Now it’s Emori’s turn to sigh. She knows he doesn’t mean it as a dig at her, but it stings to hear about him not feeling wanted. She’s wanted him for longer than he knows, and she’s kicking herself for not doing something about it sooner. So much could have been avoided if she just told him how she felt before they left Vancouver last year.

“I just feel stupid,” she finally says.

“You’re not stupid,” John answers quickly.

Emori’s heart thrums in her chest yet again at John’s words. She thinks she knows what he’s getting at, but she wants to hear him say it. She won’t believe it until she hears it.

“So what are you saying?”

There’s a long silence, almost too long, followed by a sigh.

“I’m saying that I wanted to kiss you at midnight,” he answers.

Emori closes her eyes as a few stray tears fall down her face. Though it’s not an outright ‘I have feelings for you’, it’s still a verbal confirmation of something she’s been longing to hear for much longer than she’d like to admit.

“Oh,” she answers.

“I don’t know where we go from here, Mori.”

“Me neither.”

“I really am sorry.”

“I know, John. I’m tired, so I’m going to bed.”

“Okay. Good night.”

“Good night.”

Emori sits stunned after John hangs up, the words ‘I don’t know where we go from here’ ringing in her ears. It’s not untrue. John’s confession, his relationship with Josephine and Gabriel, the whole evening in general changes things. Emori has no idea how, but she knows things won’t be the same again. She can’t even feel excited about the fact that John does like her when all she’s thinking about is him kissing Gabriel. She feels herself closing in again, because in the moment she was ready to open up and throw caution to the wind, it all came back to bite her in the ass.

Eventually she stands up, heading into the kitchen where Raven has the tea ready. Raven wordlessly hands her a mug. They sit in silence as they sip their tea, something Emori is grateful for. She doesn’t want to talk about this right now, doesn’t have the words yet to describe how she’s feeling. This is exactly what she didn’t want, and now she has to live with this. She just hopes this whole ordeal doesn’t cost her her best friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, I'm sorry.
> 
> Also secondly, fuck Jroth for having Gabriel die the week that I post this chapter where Gabriel acts this way. It's unfortunate timing, and though I did foresee Gabriel dying, I wasn't expecting it this week rip.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed, even though I kind of just took you on an emotional rollercoaster ride. Let me know what you think! I had a lot of fun with this one, even though it gives us a heavy dose of angst.
> 
> Come find me on [Tumblr](https://queenemori.tumblr.com/)!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Here we are in the aftermath of New Year's Eve. A slight bit of break from the angst this week, as a treat. And a little bit of Jroth shade, also as a treat.

The start of a new year usually leaves Emori feeling rejuvenated and excited for what’s to come. But with the way her New Year’s Eve turned out, she’s not sure that’s a great sign for starting the year off on the right foot. She spends New Year’s Day moping around Raven’s house, though Raven does coax her outside for a couple of hours with a nice brunch. Emori’s not usually so dramatic, but finding out John, Josephine, and Gabriel are together really makes it seem as though the world is crumbling down around her.

Emori heads off to Sacramento, the next _Once_ tour stop, with a heavy heart. She tries to remember Raven’s advice to spend the beginning of the new year focusing on herself, but it’s so easy to let her mind wander after everything that’s happened. It seems every free moment that her mind isn’t preoccupied, it drifts to the image of Gabriel kissing John that’s now permanently etched into her brain. It’s terrible.

What’s worse is that Emori and John haven’t really spoken since their phone call in the wee hours of the morning on New Year’s Day. She’s haunted by John’s admission that he wanted to kiss her at midnight, wanting so badly to turn back time so that neither of them hesitated. If only she had leaned in first, or he had leaned in a moment sooner. Then Gabriel could have gone back to kissing Josephine instead of ruining Emori’s evening.

It’s so foreign to not talk to John at least once a day. They’ve basically been in constant communication since _Alpha_ ’s first hiatus. And it’s not that Emori doesn’t want to text or call. She does. But she’s still upset, her feelings still hurt, so she thinks taking a step back and taking a moment for herself is the best idea. She has too many other things to focus on to spend all her time wondering whether or not John is going to text her first. But that doesn’t stop her heart from skipping a beat every time her phone buzzes. She’s just hoping that once she’s back into the rhythm of the tour she’ll be too busy to think about how much she wants to hear from him.

Emori can’t wait for tech in the new venue to start, but unfortunately for her, she arrives in Sacramento a day early. She wasn’t so worried about finding ways to occupy herself when she thought that she and John might actually hook up on New Year’s. She might have even switched to a later flight so she could spend more time with him if things had gone her way. Instead, she lies back on her hotel room bed, channel surfing aimlessly. She expects to spend her afternoon that way, when she hears a click on the other side of the door. Emori frowns as Echo enters the hotel room.

“What, you’re not happy to see me?” Echo jokes once she sees Emori’s face.

“Sorry. I just didn’t know you were getting in today.”

Echo smiles as she rolls her suitcase next to the dresser and sets down her violin case. She flops down on the empty bed.

Echo is Emori’s tour roommate. They’ve bunked together at all their stops so far, and Emori is glad for it. She likes Lisa Ann and Mischa a lot, but they’re not as close. It’s nice to come back to their room and vent about a frustrating moment during the show or just sit in comfortable silence as they go through their nightly routines. Emori is glad today of all days that Echo is also back early.

“How was your New Year’s?” Echo asks.

Emori snorts. “That’s a loaded question.”

Echo raises an eyebrow. “Didn’t you say you were hanging out with your _Alpha_ castmates?”

“It was fun for the most part. Until the end.”

“This story feels like it calls for a snack. Let’s get coffee.” Echo stands up and grabs her purse.

Emori frowns but doesn’t protest. She should probably leave the hotel room at some point today.

They go to a coffee shop a few blocks from the hotel, and Emori recounts her unfortunate New Year’s Eve. She takes a deep breath and lets it all out, from her sexy dancing with John to her certainty that they’d go home together. The horror she felt watching Gabriel kiss John and John kiss him back. John’s quiet confession over the phone. She didn’t realize how easy it would be to let that all out until she began, but it feels nice to say it to someone else. Echo sits quietly and listens, waiting for Emori to be completely finished before saying anything.

Echo takes a moment to process before saying anything. “Wow. That really sucks.”

“I’d say that’s putting it lightly,” Emori says before sipping her latte.

“On the one hand, I’m sure it’s nice to hear that he likes you. But it comes at such a shitty time.”

“Yeah. It almost makes me wish I didn’t know.”

“And you haven’t talked since?”

Emori shakes her head. Echo is the first person she’s told about her feelings for John besides Raven, and it wasn’t as weird to admit it to someone else as she thought it would be. Not that she plans to tell everyone she meets. But she knows she can trust Echo, and she’d probably figured it out already anyway.

“I know it’s probably stupid that I haven’t texted him at least,” Emori says.

“Not necessarily,” Echo says. “He hurt you. Yeah, he apologized, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t still sting. And he is perfectly capable of picking up his phone and texting you first.”

She nods. “I just miss talking to him. It’s part of my routine at this point.”

“I take some issue with you implying that your day somewhat revolves around this guy. Even if he is your best friend.”

Emori’s face heats up at this. She knows Echo is right, and it’s been something she’s actively trying to remedy. She doesn’t want her life to revolve around John. But as she noticed when she got back to New York, she didn’t realize how much of her day was tied to him.

“It’s not like I do this on purpose.”

Echo shrugs. “Even so. It’s good that you’ve noticed so you can make a change. It’ll also probably make the rest of the cast less suspicious about whether you guys are actually together or not.”

“So they _do_ think we’re together,” Emori says with a chuckle.

“If not together, then at least that you’re very into each other.”

“Can you not say anything, please? I don’t really want to field questions about it, especially after what went down.”

“Your secret’s safe with me. Though I don’t know how much of a secret it is. It’s a bit of a relief to know that you actually knew how you felt, honestly. I was worried you were just really oblivious.”

Emori laughs. “No, that was more of a last year problem. This year it’s about me being an idiot for too long.”

“You have to give yourself more credit than that,” Echo says. “You had your reasons for not going for it before. And timing’s a bitch. Maybe you wanted the moment to be on New Year’s, but that wasn’t the moment you guys have in store. I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”

Emori nods, a small smile crossing over her face for the first time that day. She’s glad to have Echo so she doesn’t have to mope around. And Emori knows Echo is right. Even though she hates that John hasn’t called or texted in the past couple of days, maybe that’s a blessing in disguise. It gives her a chance to reevaluate their relationship, make sure she’s not just living for the next time she gets to see or talk to him. She’s on tour getting to perform one of her dream roles, for pete’s sake. She should be having fun and enjoying herself.

The next day is their tech day in their new venue. Normally Emori hates tech. The stop and start as they adjust their movement patterns for the new space, having to repeat the same lines over and over, working in the child actors who will alternate as Girl’s daughter while they’re in Sacramento. It’s a monotonous process, and usually Emori finds it incredibly draining. Today, when she’s trying to focus on anything other than her phone, she finds it exhilarating. She gets to bring this character to life practically every day until June. She gets to travel around the country with a group of people she now considers her friends and make new memories. She’s not sure when she got so lucky.

Though the tour had only just started before they had a break for the holidays, Emori found herself not as interested in doing cast activities outside of the show. Bryan was always encouraging her to come sightseeing with them, but she declined in favor of going back to her hotel and talking to John for a little while before she fell asleep. Now that they’re in Sacramento, and she and John aren’t really speaking, she no longer has that excuse. She joins in on the cast’s group activities and realizes she was missing out.

She loves hearing about Atom’s wild conservatory days, Echo’s Josh Groban anecdotes from when she was in _Natasha, Pierre, and the Great Comet of 1812_ , and Mischa’s starstruck moment when Meryl Streep came backstage to a show she was in, and she forgot how to speak. In turn, Emori talks about _Alpha_ , remembering to talk about her castmates other than John. She talks about how she and Clarke used to psych each other up before an important scene and how she and Harper had roommate takeout nights the day before a table read.

In leaving out stories about John, Emori also omits Josephine from her tales of the _Alpha_ set. Not that Emori doesn’t like Josephine. She just finds it a bit hard to think of her right now without her stomach churning with a weird mixture of anger and jealousy. It brings her back to filming the first season when she learned that John and Josephine hooked up. She and John were sitting together on set in between takes closer to the tail-end of the season. They weren’t discussing much of anything, just finding ways to pass the time. Emori had asked what he did over the weekend, since she hadn’t seen much of him, and he shrugged and said he hooked up with Josephine. It was so nonchalant, almost as if he had said he had a sandwich for lunch.

Emori remembers being shocked, and a little surprised that they were on the level of friendship where they told each other about who they were having sex with. Had the roles been reversed, she’s not sure she would have mentioned someone she slept with to him at that point. She didn’t think Josephine seemed like John’s type. Not that she was exactly sure what John’s type was, but whatever that was, she was sure Josephine didn’t fit it. She remembers her stomach churning similarly to how it does now, but back then, she didn’t know what that meant. Or if she did, she pushed it down. She doesn’t remember reacting badly in the moment, but she did notice that John never told her anything like that again. Emori hates thinking that perhaps the reason him telling her about Josephine stuck out in her mind so much was because she’s liked John for much longer than she even realized. The thought is terrifying, revealing of feelings so deep that Emori’s not sure what to do. It’s probably best that she doesn’t mention Josephine much right now.

This approach works for the first few days of them being in Sacramento, and it seems like Emori’s in the clear until she gets dinner with Echo, Sterling, Atom, Bryan, and Lisa Ann after their matinee performance.

“So what’s Josephine Lightbourne like?” Sterling asks. “You never seem to talk about her.”

Emori grits her teeth, a little annoyed that her plan to willfully ignore Josephine’s existence for a while has been thwarted. It figures she had to be one of the more interesting cast members. It’s a wonder nobody asked about her sooner.

“She’s definitely a character,” she answers. She can feel Echo watching her as she sips on her soda.

“In what way?” Sterling pushes.

She knows he doesn’t mean anything by it and that he’s just curious, so she does her best to give him some fairly neutral answers.

“Well she always has an opinion. When we did the table read for the episode where Nadia dies, the room was completely silent except for her going ‘what the fuck’. I would have laughed if the circumstances were different.”

“And was she cool to work with?”

Emori nods. “I didn’t have nearly as many scenes with her as I did with Clarke or John, but every time I got to work with her was nice. She’s been acting for so long it’s like second nature to her.”

“I think Josephine Lightbourne might’ve been my first celebrity crush,” Atom chimes in. “And now I’m only like one degree of separation from her.”

“What was that movie she did with Miles Shaw a couple years ago?” Bryan asks.

“ _Intent_?” Sterling guesses.

“Yeah! That was wild.”

Emori lets out a breath as the boys go off on a tangent about an action movie Josephine was in about a year before _Alpha_ started, any other questions about her completely forgotten.

As the group heads back for their call for the evening performance, Echo grabs Emori’s arm, signaling for her to hang back. The others don’t notice the two of them trailing behind.

“You good?” Echo asks.

“I’m fine,” Emori answers, though she’s not sure how convincing she sounds.

Echo raises an eyebrow but thankfully doesn't say anything else. Emori tries her best to get in the zone and focus on the show. Usually she’s a bit more animated as she gets ready for performances, but today she’s feeling more subdued. She keeps to herself, doing her piano warm-ups and retreating to a corner in the green room to sit with her headphones in. Thankfully people give her space.

The show goes pretty well, better than the matinee in Emori’s opinion, but then again most matinees are shit. A few people are going to get drinks, but Emori declines, needing a bit of time alone. And since Echo’s going, that means she has the room to herself so she can call Raven.

Raven picks up on the second ring. “Hi, Momo!”

“Hi,” she says with a sigh.

“What’s the matter?”

Emori chuckles at her friend’s perceptiveness. “I’ve just had a long day is all. Two shows.”

“That sigh didn’t sound like a two-show day sigh, though.”

“One of my castmates brought up Josephine at dinner, and I’ve felt weird ever since.”

“So I take it you still haven’t talked to Murphy?”

“No. I’ve been fine for the most part, when I’ve been busy. When things get quiet, all I want to do is talk to him. But I don’t feel ready to text him yet.”

“Definitely go at your own pace,” Raven says. “I know it sucks, but I think this is good for you guys. At least for now.”

“You’re right. So tell me about your day. What’s new with you?”

Raven chuckles. “I got into a bit of an argument with Kane today during a scheduling meeting.”

Emori’s eyes widen. Though Raven isn’t always one to keep her cool, she’s worked with Kane for long enough to know that he’s not a fan of being questioned.

“What was it about?” Emori asks.

“I mentioned again that I was worried the finale feels a bit too incomplete. I said I think we should go back and plan a bit more for cancellation, but he’s hellbent on ending it the way we already planned.”

“Can’t you do like an alternate ending sort of thing? In case you guys do get picked up for another season?”

“I suggested an alternate ending that feels a bit more final, but he shot it down almost as soon as it was out of my mouth. I think he’s underestimating how upset people were about the end of last season.”

Emori snorts. “I mean, if I’m still getting hate tweets, I’m sure he’s getting more than I am. How is he not clued into that?”

“He’s of the opinion that the people watching for the story will keep us afloat,” Raven says bitterly.

“Ugh, that’s so stupid. I’m sorry, Raven.”

“There’s not much I can do. At the end of the day, it’s not my show.”

“But one day you’ll get your own, and it’s going to be absolutely amazing.”

“And I’ve learned so much about what _not_ to do from Kane.”

Emori and Raven both laugh at this. Kane has certainly given Raven some good examples for how to run a show, but there are plenty of things that Emori knows Raven would do differently.

“Maybe I can convince you to come back to TV with whatever I do next,” Raven muses.

Emori chuckles. “Maybe. Depends on how great the part you write for me is.”

“Please, you know it’d be amazing.”

“I do.”

“And I just really wanna work with you again, Momo. I know you’re having fun being back on stage, though.”

“Raven, I would absolutely work with you again. It’s not like I’m ruling any more TV out completely or anything like that. I just needed this break.”

“I understand. Just know you’ll be the first person I call when I’ve figured out my next thing.”

They talk for a little while longer, just catching each other up and planning their dream next project together. They don’t have much yet, just that Emori’s character is an international spy, because that’s one of her dream roles. She loves these moments with Raven, getting to dream and make outlandish plans that will definitely have to be scaled back. But even in Raven’s head, they’re all amazing, and Emori really is excited to see what she does after _Alpha_.

_Once_ plays for another two days in Sacramento before everyone packs up and moves on to the next city. Emori still hasn’t heard from John. Her heart aches a little when she thinks about it. She picks up her phone each morning, almost expecting a text from him, since he sometimes sends her random texts in the middle of the night, but they’re never there. Even though she’s used to it, she can’t help but feel a little disappointed.

With each passing day, it aches a little less to not hear from him. Probably because she’s keeping busy. She does all the touristy things that her castmates invite her on when they go to new cities. And their tech days have felt particularly exhausting lately, so all Emori wants to do when she and Echo get back to their room is lie back and go to sleep. She misses him, but this is beginning to feel like their new normal. And though she’s still working on accepting it, Emori knows she has to.

By the end of January, Emori thinks she’s completely put John out of her mind. They’re in a new city and she’s focused on doing her job and having fun with her new friends. Part of touring includes press, things like local morning and radio show performances. Sometimes the whole cast goes, but usually it’s just Emori and Sterling. This particular morning it’s just the two of them. Emori thankfully doesn’t have to get up as early as she did for _Alpha_ press tour appearances. She does miss having a stylist for press, but at least she knows how to put together an outfit.

Emori and Sterling warm up together backstage once they arrive on the set of the morning show. They’re performing “Falling Slowly”, which at this point is second nature to them, so even though it’s early they feel pretty okay with it.

They take their places on the set as the host announces their performance. Once the lights are on them, Emori and Sterling lock eyes before Emori plays the first notes of the song. “Falling Slowly” is one of Emori’s favorite moments in the show. She loves the pure moment between the two characters as they begin to understand each other, even though they’ve just met. It always feels magical when they get to perform it, like they’re the only two people in the room. Emori smiles as they near the end of the song, both as Girl, and as herself. For the first time in a while, she feels content, happy about where she is. She feels the excitement her character is feeling through the rest of the performance and as the song comes to an end.

The few people in the studio clap as Emori and Sterling finish the piece. Once they’re finished, they join the host at the table for a quick interview.

“So we’re here with Emori Chiu and Sterling Newman, the stars of the national tour of _Once_ : _The Musical_ ,” the woman says. “Thank you for that performance, it was just lovely.”

“Thank you for having us,” Sterling says, flashing his bright smile.

“So that’s probably the most famous piece from the show, but can you tell our audience a bit more about it?”

“Well, I’ve always found it interesting that the song is called ‘Falling Slowly’ when that’s actually the exact opposite of what Girl and Guy are doing,” Emori answers.

“That’s a good point,” Sterling chimes in. “These two people meet and the audience gets to watch them get to know and fall in love with each other over the course of a week. It’s kind of incredible.”

The host laughs. “I mean, we’ve all been in love before. It can happen quickly.”

Sterling laughs, and Emori joins in, but the host’s comment takes her by surprise. The rest of the interview continues as normal since Emori and Sterling have a few set answers that they tend to give at this point, now used to this part of the tour. The interview gives her something to focus her mind on, but once it’s over, she dwells on the host’s words.

_We’ve all been in love._

Emori doesn’t think she’s ever been in love. She’s always been so focused on acting that she’s never allowed herself to sit in those emotions. Hook-ups have always been simpler. Less scary.

For the first time in a while, Emori declines the invitation to go sightseeing with the group, opting to stay in and just have time to herself. They don’t need to know she’s moping. And she’ll feel better before the show later. She just needs to figure out why this pit in her stomach has been sitting there since the interview this morning. She scrolls through social media and shares the video of her and Sterling’s performance. She turns on the TV, hoping to find something else to focus her mind on, when she gets a notification from Twitter. It’s a reply from John. As much as Emori wants to roll her eyes, she can’t help the way her heart flutters seeing his name pop up for the first time in what feels like forever. She opens it.

_Always a treat to hear you perform. Wish I could see the whole thing._

Emori likes the tweet, willing her stomach to stop doing somersaults. She was doing so well with putting John out of her mind. The last thing she needs is this distraction. But deep down, she misses him. She misses him so much it hurts, and she doesn’t want to be mad at him anymore. So against her better judgement she picks up her phone and sends a text.

_Are you busy?_

The reply is almost instantaneous.

_No._

That’s all Emori needs to press the FaceTime button by his name and call him. He picks up after a couple rings. He’s in Vancouver, lying back on his bed.

“Hi,” he says, a small smile on his face.

“Hi.” Emori returns his smile, though it’s still tentative.

“It’s been a while.”

She nods. “I’ve been busy.”

“I figured. And I thought you might need some space,” John admits.

“I did. Thank you.”

He nods. “I just want to say I’m sorry again. For not telling you about Josephine and Gabriel. For what went down on New Year’s. For everything.”

“Thanks.”

They lapse into silence, and for the first time it’s not necessarily comfortable. Emori knew this would happen, and she hates that it’s come to this. All she wants is for things to be normal again, to have her best friend back. She doesn’t want this to be weird.

“John?” she asks.

“Yeah, Mori?”

“I want us to get past this, okay? I don’t want things to be weird between us.”

“Me neither.”

“Okay, great.”

“Your performance on that morning show was really amazing,” John says.

Emori chuckles. “Thank you. But you didn’t have to watch it.”

“I wanted to. I’m your biggest fan, remember?”

She smiles at this, her heart warming at the sentiment. She can’t even begin to put into words how much she missed talking to him.

“You’re too nice to me, John.”

“You deserve it.”

“Thank you. And in case it wasn’t clear, I’ll always be your biggest fan.”

He laughs, a blush spreading across his cheeks. “Aw, shucks.”

They both laugh for a moment, lapsing into another silence, but this time it feels more familiar.

John sighs. “I really miss you.”

“I really miss you, too,” Emori admits. “So I see you’re back in Vancouver. Are you excited to start filming again?”

“Yeah. Cullen’s big episode is coming up. I had a long talk with Kane about where we want it to go. He seemed like he’d listen. But from what we’ve already filmed, Stella and Cullen are on a trajectory back to each other.”

Emori nods, that pit in her stomach returning at the mention of Josephine’s character. It feels silly because John has said nothing about Josephine. But the mention of it still feels weird. She tries to put that out of her mind. She knows John’s just excited about what’s in store for Cullen and that has nothing to do with Josephine.

“Do you think it’s shaping up to be interesting?” she asks.

He nods, though his face looks a little more uncertain. “I do. I just don’t think people are going to watch it. And if they do I think they might find the resolution to Nadia’s death to be unsatisfying.”

“That’s fair. Kane doesn’t seem like he’s one to dwell,” Emori muses.

John snorts. “Definitely not. But what can you do?”

“It’s going to be weird watching this season, not knowing what happens. Raven won’t tell me much, and I’m sure you won’t, either.”

“Absolutely not. You get to be surprised with everyone else.”

Emori laughs. “What, I’m not special anymore?”

“Of course you’re special,” John says easily. “But I wanna see your genuine reactions. Can’t spill all my insider secrets.”

She feigns shock. “Wow, so much for keeping you around as my best friend.”

“Come on, you love me.”

Suddenly, it clicks. She loves him. It’s something she’s said to John hundreds of times, but this is different. It’s why the morning show host’s words stuck out to her. She _has_ been in love before. She’s in love with John.

Emori chuckles, hoping he doesn’t notice the panic that’s set in on her face. He knows her so well at this point, but she can’t let him think something’s wrong. Even if she is having a bit of a freakout.

“Yeah,” she says before quickly adding, “I wish I could talk longer, but I should think about getting food before my call time.”

John nods. “Okay. I should get going too. Bellamy promised he’d hang out with me today, so I should show up at his house before he changes his mind.”

“You guys have fun. We’ll talk soon though, okay?”

“Yeah. Bye, Emori.”

“Bye, John.”

He hangs up, and Emori has to take a moment to steady herself. She’s in love with John. Why did it take her so long to figure that out? This feels like a terrible situation to be in. She’s in love with her best friend, and they’re going to be separated for the foreseeable future. And he’s maybe still involved with Josephine and Gabriel. She almost wanted to ask about them on the phone, but thought better of it when her stomach churned at the mere mention of Stella.

Emori lies back on her bed, sitting with this new realization. She’s never felt so deeply about anyone in her life, and it’s terrifying. It’s terrifying that she feels this way for someone who just a month ago was flirting with her but withholding the information that he was involved with other people. It’s terrifying she feels this way for someone who she has no clue when she’s going to see him in person again. It’s terrifying that she feels this way for her best friend in the entire world. She doesn’t want to lose him. But this whole thing feels so monumental that she’s not sure how much longer she can keep it to herself before she bursts.

As terrifying as it is, it’s also a little exciting. Love isn’t something that Emori’s spent a lot of time thinking about. She’s always been busy with her career, making a name for herself, figuring out what she loves. And sure, she’s always felt a little pang in her chest watching her other friends find love. But it wasn’t the moment for her. Maybe this is her moment. As much as it’s poor timing, she lets herself get excited. There’s no way in hell she’s ready to tell him, but she’s ready to admit it to herself. And that’s enough for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed! Let me know what you think.
> 
> And come find me on [Tumblr](https://queenemori.tumblr.com/)!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!!!
> 
> So like as a whole, the finale was not good, but all the Memori wrecked me and I am still recovering. But I'm so so excited to share this chapter with you this week, and I think it lined up really well as a treat now that The 100 is over.
> 
> Idk if any of you actually listen to the songs I link, but like if there was ever a song to actually click, it would be [this one](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=itZLtpuwQl0&ab_channel=RodolfoSoto) that gets mentioned while Emori sings it.
> 
> Anyway, please enjoy!

It’s a week into February and the beginning of their second show in Phoenix. Emori doesn’t think she’ll ever tire of listening to the ensemble play their instruments before the show. It’s now part of her routine to stand backstage and listen as they play to get the crowd amped up before going into the overture. The audience already seems to be enjoying themselves, clapping along to the beat of each song. Their excitement is electric, and even just standing backstage, Emori feeds off that energy as her castmates play the last song before starting the show.

As they play the overture, Sterling comes up to Emori to do their nightly ritual. They’ve made up a little dance to go with the music, complete with a handshake they do right at the end before Sterling walks onstage. It helps them get out of their heads for a moment before the show really begins, and Emori looks forward to it before every performance.

The audience claps as the ensemble makes their exit and Sterling enters, strumming the beginning notes of “Leave” on his guitar. Emori waits in the wings for her entrance. She loves to listen to Sterling, but Echo interrupts her focus as she comes to stand next to her.

“You didn’t tell me John Murphy was coming,” Echo says in a whisper.

Emori’s eyes widen and her heart drops into her stomach. “What?”

“I’m pretty sure I spotted him in the audience. And it wasn’t just me, Atom whispered something to me in between songs.”

“I didn’t know he was coming.”

“Oh. Well that’s a nice surprise.” Echo walks off, leaving Emori standing stunned.

Emori’s not sure what to think. What is John doing here? He’s supposed to be in Vancouver. He should be filming. She wasn’t expecting to see him so soon, especially not since she realized so recently that she’s actually in love with him. And why wouldn’t he tell her that he was coming? A million thoughts swirl through Emori’s head, and she has to jump up and down a few times to recenter herself as Sterling continues his song. She has to walk onstage soon, and she needs to focus. She can’t lose her cool just because John’s in the audience. She has a job to do, no matter who’s here tonight.

She’s broken out of her trance as Sterling reaches the climax of the song. She takes a few deep breaths, steadying herself as she walks on for her first entrance. Thankfully Emori has the excuse of paying close attention to Sterling to distract her from her eyes wandering out into the audience as they sometimes do in other scenes. She can do this. She’s a professional, and she can get through the show like normal.

Things get a bit more difficult in the middle of act one. Emori always has fun with the scene where Girl introduces Guy to her family, getting to dance around with Atom, Bryan, Echo, Mischa, and the little girl who plays her daughter. Sterling does a great job of looking slightly overwhelmed while simultaneously having a great time. That scene goes into a quieter one, where Guy plays a piece of music he wrote for Girl, and once he leaves, she continues to play the song, while substituting in her own lyrics about him.

Sterling exits and Emori has her hands on her headphones as she normally does. She pretends to move to the melody that’s not playing yet, facing the audience. She doesn’t mean to scan the crowd, but she somehow spots John in the middle of the orchestra section and immediately locks eyes with him.

Her breath catches in her throat for a moment, and she has to fight the urge to blush. It figures she would spot him right before “If You Want Me,” of all songs. She closes her eyes again, focusing her energy on the scene and Bryan’s guitar playing from offstage as the song begins. She hums along before she starts to sing the opening notes of the song.

“ _Are you really here? Or am I dreaming? I can’t tell dreams from truth_.”

Now that she knows where John is seated, she does her best to look anywhere but there, trying to train her eyes up to the people in the balcony as she sings. Thankfully this is the only song that she really sings somewhat out to the audience, so she’ll be saved from this later.

“ _For it’s been so long, since I have seen you. I can hardly remember your face anymore_.”

She feels Echo and Lisa Ann behind her as they come to their places for the dance. Emori tries to let concrete things ground her in the moment so she can stay focused. She certainly doesn’t want to think about how fitting to her situation the lyrics to this sexy song are, not while John is in the audience.

“ _When I get really lonely, and the distance causes only silence. I think of you smiling, with pride in your eyes, a lover that sighs_ …”

Once Emori reaches the first chorus, she’s a bit more relaxed, thinking less about her real life, and more about what Girl is feeling for Guy in this moment. Although, she’s feeling similar things in real life, stuck on how much she wants John, but conflicted about how they could make it work. Liking each other is only half the battle in their case. And if anything, this show is the perfect example of how sometimes love is not enough.

Emori uses intermission to settle herself. Her castmates are very excited that John Murphy is in the audience. They hope he’ll come backstage after the show, and a few of them ask Emori if she knew he was coming. She fields their questions, biting back her own panic at the situation. They don’t need to know she’s in panic mode. She’s somewhat wary of this whole thing, because now that John is actually here, there’s hardly room for her to deny that they’re clearly into each other.

They get through the second act with little incident. Emori loves the tail end of the show, since it brings everyone together. “When Your Mind’s Made Up” has come leaps and bounds since their first rehearsal, and it fills Emori up a little every time they get to that part of the show.

The ending of the show doesn’t normally make Emori feel so sad, but things are different knowing that John is here tonight. Even though Girl and Guy know they’re in love, they cannot be together. Girl says she has to try and make things work with her husband, if only for her daughter’s sake, and Guy gets a call from his ex-girlfriend in America saying that she misses him, and Girl encourages him to go be with her. It’s bittersweet, the fact that these two people that care for each other so deeply can’t find a way to make it work. If the circumstances were different, if they had met at another time, in another life. Things might have worked out for them. But this wasn’t that life.

Emori hopes that’s not how things are going to end up for her and John. She wants to be with him so badly, it hurts, but their timing has been absolutely terrible. And even if they do finally one day get the timing right, who’s to say that things will actually work out for them?

Once the show is over, all the feelings Emori was pushing down while performing come back up to the surface. She gets out of her costume and takes off her make-up like normal, and on the outside she looks as if she’s just going about her post-show routine. But on the inside, she’s a bundle of nerves, knowing she has to face John for the first time now that she knows how she truly feels about him. He doesn’t know, but there’s a part of her that’s worried he’ll sense something different. She can’t help but think that this is the moment that things are going to change for them. And whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing, she has yet to decide.

One of the assistant stage managers knocks on the dressing room door and sticks her head in.

“Emori, you have a guest,” she says.

Emori nods. “Thank you.”

She turns back to her mirror to fix her hair, but freezes when she notices the room has gone silent. Emori notices the wide smirk on Echo’s face. Lisa Ann and Mischa pretend to mind their business, but they do a terrible job of hiding their smiles.

“What?” Emori asks, though she knows the innocent act won’t fly. She’s sure it doesn’t help that her cheeks are bright red.

Echo shakes her head. “Nothing.”

Lisa Ann and Mischa gather their things and leave the dressing room. Once they’re gone, Emori opens her lip gloss and applies a bit to her lips.

“I can go sleep in Lisa Ann and Mischa’s room if you want,” Echo offers after another moment of silence.

“That won’t be necessary.”

“I’ll do it anyway. Just in case.” With that, Echo picks up her bag and violin case, leaving Emori on her own in the dressing room.

Emori takes another moment to collect herself before she goes to meet John. She looks at her reflection in the mirror, checking that she doesn’t look too flustered, before taking a deep breath and standing up before she loses her nerve. She’s not sure what’s going to happen tonight, but there’s a feeling she can’t shake that things will never be the same.

She picks up her bag and exits the dressing room. She walks through the halls of the backstage area to the green room. Emori can’t help the smile that forms on her face when she sees John. His back is to her, as he stands talking to Sterling, or more like Sterling won’t stop talking to John. Emori hopes he hasn’t said anything too weird. Sterling gets very talkative when he’s excited and doesn’t always know when to stop. Thankfully, he notices her and waves, prompting John to turn in her direction.

Emori’s going to have to work on seeing John after time apart and not having her breath taken away, but that seems like a task for another day. He smiles at her, his eyes bright as she walks up to him. He opens his arms and she easily steps into them for a hug. It’s a quick hug, a little tentative with Sterling in the room, but still familiar.

“Hi,” John says as he pulls back.

Emori laughs. “Hi? That’s all you have to say for yourself?”

“Oh, you’re right. Surprise!”

“What are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be filming?”

“They’re shooting Harper’s big episode this week, and Cullen’s not in it. So I thought I’d really be your biggest fan and come and see you in the show. You were brilliant, by the way. Not that I expected any less from you.”

Emori doesn’t even bother trying to reign in the grin on her face. She feels so warm inside that John came all the way to Arizona to see her on his week off. She loves him even more just for that.

“Thank you,” she says, stroking his arm. “You really didn’t have to come all this way.”

John shrugs, ducking his head to hide the blush on his cheeks. “It’s not like I was doing anything. I would’ve just sat around and watched TV.”

“Well it means a lot.”

“I’m just glad I could make it work. I would’ve tried to come after we wrapped anyway, but I saw an opportunity and I took it.”

Emori nods and smiles, the stupid grin on her face only getting bigger, but John has one to match, so she feels less silly. They stand in silence for a bit, just taking each other in. He’s standing right in front of her, but she still can’t believe he’s here.

“So, since you just got here, I’m assuming you don’t have any plans, right?” Emori asks eventually.

“Nope. I’m all yours.”

“Do you want to get a drink or food or something?”

John smirks and raises an eyebrow. “Is this you asking me out?”

Emori giggles, only a little embarrassed that the sound has come out of her mouth. “Only if you want to look at it that way.”

“I’d like that.” He smiles, biting his lip, and Emori almost melts at how cute the sight is. How was she able to deny how she feels about him for so long?

“Shall we?” she asks.

“Let’s do it.”

Emori leads John out of the green room and to the stage door. A few cast members are still backstage, and they bid Emori goodbye as they make their way outside. It’s a mild night, the type of weather that Emori is not used to experiencing after spending the past few winters in Vancouver. Nevertheless, she zips her jacket as they walk. It’s quiet, since it’s the middle of the week, but Emori doesn’t mind. She and John walk close together on the sidewalk, so their shoulders bump every now and again.

“We’ve only been here a couple days, so I don’t really know what’s good. But Sterling mentioned a bar that he and Atom went to after tech, so we can just go there if you want?” Emori asks.

John shrugs. “It doesn’t matter to me. I’m just here to spend time with you.”

“Okay. So tell me what you thought of the show.” She leads him in the direction of the bar.

“It was a lot of fun,” John says. “Though I wasn’t expecting it to be a sad sort of love story. So I was a little thrown off by the ending.”

Emori laughs. “Yeah, it’s very bittersweet. But it’s a fun journey.”

“Yeah, for sure. And everyone was crazy talented. Especially that Sterling guy. And he seems nice, though he did talk my ear off before you came in.”

“I hope he didn’t say anything too crazy.

“No, not really. Just that he was excited to finally meet me because you talked so much about me.”

Emori’s face burns bright red at that. Leave it to Sterling to spill the beans. She knows he didn’t do it on purpose, just that he was excited to talk to John in the first place. But that doesn’t change that it feels like he’s spilled a deep, dark secret of hers, even if it is a bit obvious.

“So you must have really missed me, huh?” John nudges her shoulder.

She chuckles. “Yeah, almost as much as you missed me. Raven told me you talk about me non-stop.”

John laughs. “Touché.”

They trade simple small talk as they near the bar. Emori leads them to a secluded spot in the back, and they order beers and french fries to share. She missed how easy it was to just laugh and talk with John in person. It makes her so happy that even when they have moments of being out of sync, they can easily fall back into old habits. It gives her a little hope, though they haven’t broached the subject of anything close to romantic.

“How’s everyone over at _Alpha_?” Emori asks.

“They’re all good, as far as I’m aware. Bellamy and Clarke are knee deep in wedding planning. They’re really stressed. Don’t envy them at all,” John says before sipping his beer.

Emori laughs. “Definitely not. But I guess wanting to be with your forever person will make you do crazy things.”

John’s eyes soften as he looks at Emori and nods. “Yeah.”

The sustained eye contact is enough to make Emori blush, so she eventually breaks it, reaching into the basket for some more fries.

“Everyone says hi, though,” John adds. “They were sad they couldn’t all come. I wouldn’t have expected it, but Josephine says _Once_ is one of her favorite musicals.”

Emori’s stomach churns at the mention of Josephine, though a bit less than usual, so she takes that as a good sign. She tries to keep a neutral expression, lifting her drink to her lips as she nods.

John must sense her mood shift because he takes a breath and says, “I’m not with Gabriel and Josephine anymore.”

“You’re not?” Emori parrots, making sure she heard him correctly.

He shakes his head. “I ended it in January.”

“I hope it wasn’t because of me.” She’d hate to think that she ruined something that John was enjoying, even if it did make her wildly jealous.

“I won’t lie, New Year’s has a bit to do with it. But I had been thinking about ending things for a while, so the thing with Gabriel kind of solidified my decision. It was always something I was going to do until I stopped having fun. And it stopped being fun, and they understood that. No hard feelings, really.”

Emori nods. “That’s really mature.”

John chuckles. “What can I say? 26 years old, and I somewhat successfully navigated a throuple with my roommate and her boyfriend.”

Emori laughs.

“I should have told you about it sooner, though.”

Emori shakes her head and stares down at her drink. “It’s okay, John.”

“No, it’s not.” He reaches over and rests a hand on her knee. “I got worried about telling you, and I put it off then ended up never saying anything to you at all. And it got us into this mess. You deserved to know, and I’m sorry for that.”

She smiles, warmth running through her at the contact. She rests her hand on top of his and looks into his eyes.

“Thank you,” she answers. “But we can move past it now.”

He smiles at her, his expression softening again as he seems to relax. Emori really isn’t hung up on the whole John, Josephine, and Gabriel situation anymore. She doesn’t want to be, because she wants to move forward and figure out whatever she and John could potentially have. And there’s no use dwelling on it, especially now that she knows it’s completely in the past.

The rest of their conversation sees a shift in their behavior. Emori scoots closer to John so their legs are touching, though they continue to talk about fairly simple things. Emori tells a few more tour stories, and John talks more about what’s going on on set. They talk long after both of their beers and the fries are gone, just glad to be in each other’s company again. But it feels like they’re dancing around the giant elephant in the room, or that neither of them knows how to broach it. For the first time there is nothing holding either of them back from making a move, yet neither of them seem to be able to.

Eventually Emori claims to be tired and that she should start heading back to her hotel. They pay the bill and walk in the direction of Emori’s hotel. Their pace is slow, and they walk closer together than they did on their way to the bar. Emori can feel her heart beating in her chest, in anticipation of something she’s not sure is actually going to happen, but she wants desperately. With each passing second it feels like someone will have to call it a night, but Emori’s not ready to give in just yet.

“Do you have an early morning?” John asks.

Emori shakes her head. “Sometimes we have put-in rehearsals or interviews. But nothing tomorrow.”

He nods, but doesn’t say anything else as they keep walking. There’s a tension in their silence. It’s not uncomfortable, but it’s excruciating in a different way. Judging from the way he acted on New Year’s, Emori thought John would be keen to make the first move, but he doesn’t do anything other than lace his fingers with hers after a while. She’s glad of the contact, but she wants more than that.

Emori thought it would be easier to cross over this line with John, but every moment she has the words on the tip of her tongue, she can’t bring herself to say them. They get dangerously closer to her hotel with each step, but she knows she’s not ready to say goodbye to him yet.

They reach the hotel and she turns to him, not letting go of his hand.

“Do you want to come up?” she asks, ignoring the way her stomach flips as she makes the first move.

John stares at her, as if searching her for the right answer. “Do you want me to come up?”

“Would I have asked if I didn’t?”

“I guess not.”

Emori lets out a frustrated sigh. “We’ve been dancing around this for so long, John. You can’t possibly be looking for a way out of this.”

He steps in so that their faces are only mere inches apart. Her heart is beating so fast it threatens to burst out of her chest. God, she wants this so much.

“I’m not,” John says, barely a whisper.

“Then kiss me,” she whispers back.

With that, any hesitation he might have felt is out the window as he closes the distance between them. His lips are soft, but firm and urgent all at once. She wraps her arms around his neck as his hands move to cup her face, deepening the kiss. Emori revels in this moment, memorizing the feel of his stubble as it scratches her face, tasting the leftover salt from the french fries on his lips. She wants to learn every bit of him. Maybe it was a mistake to start kissing him before they got upstairs, because now she doesn’t want to stop. She pulls away, both of them breathing heavily.

“Let’s go upstairs,” she says.

“Okay,” John answers, his voice rough.

Emori grabs John’s hand and practically pulls him into the hotel and up to her room. She silently thanks Echo for going to sleep in Mischa and Lisa Ann’s room. Now she can have John all to herself in a way she’s only dreamt about having him.

The door is barely closed before John pushes her against the door and is on her again, his urgent kiss sending heat right to her center. Emori nips at John’s lip, willing him to open his mouth so she can let her tongue in. She already had a pretty good idea that he was a decent kisser from filming their sex scene, but it’s completely different and so much better when it’s not just a screen kiss. The sensation is overwhelming, sending a thrill down her spine, but she doesn’t want the feeling to ever end.

John pulls away from her lips to press kisses on her neck. Emori lets her head fall back on the door, already losing herself in his touch when he’s barely done anything to her yet.

“Bed,” she gasps as he works his way to her collarbone.

“Don’t have to tell me twice,” he says. He takes her hand, walking them farther into the room.

Emori pushes him to sit on her bed. She pulls off her jacket and throws it to the side, a mischievous smile spreading across her face. John stares up at her with such reverence as she lifts her shirt over her head, that she feels her cheeks heat up.

“God, you’re so beautiful,” John whispers as he grabs at her hips. He pulls her down onto his lap and brings their lips together again.

Emori would almost be content to just kiss John, the feel of their lips moving together almost something out of a dream, after wanting to for so long. But they’ve got the whole rest of the night to just kiss. Right now she wants all of him. She grinds down on his lap, reveling in the feel of him already hard under her. He groans into her mouth and pulls her closer. Her hands play with the hem of his shirt and they break apart so he can pull it off. Once it’s off, Emori pushes him down onto his back and goes to work kissing his neck.

Though John seemed hesitant and unsure outside, he’s much more confident now. His hands snake around to Emori’s back and unhook her bra. He takes her by surprise, flipping them so she’s on her back and he’s hovering above her. He carefully tucks a strand of hair behind her ear before leaning down to kiss her mouth, her neck, her breasts. Emori lets out a breathy moan as he works his way down her body, every touch electrifying as he gets to her jeans, unbuttoning them and sliding them off. His hands roam over every part of her, learning her in this new and intimate way.

He hooks a finger into her underwear, brushing up against her slit. Her breath hitches at the touch. She’s already wet, and John looks up at her, eyes dark and a playful smile on his face, before pressing a finger to her clit.

“Don’t tease me, John,” Emori moans.

“Tell me what you want,” he prompts her, his touch becoming more insistent.

“I want you to go down on me.”

John pulls Emori’s underwear all the way off and kisses the inside of her thighs before pressing his tongue inside of her. Emori’s back arches off the bed as his tongue explores. He doesn’t waste time and she’s almost surprised at how quickly her orgasm begins to build. He really knows what he’s doing. She grasps at the sheets with one hand and threads a hand through John’s hair to ground her in the moment. He grabs her hips and holds them in place as she gets closer. If Emori could think straight, she’d be baffled that John already seems to know what she likes when they’ve never done this before, but her thoughts are only focused on his hands, his tongue as it circles her clit. Shockwaves run through her as her orgasm hits, and John doesn’t let up as she rides the wave of it.

Feeling impatient, she pulls him off of her and brings him in for a messy kiss, intoxicated by the taste of her on his lips. She fumbles with his pants zipper, not wanting to break their kiss, but aching to have him inside her. She has to know what it’s like to be full of him.

John chuckles, breaking their kiss. Emori is only a little embarrassed of the whine that comes out of her mouth at the loss of contact.

“I got it,” he says before hopping off the bed. She sits up and watches as he digs in his jacket pocket and pulls out a condom that he tosses in her direction. She catches it and tears open the wrapper as he pulls off his pants and boxers before coming back to the bed.

Now it’s Emori’s turn to stare, as she leans back on her elbows and admires his lithe body hovering over her. She’s so attracted to him, so in love with him, and she can’t help but smile knowing that he wants her too. Even as she’s rolling the condom onto him, she can’t believe her luck.

Emori lies back as John lines himself up, his tip just teasing her entrance. He stops to look at her and check in.

“You sure?” he asks, bringing a hand up to cup her cheek.

She nods. “I’m sure.”

He grins and leans down to kiss her before pressing inside. The moan that comes out of John’s mouth at his first thrust is almost enough to get Emori off on its own. She lets her eyes flutter shut as she and John move together. She marvels at how right this feels, like they were made for each other. It’s overwhelming, but in the best way.

“Mori,” John grunts. “Look at me.”

Emori opens her eyes to find John staring down at her like she’s the most important person in the universe. She can’t help but take his face in her hands and pull him in for another searing kiss.

“John,” she whispers. “Faster.”

He complies, picking up the pace with his thrusts as her orgasm builds again.

“God, Emori, you have no idea how much I wanted this,” he says as he rests his forehead on hers.

“Me too,” she admits.

He keeps going, though his words become more incoherent with each thrust. “You’re so beautiful. You feel so good.”

He kisses her again and there’s not much more talking after that. She wraps her legs around him and nearly cries out as the new angle allows John to push deeper into her. They move together, as their steady pace becomes more irregular the closer John gets to his own orgasm. Emori can’t take her eyes off his, a mixture of fondness and pleasure that she’s never seen on a guy’s face before. She lets the heated way that he whispers her name accompanied by a well-timed thrust push her over the edge.

Emori feels every nerve ending in her body as she comes again. She doesn’t think she’s ever felt so completely satisfied. John rests his head in the crook of her neck as he comes, letting out that growl that sends a shiver down her spine. He rests on his elbows so that his weight isn’t on her and leans down to press another kiss to her lips, softer this time, lazier now that their energy is spent.

Eventually he pulls out and rolls off of her, dealing with the condom quickly before turning back to her. They’re both sweaty and out of breath, but Emori doesn’t think she’s ever felt such sheer bliss. They lie there in silence for a moment, John tracing circles with his finger on Emori’s bare shoulder.

“So I take it you’re not tired anymore?” John asks, a satisfied smirk on his face.

Emori laughs before leaning in for another kiss. She’ll never get used to that. Just being able to lean over and kiss him like it’s second nature, like she’s been doing it for years.

“This almost feels like a dream,” he mumbles as he nestles his head by her shoulder again.

Emori rests her chin on top of his head, holding him close. “Do you want me to pinch you?” she asks.

John chuckles. “No. Because then I’d wake up and have to leave you again.”

Emori’s heart drops at those words, only just now remembering their situation. For a moment, she’d been able to get lost in the fantasy, lost in him. She doesn’t want to think about tomorrow right now. John wraps his arms around her waist and she allows his touch to ground her. Tonight she only wants to think about him, how utterly loved he makes her feel, something nobody else she’s ever had sex with has been able to do. She pushes down the anxieties about what the morning will bring, hoping that’s all she needs to do to make that bad feeling go away completely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed! As always, comments fuel me, so definitely let me know what you think.
> 
> There's only one more chapter left of part two, but as a heads up, I'm going to be taking a few weeks off updating this. I figured I would leave it on a happy note. I'm busy with some IRL stuff currently, but I won't be gone completely! I'm taking this time to also prioritize my [t100 Fic for BLM](https://t100fic-for-blm.tumblr.com/) prompts as well as a one-shot idea that I'm toying with after the finale. But I will be back to this soon, because I'm having so much fun with it, and I'm so excited to keep sharing it with you guys!
> 
> And even while I'm not updating this, I'll still be around, so come talk to me about Memori and dad!Murphy (a concept I will never be over) on [Tumblr](https://queenemori.tumblr.com/).


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!! I'm back from my hiatus. Very excited to be finishing up the story and keep sharing with you guys!
> 
> Thank you so much for your patience while I was away, even though I wasn't away completely. My Nanowrimo project is actually to finish this fic, and I'm doing pretty well, so I think it's looking possible. And a fun thing, since I want to hopefully have finished posting this by mid-December, I'll be trying to post twice a week until this is over, so you'll get a chapter hopefully on Sundays and Fridays.
> 
> Without further ado, please enjoy the end of part two.

Emori frowns as she blinks her eyes awake, confused by the unfamiliar weight in the bed next to her and the arm slung around her waist. She smiles as her eyes land on John’s sleeping form. This isn’t the first time they’ve shared a bed, but it’s the first time it’s meant something. She stretches, careful not to wake him as she recounts the night before. Sex with John was everything she imagined it would be and more. It took a ridiculously long time for them to make it to that moment, and she’s still almost in disbelief that it occurred. But the memories that flash in her head of his lips searing an imprint into her skin and the slight soreness she feels from him moving inside her last night is all the reminder she needs that this isn’t a dream.

She watches the steady rise and fall of his breathing, enamored with how at peace he looks. They didn’t get much sleep, talking well into the wee hours of the morning before going again, and Emori’s glad to let him rest. It sometimes feels like John carries the weight of the world on his shoulders. She noticed this early on in their friendship, how seriously he took leading _Alpha_ , especially since he was only 23. He said he felt like he had to prove himself, to show people why he was worthy of the opportunity, to show why Kane hired him. It was something Emori could relate to. She was the only actor on the show who had never been on television before, and somehow landing a lead role right off the bat? It was terrifying. She doesn’t know what she would have done without John by her side. They figured it out together and it was the beginning of the most important partnership in her entire life.

Emori can’t help herself and eventually moves a hand to trace over John’s shoulder. She draws light circles with her fingers, trying to commit to memory every inch of him now that she knows him fully. He’s beautiful, and Emori still finds herself wrapping her mind around their situation. She wants nothing more than to just throw caution to the wind and be with him. But the rational part of her brain started kicking into gear again around three in the morning, telling her that there’s no way this can work. As much as she tried to quash her doubts last night, to just lose herself in the moment and in him, they all rush back up, and she’s not sure what comes next.

John stirs at her touch, blinking his eyes open with a frown. He breaks into a grin as his eyes focus in on her, though they’re still drooping with sleep.

“I could get used to this,” he says.

Emori’s stomach dips as a smile of her own spreads across her face, despite her worries. “Yeah?”

He nods. “Yeah.”

John leans in to kiss her, slow, steady, and completely sure. Emori melts into his touch, feeling her body warm as he moves so that he’s on top of her, one hand in her hair. She wills herself to focus on his touch, the way his hand moves to cup her breast, the way he moans into her mouth as their tongues touch lazily. But unlike last night, she can’t stop thinking about how unfortunate their situation is, how no matter what happens between them, they’ll have to be apart. She’s not sure she can do this. She feels her face heat up as a tear escapes from her eye. The gravity of the situation hits her all at once. She’s in love with her best friend, and she had sex with him. It all feels so monumental, and she’s terrified of how this is going to change things between them.

Emori is fully in tears now, and John pulls away with a frown as she stifles a sob. She can’t bear to look at him, not when she knows how tough the conversation ahead of them is going to be.

John’s hand moves to her face, wiping away some of her tears. “Hey, hey, hey. What’s wrong?”

Emori shakes her head, moving to cover her face with her hands.

“I’m fine,” she chokes out.

“Mori, you can talk to me. What’s the matter?” He moves so he’s sitting next to her again, stroking her arm. He’s being too loving with her and she doesn’t deserve it.

She wipes the tears from her eyes and takes a breath before saying, “I don’t think I can do this.”

John is silent. She turns her head and her heart drops at his gutted expression.

“What?” he finally manages, his voice shaky.

“I can’t do this,” Emori repeats. “We can’t do this.”

“Emori, I don’t understand.”

“What’s going to happen? You’ll go back to Vancouver, and I’ll still be traveling on tour, and then what? I don’t know when I’m going to see you next.”

“But what does that matter?” he asks, frantically grabbing her hand. “We can talk about it, we’ll figure it out. We can make it work.”

She shakes her head. “It’s too complicated, John.”

“But Emori, I—”

“Don’t say it!” She can’t hear those words, she can’t let him say them out loud. She can’t make this any harder than it already is.

The silence that fills the room after she snaps is tense. Emori has never felt a silence like this around John. She finally hazards a glance at his face and wishes she hadn’t. There are so many layers of emotion; shock, sadness, confusion. Tears prick her vision as she watches a stray tear fall down his face. He looks so utterly devastated, and she can’t believe she’s doing this to him.

She squeezes the hand he’s still holding, hoping he finds some comfort in the touch.

“You’re my best friend, John. I don’t want this to change how we are.”

John laughs bitterly, pulling his hand away from her. “That’s bullshit.”

Emori is taken aback. “What?”

“You heard me. That’s bullshit. Don’t pull that with me. Not after you told me to kiss you. Not after you had sex with me when you knew how I felt about you.”

“John, I—”

“Did last night mean anything to you at all?”

“Of course it did!”

“Then why are you doing this?”

There are a lot of reasons Emori’s doing this. Because she knows after last night she feels more deeply for John than she ever thought was humanly possible to feel about a person. She knows that he feels the same way about her, and no matter how much they both want this, she’s terrified it won’t work out. And she can’t open that door, not when they just got back to normal. She didn’t think having sex with him would make her realize how in love with him she is. Last night she felt safe, but now she feels everything teetering in the balance and she can’t stay to watch it crash and burn. She doesn’t say any of this to him, though. In fact, she’s not sure what to say. She sits there, mouth slightly open, as she searches for words that never come.

John takes her silence as her answer, wiping a hand across his face before getting out of bed and searching for his clothes. Emori has nothing to say for herself. Tears stream down her face again as he pulls on his clothes and laces up his shoes. She can feel the sadness and anger radiating off of him, and she’s consumed with guilt that she’s the cause of it.

“You know, I’ve been hurt by a lot of people in my life,” John says as he puts on his jacket and heads for the door. “I just never expected that I’d be hurt by you.”

“I’m sorry, John,” she whispers.

He shakes his head. “Just save it.”

With that he leaves her hotel room. Once the door is closed behind him, Emori lets out a sob, allowing herself to finally break down. In the process of trying not to get hurt herself, she hurt the person she loves most, and she feels broken. She doesn’t see how they’ll ever get past this, and it’s all her fault.

She pulls on a t-shirt and her underwear, not sure when Echo is going to make an appearance again, and lies back in her bed and cries. She can’t shake the heartbroken look on John’s face from her brain, his words ringing in her ears. She knows he wanted them to sting. And she deserves it. She ruined a good thing before she even got a chance to experience it.

She’s not sure how long she sits there staring up at the ceiling, but eventually she gets a text from Echo asking if the coast is clear. Emori quickly texts that she can come back, and goes back to playing through the events of the night before. She doesn’t find any of it comforting, but she doesn’t deserve to be comforted. Not after what she did.

A few minutes later, the door clicks as Echo runs her key card through and makes her way back inside.

“Good morning,” she says in a sing-songy voice, stepping fully into the room with her toiletry bag. She frowns as she takes in Emori curled up on the bed. “What happened?”

“I fucked up,” Emori says as she sits up. “I fucked up big time.”

Echo puts down her bag and sits on the bed next to Emori. “So you guys didn’t have sex?”

“No, we did. But I freaked out and messed everything up.”

Emori relays the details of the morning, John’s look of disbelief as she told him they couldn’t do this, how she cut him off before he could say “I love you” because she knew if she heard those words, it would only make her life harder. She didn’t know if she was making any sense. She thought she had cried all her tears, but as she tells Echo, more seem to fall. Echo listens, a frown set deep on her face, but she doesn’t say anything. Emori trails off, curious to know what’s on Echo’s mind.

“What?” Echo asks.

“You just look like you want to say something.”

Echo shakes her head. “It’s not my place to have an opinion.”

“No, I want to hear it.”

Echo hesitates, but sighs before giving in. “I get that you’re scared. But what makes you think that you guys wouldn’t have been able to figure it out? I don’t think you can use the ‘he’s younger than you’ excuse. For one thing, he’s not _that_ much younger than you. And I mean, I’ve only met him once, but I’ve never seen someone look so incredibly devoted to another person in my entire life.”

Emori feels sick to her stomach at Echo’s words. She knows she told her to say what was on her mind, but now she’s kind of wishing she hadn’t. Echo isn’t one to mince words, which Emori appreciates most of the time. Today, she’s not so sure. Emori always had a feeling that John liked her a lot, probably loved her. But those words coming from a complete outsider to the situation make her more nervous than she would’ve thought. Why is John wasting all of his love on her? She’s not worth it, clearly she isn’t because she just broke his heart and her own in the process.

“I just don’t think I’m ready for that. To have one person who is only devoted to me. I don’t think I realized how much I meant to him. He’s right, I shouldn’t have had sex with him. I’ve ruined everything we had.”

Echo places a hand on Emori’s arm, and Emori wishes she found the touch comforting. Still, she’s glad to have a friend right now. It probably wouldn’t do her much good to spend the whole day wallowing.

“It sucks to not be able to have things go your way. It feels impossible right now, but I think you guys care about each other too much to let this ruin you completely. I mean, remember how you felt after New Year’s? You got through that, you’ll get through this.”

Emori nods, though she isn’t sure she believes Echo’s sentiment. New Year’s seems so monumentally small compared to this, she can’t even imagine how they can come back from this. She wouldn’t be surprised if John doesn’t want to talk to her ever again. She hates herself a little bit, and she can’t imagine how he must feel. But she knows all she can do now is give him space to figure out what he needs. Her heart aches, realizing John has never been mad at her before. She doesn’t know how long it’s going to take them to get back to normal, though she’s convinced they’ll never get back to normal again.

“What do you need right now?” Echo continues when Emori stays silent. “Do you wanna talk about it, or do you want a distraction?”

“Distraction,” Emori decides.

“Have you eaten? We can go get some breakfast. Lisa Ann was telling me about a cute cafe that’s a few blocks from here.”

Emori nods and Echo gives her a moment to put some clothes on before they head out into the late morning. She lets Echo do most of the talking throughout breakfast, if Emori can really call it breakfast. She doesn’t eat very much, but she knows she should have something on her stomach besides her tea. In theory it should help her feel better, but she’s not sure anything can help her feel better at this point. She’s just glad they have a show tonight so she’s forced to do something rather than spend the whole day moping. And she’s glad to have Echo, who won’t just let her sit and feel sorry for herself. They do a bit of sightseeing after breakfast, taking advantage of the fact that it’s the middle of the week in February and nobody’s around to do anything. At one point when they walk into a museum, Emori tenses as she feels someone stare at her with that moment of recognition people have when they realize she’s Nadia from _Alpha_. Thankfully, nobody bothers her today. She’s not sure she would’ve had it in her to be polite.

The day feels like it drags on, probably because even though Echo does a good job of trying to think up distractions, Emori can’t seem to get John off her mind. As amazing as their night had been, she’s stuck on how terrible the morning ended up being. She feels like an asshole for being upset about it, since she’s the one that made the morning terrible.

Surprisingly, nobody asks about John when Emori gets to the venue for call time. Maybe Echo said something to them, maybe they can just sense that Emori’s not in a very good mood. Whatever the reason, she’s grateful because she needs to get focused for the show tonight. She still has a job to do, even if she is incredibly sad.

Emori feels off her game as the show begins. She’s never been this distracted. She doesn’t think it’s obvious, but she feels it, and she hates that this whole ordeal is having an effect on her performance. It’s one of the reasons she’s always avoided romance. She doesn’t need something to keep her from doing her best. She’s kicking herself again for breaking all her own rules. She wouldn’t be in this mess if she had just held back. Was she really so horny that she had to have sex last night?

The show continues as normal, and Emori finds herself overcome with emotions at the beginning of act two. Sterling is onstage performing “Sleeping”, a song she normally loves to listen to him play, but today the lyrics seem to hit her a bit too hard.

“ _And how in the world did we come, to have such an absent love_?” Sterling sings, strumming his guitar.

Emori is shocked as a few tears fall down her face. She’s glad she’s standing alone, since everyone else is playing their instruments and not paying attention to her. She doesn’t want to have to explain this breakdown to anyone, even though they could probably figure out the reason it was happening.

“ _And how am I supposed to live without you? A wrong word said in anger, and you were gone. And how am I supposed to live without anyone_?”

Emori quickly wipes her face as the song comes to an end, trying to keep her fight with John out of her mind. She can’t be this distracted during “When Your Mind’s Made Up”. It’s one of her favorite parts of the show, so she’s counting on it to cheer her up at least a little bit. Thankfully it does, the whole cast’s instruments and voices coming together. It’s always a crowd favorite. For the first time today, Emori isn’t feeling the weight of the world on her shoulders. She isn’t allowing her sad thoughts to consume her. She’s having fun.

The mood changes all too quickly when everyone exits and Emori sits down at the piano to play “The Hill”. She almost forgot how this had filled her with so much emotion the night before when she realized John was in the audience. She’s not sure she’s ready for how hard it’s going to hit her today after what transpired between them. She keeps her eyes trained on the keys as she begins the song, trying her hardest to focus on the song and the show and not her real life, though she can’t help but let her mind wander, seeing as the lyrics really are fitting to her situation.

Tears prick her vision as she nears the end of the song.

“ _And I know that in the morning, I’ll have to let you go. And you’ll be just a man once I used to know_ ,” she sings.

Emori doesn’t want John to become someone she used to know. They’ve gone through too much together for this to be their ending. This isn’t how it was supposed to happen. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. She wishes more than anything that she could go back in time and fix everything. She loves John so much, hates that she’s the cause of his heartbreak, and in turn the cause of her own.

Emori plays the last chords and thankfully finishes the piece without getting too choked up. She wipes at a few stray tears as the audience applauds. Sterling comes up behind her like usual so they can finish out the scene. He takes her hand as she explains that her husband is coming back to Dublin so they can work things out and encourages him to go be with his ex. Sterling always plays this bit so well, and Emori is shocked by how much he’s reminding her of John this morning. The frantic look in his eye as he tries to vouch for them and what they have, what they could have if she would just give it a chance. It fills her up all over again, and she can barely stand to look at Sterling as the scene continues.

“You cannot walk through your life leaving unfinished love behind you!” she shouts. “You have all this heart in these songs and it is because of this girl in New York. It is for you and your love that we make this tape.”

“But what about us and this moment? Isn’t it unfinished?” he asks in his charming Irish accent.

Emori shakes her head. “But we haven’t started anything.”

Sterling brings a hand up to cup her cheek. “No? Well it feels like we’ve started. Fuck, I’m saying this to you ‘cause maybe I’ll never get a chance… But you’ve turned love around for me and you’ve done it in five days. And yeah, I wrote these songs at another time for another girl, but when I sing, it’s for us, I think. It’s _you_ I see in these songs—”

Emori pulls away from Sterling, shaking her head. “I don’t want you to talk like that!”

“Why not?” he shouts.

“Because it can’t be about that!”

She feels shaky at Sterling’s hurt expression before he continues. “Okay. Fine.”

They stare at each other for a moment as the rest of the cast plays their instruments offstage for the transition into the next scene. Emori turns and makes her way offstage, taking a deep breath once she’s in the wings. Sterling exits on the other side, but after a moment he runs around to meet her, a look of concern on his face.

“Are you okay?” he asks her, putting a hand on her shoulder.

Emori just shakes her head, not trusting her voice. Sterling pulls her in for a hug, and she wraps her arms around his waist, leaning into his touch. She’s pretty sure he has an inkling of what’s going on, but he doesn’t pry, and for that he’s grateful.

They finish out the show as normal, and Emori excuses herself from group activities to go on a walk. She’s not sure if being alone is the best thing for her right now, but she thinks that taking a break from people might do her some good. She needs a moment where nobody is staring at her as if she’s about to break. She still feels the weight of the show’s ending, hates how much it applies to her real life. When things get bad, all Emori ever wants to do is talk to John. In this situation, she knows she doesn’t deserve to talk to him. But she still feels like she should reach out and apologize again, even if she doesn’t have all the words. She wanders until she comes across a park bench and sits down. She pulls out her phone and takes a deep breath before dialing John’s number.

As she expected it goes straight to voicemail. She wouldn’t want to talk to her, either. She waits for the tone and takes a breath before leaving a message.

“Hi,” she begins, her voice quiet. “I know I’m probably the last person you want to hear from right now. But I just wanted to say again how sorry I am about last night and this morning. I care about you so much, and the last thing I wanted to do was hurt you, but I understand that I did. I don’t know how I can make it up to you, but I just know that I can’t lose you. You’re too important to me, and maybe it’s selfish of me to say, but it’s the truth, and I need you to know that. I know you probably want some space, so I’ll let you have it. I don’t expect you to forgive me anytime soon, but I hope one day this will get easier. I really am sorry, John.”

Emori hangs up, a little shocked that no tears have fallen. Maybe she’s all cried out. She’s starting to just feel numb, and as much as she hates it, she realizes she’ll have to get used to this. If she’s feeling this way after being an idiot, she can only imagine how John must feel. Emori’s normally not one to be so dramatic, but it really feels like she’s ruined her life in the course of 24 hours. She doesn’t know where to go from here.

**End of Part Two**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo, I'm sorry. But honestly, this is probably the last real punch to the gut before things get better. 
> 
> If you'd like to be more sad, here are links to [Sleeping](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dNkWECdxM5Y&ab_channel=Musicalsongs6) and [The Hill](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wXIcMTkbjCU&ab_channel=Musicalsongs6). 
> 
> Next chapter is the start of part three, and back to Murphy's POV! I'm excited that we're nearing the end of the story and I promise it's gearing up to be fun! 
> 
> And don't forget I'm writing for [t100 Fic for BLM](https://t100fic-for-blm.carrd.co/)! I've linked to our carrd, where all the most up to date info is, so don't be afraid to send in a prompt. And if you have any questions for me, you can always come find me on [Tumblr](https://queenemori.tumblr.com/).


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Still very sorry about leaving you on that terribly sad note last week rip. But we are steadily making our way to the end, so things will get better soon.

**Part Three: Murphy**

“ _I don’t know how I can make it up to you, but I just know that I can’t lose you. You’re too important to me, and maybe that’s selfish of me to say, but it’s the truth, and I need you to know that. I know you probably want some space, so I’ll let you have it. I don’t expect you to forgive me anytime soon, but I hope one day this will get easier. I really am sorry, John_.”

Murphy has listened to Emori’s voicemail a record number of times. He’s not sure why. Maybe in the back of his mind he thinks it’ll help things make sense. But no matter how many times he listens to it, he doesn’t get any sort of clarity. Instead, anger bubbles in his stomach as he replays the events that led them here. All the things that came in between him and his best friend.

He spends the whole plane ride back to Vancouver still in a state of disbelief. How had he gone from such sheer bliss to absolute despair in a matter of hours? When Emori invited him upstairs to her hotel room, he almost thought it was too good to be true. Could his best friend, the woman that he’s head over heels in love with, really love him back? It didn’t feel real, and of all the ways he pictured the morning after going, it’s never ended like this. He’s not sure what he thought would come next, but when he booked the tickets for this trip, he hadn’t planned on Emori breaking his heart. In fact, she was the last person that he ever thought would do this to him.

Mercifully, he’s able to hold in the tears that threaten to fall until he gets back to his house. He says a silent prayer that Josephine is on set as he walks up their driveway. He doesn’t want to deal with anyone right now, doesn’t want anyone to pity him. Unfortunately his prayers are left unanswered, because Josephine is sitting in the kitchen looking over her script. She looks up with a frown when she sees him coming inside.

“You’re back already?” Josephine asks. “I thought you’d stay the rest of the week.”

Murphy throws down his bag and shakes his head. “There was no need to.”

“Why are you in such a bad mood? I thought you’d get laid and come back all happy.”

“Well, I got laid. But I also got my heart broken, so at what cost?” he says as he sits down at the table with his roommate.

“What do you mean?”

“Emori doesn’t wanna be with me.”

Josephine scoffs. “I find that hard to believe.”

“Yeah, well believe it. It’s what she told me. I think her exact words were ‘I can’t do this.’”

“Shit.”

“Yeah, not really how I pictured my surprise grand gesture going, either.”

“I’m really sorry, Murphy,” Josephine says, putting a hand on his knee.

Murphy laughs bitterly. “Hey. Better to get it out of the way now, I guess. So I don’t have to waste anymore time pretending we could’ve actually been together. I must have looked like a real idiot, huh? Thinking she’d ever want to be with me.”

“Hey, anyone would be lucky to be with you. And if she can’t see that, then that’s on her. You deserve better than that.”

“Maybe, but what if she’s all I want?” Murphy’s voice breaks as tears fall down his face.

Josephine wordlessly pulls him in for a hug. He stiffens a little at the contact, not used to her being at all affectionate, but he relaxes into her body after a moment.

“I’m not saying it’ll be easy to get over her. And you might not ever get over her completely. But heartbreak always gets easier. You just have to give it some time.”

Murphy nods, though he doesn’t find Josephine’s advice to be even remotely helpful. He’s still surprised she’s giving him advice in the first place. He must really look bent out of shape.

“What do you need right now?” she asks.

“I think I’m just gonna lie down. Didn’t get much sleep last night,” he answers, wiping his hand across his face as he stands up and goes to the stairs.

“Okay. I’ll order us food later.”

“I’m not sure I’ll be hungry.” He climbs the stairs and closes himself into his room. He’s not sure he ever wants to come out.

Murphy flops down onto his bed, glad to be back in his own space. He took a lot of comfort in being next to Emori, even in an unfamiliar place, but now he can’t even look back on that fondly. He pulls out his phone and listens to her voicemail again. He’s a masochist, he knows it. But as much as she hurt him, the sound of her voice will never not be comforting.

He must fall asleep after a while because when he wakes up, it’s dark outside. He wishes he could say his sleep was more restful, but when all he can picture is Emori’s laugh and the feel of her lips against his, dreaming becomes way less fun. The images play back in his memory like a taunt, a glimpse into a life he’ll never get to have. The whole thing makes him feel sick to his stomach.

There’s a knock on his bedroom door and he rolls his eyes.

“Not now, Josephine!” he calls.

The door creaks open anyway. He turns his head to see Raven peek her head in.

“It’s not Josephine,” she says quietly.

Murphy sits up and turns on his bedside table lamp.

“What are you doing here?” he asks as she walks into the room and closes the door. She’s carrying a plate with a couple slices of pizza on it. Josephine must have ordered food, after all.

“Josephine called me. Said you haven’t left your room since you got back, so she’s making you eat something. But she wouldn’t really tell me what happened, though.”

“I’m sure Emori already told you,” he scoffs.

Raven shakes her head as she puts the plate down on the bedside table and sits next to Murphy on his bed. “I haven’t heard from Emori today.”

“Oh. Well she told me she doesn’t want to be with me. Not until after we had sex, though.”

Raven’s eyes widen. “What?”

Murphy chuckles, staring down at his hands. “I basically wasted a trip. Should’ve stayed here. It would’ve been much better than this bullshit.”

He looks up when Raven puts a hand on top of his. She looks incredibly sad and he feels himself well up. He thought he was finally out of tears, but it looks like he still has some left to cry.

“Murphy, are you okay?” she asks.

He shakes his head and lets the tears fall. Raven opens her arms and he scoots over and lets her hold him. He sobs into her chest, not caring how pathetic and small he feels. She rubs a hand up and down his back, allowing him to let it out, not offering any advice or comfort beside her presence. They stay like that until Murphy thinks he’ll never need to cry again.

“I shouldn’t keep you,” Murphy says as he pulls away. “I don’t wanna take up your whole evening when you’ve been on set all day.”

“It’s fine. You’re my friend, and I wanna be there for you.”

“You’re Emori’s friend, too.”

“Yeah, well right now _you_ need me,” Raven says. “So do you wanna tell me the whole story, or is it too soon?”

Murphy sighs, knowing she’s going to hear it eventually. He recounts the last 48 hours, getting to Phoenix and surprising Emori, telling her that he wasn’t with Josephine and Gabriel anymore, her inviting him up to her room, and the events of the previous morning that stand out so vividly. He’s exhausted from the proverbial case of whiplash.

“She left me a voicemail to say she’s sorry again,” Murphy continues. “But I can’t talk to her. Not right now.”

Raven nods. “I understand. And I think she does, too. You’re allowed to take all the time you need.”

“Of all the ways I expected this to go, this just wasn’t on the list.”

“It’s shitty. I know anything I say won’t be comforting to you, but I’m here for you, okay?”

Murphy nods. “Thanks, Raven. I hate that you’re in the middle of this. You shouldn’t have to be.”

She shakes her head, waving him off. “Just eat your pizza. Josephine said I can’t go until you eat.”

He chuckles, reaching to the plate on his bedside table. As much as he hasn’t thought about food today, he realizes he’s actually starving.

“How’s shooting going?” he asks, ready to change the subject.

Raven launches into an in depth explanation of how Aeyrn’s big episode is going. She gushes about the amazing work Harper is doing, and how she’s really getting a chance to shine. Murphy nods along, glad to finally have a chance to think about something other than his relationship with Emori going down the toilet for the first time today.

Murphy spends the rest of the week moping, since he still doesn’t have to be on set. When Josephine is home, she forces him out of his room to watch TV with her or help her run lines. It’s helpful to a point, but Murphy’s in the phase of his mourning where he would rather wallow in his feelings. He knows that next week he’ll have to focus completely on _Alpha_ , so a few days to think about nothing other than his sadness seem to be just what the doctor ordered.

They wrap Aeyrn’s episode and a few days later, Murphy is back and ready for the new week. It’s Cullen’s big episode, written by Miller, which means that he won’t have much time to wallow. It’s probably for the best that he’ll be so busy. He was starting to get a little freaked out by how nice Josephine was being to him last week.

The table read is fairly standard. The episode takes a deep dive into Cullen’s headspace a few months after losing Nadia, as well as a healthy dose of him pining for Stella. Murphy is glad to see a scene of Lyra and Cullen bonding, a new occurrence in season four that Murphy has loved. It means he gets to spend a bit more time with Clarke on set, which he hasn’t done very much of recently. One scene in particular he enjoys shows Cullen going to Lyra for advice.

“Interior, training room, day,” the assistant reads. “Cullen is cleaning up after a new recruits training session. He’s deep in thought and doesn’t notice Lyra as she enters the room.”

“Something on your mind?” Clarke asks.

“You don’t wanna hear what’s on my mind,” Murphy reads.

“Try me.”

“Do you really want to hear my angsty thoughts about your sister?”

“Lyra laughs.”

“Who do you normally tell your angsty thoughts about Stella?”

The assistant continues. “Cullen hesitates as Lyra realizes he used to talk to Nadia about them.”

“Oh,” Clarke says. “Nadia. How could I forget?”

“We don’t have to talk about Nadia if it makes you sad.”

“No, I want to. It’s nice to remember her with you.”

“Well, Nadia used to make fun of me if I talked too much about Stella, so feel free to do the same,” Murphy says.

“I don’t want to make fun of you for it. Stella needs someone who cares about her the way you do. I don’t know if you know this, but literally every other guy Stella has dated has been a total ass.”

“Cullen chuckles.”

“It just feels like we’re dancing around it. I know what I want, but I can’t always get a read on her.”

“Sounds about right. I think you should just be direct. She appreciates that, especially from you.”

Murphy smiles, thinking about how Emori would get a kick out of this scene. He catches himself at the thought. He shouldn’t be thinking nice things about Emori. She broke his heart. Why can’t he seem to get that through his head? He’s literally cried about it everyday for almost a week.

“You know, I’ve been looking for a new sparring partner,” he continues, willing himself to stay focused. “Think you might fit the bill.”

“Really?” Clarke asks.

“Yeah. And I figure maybe we could talk about Nadia a little bit, too. They say it’s supposed to help with grief, or something. I’m tired of trying to go through this alone.”

“When do we start?”

“Lyra and Cullen exchange a smile. This marks the beginning of their friendship in earnest. End of act four,” the assistant reads.

The rest of the episode takes place at the kingdom’s annual ball, and by the end Stella and Cullen have confessed their love for each other and a pit forms in Murphy’s stomach. Figures he’d have to shoot an episode entirely about love when he’s still hopelessly in love with the person who ruined the whole concept for him. Just his shitty luck. It’s a great episode, and normally he’d be more excited for a week that’s basically all about him. But right now the only thing he’s feeling is dread. At least Josephine knows he’s not in the best frame of mind right now, so having her around for all their scenes might actually prove helpful. As much as he missed Emori at the beginning of the season, he’s really enjoyed getting to work so much with Josephine.

“You gonna be okay?” she asks him as they leave the studio and make their way to her car.

Murphy nods. “You know me. Ever the professional.”

“I hope you can at least get a little excited. It’s your episode! You should be thrilled.”

“I am. Doesn’t change the fact that I’m sad.”

Josephine rubs his arm before walking to the driver’s side. “I get it.”

“But, hey. You were right about Stella and Cullen getting back together mid-season.”

“Yeah, Kane’s gotten a bit predictable at this point. What do you wanna do tonight?”

“Run lines?”

“Yeah, but can you make us dinner? I’m tired of takeout, I feel so unhealthy.”

Murphy chuckles. “Hmm, well maybe you should learn to cook?”

“What’s the point when I have you to do it for me? Come on, I know cooking makes you feel better.” She pouts.

He sighs. He doesn’t know when Josephine got to know him so well, but she’s not wrong. He hasn’t felt like being in the kitchen since he got back from Phoenix, and he can’t say he’s thrilled at the idea of more Thai food, no matter how much he loves the spring rolls.

“Fine, you win,” he relents. “Drive us to the grocery store.”

Josephine smiles victoriously before pulling out of the parking lot. As sad as Murphy still is about his personal life bursting into flames, he’s glad he’s got Josephine to put a smile on his face.

Murphy wakes up in a cold sweat the day he and Josephine are set to film their love confession scene. He hasn’t been able to stop dreaming about Emori, and the longer he dreams about it, the more it becomes a nightmare, something that’s haunting him. He’s hit with a wave of nausea as he rolls out of bed. He’s been dreading having to pretend to be happy and in love today. And it’s not that kissing Josephine isn’t enjoyable, but it’s not high on his list of activities to do when he’s sad.

He and Josephine arrive to set together, both with their travel mugs of coffee in hand. He’s glad to have a scene partner who hates mornings as much as he does.

“It kind of feels like we’re getting married today,” Josephine says as they make their way to the hair and make-up trailer.

Murphy frowns. “What makes you say that?”

“I mean, they get back together at a ball. On a balcony, for fuck’s sake. It’s just very fairy tale princess-y.”

“You’re just excited to wear a dress in a scene for once.”

“Your point? I literally told my dad I wanted to be an actor so I could play dress up.”

Murphy chuckles. They’re in for a long day. Set is already bustling with extras when they arrive, since the whole day is going to be spent shooting the ball. Murphy is glad to spend the day with Bellamy, Josephine, and Clarke, but the wait to shoot the last scene with Josephine as it gets dark is going to be excruciating.

Murphy would never say it out loud, because he doesn’t want to give Josephine the satisfaction, but he kind of loves that they get to dress up for this episode. Usually their costumes are fairly simple. Even Clarke and Josephine’s outfits have gotten less lavish as the seasons have gone on and Lyra and Stella have become more involved with governing. He smiles to himself as he puts on his black suit. It looks vaguely designer, and he kind of wonders how much production spent on wardrobe for this episode. He doesn't spend that much time dwelling on it though, since he didn’t have to pay for it and he still gets to wear it. Even though Josephine was little when she told her dad she wanted to be an actor to play dress up, she had an extremely valid point. It’s one of the best parts of the job.

Scenes with lots of extras take a great deal of coordination and time that Murphy doesn’t always have the patience for. Today when he’s trying to keep his thoughts from wandering, he welcomes the distractions. He hangs to the side with Bellamy as they set up the first few shots of just people dancing. Anya is directing this week, and she’s going back and forth from shouting commands at the extras to turning to Kane, Raven, and Miller to get their input for different shots. It takes almost an hour before they’re ready to do anything.

The first scene they shoot with any actual dialogue is a brief conversation between Cullen and Bastian. Now that Bastian is firmly on the side of the good guys, Cullen has found himself spending more time with him, but he’s not completely sure what to make of him, particularly his investment in Cullen and Stella’s relationship.

Anya calls action and the scene begins with Murphy standing by himself. He stares into the distance, watching Josephine dance with someone else. Bellamy sidles up next to him. Murphy gives him a brief nod before turning back to watch the crowd.

“It’s a lovely party,” Bellamy says. “Far more fun than any event we have on Polis.”

Murphy smiles. “Nadia used to love the ball. She said it was the one day a year where she allowed herself to feel like a princess.”

“Then what a fitting way to honor her memory.”

“Yeah, she would’ve been pissed if we decided to cancel it.”

They lapse into silence again, as Murphy stares into the distance at Josephine, still dancing with the same person and laughing at something he said. He turns back to look at Bellamy who has a knowing look on his face, and Murphy feels a blush spread across his cheeks. He hates that look when Bellamy gives it to him in real life, and it’s just as annoying when he gives it to him while they’re in the middle of a scene.

“Are you going to ask Stella to dance?” Bellamy asks, the shit eating grin still on his face.

Murphy stares down at his shoes. “I mean, yeah. Eventually.”

“What’s stopping you?”

“No offense man, but I really don’t know you well enough to talk about this with you,” Murphy says, looking up at Bellamy again.

“Yeah, but it doesn’t take knowing either of you to see how much you clearly mean to each other,” Bellamy says simply with a shrug of his shoulders. “Maybe now’s your moment.”

Murphy stares at Bellamy as he walks off to stand next to Clarke. He frowns to himself and tries not to think about how this scene is reminding him of Bellamy telling him he should go for it with Emori at the wrap party last year. This isn’t real life. He’s Cullen, and he’s in love with Stella. And Stella loves Cullen back. Huge difference, there. He turns back to watching the dance floor, unsure what to do next. Eventually he jumps up and down a couple times, as if working up the nerve to finally ask Stella to dance. He takes a breath before stepping out of frame.

“And cut!” Anya says. “Great, guys, let’s reset.”

Much of the day is spent like that, the stop and start that Murphy is used to, but magnified since there are so many more people in the room than normal. He doesn’t even get to do any scenes with Josephine until after lunch. As much as he loves Bellamy, he’s not exactly the best company in Murphy’s fragile state of mind.

By this point, the cast knows that Murphy went all the way to Phoenix just to get his heart broken. So most everyone is walking on eggshells around him, as if he’s about to explode. At the table read for the episode, Harper greeted him with a giant hug. Every time he turns his attention to Clarke, she turns her head away, as if she was checking to see that he’s actually okay. He’s _not_ okay, but he’s at least okay enough to focus on work. And Bellamy keeps trying to make inane conversation that Murphy doesn’t feel like indulging him in. The only person who’s treating him semi-normally is Josephine, and he wishes the others would let up a little bit. He knows they’re only worried and that they care about him. But he doesn’t need the constant reminder that he’s perpetually sad.

Murphy lets out a sigh of relief as they finally near the end of the day and Cullen and Stella’s big scenes. He’s been dreading them all day, since they’re just another reminder that Cullen gets to be happy and in love while he is not. But at least he can spend some time with someone who doesn’t treat him like he’s about to break. They have to wait to shoot the love confession scene last, since they’re waiting for it to get dark to use the balcony. Murphy figures it’ll probably be getting dark as they wrap the scene where Cullen asks Stella to dance. So factoring in time to reset outside, he’s still got a few more hours before an end to this marathon day of pretending to be in love.

Anya walks Murphy and Josephine through the scene and explains how the camera is going to be moving around them as they dance. Murphy’s just grateful that he didn’t have to learn anything harder than a simple waltz.

“This is a big moment for Cullen and Stella,” Anya explains. “It’s the moment where despite all the obstacles keeping them apart and maybe against their better judgment they decide that they want to be with each other again.”

Murphy tries to maintain a neutral expression as Anya talks to them. He doesn’t have time to think too hard about how much he wishes Emori had been willing to give things a try. He’s still at work, and he has a job to do. This has nothing to do with real life.

Murphy goes to stand on his mark, when Josephine grabs his wrist to stop him. He turns to her. She’s a vision in her sky blue, flowy dress, hair pulled half up and perfectly curled. It’s a wonder it’s held up so well all day. She looks like a real princess.

“You good?” she asks him.

He nods. “Yeah. Let’s do this.”

Josephine nods back and lets him go to his spot. She stands with her hands clasped behind her back, surveying the room as she gets back into character.

“Okay, we’re rolling,” Anya says. “And action!”

Murphy takes a deep breath, feeling weirdly nervous. It works, since Cullen is supposed to be nervous, but he didn’t think it would affect him like this. He walks up to Josephine who turns to him and smiles as he stops next to her. They stand quietly for a moment, both taking in the people dancing around them.

Murphy turns to look at her again before speaking his first line. “You look beautiful.”

Josephine looks at him, a slight look of shock coming over her face, that is immediately replaced with a smile. Murphy loves how Josephine plays Stella’s small expressions.

“Thank you,” she says, staring at the ground. “You’ve cleaned up nicely.”

“I try.” He pauses before adding, “I saw you dancing with Lord Wyrick earlier.”

Josephine snorts, shaking her head. “That’s nothing. Though he did come prepared with a list of ways he could improve the kingdom if we were to get married.”

“Very forward of him.”

“Have you danced with anyone yet?”

Murphy shakes his head. “I only wanted to dance with you.”

Josephine smiles. “Well all you have you do is ask.”

“Stella. Would you like to dance with me?”

“I would love to dance with you, Cullen.”

It’s not scripted, but as Murphy extends his hand to Josephine he adds “M’lady,” in an attempt to get her to laugh. He succeeds and she takes his hand before they walk to their new mark on the dance floor.

Once they’re dancing, they’re all smiles. Murphy is focusing on not stepping on Josephine’s feet, which makes her laugh a little. If it weren’t supposed to be a lighthearted scene between two people who know each other well, Anya probably would’ve called cut ages ago. Murphy allows himself to have fun as he and Josephine dance together. Surprisingly this is probably the best he’s felt all day.

“What was your response to Lord Wyrick? When he told you all those things?” Murphy asks.

Josephine looks him in the eye before answering, “I said I wasn’t interested.”

“Obviously. That guy’s like almost forty.”

“That’s true. But I said that my heart already belonged to someone else.”

Murphy stops their turning, a look of recognition flooding over his face. His stomach dips as he and Josephine hold eye contact as the camera rotates around them. This is a big moment for Cullen, hearing those words out of Stella’s mouth, almost confirmation of the thing he’s hoped is true all along. When they were first together, they never talked about love, but it became abundantly clear that that’s how they feel about each other.

The dance ends and they break apart, overwhelmed by what just passed between them.

“I’m going to get some punch,” Josephine says, walking out of frame to finish the scene. Murphy stares after her until Anya calls cut.

They do a few more takes before it’s finally dark and time for the balcony scene. Josephine regales Murphy with tales of what her dance partners told her about during the day, ranging from where they studied acting to their favorite posh bars in LA. Murphy does his best to pay attention, but he’s never been good at feigning interest enough for Josephine’s liking.

“Hey!” she says, snapping her fingers in his face. “You gotta loosen up. I don’t want you looking constipated for the love confession.”

“I think Anya would make us do it over if I really looked that constipated.”

Josephine softens and takes Murphy’s hand in hers. “It’s been a long day. But you’ve done such great work. I’m proud of you.”

“Thanks, Josie. I wouldn’t have gotten through it without you.”

“Of course. I’m your favorite scene partner.”

“Still second favorite,” Murphy corrects her.

She raises an eyebrow, feigning offense.

“But you’re my favorite today.”

“That’s what I like to hear.”

The crew finishes setting up outside and Murphy and Josephine are called to the balcony. It’s cold, so they both stand in their coats as Anya talks them through the scene. It’s simple enough. Stella saying her heart already belonged to someone else was basically her admission, so all that’s left is for Cullen to say it. They shed their coats as they ready themselves for the scene.

“What was the last thing you ate?” Josephine asks.

Murphy frowns. “A stick of gum?”

“Good boy.”

Murphy rolls his eyes, but he gets it. It’s terrible to have a scene partner with bad breath, particularly one he has to kiss. He takes a deep breath as they start rolling. It’s the home stretch and he’s relieved that they’ve finally made it to this scene.

Josephine’s back is turned to his as he steps onto the balcony. She has her arms crossed, probably because she’s cold. He rests a hand on the small of her back and she’s startled for a second, but relaxes into his touch when she sees it’s him.

“Tired of dancing?” he asks.

She nods. “I needed some air. And Lord Wyrick is incredibly persistent.”

Murphy chuckles. “I guess he can’t take a hint.”

“I keep hearing my mother’s voice in the back of my head. She’d tell me to think of the advantages of having someone by my side who understands what it takes to run a kingdom. And he certainly has all that.”

“He does. But I think he’s missing an important thing.”

“What’s that?”

“He doesn’t love you, Stella.”

Josephine turns to look at Murphy, eyes wide. “Cullen?”

“Sure, having someone who knows a thing or two about politics is probably a good thing. But what good is that if he doesn’t understand _you_? If he doesn’t love you?”

He takes Josephine’s hands in his, tears pricking his vision. He knew this would happen, but at least he can play it off.

“Stella, I love you. I have for a long time. I was a coward before when I broke things off with you, but even when we were apart, you were all I wanted. I didn’t fight for you, but this time I will. I want a chance to make things right, if you’ll let me.”

“I…” Josephine trails off in shock.

Murphy frowns slightly. “You can tell me if I misread this. I just thought earlier when you said your heart belongs to someone else—”

Josephine cuts him off with a kiss. He’s so shocked he doesn’t have time to close his eyes before it’s over.

“I love you, too,” Josephine says with a smile, a few tears of her own brimming in her eyes.

Murphy grins, then brings his hands up to cup Josephine’s face to kiss her again. Josephine wraps her arms around his neck and they kiss until Anya calls cut. They pull apart and Murphy has to wipe a few tears from his eyes. Josephine gives his hand a squeeze as the crew resets around them to do the next take. Make-up people come over and touch up Josephine and Murphy’s faces and an assistant brings their coats back over so they don’t freeze while they wait.

Murphy knows he probably sounds like a broken record. In fact, he’s a little annoyed at his own head for drawing parallels to the scenes they’ve filmed today and his real life. But he can’t help himself. He’s happy for his character, happy that he’s found the love of his life and they get to be together. But he knows how hard it’s going to be to watch himself fall in love and get his happy ending on screen when he doesn’t get the happy ending he was hoping for in real life. He wishes things were different, wishes more than anything that Emori had felt differently after their night together. But now he’s starting to wish that their night together hadn’t happened in the first place. Because then he wouldn’t be so monumentally sad or convinced that he’ll never find a love like this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed! Let me know what you think.
> 
> If you would like something less angsty from me, don't forget I'm also writing for t100 Fic for BLM, so you can prompt me a story. Check out [our carrd](https://t100fic-for-blm.carrd.co/).
> 
> And as always, come find me on [Tumblr](https://queenemori.tumblr.com/)!


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Sunday! It's looking like posting twice a week might be an achievable goal, so that's exciting! Another thing that's exciting is that this chapter probably only qualifies as light angst, so a lovely little reprieve, all things considered. Hope you enjoy!

When Bellamy asked Murphy to be his best man, Murphy thought all he’d really have to do was plan Bellamy’s bachelor party and give a speech at the reception. He didn’t think he’d be roped into helping with actual wedding details. But he somehow finds himself at Bellamy’s and Clarke’s house on one of their precious days off, addressing and sealing save the date cards to send out to all the guests. He looks at the sample Clarke left for them before she went to hang out with Harper and Josephine. It doesn’t seem fair that the girls get to do something fun while Bellamy and Murphy are left doing grunt work. And he’s not sure why Clarke trusted them with this assignment. Murphy doesn’t have the best handwriting, so addressing each envelope takes him an absurd amount of time if he wants it to look even slightly legible.

“I didn’t realize these were a part of my best man duties,” Murphy grumbles as he sets aside another finished envelope.

“They’re not usually,” Bellamy answers. He pushes his glasses up on his nose as he crosses something off of his to-do list. “But Josephine says you do better when you have an activity, and this is helpful.”

“You’ve been talking about me to Josephine, I see.”

“We’re just worried about you, Murphy.”

“Yeah, well you should worry about me more now that you’ve got me doing this. I don’t see how helping you prepare for your wedding is supposed to take my mind off the fact that I’m heartbroken and alone.”

Bellamy shrugs. “It keeps your hands busy.”

Murphy sighs, turning his attention back to the new envelope in front of him. He does appreciate the not-so-subtle attempt to get him out of the house. Bellamy’s right. If he hadn’t invited Murphy over, he probably would’ve spent the day lying on his couch and drinking more beer than is good for him. It’s been a little over a month since Phoenix, and the old adage that things would get better with time doesn’t seem to be happening yet. The incident doesn’t feel as fresh, and he’s not as mad at Emori anymore. Granted, he’s still upset. But now he mostly just misses her. He wants so badly to talk to her, but he knows she’s giving him space and allowing him to initiate contact since she fucked up. There are moments where Murphy wants to just break down and call her. But he can’t bring himself to do it. Not yet, anyway.

“You know what would _really_ make me feel better?” Murphy asks hopefully.

Bellamy looks up from his to-do list with a frown. “What?”

“If you let me get a stripper for your bachelor party.”

“No strippers, Murphy.”

Murphy groans. “You’re no fun! Don’t you wanna throw your heartbroken friend a bone?”

“It’s still my party. And I said no strippers.”

“But I just think—”

“Murphy. Repeat after me: No. Strippers.”

He sighs, knowing Bellamy won’t change his mind. “No strippers.”

“And you don’t know, you might not be heartbroken by the wedding. It’s March, and September is still a long way off.”

“Yeah, well. Don’t hold your breath.”

“Have you talked to Emori at all?” Bellamy asks.

Murphy snorts. “No. I’m still mad at her, why would I talk to her?”

“Look, I’m not saying you don’t have a right to be mad, but don’t you think talking about this would help? Even just a little bit?”

“You don’t understand, Bellamy.”

“Then help me understand.”

Murphy takes a deep breath before continuing. He’s only told Raven the full story, and he barely got through that without crying.

“She’s the one that made the first move. She invited me upstairs and we had sex, only for her to change her mind about the whole thing and basically call it a mistake. I don’t get why she would do that when she knows how I feel about her.”

Bellamy nods. “ _Does_ she know how you feel about her?”

“Come on. Of course she does.”

“I mean, yeah. We all do. But have the words ‘I have feelings for you’ or anything like that ever come out of either of your mouths?”

Murphy opens his mouth to speak, but pauses when he realizes he’s not sure he can answer Bellamy’s question affirmatively. He never has said those words to her. The closest he ever got was telling her he wanted to kiss her on New Year’s. It’s starting to seem like neither of them are very good at saying what’s on their minds.

“I guess we haven’t,” he finally says. “But I tried the morning after. She cut me off. What else am I supposed to think other than she doesn’t feel that way about me?”

“Listen, I can’t speak for Emori because I’m not in her head. And what happened was shitty, and she could’ve handled it differently, I’m not denying that. But this seems like a giant misunderstanding, if you ask me.”

“Would you call it a misunderstanding if your entire world turned upside down?” Murphy asks with a snort.

“Hey, when Clarke said no the first time I asked her out, it really did feel like the end of the world. I didn’t know how I’d face her again. But it helped that we talked about it. And I gave her space, and eventually she asked me out. And look at us now.”

“I would really love it if you’d stop using your success story as an example. We can’t all be as lucky as you.”

“I’m not saying it’s the same situation. I’m just saying that you guys care about each other, and you shouldn’t let this end your friendship forever,” Bellamy says.

Murphy nods. “I get it. I’m just not sure I’m ready to talk to her yet.”

“That’s understandable. But please work this out before September, because I can’t handle the drama of two people in the wedding party not being on speaking terms.”

“There’s always an ulterior motive with you.”

“I’m the groom. It’s allowed.” Bellamy smiles and pulls out his phone to text Clarke a question.

Deep down Murphy knows that Bellamy is right. He wants so badly to chalk the whole situation up to a misunderstanding. That’s probably what it seems like from an outsider’s point of view. But to Murphy, it almost feels like he can never let himself trust again. Emori was the last person he ever thought would hurt him. When he got up to leave and he told her as much, he was angry, bitter, and upset. He wanted her to feel as badly as she made him feel. Then he got in his cab on the way to the airport two minutes later and felt sick to his stomach that he’d said that to her. How could he say something so cruel to the person he loved more than anything? But then again how could the person who he thought loved _him_ more than anything do something so cruel to him? They’re at an impasse. He doesn’t know where they go from here.

The hardest part is that even after everything, Murphy doesn’t think he’ll ever love Emori any less. He never thought he’d feel anything so deeply for anyone. Sure, he fell hard and fast, but as he got to know Emori and they became friends the love deepened, and he doesn’t know how he’ll ever be able to replicate that with anyone else. Or if he wants to. Murphy’s not one to believe in the whole everyone only has one great love thing that some people buy into. But maybe Emori really is his one great love. And he’s afraid if he starts talking to her again, she’ll find a new way to hurt him. Maybe not on purpose, but the wound is still too fresh, so he’s not sure it’s the best time. He’s just not sure how much longer it’ll be until he gives in. Old habits die hard, after all.

The new week begins and it’s time for the table read of the final episode of the season. The “series finale” as Murphy has taken to calling it, though only to Josephine. She’s started to agree with him that there’s a good chance the show will be cancelled. Murphy probably shouldn’t be so pessimistic about his steady job potentially ending, but he thinks it’ll help him be more prepared for the very likely outcome.

“Do you ever think about how we spent all last season on another planet and it never really got brought up again unless someone was talking about Nadia?” Murphy wonders aloud as he and Josephine walk into the studio for the table read.

Josephine snorts. “Don’t say that where Kane can hear you.”

“Shouldn’t he know, though? It’s his story, how does he just forget something like that? What was the point?”

“It’s probably best to put it out of your mind. I’m sure he wouldn’t have a real answer, either.”

“Fifty bucks says someone asks us about it at Comic Con and Kane gives a flustered response,” Murphy says, not ready to give in.

“I’ll take that bet. I think people will be too busy asking questions about other things. But I’ll also add to it that the loser buys dinner at a restaurant of the winner’s choosing.” She extends her hand to Murphy.

Murphy shakes her outstretched hand. “You’re on.”

They quiet their discussion as they get into the building and near other people. Murphy welcomes the hustle and bustle of the final table read of the season, everyone milling about the room checking in with each other. It hits Murphy as they all sit down in their spots, that this really could be the beginning of the end. As much as he joked about the show being cancelled, the fact that it could very well be a reality means a lot of different things. The past four years have meant so much to him. He’s grown as an actor, met an amazing group of friends, and gotten to do something he loves practically everyday. What is his life going to look like without _Alpha_? The only thing that’s missing is Emori. Murphy sighs as he takes a look at the script in front of him. He really has no clue what they’re in for with this finale. He just hopes it wraps things up.

“Good morning, everyone,” Kane says as the room quiets down. “Here we are again, at the end of the season. I know I say this all the time, but it bears repeating. I am so in awe of the talent in this room, and grateful for each and every one of you. I feel so incredibly lucky to have worked with all of you over the past four years, and I am so excited to see the work you do this week.”

Polite applause fills the room as Kane finishes his speech. Murphy is somewhat struck by how final it sounded. From everything he’s heard from Raven, Kane is in denial about the possibility of getting cancelled. Has he changed his mind? Maybe there were some rewrites that are being kept secret. He doesn’t know what to expect.

As with most _Alpha_ season finales, the episode is action-packed. Aeyrn is on a rampage, making a last ditch effort to get Bastian back. Throughout the season the audience learns that the political marriage Aeyrn and Bastian were arranged to have would have greatly elevated Aeyrn’s status in Polis. Now that Bastian has defected to Alpha, she has nothing. Murphy hasn’t seen much of what Harper is doing, but Bellamy always remarks that she does a great job of playing unhinged. It’ll definitely be interesting to watch back. Though Aeyrn comes to confront Bastian, she is stopped by Lyra on the way.

“Exterior, the palace gates, evening,” the assistant reads. “Aeyrn stalks toward the palace, a woman on a mission. As she nears the gates Lyra steps into view from her spot behind the wall. Aeyrn looks shocked at first, but a devilish grin breaks out onto her face.”

“Hello, Princess,” Harper says. “Step aside. I’m not here for you.”

“Give it a rest, Aeyrn. Bastian doesn’t want to see you,” Clarke reads.

“It’s not about what Bastian wants. It’s about what’s good for Polis.”

“Or what’s good for _you_.”

“Aeyrn scoffs.”

“And what if those things are one and the same?” Harper continues.

“I highly doubt that.”

“I wouldn’t expect you to understand. Now step aside.”

“Lyra does not step aside. Instead she steps right into Aeyrn’s face.”

“You don’t want to try my patience,” Clarke reads.

“Please. You don’t have the nerve. That’s the thing about you, Lyra. You always hid behind Nadia. But she’s not here. Who do you have to protect you now?”

“A wave of anger flows through Lyra at Aeyrn’s words,” the assistant continues. “Something comes over her in that moment and she snaps. She punches Aeyrn in the face, and a fight ensues between the two of them. For much of it, it seems as though Aeyrn has the upper hand.”

“Is that all you’ve got?” Harper reads. “Nadia didn’t teach you how to defend yourself?”

“Don’t you dare speak her name,” Clarke says.

“Aeyrn laughs, continuing the fight. The tussle continues until Aeyrn wrestles Lyra to the ground. Lyra is on her back and it seems like all the fight has left her. Aeyrn laughs again, putting her hands on Lyra’s neck.”

“I guess you were never able to live up to her training. What a shame. Any last words?”

“Aeyrn lets out a groan and looks down to find a knife in her stomach. She looks to Lyra as she twists the knife deeper. Lyra rolls out from under Aeyrn as she falls to the ground. She stands, pulling the knife out of Aeyrn’s side.”

“For Nadia,” Clarke says.

“Lyra walks off, leaving Aeyrn on the ground as the life drains out of her. End of act four,” the assistant reads.

A smile crosses Murphy’s face as they listen to the scene play out. Once it’s over, Josephine claps. He looks at her and chuckles, but she frowns at him.

“It’s what she deserves,” she says simply.

The rest of the episode sees Bastian being fully accepted into Alpha’s court as he officially defects from Polis. Stella’s father finally gives her the cabinet position she had been vying for all season. The last scene is between Stella and Cullen.

“Interior, outside the throne room, afternoon. Stella is pacing outside the throne room, waiting for an audience with her parents. Cullen rounds the corner, slightly out of breath.”

“Am I late?” Murphy asks.

“No,” Josephine answers. “But I’m glad you’re here.”

“Are you alright?”

“I’m fine. I’m just nervous. Courtship is such a formal process. Are you sure you want to do this?”

“Cullen takes Stella’s hands in his,” the assistant reads.

“Hey. Listen to me. I love you so much. I would do anything for you, and I don’t want us to hide. And if going through the formal process is part of that, that’s what we do.”

“You’re right.”

“I think at the end of the day your parents just want you to be happy. We can show them that we make each other happy.”

“What would I do without you?” Josephine asks, elbowing Murphy as she reads.

Murphy looks up at her and smiles before continuing with his line. “Good thing you’ll never have to find out.”

“Cullen brings Stella’s hands up to his lips to kiss them. They smile at each other, calmed by one another’s presence. No matter what happens they have each other,” the assistant continues.

“Okay,” Josephine says. “You ready?”

“As I’ll ever be.”

“Stella outstretches her hand and Cullen laces his fingers with hers as they give each other one last look and take a breath together before walking forward into the throne room. End of episode. End of season four.”

Applause fills the room once the assistant finishes reading the last action. Murphy claps with the rest of the group. Kane is all smiles, as is the norm when they finish an episode he’s written. He calls for a break, and everyone stands up to stretch.

“Well that was something,” Murphy says.

Clarke sniffles. “Harper, this is our last week with you!”

Murphy almost wants to say this is their last week with everyone, but he stops himself. It will definitely be hard to see Harper go, but he thinks the audience will at least find some catharsis in Lyra being the one to kill Aeyrn.

“I know, it’s so weird to think about,” Harper says, pulling Clarke in for a hug.

“So you knew, then?” Bellamy asks.

Harper nods. “Yeah. It’s been agony not being able to tell you guys. But even though I’m a little sad, I think it’s a good way to wrap things up.”

The main cast gather around Harper in a hug, relishing one of their last moments as this group together. Murphy is sad, sure. But this is nothing compared to how he felt when he found out Emori was leaving the show last year. And he’s a little numb to this since he assumes that this is everyone’s last time together.

After their break they spend time talking over the script, though Murphy doesn’t have very much to say. It’s a straightforward episode, and it’s a decent season finale. It just doesn’t feel like it could also serve as a series finale, and that’s what gives Murphy pause.

“I can’t be the only person who thought that didn’t feel all that final, right?” he asks Josephine once they get back to their house.

She shakes her head. “It wasn’t just you.”

“I mean, I’m all for optimism. But this just feels a little delusional if you ask me.”

Josephine shrugs. “Marcus Kane is an enigma. At least there’s fanfiction.”

Murphy doesn’t even bother hiding his surprise. “You don’t read fanfiction, do you?”

“Not often. But some of the stan accounts I follow share stories and every now and again I click on them. We have a talented fandom.”

Murphy tries to put the thought of Josephine reading Stellen fanfiction out of his mind. It’s unsettling, to say the least. He has a lot of follow-up questions, which he knows she would answer, but he’s not sure he wants to actually know.

The week continues like any other, though Murphy is already treating it like his last week on _Alpha_ ever. At the end of his first day on set he cries in his trailer. He’ll never have a last first day with this show again. As much as he complains about some of the aspects of his job, he’s never pretended to not be grateful for all the good luck that led him here. Murphy never thought he’d be lucky enough to be a part of as big a phenomenon as _Alpha_ has become. And the fact that it’ll probably end on a less than satisfying note doesn’t sit well with him.

Raven is directing this week, and Murphy is grateful. He feels like he hasn’t seen her very much recently. He’s been spending a lot more time with Josephine, probably because in the back of his mind he remembers that Raven and Emori are best friends, and he doesn’t want to make things weird. He assumes that Raven and Emori are still in contact. Raven’s smart enough to know she shouldn’t bring it up just yet, if she is. Murphy almost wishes for things to go back to normal. He enjoys being Raven’s friend, too. But he didn’t want her to feel like she had to choose a side in all of this. But he’s pretty sure if Raven did choose a side, she’d choose Emori. He’s not sure why, it’s just a feeling. Maybe because it seems like she’s been keeping her distance as much as he’s been keeping his distance from her.

Mid-week, Murphy and Josephine have a Stella and Cullen pillow talk scene to film. Murphy loves scenes like this, because he literally just gets to lie in a comfortable bed for a few hours. He pulls the comforter up over his neck as they hold to reset. The only downside to the whole arrangement is that his midriff tends to get cold.

“I’ll never understand why they don’t have better heat in here,” he says.

“Don’t hog all the covers!” Josephine says, pulling some of the comforter away from him. Stella’s sleeveless nightgown doesn’t seem to be providing her much warmth, either.

“Cuddle for warmth?”

She nods. “Okay.”

Murphy lifts an arm up, allowing Josephine to scoot into his side. She rests her head on his chest before bringing the comforter up to cover them both. Murphy closes his eyes, determined to get a quick nap in before they have to do anything again.

“I’ll miss our fake pillow talk,” Josephine says after a moment.

Murphy opens his eyes again, looking down at Josephine.

“You getting sappy on me, Josie?”

She rolls her eyes. “Shut up, it’s allowed. Who knows when we’ll get the chance to work together again?”

“You’re right. I never thought I’d say this, but I’ll really miss your whining to get me to cook.”

“I don’t have to whine this much to get Gabriel to cook for me.”

“Yeah, well, Gabriel’s your boyfriend.”

“He’s coming in for the wrap party. He’ll be here on Friday.”

“Thanks for the heads up.”

“I told him about Emori,” Josephine adds. “So I’m sorry if he gives you any weird, sympathetic looks.”

Murphy sighs. “It’s fine. I’m used to it.”

“Have you talked to her at all?”

“Not yet. I’ve gotten close to just breaking down and calling her a couple times. But then I think about how shitty I feel and think better of it.”

“Well, you can say no, but Gabriel says he’d be down for sex if it’ll make you feel better.”

Murphy considers this for a moment, but decides it’s probably better if he doesn’t. “That’s okay. I think it’d just make me feel worse, if that makes sense.”

“I didn’t mean to make it feel like pity sex, if that’s what it sounded like,” Josephine clarifies.

Murphy laughs. “I know you didn’t. I just think I’m in a place right now where I don’t think sex with anyone would make me feel better.”

She nods. “I get it. But hey, at least you’re not crying all the time anymore. So that’s progress.”

“I guess so. Sometimes it feels like I’m taking one step forward and then something reminds me of her and it’s two steps back.”

“Love sucks, honestly.”

“Yeah. It’s pretty disgusting.”

Murphy’s hit with a wave of nostalgia, thinking back to shooting his first scene like this with Josephine. It was at the beginning of season two, back before they were super comfortable with each other. Josephine had just started dating Gabriel, and Murphy hadn’t met him yet, but he hated him a little bit, just because Josephine wouldn’t shut up about him. He chuckles a little to himself, thinking about how different things are between the three of them now. He never thought he’d care this much about Josephine Lightbourne and Gabriel Santiago, or that they’d ever care about him. But now he knows he only wants what’s best for them, and it makes his heart feel just a bit lighter that they feel the same way about him.

In the blink of an eye, the week is over and it’s a season wrap. Murphy wasn’t too busy for this episode, in fact he even had most of a day off. Even though he wasn’t working, he went to set for Harper’s series wrap. Everyone was emotional, the whole main cast sharing in another very lengthy group hug. Kane gave a heartfelt speech, and Harper had a few words of her own that she made it through without crying, much to everyone’s surprise, including her own.

Gabriel arrives in Vancouver the day the episode wraps. Once Murphy and Josephine arrive home, he’s already there, having called a cab from the airport since Josephine couldn’t pick him up. He gives Josephine a quick kiss, then pulls Murphy in for a hug. Murphy is taken aback by the contact, but then remembers that Gabriel probably thinks that Murphy isn’t faring well after the whole Phoenix debacle.

“How are you?” Gabriel asks as he pulls away.

“I’m fine.”

Gabriel nods. “Putting on a brave face. I love it.”

Murphy frowns, turning to Josephine. “What did you tell him?”

“Just that you and Emori didn’t work out and you were sad!” Josephine answers, throwing her hands up in surrender.

“Then why is he acting like I’m ready to jump off a ledge?”

“You don’t have to pretend with me, Murphy. We know each other better than that by now,” Gabriel says.

“Look, man. I’m sad, but I’m not _that_ sad. It’s been over a month and I’ve been too busy to think about it much.”

He nods. “Compartmentalizing. I get it. A great way to cope.”

Murphy raises an eyebrow, still a little confused as to how he’d gotten himself into this situation. Gabriel Santiago is probably one of the weirdest people he’s ever met. Murphy knows he means well, though. And it helps that he’s incredibly attractive.

“Okay, well it’s nice to see you, Gabriel. I’m going to help Bellamy with a wedding thing.”

Josephine frowns. “You didn’t tell me you were hanging out with Bellamy tonight.”

“Best man duties. I’m basically at his beck and call until September. Please text me when you’re done having sex!”

With that Murphy grabs his coat and heads out of the house. He pulls out his phone and texts Bellamy that he’s coming over. Bellamy replies with a bunch of question marks, but then a moment later asks what he wants to eat. Murphy chuckles, glad that worked out well. He probably could have gone over to Raven’s if Bellamy had said no, but they haven’t hung out alone since he got back from Phoenix. It’s not that he doesn’t think she’d let him, but something tells him it would be weird. It almost feels like Emori won her in the divorce or something. Which is a stupid thought, since he and Emori were never together in the first place, but he’s never felt so distant from Raven before. She was there for him that first night when he got back, but since then they’ve both been busy and haven’t really had the chance to talk about anything besides work.

Even though he’s not in the best mood, Murphy still finds a way to psych himself up for the wrap party. He feels like he hasn’t let loose in a while, partly because he hasn’t been drinking much lately, and partly because he’s been keeping busy so as not to spiral into sadness. The nostalgia hits him again as he steps into the bar. This could very well be their last wrap party. This could be the last time he’s in this room with all these people working on a show together. Hollywood is fairly insular, so he’s sure he’ll see at least a few of these people again on a different project. But it won’t be the same. He takes a sip of his beer before getting up to the stage to give his speech.

“If I could have everyone’s attention,” he begins. “So here we are! We’ve wrapped season four, and once again I am in awe of everyone’s talent and hard work. It’s like every year you all manage to out-do yourselves, and that’s amazing.”

Cheers erupt throughout the room. Murphy smiles, though he’s starting to feel the sadness kick in.

“Four years ago, I never would have expected this show to be as big as it’s ended up being. 23-year-old me would probably laugh in present me’s face. But I really have never been more grateful and humbled to work with such an amazing group of people. You’ve all inspired me everyday, seen me through some tough shit. And I’ve grown so much as an actor and a person because of every single one of you. I’m so thankful for this experience, and _Alpha_ will always hold a special place in my heart. Now can I get the lovely Harper McIntyre up here?”

Everyone screams and Harper laughs as she makes her way up to the stage. Murphy puts an arm around her, squeezing her shoulder as she wraps her arms around his waist.

“Harper, I have never been more grateful that you are nothing like your character,” he continues. “Mostly because I would be very afraid of you if that were the case. You are truly one of the most talented and humble actors I have ever come across, and I know that whatever you do next you’re going to shine. So let’s all raise a glass to wrapping season four and to Harper!”

Everyone toasts and applauds again as Murphy pulls Harper in for a real hug. He really is going to miss her.

“I’m proud of you, Murphy,” Harper says as they pull apart.

Murphy laughs. “What for?”

“I just know this has been a rough start to the new year for you, and I think you’re doing really well.”

He feels his face heat up, though he knows she doesn’t say it to make fun of him. This is how Harper expresses that she cares. It’s one of the many ways she and Aeyrn are nothing alike.

“Thank you, Harper. Don’t know what we’re gonna do without you.”

She pats his shoulder before going to join the rest of the party. Murphy watches her go before putting the microphone down and looking for a secluded corner to sit in. He might be feeling better than normal, but that doesn’t mean he’s ready for a ton of social interaction.

He sips on his beer, watching the cast and crew party around him. He scans the room to see Josephine grinding on Gabriel and Bellamy spinning Clarke in circles to make her laugh. He even notices Harper and Monty engrossed in conversation. He frowns to himself. That’s new. Murphy had hoped that people watching would help the fact that he wouldn’t have a karaoke partner this year, but it doesn’t seem to do the trick. He sighs as he swirls his drink in his hand, wishing he didn’t miss Emori so much. The party doesn’t feel complete without her.

Murphy makes eye contact with Raven from across the room. She smiles at him, walking in his direction. He’s surprised, honestly. He’s not even sure what to say to her, it feels like they haven’t talked outside of work in so long.

“Hey,” she says as she sits down.

“Hi,” he answers.

Raven lifts her drink in a toast. “To the end of an era.”

Murphy raises an eyebrow. “You think we’re gonna get cancelled, too?”

“I’d deny it if you said anything.”

He chuckles, clinking his glass with hers. “I’ll drink to that.”

They sip their drinks, lapsing into silence. Murphy tries to relax his body. There’s no reason he should be this tense around Raven. She’s his friend, too. All that stuff about her picking Emori is just something his brain made up to make him anxious. At least, he thinks it is.

“How are you doing?” Raven eventually asks. “I feel like I haven’t really talked to you in ages.”

Murphy shrugs. “I’ve been better. Although, according to Gabriel, I’m putting on a brave face.”

“He’s a little ridiculous.”

“Yeah. But nobody notices because he’s so hot. And crazy smart.”

Raven snorts. “So was your break up with Josephine and Gabriel a little premature?”

“Nah. I just still have eyes.”

“Fair.” She sips her drink before adding, “But seriously. How are you doing?”

“I could definitely be better. One minute I miss Emori, the next I’m angry at her all over again.”

Raven nods. “I understand. If it’s any consolation, I know she misses you a lot. And I can tell how much she’s hurting that she hurt you.”

“Did she tell you to say that?”

“Nope. We haven’t talked about it since it happened. But I can just tell.”

“How?”

“Well in almost all of our conversations before you went to visit her she always found a way to bring you up. She stopped doing that, but I can tell she wants to ask about you. She’s holding back. Kind of the same way you’ve been avoiding me.”

Murphy blushes. “I haven’t been avoiding you.”

Raven raises an eyebrow at him, clearly not buying his bullshit.

“Okay, so I’ve been avoiding you a little. But I didn’t want you to feel weird since you’re friends with both of us.”

“Why didn’t you just let me decide what I wanted to do instead of deciding for me?” she asks.

He turns to look at her, surprised to see the level of vulnerability and maybe even a little bit of hurt in her eyes. He hadn’t even thought about how his avoiding Raven might seem to her. Now he feels like a dick.

“I wasn’t really thinking of it like that,” he admits. “I’m sorry, Raven.”

“I know you’re sad, but I’m here for you. Just be my friend, Murphy. It’s not rocket science.”

“I’ll do better. Especially since everything’s about to change.”

“You are very dramatic, did you know that?”

“It’s why I became an actor,” he jokes.

She laughs. “I’m gonna miss you, Murphy.”

“I’m gonna miss you, too, Raven.”

She smiles before resting her head on his shoulder. Murphy is glad to have finally gotten this moment with Raven, glad that things aren’t ruined between them. He doesn’t know why he got so in his head about where they stood, when it would’ve been really easy to just ask her.

Murphy only stays a bit longer. He’s not really feeling like partying. What’s the point when he doesn’t have his karaoke partner right there with him? He was already feeling a bit bummed that Emori isn’t here at the beginning of the evening, but after talking to Raven he’s even more sad. Murphy’s realizing that missing her is starting to win out over being upset with her.

Once he’s back at the house, Murphy opens another beer and locks himself in his room. He paces as indecision sets in. Maybe he shouldn’t have opened the other beer. He feels cagey, but is unsure how to remedy the situation. All the times that he’s wanted to call Emori, he’s thought better of it. What could he possibly have to say to her right now? But he can’t seem to get what Raven said off his mind. Does Emori miss him? He knows she feels bad about hurting him, but he’s not convinced she fully gets it. But if what Raven says is true, this whole situation isn’t really doing either of them any good.

Murphy thinks back to the voicemail Emori left him after Phoenix. How she said she would give him space because she knew he needed it. He’s had time and space to think, and he knows how miserable he’s been without her in his life. He picks up his phone and opens it to Emori’s contact information. Maybe this is a terrible idea, but he doesn’t care.

“Fuck it,” Murphy sighs as he presses Emori’s number and puts the phone up to his ear.

His stomach flips as the phone rings. He keeps up his pacing, too much adrenaline pumping through his body to sit still. After a few rings, he gets an answer.

“Hello?” comes a groggy voice on the other end.

“Emori?” Murphy’s a little less sure of his decision now that it seems he’s woken her up.

“John?” She sounds more alert now.

“Did I wake you? Sorry, I didn’t know where you were.”

“We’re in Atlanta right now. But it’s fine, I hadn’t been asleep for long. Is everything okay?”

Murphy takes a breath before continuing. “It’s the wrap party for season four tonight.”

She pauses before answering. “That’s nice. So what are you doing talking to me instead of hanging out with everyone?”

“You really hurt me, Emori. I’ve had a lot of time to sit with it and think about it. I was so angry at you for so long. I don’t think it’ll ever not sting to think about that moment. But at the wrap party just now, I wasn’t having any fun because I couldn’t stop thinking about how much better it would’ve been if you were there. And maybe I’m crazy, but all I want is for us to be friends again. I just really fucking miss you.”

He finishes talking and feels a couple tears escape from his eyes. He wipes at them as he waits for Emori to respond, his heart pounding in his chest.

“I miss you, too, John,” Emori answers. “It’s been eating me up inside that I hurt you the way I did, and I’m so sorry. I don’t know if we can ever get things back to normal, but I want us to be friends again, too. Completely on your terms.”

“Thank you. I’m admittedly a little drunk, so I don’t know where we go from here. But I should also let you get back to sleep. So, I’ll text you?”

“I’d like that.”

Murphy’s glad nobody can see the grin that breaks out onto his face, because he probably looks like a downright idiot. “Okay. I guess I’ll talk to you later?”

“Yeah. Goodnight, John.”

“Goodnight, Emori.”

She hangs up the phone and Murphy lets out a sigh of relief. He lies back on his bed, slightly overwhelmed but happy that he made the decision to call Emori in the end. He’s been so sad without her, and though he has no idea what their friendship is going to look like as they enter this new phase, he’s happy that they’re at least going to give it a try.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed! Let me know what you think.
> 
> And as always don't forget to check out [t100 Fic for BLM](https://t100fic-for-blm.carrd.co/) and come find me on [Tumblr](https://queenemori.tumblr.com/)!


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Friday!
> 
> As I mentioned a few weeks ago, I'm nearing the end of finishing this fic, thanks to Nanowrimo! We're on the homestretch, and I'm super excited for what's to come.

By mid-June the first few episodes of season four of _Alpha_ have aired and ratings are in the toilet. Murphy can’t even act like he’s surprised. In fact, he emailed his agent about a week before the season started airing to check in about any potential projects he could read for in case things do go south. He just wants to prepare for the worst.

The pre-season press tour was interesting, to say the least. They probably shouldn’t have paired Murphy and Josephine together for this season, seeing as they were both having trouble coming up with diplomatic answers to questions. But it made the most sense to pair them off since they played the main couple. In the end, Josephine did a lot of talking while Murphy tried his best to school his expressions. For an actor, he has a terrible poker face.

Murphy has spent a lot more time than usual interacting with fans on Twitter. They had a lot to say after the first episode. Many of the thoughts were complimentary, since Clarke really shined. It was by far some of her best work on the show. There were still plenty of comments wondering what was the point of the show now that Nadia was gone. Some fans remained optimistic, interested to see how the show would overcome the challenge of Emori wanting to leave. Murphy can’t help but laugh when he sees comments like that. He wishes he could be that optimistic about things. And he feels bad that those fans will eventually be disappointed.

Murphy is unloading his car after a trip to the grocery store when he gets a call from his agent. He fumbles with his bags as he attempts to answer the call.

“Hello?” he answers, finally maneuvering the phone between his ear and shoulder.

“Hi, John,” his agent says cheerily. “How are you?”

“I’m fine, how are you?” He lets himself into his house and dumps his bags on the kitchen counter before sitting down at the island.

“Great. I think I’ve found a project that might interest you.”

Murphy perks up. “Yeah?”

“It’s a romantic comedy. Two people have a one-night stand, then find that they keep running into each other. The producers would be interested in you reading for the best friend character.”

“Do you know who’s attached?”

“They wouldn’t say. But they’d love to meet with you in person. How soon can you be in New York?”

Murphy turns to look at all the perishable items he just bought but shrugs it off. “Probably tomorrow.”

“Great. I’ll email the script along and set up a meeting.”

Murphy hangs up with his agent and goes back to putting his groceries away. He didn’t expect to be back in New York so soon after the press tour wrapped up, but he’s definitely interested to learn more about this movie. A rom-com isn’t necessarily what Murphy pictured for himself as his first post- _Alpha_ project, but depending on the script, it could be fun.

His agent emails him the script along with a meeting time for Thursday in New York with one of the producers. Later that night, Murphy pours himself some whiskey and reads the script. It’s a lot of fun. Luke, the character that they’re interested in him for, is best friends with the main character Lila. He assumed that since Luke was the best friend that he wouldn’t have a romance of his own, but Luke has a longtime girlfriend named Cassie and acts as Lila’s advice guru throughout the movie as she figures out her feelings for Justin. It feels like even at work, he can’t escape romance.

Murphy’s in a much better place now than he was in March. He still gets sad sometimes, thinking about the possibility of him and Emori being together, but it’s an intermittent ache rather than constant like it was when everything first happened. They’ve been in contact again, Murphy texting her the day after the wrap party. Their conversations have been somewhat stilted, to say the least. As if both of them are holding back. But they’re talking, and right now that’s all that Murphy cares about. The more they text, the more he feels like they can get back some sense of normalcy in their friendship. It definitely will never be the same as before, but at least what they had isn’t completely ruined.

Once he finishes reading he pulls out his phone to text Emori. The last time he was in New York, she was still touring, but she mentioned recently that her contract only went until the beginning of June. Maybe she’s back already.

_Are you back in New York?_

Murphy isn’t sure whether or not to wait for a reply. It’s a bit late, and she might be asleep. But that doesn’t stop his heart from skipping a beat as the text bubble pops up.

_Yup. Tour contract ended last week._

_I’m coming into town for a meeting on Thursday._

_Would you wanna get food or something after?_

The wait as she types her reply is excruciating.

_Sure. I’m free all Thursday, so just let me know when’s good for you._

Murphy takes a breath and smiles at her response. He’s equal parts nervous and excited at the chance to see her. They haven’t hung out in person since Phoenix, so he really has no clue what he’s in for. In all their conversations since they started talking again, Emori has been letting Murphy take the lead, as if she’s letting him take his time as he learns to trust her again. He appreciates it, though he wishes more than anything that they can get past this phase. As much as he’s worried about how things will go when they meet in person, he hopes maybe it’ll bridge the gap and make things feel more comfortable between them again.

Over the next couple of days, they make their plans over text. Murphy’s meeting is at four, so they’ll meet up for dinner afterwards. Emori picks the restaurant, since she knows the city better. It might just be in his head, but after they make their plans, Emori seems a bit more talkative and animated in her text messages. He probably shouldn’t be reading so much into texts. There are no facial expressions for him to go off of, no body language. He won’t really know where they stand until they talk in person.

Murphy is a bundle of nerves as he makes his way to his meeting on Thursday, and it has nothing to do with the project. It’s incredibly unprofessional for him to be so sidetracked, but luckily nobody can read his mind. He knows how to compartmentalize, and he knows how to work his charms. He’s read the script a couple times now and he’s definitely interested in the part. It’s mostly a matter of whether or not he’ll actually be available.

The meeting goes well, and Murphy leaves more excited about the movie than he was when he walked in. It’s not that he’s wishing for _Alpha_ to get cancelled so he can take the part if he is in fact offered it, but his schedule clearing up would definitely be convenient.

Murphy and Emori agreed to meet a few blocks away from the building where Murphy met the producer. He puts on his sunglasses, keeping his head down in hopes nobody pays too much attention to him. He really doesn’t feel like being recognized today, especially when he’s about to have what might be an uncomfortable conversation with the person that used to be his best friend. He hopes he’s wrong about that, he hopes they are still best friends. But if an outsider were looking in at some of his and Emori’s recent conversations, they’d think the two were acquaintances at best. Certainly not two people who have slept together before.

Emori texts him as she’s getting off the subway, and Murphy sends a thumbs up back. Two minutes later, he looks up from his phone and sees her walking towards him. He has to catch himself, because even after all the heartache she’s caused him, she still manages to take his breath away. He can’t believe how far gone he is for her, sometimes. It’s a little pathetic. She has on her own pair of sunglasses and a simple sundress with sneakers. A small smile crosses her face as she spots him. He smiles back and starts walking towards her, willing his heart to stop beating so fast.

They stop in front of each other, and Murphy can feel her nervous and hesitant energy as well as his own. This is weird for both of them, and he’s glad he’s not the only one that feels that way. Emori lets out a nervous chuckle as Murphy steps in for a hug. He doesn’t find comfort in her arms the same way he used to, probably because they’re both feeling so weird. It’s over almost as soon as it starts.

“Hi,” Emori says quietly once they’ve pulled apart.

“Hi,” Murphy answers.

“It’s good to see you.”

“You too. You look nice.”

She ducks her head as a blush spreads across her cheeks. “Thanks. Do you want to start walking? We probably shouldn’t take up the sidewalk.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

Emori leads them up the sidewalk as she starts them en route to the restaurant. They walk in silence for the first few minutes, and Murphy hates how weird it feels. Since when is silence with Emori not comfortable? Even when they go months without seeing each other, it’s never like this. But this isn’t a normal circumstance, no matter how much Murphy wishes it were.

“How did your meeting go?” Emori eventually asks.

Murphy nods. “It went well, I think. I got to hear a little more about the project, they asked me to send in a tape. We’ll see if they end up wanting me. And if I’m actually able to do it.”

“Why wouldn’t you be able to?”

“They start shooting this fall, so if _Alpha_ comes back, I wouldn’t be able to make the schedule work.”

“You’re already banking on _Alpha_ getting cancelled? I thought the first few episodes were great.”

“Yeah, well. People aren’t really giving it a chance. At least the ones still upset about Nadia.”

Emori frowns. “Oh. Right. How could I forget?”

Murphy turns to look at her, a pit forming in his stomach that she still feels guilty about this. “Hey. I thought you were past this. It’s not your fault.”

“I know. But it makes me sad, still. I want you guys to be able to go on without me.”

“Getting cancelled might be a blessing in disguise, honestly. The way everything ended, I don’t think Kane could sustain a full season of peace and romance without fucking it up.”

Emori gasps. “Spoilers, John!”

Murphy chuckles. “Hey, at least I was vague! That could mean so many things.”

They continue making small talk until they get to the restaurant. Emori fills him in on how much fun the rest of the tour was. She’s taking a bit of time off before diving into another project, just glad to be back in one place for the first time since December. Murphy talks more about helping Bellamy with wedding planning, even though that’s not an actual duty of the best man. After a while, their conversation begins to feel easy, almost like normal. But they’re both definitely glossing over the elephant in the room, and Murphy doesn’t know who’s going to bring it up first.

Emori picked a secluded spot for them to eat, which Murphy is thankful for. He’s honestly surprised they hadn’t had any run-ins with fans on the way, especially considering how much the internet seems to love their friendship. They continue their small talk until after they’ve ordered. Their waiter walks away and Emori looks at him before taking a deep breath.

“Okay, I feel like now that we’re somewhere quiet, we can get into what we actually want to talk about,” she says.

Murphy nods. “Yeah.”

“I know I probably sound like a broken record at this point, but I really am so sorry about everything that happened in Phoenix. I was overwhelmed, and I shouldn’t have told you to kiss me.”

“Thank you.”

“You deserve someone who’s completely sure, and in that moment I wasn’t. It wasn’t fair of me. But you know how I feel about you.”

Murphy snorts. “That’s the thing, though. I don’t know how you feel about me. I have a guess, but you’ve never said it out loud.”

“You’ve never said it out loud, either,” Emori counters.

“You wouldn’t let me.”

Emori doesn’t say anything, just holds his gaze. She looks sad, like this has been wearing on her, too. And maybe it has. Just not the same way it’s been wearing on Murphy. She picks up her glass of wine, taking a large sip before saying anything else.

“John, I like you so much it’s excruciating,” she finally gets out.

Murphy’s stomach flips and his heart soars hearing her say those words out loud.

“I like you, too,” he says, almost in a whisper. This doesn’t feel real, and after everything that’s happened, he’s not sure why this makes him feel so giddy still. It’s almost like he’s floating on a cloud.

“As much as I’ve tried to fight it, I’m not sure I can,” Emori continues. “But there’s so much up in the air between us.”

And there goes his cloud.

“What do you mean?” he pushes.

“For all you know, you could be back in Vancouver next fall.”

“Doubtful,” he scoffs.

“You don’t know for sure yet. But look at what happened when we were apart and got busy? We didn’t talk for months. I can’t do that with you in a relationship. I can’t handle that.”

Murphy sighs. He knows Emori has a point. He knows she’s being rational. But his feelings for Emori have never been rational. He wishes that she didn’t have to act so rationally about all of this. He wishes she would give this a chance, even if the circumstances could be better.

“So what are you saying?” he asks.

“I’m saying, I want to be your best friend again. Because right now that’s the best way to have you in my life.”

She rests a hand on top of his on the table. He looks up at her, giving her a small smile. Emori is right. Through all of this, Murphy has missed his best friend. She’s offering them a chance to have that back, without messing things up further between them. Why is he worried about taking it?

Murphy nods. “You’re right. And I want that, too. To be your best friend again.”

A look of relief floods Emori’s face. “Really?”

“Really.”

“I’m glad. I never would’ve been able to forgive myself if I had ruined our friendship forever.”

He shrugs. “You could never do that. You’re too important to me, even when I am mad at you.”

Emori chuckles, before raising her glass. “To best friends.”

Murphy raises his own glass. “To best friends.”

They clink glasses and sip their drinks.

“Bellamy will be happy that we’ve worked this out before the wedding,” Murphy points out.

“Well I’m glad that you’ll be able to report back with good news.”

“Yeah, he’s turning out to be a real groomzilla. September can’t come soon enough.”

“Well if you skip to September, you won’t get to do Comic Con,” Emori reminds him.

“I think that’d be preferable this year. I’m not looking forward to some of the questions I know are coming about how the season wraps up.”

“You’ll have Josephine to help you through them.”

“It won’t be the same without you.”

Emori gives him a sad smile. He missed her so much. He doesn’t mean to make her sad when he says things like that, it’s just the truth. An inevitability of Murphy’s world that he’s accepted, the reason that their parting is always so difficult. Even when he’s upset with her.

“I know you’re just going to call me after. So it’ll be like I’m there, still,” she says.

He laughs. “When did you get to know me so well?”

She chuckles. “I don’t know. It snuck up on me, I guess.”

Murphy’s missed this. He’s missed how easy it was to just talk with Emori, to joke together. He’s not sure how he survived not talking to her for as long as he did. But now he knows that he never wants that to happen again. He’s seen a glimpse of what it’s like to not have Emori in his life, and it was absolute shit. She’s an important part of it, and their time apart only solidified that for him.

The rest of their dinner is easy. They trade stories, laughing and joking about old times. It’s almost over too fast, Murphy not ready to say goodbye. But he has to go to bed so he can get up for his flight tomorrow. Emori walks him back to his hotel. They walk slowly, lingering slightly. Murphy tries not to think too hard about the last time they walked back to someone’s hotel. That would backtrack on all the progress he’s made since then, trying to move forward. And he wants to move forward.

“Well, this is me,” he says, turning to Emori.

“It was really good to see you, John,” she says.

“You, too.”

She steps in, pulling him in for a hug. He easily melts into her embrace, glad that their awkward hug from earlier was just a fluke. In a move that’s probably not very platonic, he buries his head into her neck, taking in the smell of her hair. Vanilla and lavender, just like he remembers.

“Have a safe flight,” Emori says as she pulls away.

“Thanks. I guess I’ll see you at the wedding?”

“I guess so.”

“Well, good night. Text me when you get back to your apartment.”

Emori chuckles, rolling her eyes. “I’ll be fine, John.”

“Just humor me.”

“Okay, I’ll text you.”

“Cool. Good night.”

“Good night.” She gives him one last smile before turning and walking in the direction of the subway. Murphy smiles, watching her until she turns the corner and is out of view. He sighs as he goes into his hotel. He’s in way over his head, but he can breathe a bit easier knowing that things between him and Emori can at least be somewhat normal again.

Murphy flies back to Los Angeles the next day and heads over to Bellamy and Clarke’s house to hang out.

“Everything is fixed, your wedding won’t be ruined,” Murphy says as Clarke opens the door.

She frowns at him. “Come again?”

“Bellamy didn’t tell you? He told me that me and Emori had to figure things out before the wedding. He basically threatened me.”

“I did not threaten you, don’t spread lies!” Bellamy calls from the living room.

Clarke shakes her head, stepping aside to let Murphy all the way into the house. He walks into the living room, where Bellamy is on the couch watching television. Murphy plops down in the armchair he usually inhabits when he visits Bellamy and Clarke. Clarke comes back to her spot next to Bellamy on the couch.

“So you and Emori made up?” Bellamy asks.

Murphy nods. “Yeah. So you can stop badgering me about it. The conversation went surprisingly well.”

“I’m glad. I knew you couldn’t stay mad at her forever. You’d probably spontaneously combust if you didn’t talk to her ever again.”

Clarke playfully hits Bellamy’s shoulder. “What Bellamy means is we’re glad that you guys have figured things out. I’m sure it’s a huge weight off of your chest.”

“That’s an understatement. But yeah, it’s nice. I know things will never be normal again, but as long as I can have her as my best friend, I think I can be okay with that.”

Murphy frowns as his phone beeps. It’s a text from Raven.

_Did you hang out with Emori yesterday??_

He looks at the text a few more times, not completely sure how to respond. He didn’t tell anyone involved with _Alpha_ why he was going to New York. And he hadn’t told Raven he was going, at all. He honestly didn’t think it would come up in conversation. But the way that Raven is asking this means that she knows he hung out with Emori yesterday, so he can’t lie about being in New York.

_Yeah, just went for a quick visit._

Instead of words, Raven responds with an article from some dumb gossip site that was recently posted. He clicks on it to find paparazzi photos of him and Emori yesterday. The two of them walking and chatting on their way to dinner; them leaving the restaurant; and them hugging goodbye outside of Murphy’s hotel. Murphy groans as he skims the text of the article, speculating on whether or not the two of them might be more than friends.

“What’s the matter?” Bellamy asks.

“Pap pictures of me with Emori yesterday.” He holds out his phone and Bellamy takes it so that he and Clarke can look at the article.

“Mmm, Twitter is gonna have a field day with these,” Clarke mumbles.

“I didn’t even notice anyone following us. People have gotten so much sneakier lately.”

“It could be worse, though,” Bellamy says as he hands Murphy back his phone. “At least they didn’t get pictures of her walking into the hotel with you.”

“She didn’t walk into the hotel with me.”

“She didn’t? I thought you guys made up.”

“Yeah, we did. But we’re just gonna be friends. For now, at least. There’s too much external shit going on for it to work logistically.”

“Are you trying to convince us, or are you trying to convince yourself?” Bellamy asks.

Murphy frowns. “It’s a valid reason!”

Bellamy and Clarke exchange a look and Murphy groans.

“Hey, we’ve talked about this! No silent communication about my love life that doesn’t make sense to you.”

“We just care about the both of you, Murphy,” Clarke says. “All we want is for you to be happy.”

“We are happy. It’s not like we’re miserable anymore.”

Bellamy raises his hands in surrender. “Okay. We believe you.”

Murphy narrows his eyes, because he’s pretty sure they don’t believe him. But they drop the subject, in favor of turning back to the TV. Eventually Clarke asks Murphy what he wants from the Chinese place they’re ordering from and Murphy gets another text. This time it’s from Emori.

_Did you see the pap pictures?_

_Yeah. I’m sure Twitter is losing its mind._

_Haha yeah._

_Sorry if that causes you any grief._

Murphy’s heart sinks at Emori’s message. What does she have to apologize for? It’s not like she planned for them to be followed. It’s easier than ever now that everybody has a camera phone.

_You don’t have to apologize, it’s not your fault._

_It’s no different than what people are normally speculating about us._

_That’s true._

_Well, either way it was nice to see you._

_It was nice to see you, too._

Murphy smiles down at his phone, willing his stomach not to flip, even though that helps nothing. For the first time in a while, it doesn’t bother him that people will be speculating about what his and Emori’s relationship status is. Sure, they’re not together. But for the first time he knows that his feelings are actually reciprocated. Maybe people on the outside looking in weren’t delusional about what they were seeing. Last year, Murphy would have scoffed at them, convinced he was the only one pining. Now that he’s gotten actual confirmation that that was never the case, he’s oddly happy.

It will definitely still take work for Murphy to accept their situation, that they can’t be together, at least not right now. He hates to admit that Bellamy was right about him trying to convince himself that the distance would only mess things up, but he and Emori are in such a precarious spot right now. The last thing he wants is to jump into something too fast like they tried to do in February only for it to mess everything they’ve been working to build back up. Murphy doesn’t know that he can handle that a second time.

Emori Chiu is the most important person in John Murphy’s life. She centers him, makes him want to do better, and he knows without a doubt he doesn’t want to lose her again. So if that means being just friends for right now, even though they clearly like each other, he’s okay with that. He’s made his peace with it, and though it’s not the best outcome, it’s the one that gives him the least amount of heartbreak. And right now that’s all he can ask for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed! Let me know what you think.
> 
> And if you're wondering, yes I did use the plot of [A Twist of Fate](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25750561/chapters/62533570) for the rom-com that Murphy auditioned for. If you want to read that, he does in fact play Clarke's rom-com best friend!
> 
> As always, don't forget you can prompt me something through [t100 Fic for BLM](https://t100fic-for-blm.carrd.co/) and come talk to me on [Tumblr](https://queenemori.tumblr.com/).


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Sunday! Super excited to keep sharing as this wraps up, and I'm so loving hearing everyone's thoughts! I love how much you guys love this story, so thank you for all the comments and kudos. 
> 
> Without further ado, please enjoy our very last Comic Con!

By the time July rolls around, _Alpha_ has officially been cancelled. Murphy laughs when he finds out. The ratings really took a hit without Nadia, and though he’s a little disappointed he can’t act like he didn’t see this coming. None of the cast is all that surprised, even though they never really talked about it with each other. But it means that this weekend is going to be a very interesting experience.

The weekend of Comic Con leaves only a few episodes left of the season. Stella and Cullen are solidly back together, Aeyrn is making plans for her last ditch effort to get Bastian back to Polis, and Lyra has finally found a rhythm in sticking up for herself now that Nadia is gone.

“How am I supposed to talk about the end of the season without sounding like a downer?” Murphy asks Josephine. They’re all sitting together in the van that’s taking them from the hotel to the convention center.

“Talk about it like you normally would. Just now it’s the last time,” Josephine says, eyes focused on the selfie she’s taking for her Instagram story. “Please don’t look sad for this picture.”

“I didn’t ask to be in this picture,” he grumbles before indulging her and putting on a smile.

“Come on, it’ll be fun. You love Comic Con!”

“I love Comic Con when I’m excited to talk about the show.”

“Well you’re still on contract, so Kane will definitely have something to say if his lead actor just sits silently and sulks the whole weekend.”

“I’ll just sulk alone in my room later.”

“That’s the spirit!”

Murphy chuckles and rolls his eyes. He’s glad he has Josephine’s energy for this weekend, but he still wishes Emori were here. Murphy knows he’ll still have a nice time without her, but she always made it extra fun. He would definitely be taking her up on her offer to call her at some point, because depending on how the next couple of days go, he’s not sure he’s going to be up for much partying.

As usual, their day starts with autograph signing. They get set up in their booth, Murphy sandwiched between Josephine and Bellamy. Every so often, Josephine will lean over to him to make little jokes, which he’s thankful for. He needs to not be in his head about this whole weekend. He’s supposed to have fun, not be gloomy.

Even though Emori isn’t with the show anymore, he still ends up fielding questions about her and their friendship.

“How is Emori doing?” one fan asks as he signs her poster.

Murphy chuckles, hoping his smile doesn’t look too much like a grimace. “She’s doing well.”

“So you guys still talk a lot?”

“Yeah. She’s still my best friend.”

Josephine leans over to chime in. “I never stood a chance. Sad, really.”

The fan laughs before moving on to get Bellamy’s autograph. Murphy turns to Josephine who has a cheeky grin on her face.

“What? This is like the one weekend a year where we’re encouraged to show off our personalities,” she says.

“That doesn’t seem to stop you every other day of the year.”

“It’s part of my charm.”

That afternoon, Murphy and Josephine are part of a popular ships panel with a few other actors from notable shows. Murphy was honestly surprised when they were asked to do it. In the grand scheme of things, Stellen seems like the least popular ship on the show, but since Lydia isn’t a thing anymore, they probably just wanted some _Alpha_ presence on the panel to draw more attention to it.

“So Josephine and John, you two make up Stellen or Stella and Cullen from _Alpha_ ,” the moderator begins. He has to pause to wait for the cheers from the audience to die down. “It’s a very interesting dynamic, similar to the princess and the dutiful knight.”

“That’s exactly what it is,” Murphy says. “Just in space.”

People get a laugh out of that. Maybe this weekend won’t be so bad, after all. He was due for another ego boost, anyway.

“So Stella and Cullen have had a bit of a rocky journey, and now as the season wraps up they’re more solid than ever. Is this the road you expected them to take?”

Josephine looks to Murphy, and he gestures for her to take the question. “When Stella and Cullen broke up I think it was never a question of if they would get back together, but when. The moment when they got together in season one was probably not the right moment for them. They still had growing to do, and I think it’s what led to their initial downfall. They’re both pretty headstrong people.”

“Not unlike in real life,” Murphy adds.

“And you guys seem to have such a solid offscreen relationship as well. Do you think that’s helped with your chemistry on screen?”

Murphy nods. “Definitely. Josephine is one of my best friends—”

Josephine gasps. Murphy turns to look at her with a frown.

“Sorry, you’ve just never said that about me before, I’m in shock.”

“Don’t be dramatic, I’ve said that before.”

“No, I would have noticed. But sorry, please continue.”

Murphy chuckles. The crowd seemed to enjoy that, so at least everyone’s having fun.

“Like I was saying, Josephine is one of my best friends, so I think it’s been pretty easy for us to build that chemistry for our scenes together. We also lived together while we were shooting seasons three and four, so I’d say we know each other pretty well.”

The moderator nods. “It really shows in some of your scenes how close you are in real life. I love that. So what’s the biggest difference now, do you think, between Stella and Cullen’s relationship in season one and Stella and Cullen’s relationship in season four?”

“It’s much more of a partnership,” Josephine answers. “Stella is vying for a more active role in governing, which is not something she was at all concerned with in season one. And Cullen is very supportive of her. They’ve been through a lot together. Cullen saw Stella through Lyra getting kidnapped, Stella helped Cullen after Nadia died. They’re very much in this together.”

“So do you think that’s going to help them get around the obstacle to their relationship, which is the queen?”

Murphy nods. “Yeah. I think initially when the queen approached Cullen, he was still fairly new to his job. He wasn’t established, he hadn’t made himself indispensable, so of course doing what the queen tells you to do seems like the thing to do.”

“It seems like they’ll make it out okay in the end, then. Without spoiling it for the rest of us, what’s something you can say about how Stella and Cullen’s journey ends?”

Murphy stifles a laugh and purposefully does not look in Josephine’s direction. He lets her take this one, knowing she’ll have a better answer anyway.

“I think the end of their journey is about being supportive and showing up for each other. And yes, that’s very vague, but you said no spoilers. Also my boss is in the building, and he’s got a sixth sense for people spoiling things,” she says.

Everyone laughs, and the moderator moves on to questions for the rest of the panelists and then some more general questions for everyone. It’s a chill panel for the most part, low stress and simple. Murphy is glad this is his first panel of the weekend, and not the _Alpha_ one. But that also means that he has a lot of time to sit and be nervous about the _Alpha_ panel.

There are a few different types of fans. The ones that watch the show because they enjoy every aspect of it: the writing, the acting, and the story. There are the ones that would never admit to watching a show on the CW, but they watch it anyway. And of course, there are the ones that only watch for their ship, even if they’re just receiving crumbs. All of them have taken the cancellation news differently, though Murphy knows that none of these groups are going to leave the final episode feeling satisfied. So it feels weird to come to Comic Con knowing that the show is cancelled, and still have to hype up an ending that even he’s not excited about. He knows it’s part of his job, and it should be easy. He is an actor, after all. But something doesn’t sit right in his stomach and he wishes there was something he could do to fix that.

They spend the rest of the first day doing cast interviews and photo ops with different entertainment outlets. This is the part of Comic Con that Murphy always enjoys. It’s just some extra time that he gets to hang out with his friends, while they also give a couple of sound bytes about the show. He’s glad that he can forget about the _Alpha_ panel, even if only for a couple of hours.

When Murphy takes the stage in Ballroom A the next morning, he’s met with applause and cheers as usual. But that doesn’t change the fact that his stomach is in knots. He wants the panel to go well. He hopes Kane doesn’t get _too_ defensive, he hopes they don’t get a lot of questions about Nadia, and he hopes that people will just let this be _Alpha_ ’s last hurrah.

“This is the last time that we’ll have you guys up here, with your series finale airing in a couple of weeks,” the moderator points out. “How are you all feeling?”

Murphy laughs. “That’s a loaded question.” He’s really milking the opportunity to make people laugh this weekend.

“I don’t want to speak for the group, but I have to say that I’m feeling incredibly nostalgic and so grateful that I’ve gotten the chance to work with all of them,” Harper says.

Bellamy nods. “Yeah, this whole experience has been a dream and I think a big part of it is because of this group of people right here. So I’m grateful to Kane for bringing us all together.”

Murphy suppresses an eyeroll. Bellamy _would_ lay that on thick for Kane. He’s probably smart that way. Marcus Kane thrives on ego boosts more than Murphy does.

“It’s been an absolute honor working with all of you,” Kane chimes in. “I don’t say this lightly when I say that this is the most incredible group of actors I have ever worked with. Always so willing to try things, and so thoughtful with their choices. I’ve been spoiled, really.”

“So does that mean that the actors have had a say in their characters’ endings?” the moderator asks.

Kane chuckles. “We always take their thoughts into consideration.”

“I got what I wanted,” Josephine says, leaning back in her chair. Murphy shakes his head at her, but he’s glad that she succeeded in the end. He can’t imagine what Stella’s journey would look like if she weren’t working towards a cabinet position.

The moderator asks a few more standard questions, then opens up the floor for questions from the audience. This is the part of the weekend that Murphy has been dreading the most. He doesn’t think any of the questions will be downright rude. That sort of behavior is reserved specifically for Twitter. But he braces himself anyway, knowing that some of the questions might be unpleasant to answer, even if they are phrased politely.

“Hi, I love you guys and the show so much!” a fan begins. “My question is for Kane. I guess I was wondering what the thought process was behind the three month time skip at the start of the season. And I don’t know if you’re allowed to answer this, but will there be any mentions of Sanctum before the season is over? We just spent so much time there last season and I was curious what it was all for.”

“Well, when thinking about the best way to open the season, I think that we wanted to acknowledge Nadia’s death and show that everyone was still learning to cope with it, Lyra and Cullen in particular. But since we showed the memorial at the end of last season, it made sense to skip ahead in time to when things weren’t as fresh, but still having an effect on the characters. Now as for Sanctum…”

Kane pauses, and Murphy has to remember he’s on stage and everyone can see his face. He schools his expression, but on the inside he’s filled with an immeasurable amount of glee. Kane rarely gets flustered, and this just means that he wins his bet with Josephine after all.

“Goddamnit,” Josephine mutters under her breath.

Murphy smirks and leans into Josephine’s space so only she can hear him. “I accept cash and Venmo. Restaurant to be determined.”

“Stop enjoying this.”

“Never.”

They don’t hear the rest of Kane’s response, but Murphy assumes he supplies a sufficient non-answer. He doesn’t really care what Kane has to say on the matter. All he cares about is Josephine buying him a nice dinner.

None of the other questions seem to stump Kane as much as that one, so the panel continues fairly normally. Fans usually ask questions of the actors, anyway.

“This question is for any of the actors. What’s your favorite thing about your characters?”

Murphy nods, excited at an interesting question. Not that all the questions aren’t interesting to some degree, but it’s always nice to have a reprieve from the standard “so are you guys all really friends” sorts of questions that don’t always have anything to do with the show. They go down the line.

Harper laughs. “It’s so funny to talk about my favorite things about Aeyrn because she’s so intense, to put it nicely. But I love her determination and grit.”

“Bastian’s got a really big heart, and that’s what I connected to when I first got the part,” Bellamy says.

“I’ve always loved how courageous Lyra is,” Clarke says. “She’s scared and not always sure that she can do things on her own, but she pushes through and tries anyway.”

“I think my favorite thing about Stella is that she’s not afraid to go after what she wants,” Josephine answers, before turning to Murphy to finish off.

“My favorite thing about Cullen is that he’s emotional,” Murphy decides. “People may not believe this, but I’m a fairly emotional person. Though I think he does a better job of allowing himself to be vulnerable than I do. And it’s something of his that I hope I take with me now that the show’s over.”

Murphy does admire how easily Cullen is able to be vulnerable with other people. He only does it with a few select others, and all the people that he is vulnerable with on a regular basis he’s about to not see all the time anymore. They no longer have something tying them together the way they did now that the show isn’t coming back. He wonders if things will be the same. The cast of _Alpha_ are some of the best friends he’s ever had. But Murphy knows from experience that people can be best friends and still leave. He doesn’t want that with them. He wants to keep them around.

The rest of the panel passes without incident and everyone moves on to their next engagements. It’s a less busy day than the one before, so they have time to chill. Murphy and Josephine walk around the convention center together, taking in the sights and stopping every so often when a fan asks if they can have an autograph or a selfie.

“That could’ve gone way worse,” Murphy points out.

Josephine nods. “Yeah. Still annoyed I’m out fifty bucks, though.”

“Please, I know you’re good for it.”

“It’s hard to answer questions about the show wrapping up neatly. If it were just a season finale, I’d say it did. But it’s not.”

“I’m already preparing for the inevitable questions we’re gonna get about how we think Stella and Cullen’s audience with the king and queen went.”

“Oh, for sure. But people will just write fanfic to fix that. I’ll send you the good ones,” Josephine says.

Murphy groans. “I’m not gonna read _Alpha_ fanfiction.”

“You’re telling me you’re not the least bit curious?”

“Josephine, I know what sex with you is like, I don’t need to read about it!”

She snorts. “You wouldn’t have done half the things to me that Cullen does in stories.”

Murphy’s eyes widen as he stops walking. He feels his face go red. Are they really having this conversation right now? Josephine stops as well and turns to look at him.

“Don’t look at me like that!” she continues. “You’re good, but for the most part you’re very vanilla.”

“I haven’t had any complaints so far,” he mumbles, staring down at the ground.

Josephine pats his arm. “It’s not a bad thing, Murphy. But maybe when you and Emori finally get your shit together, you can look for ways to spice things up.”

“I don’t want to discuss this with you.”

“I’m just saying. She could surprise you.”

Murphy rolls his eyes, ready to change the subject. He’s not sure how he and Josephine ever end up having these conversations about sex. It’s an interesting part of their dynamic that he never expected to exist. He can’t say Josephine’s nosiness is one of the things he’ll miss about her when they’re not around each other anymore.

They eventually meet up with the rest of the cast at the party. It’s their last hurrah all as a group. Sure, they’ll all gather at Bellamy and Clarke’s house for the finale, but this is their last press engagement for _Alpha_ ever and they’re taking a moment to celebrate it.

“I’d like to propose a toast,” Bellamy says, lifting his drink. “To this amazing main cast, a group of people I am privileged to have had the chance to work with. You are all incredibly talented, and I can’t wait to see what you’ll do next. I’ve never been more happy or proud to be a part of a cast in my life.”

Murphy raises his glass with the rest of the group, tears stinging his eyes. Leave it to Bellamy to make him emotional.

“We should’ve FaceTimed Emori in,” Harper says. “She’s a part of this, too.”

“We’ll just tell Murphy to say we love her when they talk later,” Josephine says, waving the comment off.

Murphy frowns. “How do you know I’ll be talking to her later?”

“Well won’t you?”

He ducks his head, though he’s sure it won’t hide his blush. “I mean yeah, but I wasn’t planning on talking about you guys.”

Bellamy chuckles. “Ah, yes. We see how it is.”

“What?”

“Now that you and Emori have made up, we’re second in your heart again,” Josephine says.

“Hey, I literally called you one of my best friends yesterday, don’t make me take it back!” Murphy says as he pokes Josephine’s shoulder.

“We’re just messing with you, Murphy,” Clarke adds. “We’re glad that you and Emori are talking again.”

“It’s much better than when you were miserable, anyway,” Josephine mumbles.

“Before Murphy inevitably skips out early to go talk to Emori, can we like take a picture or something? To memorialize this moment?” Harper asks.

Murphy chuckles. He loves how sentimental Harper is about all of this. Though he’d be lying if he said he hasn’t been feeling sentimental lately. It’s really the end of an era. And he’s never felt more lucky than he does having found a group of friends through this show.

They snap a picture that Harper sends to everyone then adds to her story. Murphy stays for another half hour before excusing himself. He’s tired, and he figures Emori is probably waiting up for him on the east coast. Murphy doesn’t want her to stay up too late because of him. He texts that he’s on his way back to the hotel.

Once Murphy’s in his room, he looks again at the group photo that Harper tagged him in. Everyone’s all smiles. Harper is in the front holding out her phone so everyone’s in the picture. Murphy is sandwiched between Bellamy and Clarke, his arms wrapped around Bellamy’s middle, while Clarke laughs. Josephine is off to the side, posing as if it’s a photoshoot for the cover of _Vogue_. Murphy chuckles as he kicks off his shoes and flops back on his bed. He’s really going to miss this group. He texts Emori that he’s back and within a couple minutes she’s calling him.

He picks up and sees that she’s lying in her bed in her apartment. She’s on her side with her elbow propped up against her pillow so her head rests on her hand. Her eyes are drooping, as if she’s struggling to stay awake, but she still puts on a smile. Murphy’s stomach dips at the sight. She looks adorable and he almost hates that she stayed up for him, but at the same time he’s glad he gets to see her look all cute and sleepy.

“Hi,” she says, stifling a yawn.

“Hi. Sorry, I didn’t expect to be gone for so long. We all got a little nostalgic.”

“It’s okay, I understand. It’s your last _Alpha_ Comic Con. I was feeling a little bit of that last year. But how did it go?”

Murphy nods. “Pretty well. We only got one question that seemed to stump Kane, so I guess that’s good. I’m sure Twitter will have more to say when the time comes.”

Emori chuckles. “Oh, Twitter never fails on that front. How is everyone else feeling?”

“I think it’s hitting us all at different times. I thought Kane might cry during the panel, but he held it together. It feels final today, but I don’t think it’s really gonna hit until we watch the finale.”

“That makes sense. I saw your cute photo! You all looked so cute and happy.”

“Yeah. We all said you should’ve been there, though,” Murphy says. “You’re a big part of what made this whole show so special.”

She smiles, resting her head on the pillow. “Thank you, John.”

“Oh, and I’m supposed to tell you that everyone says hi and they love you.”

“Aww, I love them, too. I miss them a lot. But me and Clarke are scheduled for a FaceTime soon. And I text Harper all the time. But I’ll see you all soon. The wedding is fast approaching!”

“Yeah, it is. And somehow my best man duties keep ramping up. I’ve basically worked out all the details of Bellamy’s bachelor party. It’s not gonna be nearly as fun since he won’t let me get a stripper. But I think I’ve found a workaround.”

Emori raises an eyebrow. “It’s his party, John. Let him do what he wants.”

“I am! I’m not an idiot. And I think he’ll like his surprise.”

“Oh, that reminds me. I need to get my bridesmaid dress altered. I’ve been putting it off, but I should probably stop that now.”

Murphy chuckles. “Yeah, we’re getting into the home stretch.”

“Have you started your best man speech?

“A little bit. The ultimate goal is to bring Bellamy to tears.”

“Don’t say that like it’s hard to do. Bellamy is one of the most emotional people I have ever met. Knowing you, your goal should be to try and make it through your own speech without crying.”

“Mori, no why would you speak that into existence?”

They both laugh before lapsing into silence. Murphy watches as Emori’s eyes droop even more than before. He flashes back to their night together in Phoenix, watching her drift off to sleep in the wee hours of the morning. He’s surprised that for the first time thinking about that night doesn’t send him into a fit of sadness. He looks back on it fondly as he stares at her through her phone. She’s on the other side of the country, nowhere near him, and she waited up to talk to him. It makes Murphy feel special and wanted, in a way he doesn’t ever say out loud that he needs that from someone. He smiles to himself, realizing that Emori might actually be falling asleep now.

“Mori?”

She opens her eyes again. “Hmm?”

“I think you’re falling asleep on me.”

“Oh. I’m sorry, John. I ran a lot of errands today and I’m still getting used to this time zone again.”

“Don’t let me keep you. We can talk tomorrow.”

Emori nods, a sleepy smile spreading across her face. “Okay.”

“Good night, Emori.”

“Night, John. I love you.”

Emori hangs up, and John lets out a yawn of his own. Maybe he’s also more tired than he realized. He gets up and starts getting ready for bed. He’s glad to have gotten the chance to talk to Emori, glad to see her in one of her cutest moments. She’s always cute, but there's just something about her sleepy smile that makes Murphy’s heart soar. He goes into the bathroom to brush his teeth before what Emori said before she hung up hits him.

_I love you_.

“Fuck,” Murphy mumbles to himself as he stares into the mirror.

Had that really just happened? Sure, he and Emori used to say “I love you” to each other all the time, but that was before anything remotely romantic happened between them. The “I love yous” stopped around New Year’s. So is Murphy imagining this? This could very much be something that his mind would make up to play a trick on him. But no, those three words definitely came out of Emori’s mouth. What is Murphy supposed to do with that? How can he trust that she meant it when she was already half asleep? And what would have happened if he’d responded? Murphy has routinely dreamt about the day that he heard those words from her. And of course when he actually hears them he barely even notices. Excitement and confusion course through his veins, as he wonders to himself all the ways things could’ve gone differently if he had actually reacted. This is so on par for the shit year he’s had, he can’t even fathom something finally going right for him for once. He wants nothing more than to call her back and ask her if she really meant it, but he knows he’d look a little crazy if he did that. It’s probably a conversation that would best be had in person, anyway. Murphy sighs, realizing this is something he’ll have to wait to bring up when he sees her in person. If he ever brings it up at all. September can’t come soon enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh we're coming up on the homestretch!! Let me know what you guys think, next weekend's updates are gonna be a lot of fun. 
> 
> As always, don't forget to check out [t100 Fic for BLM](https://t100fic-for-blm.carrd.co/) and come shout with me on [Tumblr](https://queenemori.tumblr.com/)!


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello and happy Friday!! Very excited that both chapters I'm sharing this weekend take place at Bellamy and Clarke's wedding weekend, so that's what this weekend is now. Enjoy!

Murphy isn’t normally one for weddings. Sure, deep down he’s a sap and maybe a bit of a romantic, but weddings have never been his thing. Clarke and Bellamy’s wedding is different. For the first time ever, he’s excited about it. Maybe it’s because he loves them both, maybe it’s because he gets to see his friends, or maybe it’s because he gets to spend a weekend in Napa Valley and not have to pay for anything. That’s definitely a plus.

He’s also glad to see the rest of the cast of _Alpha_ without the finale hanging over their heads. They all watched it together, as per usual, and even though none of them really enjoyed it, they were still an emotional wreck through the whole thing. It finally hit them that they wouldn’t be going back to Vancouver together. Of course they’d all keep in touch and see each other when they could. But _Alpha_ was a big part of their lives, and now it’s really over. Murphy knew how monumental the whole thing was, but he wasn’t prepared for their goodbyes to be so gut-wrenching.

People on Twitter were a bit nicer than Murphy expected them to be. They loved some moments, specifically Lyra killing Aeyrn to avenge Nadia’s death. Murphy liked a tweet of someone shouting about the symbolism of Lyra using Nadia’s knife to kill Aeyrn, and his liking the tweet sent the original poster into another spiral. It was entertaining to watch it play out, to say the least. Murphy and Josephine both got a lot of tweets asking how they thought Stella and Cullen’s audience with the king and queen went. They both replied saying they thought that the king and queen were impressed with both Stella and Cullen for standing their ground and they accepted their formal request for courtship. It made the very small Stellen fandom very happy to get that confirmation from the actors themselves.

All the cast and crew made their goodbye posts on social media, and everyone was sure to include Emori. It’s a testament to how beloved she is, that even when she’s gone, everyone still feels that she’s an important part of what made _Alpha_ great. Even fans were tagging her in their posts. When Murphy and Emori talked about it, she mentioned how special it made her feel. It warmed Murphy’s heart hearing that, glad that Emori was getting the recognition she so greatly deserved.

Murphy is equal parts excited and nervous to see Emori this weekend. For one thing, he’s just happy they’ll be in the same place again, if only for a few days. And he has some exciting news that he can share with her. It felt like Murphy waited for ages after he sent in his tape for the romantic comedy his agent put him up for, but the producers finally got back to him and offered him the role. Shooting starts on location in New York City in October, which means he’ll be in the same city as Emori for a couple of months. He’s elated.

There’s just one tiny problem.

Murphy is still caught up on Emori’s sleepy “I love you” as she hung up on their FaceTime after Comic Con. He thinks about it constantly. Does she remember that she said it? Should he bring it up? They just finally got back to normal, so saying something doesn’t seem like the move, but at the same time it’s slowly killing him not knowing if it was an accident. He wishes he could ask her. He’s even been on the verge of asking a few times before. But moments before he thinks better of it, worried it’ll be too much of a risk. He doesn’t want to fuck things up again. He can’t let that happen.

Murphy swallows down his nerves as he puts his things down in his room and goes to the lobby where the rest of the wedding party is hanging out as they arrive. He picks up a glass of wine from the bar and goes to stand next to Bellamy. He’s all smiles, greeting people and talking to an excited woman while a tall, brooding man stands next to her, taking in his surroundings.

“Murphy,” Bellamy says as he approaches. “This is Octavia, my little sister. She’s the matron of honor. O, this is Murphy, the best man.”

Octavia smiles, extending her hand. “It’s so nice to meet you! It’s a little weird since I’m so used to seeing you on screen.”

Murphy chuckles, shaking her hand. “I’ve been told I’m better looking in person. It’s nice to meet you, too.”

“And this is my husband, Lincoln,” she says, gesturing to the quiet man beside her.

Lincoln smiles and nods, shaking Murphy’s hand. “So you planned the bachelor party?”

“I sure did!” Murphy grins. “Bellamy’s not gonna know what hit him.”

Bellamy groans. “That’s what I’m worried about.”

“You’re gonna love it, man. I promise.”

Murphy exchanges small talk with Octavia and Lincoln for a few more minutes, before Octavia spots Clarke and excuses herself, grabbing Lincoln by the arm to go say hello to her.

“Please promise me my party isn’t over the top,” Bellamy says.

“Hey, if you didn’t want me to plan your party, you should not have made me best man. Your decision, your mistake. But I’m not an idiot, so stop worrying about it.”

“Bellamy not worry? I’d pay good money to see that,” comes a familiar voice from behind them.

Murphy’s heart soars at Emori’s voice and when he turns around, it’s almost embarrassing how excited he is to see her. She makes him feel like a schoolboy with a silly crush, but his feelings for her are so much deeper than that. She grins at him as she approaches and Murphy’s tunnel vision kicks in. She’s the only person in the room that matters.

Emori stops in front of them, giving Bellamy a hug first.

“Happy wedding weekend!” she says, patting him on the arm. “Only a few days left of being single!”

Bellamy grins. “Thank God, honestly. I’m just ready to be married at this point. And looking forward to having all the wedding planning stress behind us.”

Emori raises an eyebrow at him. “John told me you had a few groomzilla moments. His words, not mine.”

Bellamy throws a side eye at Murphy before shaking his head. “I’m allowed to want a nice wedding. I wanna catch up more later, Emori, but it looks like Clarke needs me.”

He walks away, leaving Murphy and Emori standing on their own.

“He says he’s not a groomzilla, but he also made the caterer cry on the phone last week.”

Emori laughs. “Bellamy Blake making someone cry? Never would’ve expected that.”

Murphy nods. “He did apologize profusely once he realized the person was crying. But I never thought I’d see the day where someone cried over Bellamy not just because he’s good looking.”

He turns to face Emori. Her smile is bright as she looks to him, stepping in for a hug. He melts into her touch. It’s almost like second nature now, even after so long apart. He doesn’t think there will ever be a time where he doesn’t miss her so much it hurts, so he’s glad to have her back if only for a weekend.

“How are you?” Emori asks as they pull apart.

“Hanging in there,” he answers. “I don’t have much going on right now, but I will be busy soon with some stuff.”

“What stuff?”

“You remember that meeting I had in New York in June?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, I booked the part. So I’ll be in New York for the fall, starting in October.”

Emori smiles, and Murphy lights up at her excitement. “Really?”

He grins. “Really. We’ll finally be in the same place for a few months.”

“And you got a new project. Congrats, John!”

“Thanks. I’m excited. I’ve never spent that much time in New York before.”

“Oh, well you have the perfect tour guide. By the time the movie’s finished, you’ll be able to call yourself a real New Yorker.”

Murphy laughs. He’s glad that Emori seems excited that he’ll be in her neck of the woods for a while. She starts rattling off places she plans to take him, from museums to her favorite breakfast spots. Murphy has never been that interested in New York City as a place, but with Emori by his side, he might change his mind.

They don’t get to talk for very long, Emori whisked away by other _Alpha_ people that haven’t seen her in ages. Murphy stands off to the side, sipping his wine as he watches Emori laugh with Harper and Clarke. It’s nice to see her in the same room as all these people again. Raven sidles up to him and holds out her glass. He clinks it and they stand quietly, people watching for a while.

“You gonna be alright this weekend?” she asks after a moment.

He looks at her with a frown. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

Raven shrugs. “I don’t know. I feel like you and Emori both stopped talking to me about each other after Phoenix so I have no clue what the deal is with you guys anymore.”

“Well we’re fine. I’d say this is the first time things are completely normal between us again.”

“That’s good. I know Bellamy would have killed you both if there was unpleasantness during his wedding weekend.”

“He got his wish. But if he acts smug about it, I’ll be ten times more annoying in return.”

Raven chuckles. “Stellar friend, you are.”

“People love me, what can I say?”

Guests continue to arrive, but Murphy goes back to his room to get ready for the bachelor party. He knows Bellamy is nervous, and it’s been very fun to mess with him. Bellamy still seems to be stuck on the idea of Murphy hiring a stripper against his will. He’ll probably keep him in suspense about all of the night’s activities until they arrive at their destinations, just to watch him squirm.

Murphy pulls on his blazer and laces up his shoes before grabbing his room key and heading to Bellamy’s room where the bachelor party is meeting. He knocks and leans against the doorway until Bellamy comes to let him in. Murphy waggles his eyebrows in greeting.

Bellamy groans. “Please tell me what we’re doing.”

“Where’s the fun in that? Let me in, it’s time to start drinking.” Murphy pushes into the room. Though, maybe room is the wrong word. It’s definitely a suite. His eyes widen as he peers around the place, noticing a small kitchenette off to the right and a sitting area before he even makes it over to the bed. Why didn’t Murphy get a room like this?

“Damn, Blake. The accommodations alone must have cost you guys a pretty penny. I can’t imagine what the whole wedding is gonna look like.”

Bellamy shrugs. “Clarke’s mom paid for some of it.”

“Well thank you, Dr. Griffin.”

Murphy pours shots for the two of them and hands a glass to Bellamy. He lifts his in a toast.

“Here’s to never getting random ass again.”

Bellamy frowns. “I’m not drinking to that.”

“God, can’t you take a joke? Fine, here’s to eternal and everlasting love.”

Bellamy smiles before lifting his shot glass and downing it. Murphy does the same, clearing his throat as the liquor goes down.

“So does it feel weird?” Murphy asks.

“Does what feel weird?”

“The fact that you’re getting married on Saturday.”

“Not really,” Bellamy says. “I don’t think it’s gonna feel much different than how we already are with each other. But I’m still excited. I’ve been excited ever since that moment I just knew I wanted to be with her forever.”

“What did that feel like? When you knew?”

“What are you asking for?”

Murphy blushes. “I’m not allowed to be curious?”

Bellamy chuckles. “I’m joking. I don’t know. It wasn’t like a big lightbulb moment or anything like that. We were sitting together on set in between takes, just kind of talking. Clarke was getting all excited because I mentioned a restaurant I wanted to try, and she’d already been with Josephine. And she just started rattling off all the menu items she remembered, and I kind of laughed because I’ve never seen someone get that excited about food. I think that was the moment, really.”

“Does Clarke know that the moment you knew you wanted to marry her was when she was rambling about food?”

“She does. But she told me her moment was when I was sitting reading a book and I licked my finger to turn the page like an old man.”

Murphy laughs. “You two are so weird.”

“It’s why we work.”

Murphy’s heart clenches a little at this conversation with Bellamy. As much as he’s excited about this wedding, he knew this weekend might be a little hard for him. Not that he thought he and Emori were on track to get married after their night together, but he at least thought they’d be something a bit more than friends. And it hurts just a bit more knowing that Emori does feel the same way. This is not how Murphy pictured any of this going, but it does feel like just his luck that this is where he’s at. He shakes his head, willing himself to stop feeling sorry for himself. It’s Bellamy’s night, and they’re going to have a good time. He pours himself another shot and downs it as Bellamy goes to answer the knock of their friends at the door.

Once the party is assembled, Murphy stands on a chair and addresses the group.

“Alright gentlemen, we are here to celebrate Bellamy Blake’s last weekend of single-dom! Prepare yourselves for a night of debauchery—”

Bellamy clears his throat, interrupting Murphy’s speech. Murphy glares at him.

“That is, as much debauchery as Bellamy would allow me to plan. So basically prepare to be shitfaced and wake up to regret it in the morning. But before we go to our first destination, I’d like to propose a toast. To Bellamy, the most hopeless romantic I have ever met. Cheers to you and may this be the beginning of a long and happy marriage.”

Everyone toasts to Bellamy and downs the rest of their drinks. Murphy ushers them out of the room to their first stop, a nice restaurant where they put some food in their stomachs and then have a fancy whiskey tasting. Murphy smirks at Bellamy’s nod of approval. He knows his friend, what can he say?

After the whiskey, the next stop is drunk bowling. Murphy decided on this outing, partially because he knows Bellamy likes bowling, but also because he figured it would be funny to watch Bellamy and all their friends try and bowl while inebriated. Turns out, it’s even better than Murphy imagined. Jasper falls over his own feet when he lets go of the ball, almost launching himself down the lane with it. Monty and Miller play as a team, since they were both doing so badly that it just made more sense to count their points together. Even Bellamy, who regularly bowls close to 200 while sober, is having issues. Octavia’s husband Lincoln is the only one who’s any good at this. But he also seems the least drunk of all of them. Murphy wonders what his alcohol tolerance must be.

The plus side to Lincoln being the least drunk is that he’s actually a great help as Murphy herds the rest of the party into their car and back to the vineyard. Monty, Miller, and Jasper sing the entire way back, and if Murphy weren’t drunk himself, he’d probably be really annoyed. None of them can sing and they’ve joked before that there’s a reason they’re writers and not actors. Bellamy sits in between Lincoln and Murphy on the way back, resting his head on Murphy’s shoulder.

“I had a lot of fun,” Bellamy says, stifling a yawn.

Murphy smirks. “See? I told you that you could trust me!”

“Don’t rub it in. It’s still my weekend. And I’m a little mad at you for calling me groomzilla to Emori still.”

“You’d be more mad if you weren’t aware that it’s actually true. But I’m sure there are people who have acted way worse than you when planning a wedding. Hell, I call you a groomzilla now, but I think I’d obsess over every detail just as much as you if I ever get married.”

Lincoln chuckles. “Weddings do bring out the unexpected in people.”

Lincoln offers to help Monty, Miller, and Jasper to their rooms, while Murphy takes Bellamy back to his. They’re all going to be so hungover in the morning. But he can’t say he cares when he had a nice time with his friends.

“Where’s your key?” Murphy asks as they stop in front of Bellamy’s door.

“In my pocket.” They stand there for a moment, but Bellamy makes no move to get his key out of his pocket.

Murphy sighs. “Are you gonna get it, or do you need me to?”

Bellamy smiles. “Can you get it, please?”

“God, I never knew how much of a baby you are when you’re drunk.”

Murphy checks Bellamy’s pockets and finds the key. He runs it through the door before taking Bellamy’s hand and pulling him inside. Murphy closes the door behind them and goes to the bathroom sink to get a glass of water.

Murphy comes back into the room to find Bellamy splayed out on the bed. He sets the glass of water down on the bedside table.

“Do you need anything else?”

Bellamy pats the space on the bed next to him. “Come sit with me.”

Murphy raises an eyebrow, but does as he’s told.

“You shouldn’t give up on love, Murphy,” Bellamy says, looking more sober than he’s looked in about an hour.

Murphy frowns. “Where the fuck is this coming from?”

“I know things have been weird with you and Emori for a while now, but that doesn’t mean that you won’t find love again. Maybe it’s with her, maybe it’s with someone you haven’t met yet.” Bellamy chuckles before adding, “Maybe it’s with Josephine.”

He laughs. “Shut the fuck up man, it’s definitely not with Josephine.”

“No, probably not. She and Gabriel are way too obsessed with each other. But my point still stands. You shouldn’t close yourself off to the possibility of love with someone else. Hell, maybe your story with Emori isn’t finished yet. I just know you deserve love and I want you to think that you do.”

Murphy nods, something in his chest tightening. He doesn’t want to close himself off to love, and he’s been working on feeling better about the events of the past year. It feels like with each passing day, a lot of it stings less, fading into the background as he moves on with his life. But he’s not ready to move on from Emori, not when he knows that she feels the same. And especially not after she told him she loves him. He wishes there were a way to bring up that sleepy admission organically in conversation. But there’s no good way to broach that conversation with his best friend he’s hopelessly in love with without making things weird again. They promised they’d be friends, and Murphy doesn’t want to ruin that.

“Thanks, Bellamy,” he says, patting his friend on the leg. “I think I’m getting there, honestly. But just so you know when you throw my bachelor party, I _do_ want a stripper.”

Bellamy nods. “Noted.”

There’s a knock at the door and a voice that calls, “Special delivery for the groom to be!”

Bellamy narrows his eyes and turns to look at Murphy. “What the fuck did you do?”

Murphy hops off the bed and runs to the door. “Before you get mad, just let me open the door!”

“Murphy, I said no strippers!”

“I think you’ll like this one!”

Murphy opens the door and steps aside to let Clarke into the room. She’s wearing a trenchcoat and heels, and Murphy would rather not wonder what else underneath.

Bellamy gasps. “Clarke?”

Clarke frowns at Murphy as steps further into the room. “How drunk did you get him?”

“It’s not like I was forcing shots down his throat!”

“Clarke, baby, what are you doing here?” Bellamy asks. “You’re not a stripper.”

She chuckles, sitting down next to Bellamy on the bed. “No, I’m not. But Murphy thought it would be funny.”

“I told Murphy no strippers.” He rests his head in Clarke’s lap.

“I know you did.” She smiles, running a hand through his hair. Murphy chuckles to himself. This is kind of a picture perfect moment, even if this whole situation is a bit odd. It’s nice to watch his friends be in love.

“Well, I guess you don’t need me anymore, so I’m going to bed,” Murphy says. “Drink that water, Bellamy, or you’ll regret it in the morning!”

Bellamy mumbles something incoherently. Clarke looks up at Murphy and shrugs, which Murphy takes as his cue to leave. It seems like Clarke has this under control. Murphy’s still drunk himself, and all he wants to do is crawl into bed.

Murphy’s head doesn’t hurt as much as he thought it would when he wakes up, but he’s definitely still hungover. He goes to his bathroom sink and pours himself more water, downing it before he does anything else. He wonders what shape the rest of the guys are in, but he’d bet money that Bellamy’s probably a lot worse for wear. Murphy pulls on some clothes and heads down to breakfast.

A few people are already up when he gets downstairs. He spots Emori sitting at a table with Raven and makes a beeline for them. They look up and laugh as he approaches.

“You look like you got hit by a truck,” Raven says.

“Wait until you see Bellamy,” Murphy responds.

“So I take it the bachelor party was a success?” Emori asks, a bright smile on her face.

“It was. Everyone had a good time. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need some coffee before I die.”

He turns to the breakfast buffet and goes straight for the coffee carafe. He picks up a mug and as he pours, Bellamy comes to stand next to him. Bellamy is usually very put together, always a bit more dressed up for the occasion than he needs to be. This morning he’s wearing a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants, his hair is unkempt, and he’s even got sunglasses on inside. Murphy can’t help but laugh at the sight.

Bellamy scowls at him. “I hate you.”

“Come on, you know you had fun.”

“Yes, but was it worth the headache that’s going to follow me the rest of the day?”

“You’ll just go to sleep early tonight. Big day tomorrow, and all that.” Murphy holds out the carafe for him.

Bellamy grumbles, taking the carafe and pouring coffee into a mug of his own.

“Did you at least drink the water I left you?”

“Clarke made me have three glasses before I fell asleep.”

Murphy pats Bellamy’s shoulder as he starts to walk away. “She’s a keeper.”

He sits back down at his table with Raven and Emori, not even focused on food yet. He sips his coffee before looking at them and frowning.

“How come you guys don’t seem that hungover?” he asks.

Raven shrugs. “I don’t really get hangovers.”

“My head hurts a little. But that’s because we were mostly drinking wine,” Emori says.

“This is unfair.”

“Well good thing the rehearsal isn’t until this afternoon,” Raven adds. “I think you guys will need all the time you can get to recover.”

“Except Octavia’s husband.” Emori points to something behind Murphy.

Murphy turns to look and sees Lincoln coming back into the building. He looks like he’s just getting back from a run. He stops at the table where Octavia is sitting with Bellamy and Clarke and bends down to give Octavia a kiss. How the fuck is he even remotely okay? Murphy envies him.

“Damn. Some people have all the luck.”

Murphy is able to get in a nap before the actual wedding rehearsal, and that helps his hangover a bit. Bellamy still looks a little dead as they assemble outside where the ceremony is going to take place, but he’s functioning a bit better than this morning and he’s changed his clothes.

The rehearsal is straightforward. They practice processing in with their partners and are told where to stand once they get to the altar. Murphy obviously stands next to Bellamy and Octavia stands next to Clarke, and the rest of the bridesmaids and groomsmen get paired up. They walk through the ceremony, short and sweet. Murphy’s never super understood wedding rehearsals, but maybe the bride and groom get so nervous on the actual day that the rehearsal helps with that. He wouldn’t know.

Rehearsal is finished in an hour and everyone goes back to their rooms to get ready for the rehearsal dinner. Murphy is still confused by some of these wedding traditions, but he is not one to pass up a free meal. And it just gives him more time to spend with all his friends. Emori came up to him after rehearsal and asked if he wanted to sit next to her, for old time’s sake. He obviously said yes. He wills his stomach to stop flipping as he straightens his tie, but there’s just something about this whole weekend that makes him even more nervous around Emori than usual.

Murphy stands in the lobby once he’s dressed, fiddling with his sleeves. He’s not usually so fidgety, and there’s really no reason for him to be. It’s not like Emori is his date to dinner or anything like that. She just wanted to sit together. That’s normal for them, and it shouldn’t make him feel so nervous. He feels a tap on his shoulder and turns around to find Emori smiling at him.

She’s wearing a simple navy dress but looks radiant nevertheless. Her hair is down and lightly curled. It’s longer than it’s been in a while, going past her shoulders. She must be letting it grow out.

“Hi,” he says quietly, trying to catch his breath.

“Hi,” she answers.

“You look stunning.”

Emori chuckles, ducking her head. “You and your adjectives.”

“I have to mix it up. Keep you on your toes.”

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re trying to charm me on purpose.”

Murphy laughs, feeling his face heat up. So what if he is? This weekend is all about love, and he can’t completely help himself. Flirting with Emori is almost a reflex at this point. Especially when she does such a great job of flirting back. He almost doesn’t notice that they’re the only two people in the lobby at this point, everyone else having already filtered into the restaurant.

He holds out his arm for her. “Shall we?”

She smiles, threading her arm through his. “We shall.”

They walk into the restaurant together and find a seat with some other _Alpha_ people. It’s great to be back together again, even though they all saw each other fairly recently. Although this time it’s like old times since Emori is here. Murphy has to catch himself every so often. He’s so lost in paying attention to her; the way she lights up when she laughs, the excited way she asks people questions, the smile that she reserves only for him. At one point Josephine elbows him from the other side, giving him a pointed look when he turns to meet her gaze. She’s right. He should probably reign it in.

As people are eating dessert, Bellamy stands up to give a quick speech.

“I just want to thank you all for being a part of our wedding weekend,” he begins. “I can’t believe it’s finally here after so many months of meticulous planning and a few tears.”

“None of the tears were Bellamy’s, though,” Murphy whispers to Emori.

Emori chuckles and pats his leg. Murphy almost stills at the contact. She hasn’t done anything like that in a while. He shouldn’t make a big deal out of it. It’s just them getting back to normal, simple as that.

“I never expected to find a love like this, or to find someone who I fall in love with more and more everyday. Clarke, I couldn’t be happier that starting tomorrow I get to call you my wife.”

Emori leans in to whisper in Murphy’s ear. “You got your best man speech all figured out?”

Murphy grins. “I’m gonna bring down the house. Like you said, it’s too easy to make Bellamy cry, so the goal is to get Clarke to shed a tear instead.”

“A noble pursuit. I bet there won’t be a dry eye in the house.”

They listen to the rest of Bellamy’s speech, Emori resting her head on Murphy’s shoulder as he continues. Murphy leans into her touch this time, clapping along with the rest of the guests as Bellamy and Clarke exchange a kiss. Murphy wonders if people shouting for the bride and groom to kiss gets annoying after a while. Probably not, since they just get another excuse to kiss the person they love more than anything.

Murphy turns to Emori as everyone goes back to their chatter. She laughs at something Harper says then looks back at Murphy, narrowing her eyes at him, though she has a smile on her face.

“What?” she asks.

“Nothing,” he says, shaking his head. “I’m just happy.”

“Sap.”

“You like it.”

She nods, a fond smile passing over her face as she looks in his eye. “I do.”

Murphy’s stomach flips and he has to break the eye contact, a little too overwhelmed with his feelings to process what’s happening. He gets up from his chair.

“I’m gonna get some more wine. Do you want any?”

Emori nods. “Anything red, please.”

“Got it.” He buttons his suit jacket as he walks over to the bar. He orders two glasses of cabernet, then leans against the bar as the bartender pours them. He smiles as Octavia comes to stand next to him.

“Big day tomorrow,” he says, trying to make casual conversation with her. She seems nice enough from the time he spent with her during rehearsal earlier.

“Yeah,” she says with a smile. “I’m so happy for Bellamy. I was kind of worried for a minute he’d be by himself forever. So I’m glad he’s found someone who’s right for him.”

Murphy nods as the bartender hands him his wine. “They’re good together.”

“So how long have you been with your girlfriend?” Octavia asks.

Murphy frowns. “My what?”

“Your girlfriend? Isn’t Emori your girlfriend?”

“Emori? Oh no, no. She’s just my friend. We’re best friends.”

Now it’s Octavia’s turn to frown. “Sorry. I was just getting a vibe off the two of you.”

“Nah, but we get that a lot.”

“I’ll bet. You almost looked like you’re ready to walk down the aisle next.”

Octavia picks up her glass from the bar and walks back over to Lincoln. Murphy stares after her for a moment, slightly perplexed, but not surprised by that interaction. He figured he’d be immune to people asking him about Emori this weekend, since a lot of the guests already know them and know the answer to that question. But Bellamy’s sister wouldn’t know anything about their complicated history. Is that really what they look like to an outsider?

Murphy looks back over to the table and finds that Emori has stood up and is talking animatedly to Josephine and Gabriel, who just got in earlier in the day. After a moment, Gabriel says something that leaves Josephine looking engrossed, as if it’s the smartest thing anyone has ever said. Emori turns her head and makes eye contact with Murphy, rolling her eyes and chuckling to herself. Murphy smiles, shaking his head at Gabriel and Josephine’s antics. They’re very weird. Emori eventually turns her attention back to them, enthralled in whatever conversation they’re having.

He’s not sure what comes over him as he watches Emori with their friends. Maybe it’s the fact that Octavia assumed they’re together, maybe it’s the fact that they’re at a wedding so he’s got love on the brain. But something in his gut tells him that he can’t sit idly by feeling this way about Emori and not doing anything about it. The last time they were on the brink of this, they weren’t clear with each other. They hopped into bed without talking about it. And there’s still a lot to talk about and a lot to clear up, but for the first time in a long time, Murphy feels hopeful that something between them might actually work. He’s in love with her, and he doesn’t think that’s ever going to change. And he knows he has to tell her before the weekend is over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed! Let me know what you think.
> 
> Don't forget to check out more info about t100 Fic for BLM on [our carrd](https://t100fic-for-blm.carrd.co/). 
> 
> And come talk to me on [Tumblr](https://queenemori.tumblr.com/) or the new [Twitter](https://twitter.com/queen_emori) I made, perhaps against my better judgment. Not sure how much I'll use it, but I will probably just shout randomly about things I'm writing if that's your jam, so come find me!


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Sunday, and happy Bellamy and Clarke's wedding day!! 
> 
> We're coming up on the homestretch and I'm so excited to share the rest of this story with you guys!!

Weirdly enough, Murphy wakes up more excited than he’s been in a while, and he’s not even the one getting married. He’s excited for his friends and he’s excited to get to celebrate their love. But he’s also excited to tell Emori that he loves her. He’s never said it, only that he likes her, but that’s not the same. He pulls back the covers and hops out of bed, oddly energized for it being so early in the morning. It’s a big day.

After a shower and breakfast, Murphy knocks on Bellamy’s door, two cups of coffee in hand. Bellamy answers, a giant smile on his face.

“Careful, or your face is gonna get stuck like that,” Murphy says as he walks into the room.

“I can’t say that I care,” Bellamy answers.

“You’re excited. That’s so cute.”

“Of course I’m excited!”

“Well I hope you got some sleep in the midst of all your pre-wedding jitters. As fun as it’s going to be, it’ll still be a long day.” He hands Bellamy his coffee cup.

“The adrenaline will probably kick in at some point. I’m not worried.” Bellamy sips his coffee.

It’s not long before the rest of the groomsmen arrive, Miller with a bottle of whiskey so they can all do shots as they get ready. Murphy snaps selfies and sends a few to Emori throughout the morning. She sends a few back from the chaos of the bridesmaids getting ready. She’s in a silk robe with her hair and make-up done and she’s holding up a mimosa. Murphy grins at his phone one too many times and someone finally takes notice.

“What are you smiling at?” Miller asks.

“Nothing,” Murphy says as he locks his phone. He hates that his face betrays him by turning bright red.

“Come on, Miller, you know he’s just texting Emori!” Monty shouts from the other side of the room, not bothering to look away from where he’s fixing his tie in the mirror.

“That’s not the only reason I smile!”

“Yes it is,” Bellamy says.

“You’re one to talk, seeing as you’ve got a permanent grin on your face today.”

“It’s my wedding day, that’s allowed.”

Murphy grumbles, but turns back to his phone to return Emori’s text. Nothing can ruin his good mood today.

Once everyone’s dressed, Bellamy and the groomsmen assemble outside to take a few pictures. They’ll take some more after the ceremony, since Bellamy and Clarke are those saps that don’t want to see each other until Clarke walks down the aisle. It’s a beautiful day, the perfect weather for a vineyard wedding, according to the wedding planner. There was some rain in the forecast, but it looks like it’ll hold off, at least until they’re under the tent for the reception.

Murphy looks out onto the courtyard where the ceremony is taking place. Guests are beginning to take their seats and the wedding planner is running around like a crazy person making sure everything is perfect. Murphy looks over to Bellamy, who’s fiddling with the orange boutonniere on his lapel. He walks over to him.

“Need help?”

Bellamy looks up. “Does it seem straight to you?”

Murphy frowns as he looks at the boutonniere. There doesn’t seem to be anything off about it. “Looks fine to me.”

“Oh. I guess I just need something for my hands to do.”

“Nervous?”

“A little.”

Murphy pats Bellamy’s shoulder. “Hey. Everything’s gonna be great. You planned a very elaborate wedding. I think the wedding planner’s personality rubbed off on you because she is very intense.”

Bellamy chuckles.

“Today is the day that you and Clarke get to celebrate your love. And how you’ll be together forever. And forever is like really nerve-wracking, if you ask me—”

“Some pep talk you’re giving.”

“You didn’t let me finish! Forever is nerve-wracking, but you’ve picked the perfect person for you. And yeah, you can be nervous. But you’re excited, too, right?”

Bellamy’s grin somehow gets bigger. “Of course I am.”

“Well then you’ve got nothing to worry about. We’re all just gonna walk down the aisle and get you married.”

Bellamy nods before pulling Murphy in for a hug. “Thanks, Murphy. For everything.”

“Just doing my job.”

The wedding planner calls for Bellamy to take his place at the front. The rest of the wedding party is ushered to wait in the garden behind the courtyard. They go to stand together in their pairs. Murphy makes his way to Octavia, but stops at Emori first. She’s standing by Miller, since she’s walking down the aisle with him. All the bridesmaids are in the same silk, orange colored dress that Bellamy has told Murphy multiple times is not orange. Even though they’re all in the same outfit, Murphy can’t help but think that Emori looks the most beautiful.

“You look beautiful,” he whispers in her ear as he walks by.

Emori blushes. “Thanks. Me and Raven took bets on when you’re going to unbutton your shirt later.”

Murphy chuckles. “I guess we’ll see at what point during the reception I get tired of wearing a tie.”

They exchange one last smile before Murphy goes to stand with Octavia behind Monty and Harper.

“How’s the bride?” Murphy asks.

“Nervous and excited,” Octavia says.

“Hey, what color is this?” he asks, gesturing to her dress. “Orange, right?”

Octavia frowns. “No, it’s rust.”

“Rust? What the fuck kind of name for a color is rust? Just call it orange.”

“But it’s darker than orange.”

“It’s still orange. Why does everyone get so caught up in the semantics of colors? Bellamy got mad at me for calling it orange the other day.”

“You’ll understand when you plan a wedding,” Octavia says, shaking her head.

Murphy frowns, not understanding why it would take a wedding for him to have a basic grasp on colors. He doesn’t have time to dwell on it as the music begins in the distance and the wedding party stands at attention as the wedding planner gestures for them to move forward.

Everyone processes in, just like they practiced. Murphy and Octavia are last, everyone smiling at them as they walk down the aisle. Murphy looks up to where Emori is standing at the front, a bright smile on her face. He’s surprised he doesn’t trip, he’s so busy looking at her and nothing else. He’s broken out of this trance momentarily when Octavia whispers to him.

“Wanna make bets on when Bellamy starts to cry?” she asks.

Murphy snorts. “Please, that’s too easy. He’s already cried once today, I’m not a sucker.”

He and Octavia finally make it to the front and separate as they go to stand on either respective sides. Murphy pats Bellamy on the arm as he arrives. Bellamy is all smiles. The music changes and the guests turn as Clarke and her mom appear at the end of the aisle.

Clarke is a vision in her wedding dress. It’s simple, with just the smallest bit of detail. Murphy grins and turns to look at Bellamy. He’s already crying. Clarke smiles back at him, and even though she’s not that close, Murphy’s pretty sure he can see tears shining in her eyes too. Man, they really love each other. Clarke gives her mom a hug and a kiss once they make it up the aisle, and she takes Bellamy’s outstretched hands.

“You look so beautiful,” Murphy hears Bellamy whisper to her.

The officiant begins the wedding, talking about love and all that other stuff that people normally talk about at weddings. Murphy does his best to pay attention, but he’s having a hard time concentrating since he keeps making eye contact with Emori across the way. The first time it happens she blushes and ducks her head, immediately looking away. But as the ceremony progresses, she holds his eye contact as if her nerves are slowly going away.

“And I believe you two have written your own vows,” the officiant says, gesturing to Bellamy to begin.

Bellamy lets out a happy sigh before starting. “Clarke. Never in my wildest dreams did I expect to find someone as amazing as you, and never in my wildest dreams did I expect any of this when I unsuccessfully asked you out. You’re caring, incredibly dedicated, and so supportive. I know I’ll always be alright with you fighting my corner. I promise to spend every day being the best partner I can be, just like you are for me.”

“Bellamy,” Clarke begins. “You came into my life at a time where I wasn’t looking for love and I didn’t think I was ready for it. When you asked me out it came as a total surprise, but it was probably the best surprise of my entire life.”

She stops for a moment, overcome with emotion. Bellamy lifts a hand to her face to wipe a tear from her eye. Murphy has to wipe at his own face. There’s not a dry eye in the courtyard.

“How did _you_ get through yours, but I didn't?” Clarke wonders aloud, causing everyone to laugh. “Okay, well back when you first asked me out, I didn’t think I deserved love, and I was scared. I was so used to heartbreak, and I didn’t want that again. But I took a risk when I asked you out, and it was the best decision I ever made.”

Murphy makes eye contact with Emori again, trying his hardest to hold back more tears at Clarke’s words. They hit home for him. Much of the time, Murphy doesn’t think he’s ever deserved love. He’s not sure why, but it just didn’t seem in the cards for him. But standing here at this wedding of two of his best friends, with the woman he loves more than anything in this world right across from him, he’s giddy at the realization that maybe he can have a love like this, too. He and Emori exchange a private smile, and for a moment it feels like they’re the only ones in the room. If he doesn’t tell her how he feels later, he might burst.

“Bellamy, I fall more and more in love with you everyday, and I promise to be your rock, the way you are mine. I promise to cheer you up when you’re sad, to always be your biggest supporter and cheerleader, and to make every moment with you better than the last.”

“And the rings?” the officiant asks, gesturing to Murphy.

Murphy nods, pulling the ring box out of his pocket and handing the rings off to Bellamy. They slide the rings onto each other’s fingers, and though Murphy can’t see Bellamy’s face, he knows he hasn’t stopped grinning since Clarke came to stand next to him.

“And now by the power vested in me by the state of California, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Bellamy, you may kiss the bride.”

Bellamy steps in to kiss Clarke and everyone erupts in applause and cheers. Murphy can’t believe they’ve finally made it to this day. Back when they were shooting season one, he wouldn’t have believed it. But here they are, and he can’t imagine any other outcome. Bellamy and Clarke recess back up the aisle, and the rest of the wedding party follows.

The rest of the afternoon passes in a blur, as they gather to take more pictures before the reception. Murphy doesn’t get a chance to speak to Emori. He’s a little sad about it, but there will be plenty of time later. He should probably wait to have any life-altering conversations until after he gives his best man speech, anyways.

The reception is under a tent overlooking the vineyard. There’s a lot of that stupid rust color that’s really orange, but Murphy knows better than to make jokes about it. He’s not allowed to ruin Bellamy’s day.

Bellamy and Clarke are announced and they enter the tent hand-in-hand, both grinning from ear to ear. They take their seats at the head of the table as the festivities begin.

“And now for a speech from the best man, John Murphy!”

Murphy is met with applause and takes a deep breath as he stands from his chair and walks up to the DJ to get his microphone. He looks out to the crowd.

“I’d just like to say another congratulations to the bride and groom.” He waits for the applause to die down again before continuing. “Now as I’m sure you all know, I know both Bellamy and Clarke from working on _Alpha_. And at this point, I feel like it’s hard to imagine a time where they _weren’t_ together, but it hasn’t always been ‘Bellamy and Clarke’. At first it was just Bellamy, ridiculously pining after Clarke and Clarke not noticing.”

Bellamy shoots Murphy a look, but Murphy just shrugs his shoulders. He knew what he was signing up for when he made Murphy his best man.

“I lived with Bellamy while we were shooting the first two seasons. So I had a front row seat to all the pining on his end. I didn’t think he’d do anything about it. Honestly at first I didn’t think he realized that he liked Clarke, but he came home from a night shoot and I was looking over my lines for the next day. He sat down on the couch and told me he had just ruined his life. Because he asked Clarke out once they wrapped for the day, and she politely said no. And I think my first thought was probably something like, ‘well how badly did he bungle the delivery?’ Because I think we can all agree Bellamy’s a pretty good looking guy. It’s just a fact of life.”

Murphy pauses, allowing for a few chuckles. He’s really milking this, but this is the part of his best man job that he’s been most looking forward to, so he’ll take his few moments in the spotlight.

“Now I was pretty young during the first season of _Alpha_. I was 23, and I’d never been in love. So when Bellamy declared that he was never asking anyone out again, I wasn’t sure what to say. What do you say to someone who thinks their entire world has been turned upside down?”

Murphy thinks back to everything that his friends have done for him in the past year, how they helped him through his hard time with Emori, when he thought it was the end of the world. He’s beginning to realize how this speech is somehow reminding him of his relationship with her. A case of bad timing, mixed with intense pining that he was never sure was reciprocated until recently. Bellamy and Clarke got their happy ending. Maybe this situation isn’t that much different. He turns his attention away from Bellamy and Clarke, over to the next table where Emori is sitting watching him intently. She smiles as their eyes meet, and his heart feels like it might overflow, he’s so in love with her. He doesn’t break eye contact as he continues his speech.

“I’m not sure what came over me in that moment, but I remember saying to Bellamy that things were going to work out. Some things are just destined to happen. Maybe it’s not always in the way you expect it to be, but it’s about how you get there. I don’t think this is the end of your story.”

He soaks in Emori’s gaze. It’s intense and the second time today where he’s felt like they’re the only two people in the room.

“And lo and behold, I was right!” Murphy jokes. “Because that wasn’t the end of Bellamy and Clarke’s love story. A couple weeks later, Bellamy came home from shooting with a stupid grin on his face, not unlike the one he’s been wearing all day today. All because Clarke asked him out. It wasn’t the way he thought things would play out, but it’s an important part of their love story. Bellamy and Clarke, you are two of the most important people in my life, and I can only hope to be half as lucky to find someone who complements me so well as the two of you have found. I wish you every happiness now and forever. To the bride and groom!”

He lifts his glass as he finishes his speech, and the rest of the guests toast to the happy couple.

“And before the microphone gets taken away from me: kiss, kiss, kiss!” Murphy says, starting the chant. Finally enough people are shouting it that Bellamy and Clarke turn to each other for a quick kiss.

There are a few more speeches, one from Octavia and one from Clarke. Murphy tears up at hers. Bellamy and Clarke have their first dance to “Sweet Creature” by Harry Styles. They’re completely lost in each other as they sway together, and Murphy almost can’t take how sweet they are together.

Now that his job is done, Murphy is excited to just enjoy the party with his friends. The food is good, the wine is flowing, and everyone is having a great time. He eventually does remove his tie and unbutton his shirt a bit, but only after his third glass of wine. He can’t help that he’s getting a little overheated as he dances.

He’s taking a break, sitting at the table and watching Emori dance with Harper and Josephine. They’re laughing together as they try to choreograph a dance to the song that’s playing. Murphy chuckles to himself, enamored with the way Emori throws her head back with laughter. He loves seeing her so exuberant, having the time of her life with their friends. He missed that and he’s more thankful than ever that things are okay between them again because it means he’ll get more moments like this with her, hopefully forever.

Eventually she lets go of Harper’s hands and runs over to him sitting at the table.

“John!” she shouts, shaking his arm. “You’re not dancing?”

He laughs. “I was just taking a break.”

“Well I say you’ve been sitting for enough time by yourself and the break is over.”

“Oh, you’re a little bossy today.”

Emori smirks. “You need that sometimes and you know it.”

“You’re right.”

She extends her hand to him and he takes it, standing up from his chair and letting her pull him to the dance floor. Harper and Josephine cheer as Murphy joins them. Murphy’s not much of a dancer. He mostly still does that jumping that was popular in middle school, but nobody seems to mind. They all just want to have a good time.

They jump around for a few more songs, more of the _Alpha_ crew filtering over to join them as time passes. Eventually the DJ switches to a slow song, and Miller and Jasper take that as their cue for a break. Josephine wraps her arms around Gabriel almost immediately, and they begin swaying together. Monty asks Harper if she wants to dance and she nods, a blush spreading across her cheeks as she takes his hand and they walk farther onto the dance floor. Bellamy and Clarke sit this one out, Clarke resting her head on Bellamy’s shoulder as they talk to each other quietly. That just leaves Murphy and Emori. They stand there awkwardly for a moment, both seemingly unsure of what comes next.

Eventually Murphy extends his hand, a small smile on his face. Emori smiles back and takes his hand. He wraps his arms around her waist and her arms go around his neck as they begin to sway to the music. They’re quiet at first, both still slightly hesitant, but it’s still comfortable. Emori has always made Murphy feel comfortable. It’s another one of the many things he loves about her.

After a moment, Emori rests her head on his shoulder, and Murphy wills his heart not to give away how nervous he is. This would be the perfect moment to tell Emori how he feels. But now that they’re here, Murphy’s not sure how to put it into words. It should be easy enough. They used to say “I love you” all the time. But this is different, something that could completely change how they are with each other forever, and even though he thinks she’ll react positively, he’s still afraid to cross over and make the moment happen.

“Your speech was really good,” Emori says eventually, breaking their comfortable silence.

“You thought so?” he asks.

“Yeah. Perfect mix of funny and heartfelt. And very you.”

“Thank you. And it succeeded in making Clarke cry, so that’s a win for me.”

She chuckles. They lapse into silence again and Murphy could scream. He can’t seem to find his opening. He doesn’t want to just blurt it out. He wants the moment to be perfect.

“Today has been really nice,” Emori continues, “but it also feels a little bittersweet.”

Murphy frowns. “Why is that?”

“I never used to think about love and relationships all that much. It didn’t feel necessary because I loved acting so much. That’s what was most important. But now I wonder if I’m missing out on something. Or if I’ve missed my chance.”

“You haven’t missed your chance,” he says, his heart pounding in his chest. Maybe now’s the moment.

Emori lifts her head from his shoulder, looking into his eyes. “What do you mean?”

“After his bachelor party when Bellamy was still really drunk, he told me that he didn’t want me to think that I didn’t deserve love and to not give up on it. And I realized he’s right. So I’ll say the same thing to you. We shouldn’t give up on love, and we both deserve it. And I think it should be with each other.”

Her eyes widen. “John?”

Murphy takes a shaky breath before continuing. “Emori, I love you. I’m in love with you. I used to think that I didn’t deserve love, but loving you has made me realize how stupid that was. If anything, everything we’ve been through has only made me love you more, and maybe that’s crazy, but love is a little crazy if you think about it. And I know there’s a lot to work out and talk about, but I just couldn’t let another day go by without telling you how I really feel.”

“John, I love you, too,” she whispers, tears shining in her eyes.

He grins and his stomach dips. “Really?”

She nods. “I love you. I do. Probably for longer than I realized. I tried to run from it and it made me miserable. I don’t want to run anymore.”

“Me neither.”

They continue to sway, lost in each other’s eyes and both grinning like a pair of idiots. Murphy is so in love with Emori that he can’t stand it, and he’s elated that she feels the same way. He doesn’t know how he got so lucky.

Murphy leans in to whisper in Emori’s ear. “So I really wanna kiss you right now, but I don’t want it to be in front of everyone.”

Emori smirks before stepping out of Murphy’s arms and taking his hand, pulling him off the dance floor and out of the tent. Murphy frowns, but lets her lead him up to the house nearby where the caterers have been setting up all evening. She walks up the stairs and through the front door before pulling him into one of the single occupancy bathrooms and locking the door behind them.

“Is that better?” she asks.

Murphy laughs, completely in awe of the amazing woman standing before him. He takes her face in his hands and touches his forehead to hers before closing the distance between them. The kiss is nothing short of perfect, as overwhelming and amazing as Murphy remembers it being back in February. He wants to remember this moment forever. The feel of her hair as he moves a hand to thread through it, the smell of her perfume, the faint taste of wine on her lips. This is the beginning of something new for them, and Murphy’s not sure anything could ever make him happier than this.

They break apart after a moment, all smiles and out of breath.

“I love you,” Murphy says again.

Emori laughs. “I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of hearing that.”

“Well you’re in luck, because I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of saying it.”

“I love you, too.”

With that, she leans in to kiss him again, slower this time, deeper. Murphy is surprised when she easily slips her tongue into his mouth and her hands travel lower on his body. He was content to just kiss, but if Emori has other ideas, he’s happy to comply. Murphy navigates them away from the door, pushing Emori up against the counter. He reaches up to palm her breast over her dress, and she lets out a soft moan that sends a thrill down his spine. He pulls away from her lips and presses kisses to her neck, more frenzied than before. As much as he’d like to take his time, they probably shouldn’t be gone from the party for too long. And it wouldn’t necessarily be the best to get caught having sex in the bathroom. They’d never live it down.

“We have to speed it up, John,” Emori breathes, reading his mind.

“Tell me what you want,” he says into her neck.

“Touch me,” she moans.

Murphy responds quickly, slipping a hand under her dress and hooking a finger into her underwear. He groans as he feels her already wet for him.

“God, you’re so wet,” he mumbles as he pulls her underwear all the way off and sets them aside on the counter. He presses another kiss to her lips as he brushes a finger against her clit. She gasps against his mouth and Murphy finds it exhilarating that his touch is able to do this to her. He pushes a finger inside her and she breaks their kiss as her head rolls back, letting out another moan.

“John!” she gasps.

Murphy smirks, adding another finger and circling her clit as she tells him what she wants. She’s pliant under his touch as he stretches her and he loves these moments where she lets him take the lead. He keeps up his circles, applying more pressure to her clit and adding another finger as her breath hitches and she gets closer. Murphy stares in awe as Emori comes undone. He’s glad he has a great deal of willpower because watching it happen might be enough to make him come himself in any other circumstance. He focuses on her, wanting to commit everything that makes her feel good to memory.

Emori pulls his face towards hers and kisses him again as he removes his fingers. She doesn’t move her lips from his as she fiddles with his belt and tries to get the zipper down on his pants. He chuckles against her lips. He loves how eager she is. He unbuckles his belt and unbuttons his pants.

She leans in to whisper in his ear. “Fuck me, John.”

Murphy’s eyes widen and he looks into hers. Her eyes are dark and she looks almost insatiable.

“Emori, I don’t have a condom on me.”

She waves him off. “You’re the only person I’ve had sex with this year.”

He nods. “Yeah, me too. I just don’t wanna make too much of a mess.”

“There’s gotta be a trash can nearby or something.”

Murphy spots a trash can by the door and kicks it closer to them. It doesn’t hurt to be prepared.

“You sure?” he asks, looking her in the eye.

“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.”

Murphy smiles, leaning in to kiss her again. She hikes up her dress as Murphy wraps his arms around her legs and lifts her onto the counter. He pulls down his pants enough to get past his boxers. He lines himself up and presses inside of her, letting out a moan and shivering at the sensation.

He thrusts into her, Emori eagerly meeting his quick pace. They move together as one, forgetting everything but each other for one fleeting moment. He allows himself to get lost in the moment, lost in her. The woman he’s head over heels in love with loves him back, and he never wants to forget this feeling of absolute bliss.

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispers as he gets close. “I love you so much.”

“I love you, too,” she whispers back.

He reaches a hand down and presses a finger to her clit.

“John!” The way she moans his name is intoxicating, something he’ll never get tired of.

The juxtaposition of their quick bathroom fuck as they whisper “I love yous” against each other’s lips is a little funny. But Murphy loves how much that already feels like them. With a few more thrusts, Emori comes again, Murphy not far behind her. He pulls out quickly and thankfully his come makes it into the trash can. He zips up his pants, then leans in to kiss Emori again. She smiles into the kiss, then rests her head on his shoulder after they pull apart, taking a moment to catch her breath before they start to clean up.

“You have lipstick on your neck,” Emori says with a chuckle as she grabs her underwear and hops down from the counter.

Murphy shakes his head fondly as he pulls some paper towels out of the dispenser to wipe down the counter. “Gee, wonder how that happened.”

She smiles, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

“Mori, don’t make it worse!”

“Don’t act like you don’t love it,” she quips.

“You’re right.”

Murphy pulls another wad of paper towels out of the dispenser and pushes them into the trash can, hoping it covers up the mess he left. He washes his hands and they both take a moment to make sure they’re fully dressed and that they don’t look too rumpled. As much as he’s happy that he and Emori have figured things out, he’s not sure he wants their friends to know right this minute. For one thing, he doesn't want to step on Bellamy and Clarke’s moment. For another, everyone would tease them to no end about this. So it can be their little secret, just for tonight.

“It’s gonna kill me a little to not be able to hold your hand right now,” Murphy says.

Emori rolls her eyes. “You’ll live. Besides, you can touch me all you want later when we’re alone again.”

He nods. “I like the sound of that.” He pulls her in for one last kiss before the both decide they really should get back to the party.

Murphy unlocks the bathroom door once they’re all tidied up and peeks his head out, making sure the coast is clear. He gestures that they’re good and he and Emori walk back out to the party. They stop at the bar for more drinks, only for Harper to ambush them.

“There you guys are!” she shouts at them. She’s pretty drunk. “We’ve been looking all over. We’re taking an _Alpha_ cast and crew photo!”

Emori smiles at Murphy. “Let’s go hang out with our friends.”

He smiles back and follows her over to where all the _Alpha_ people are gathered, the wedding photographer waiting dutifully in front of them.

“You found them!” Bellamy shouts. He’s also drunk, but not nearly as drunk as he was on Thursday. Murphy figures he’s probably learned from his mistakes.

“Where were you guys?” Raven asks as they come to stand with the group.

“Just walking,” Emori answers simply.

Murphy suppresses a laugh as Raven frowns at the explanation. She doesn’t say anything more as the photographer gets all of their attention and asks for them to smile. They enjoy the rest of the party with their friends, though it takes all of Murphy’s self-restraint not to be all over Emori. They haven’t been like that around other people since New Year’s so their friends would definitely raise an eyebrow, and he still doesn’t want people to be suspicious. But as the night winds down and people start making their way back to the hotel, Murphy is excited to finally get Emori alone again.

They go to Murphy’s room, finally able to be completely alone. Murphy takes his time, drawing out all the sounds from Emori that he can as he learns her body, learns what makes her tick. When their energy is finally spent, they lie in bed together, a tangle of limbs as they just take a moment to stare at each other. Murphy idly runs a hand through Emori’s hair, still almost in disbelief that they’re finally able to be together. After a moment, Murphy chuckles to himself.

“What?” Emori asks with a frown.

“Nothing. I was just thinking that in true best man fashion, I hooked up with the hottest bridesmaid.”

Emori rolls her eyes and pushes his arm. “You’re ridiculous.”

“But you love me.”

“Yeah, I do.”

He grins and leans in to kiss her again. Murphy doesn’t think he’ll ever stop smiling. He threads his hand with hers, playing with her fingers. He revels in these new moments of casual touch, not like the ones they’d established when they were just friends. Even though things like running his hand through her hair and playing with her fingers are new, they already feel like second nature. He’s on cloud nine.

“We can talk more about this later and it doesn’t have to be tonight,” Murphy begins. “But I just wanna say it out loud so that we’re on the same page. I think you’re it for me, Emori. I just can’t see myself with anyone else, and I know that sounds a little scary, and I don’t mean to freak you out. But I wanted to get that out there about what this is for me.”

Murphy’s heart pounds in his chest once again as he awaits Emori’s reply. She takes a moment, as if she’s processing. It’s probably not that long of a pause, but it’s excruciating knowing he just put his entire heart on the line for a second time with her and it didn’t go so well the first time.

“I think you’re it for me, too,” she finally says.

Murphy lets out a sigh of relief. “Really?”

She nods. “I’m all in, John Murphy.”

“I’m glad.” He wraps his arms around her, and she scoots closer to him so that she can lay her head on his chest. He rests his chin on top of her head. It’s late, and Murphy can finally feel sleep setting in. It really has been a long day. He feels Emori’s breathing start to even out as she falls into sleep as well.

“Hey,” he says, his eyelids drooping.

“Hmm?” she mumbles.

“You know when we talked on the phone after Comic Con? Do you remember saying ‘I love you’ before you hung up? I’ve been wanting to ask for a while, but I was too nervous.”

She starts to shake and Murphy frowns, but when he looks at her he realizes she’s laughing.

“I was hoping you hadn’t noticed,” she admits. “I didn’t realize I had said it until after I hung up and then I freaked out, so I just prayed you’d never bring it up.”

Murphy chuckles. “I didn’t notice at first. Or at least it took a minute for it to sink in. But I figured I’d ask now that it wouldn’t be awkward as fuck to bring up.”

“If you remembered, why did you seem so surprised when I said I love you back earlier?” Emori asks.

“I don’t know. I feel like with love, some things feel a little too good to be true. Like I don’t wanna wake up and for this not to be real anymore.”

Emori brings a hand up to his cheek. “It’s real, John. And when we wake up in the morning, I’m not going anywhere. I promise. I wasn’t kidding when I said I don’t want to run from this.”

Murphy looks her in the eye and sees the sincerity there. This time is different from February, and he feels it in his gut. This could be something that lasts forever, something Murphy never thought he’d want with anyone. But he can’t imagine forever with anyone other than Emori.

“You can always tell me,” he says. “When you’re feeling scared. We can talk about it. We can get through it together.”

“I know that now.” She presses one last slow kiss to his lips before settling back into his arms. Murphy holds her close, glad that he never has to let her go. They stay like that as they drift off to sleep.

The next morning comes slightly too soon, since nobody left the party before one and then Murphy and Emori were up for a very long time after that. But Murphy doesn’t completely mind, since he wakes up with Emori in his arms. He blinks his eyes fully open as she comes into full view, droopy eyed and smiley. He smiles and his heart skips a beat, as if he still can’t believe this is real life.

“Do you have something I can wear to breakfast?” Emori asks. “I don’t feel like going back to my room first.”

Murphy frowns. “Do you want everyone to know you didn’t sleep in your room last night?”

She scoffs. “It’s not like it’s some big secret. And they’ll probably just be happy for us.”

“You’re right.”

They only fool around a little bit, not wanting people to wonder where they are for too long. They get dressed, Emori throwing on one of Murphy’s t-shirts and a pair of his sweatpants. He could get used to her wearing his clothes. Once they’re both ready, they lace their hands together and head downstairs to breakfast.

Murphy and Emori walk into the dining area hand-in-hand. They’re pretty much the last people down, so everyone turns to look at them as they walk in. If anyone notices them holding hands, they don’t really say anything. Though, Murphy hazards a glance at Bellamy who just looks smug as hell. All in all, it’s a fairly anticlimactic response, and Murphy had kind of hoped his friends would seem a bit more excited at this development. He looks at Emori, who just shrugs, and they both go get plates then sit with Raven, Josephine, and Gabriel.

“Fucking finally,” Josephine groans as they sit down. She sounds annoyed, but the smile on her face reveals that she’s happy for them.

“Good morning to you, too,” Murphy says before taking a sip of his coffee.

“I’m pretty sure Monty and Jasper had bets on if you guys were gonna come downstairs together,” Raven says.

“And as our friend, you kindly said you would not involve yourself, right?”

Raven laughs. “Fat chance. Especially not after you both disappeared from the reception last night and came back looking freshly fucked.”

Murphy’s face goes bright red and Emori chuckles beside him. Maybe they weren’t as discreet as they thought they were last night.

“It’s whatever,” Josephine says. “We’re happy for you. It’s been a long time coming.”

Murphy turns to meet Emori’s eyes and they smile at each other.

“Yeah, we’re happy too,” Emori says.

“Gross,” Raven says as she rolls her eyes, but she can’t hide the smile on her face. Murphy’s glad she’s happy for them. And he’s glad that despite everything that went down she’s still ready to be friends with both of them.

“So what now?” Josephine asks.

Murphy frowns. “What do you mean?”

“Well, this was such a roundabout way of getting together. Aren’t you worried things are going to get a little boring now?”

“Josie, I don’t think you should ask them that,” Gabriel whispers sternly.

“It’s fine, Gabriel,” Murphy says. “This year’s been a bit too dramatic if you ask me. I’m okay with being boring for a while. What do you say, Mori?”

Emori smiles. “I’d say boring sounds perfect.”

Murphy grins and leans in to kiss her, not caring that there are other people around. They get groans from Josephine and Raven, but Gabriel just laughs. And Murphy knows in his heart that things could never be boring with Emori. Everyday with her is an adventure and he can’t wait to start exploring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed! I told you we'd get to something happy, and we've made it! Prepare for lots of fluff ahead.
> 
> If you're curious what Murphy and Emori were dancing to, it was [Flightless Bird, American Mouth](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RGVmhrfQqzg&ab_channel=SubPop) because I showed my sister the Twilight movies for the first time this summer and remembered how much I love that song. And it is #8 on my Spotify top songs of the year so thanks to Twilight and this fic lmao.
> 
> Don't forget I'm writing for t100 Fic for BLM and you can check out [our carrd](https://t100fic-for-blm.carrd.co/) for more info. And come find me on [Tumblr](https://queenemori.tumblr.com/) or [Twitter](https://twitter.com/queen_emori)!


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Friday! Can't believe we're finally to the last two chapters. Without further ado, please enjoy some well-deserved fluff!

Murphy and Emori have only been dating for two months, but Murphy isn’t exaggerating when he says they’ve been the best two months of his life. It’s November now, and he’s been in New York since October shooting for his movie. At most times when he’s not on set, he can be found at Emori’s apartment. The first time they both had off at the same time, they holed up in there for an entire weekend, only leaving Emori’s bed to answer the door for takeout and to go to the bathroom.

Murphy hasn’t been with very many people, but he can say without a doubt he’s never been with anyone who’s always as ready to go as Emori is. He’s not complaining, and he probably could’ve foreseen this, given she’s the one that initiated their bathroom quickie at Bellamy and Clarke’s wedding. Murphy didn’t see much of New York besides the set and Emori’s bedroom until his second weekend there.

Emori does eventually show him around. She’s a model tour guide, telling him about the different buildings and always adding a personal story of her own if she has a fond memory of the place. Murphy likes the city, but the thing he loves most is watching Emori light up as she talks about the place she loves so much. He finally gets why she would always brush off his suggestions that she move to LA permanently. Why would she leave behind a place she loves so much? And seeing New York through her eyes, Murphy thinks he could come to love New York, too.

Though they’re officially dating, they haven’t gone completely public yet. Their friends and family know, but the fans don’t. It’s not like they’re keeping it a complete secret, but Murphy loves the little bubble they’ve built up. It’s nice to not be scrutinized every time they’re seen in public. Ever since Murphy has been in New York, there has been a rise in pap pictures of the two of them, just by nature of the amount of time they spend together. Emori has visited set a couple of times, so there are pictures of her walking around with him and meeting some of the other actors involved. And of course there’s pictures of Emori showing Murphy around the city or of the two of them on their way to get breakfast or dinner. People continue to speculate, but Murphy has noticed it a lot less since he knows the truth, and the truth is that Emori is his girlfriend and he couldn’t be happier about it.

The only downside to not going completely public is that Murphy can’t hold Emori’s hand when they’re out. They have done a lot of talking since the wedding, making sure they’re on the same page so there’s no miscommunication about where they stand with each other. They agree that they both like the bubble, and it makes sense to just keep quiet about what’s really going on with them until they’re at a completely solid point in their new relationship. Murphy just hopes the day comes soon where he’ll be able to walk down the street and put his arm around Emori and nobody will bat an eyelash.

Murphy is glad to get to spend Emori’s birthday with her this year. Last year he could only FaceTime her, and it wasn’t at all the same as celebrating on set. They both worked on her actual birthday; Murphy had a busy day on set and Emori was in the midst of tech rehearsal for the play she’s in at the Public. But Murphy’s been planning a nice day for the two of them when they both have off at the beginning of November. It’s his first big surprise as her boyfriend, and he wants it to go over well. Deep down he knows she’ll like it, but that doesn’t stop him from being a nervous wreck the whole day before.

The day starts with Murphy waking up early to bring her breakfast in bed from her favorite bakery a few blocks from her apartment. He shifts out of her arms, careful not to wake her. Thankfully, she’s still snoring by the time he’s extricated himself from bed, so he thinks he’ll be able to get out and come back without her waking up. He pulls on his coat, still a little upset at how frigid the weather has been. He kind of pictured his first year without _Alpha_ being warm, but he can’t say he’s all that bothered by it when he gets to spend time with Emori.

He comes back from the bakery and brews some tea for her. He puts the pastries on a plate and cuts up some strawberries before rustling around her kitchen looking for where she put that tray they use when they inevitably don’t want to get out of bed to eat. Once the tea is ready, he pours it into a mug, takes a breath, and goes back into the bedroom.

“Mori,” he whispers as he comes back into the room. He nudges her lightly and she lets out a grunt that makes Murphy laugh. “Hey, I have a surprise for you.”

She blinks her eyes open, frowning until she sees the tray in his hands. She lets out a chuckle.

“Happy birthday,” Murphy says, holding out the tray to her as he sits down on the bed.

Emori sits up. “You got up early to go get pastries? Man, you must really love me.”

He chuckles, leaning in to kiss her forehead. “I do.”

“Thank you, John. This is really sweet.” She picks up the almond croissant and takes a bite.

“Well if you think this is all I have planned for your belated birthday celebration, then you are mistaken.”

“Oh, there’s more?”

“Of course there’s more! You’re thirty now, I think that necessitates more than one surprise.”

“Well what time is the next surprise planned for?”

Murphy frowns. “It’s not until dinner. Why?”

Emori smiles, leaning in to kiss him. He eagerly meets it, laughing against her lips.

“What’s funny?” she asks.

“Nothing, but what about your breakfast?”

“Breakfast can wait.” She kisses his neck, and Murphy chuckles, moving the tray to the ground as Emori crawls on top of him. His hands trail down her back as he gets lost in her. He doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to the sensation of her body on his, and maybe that’s the best part of being in love.

Later on, Murphy finally coaxes Emori out of bed so they can make their dinner reservation. He got them a table at a restaurant she’d been talking about trying ever since he first arrived, but they hadn’t had a chance to go.

He raises his glass in a toast. “Here’s to making thirty your best year yet.”

Emori grins, clinking her glass with his. “Cheers.”

They sip their drinks and then turn back to their menus.

“I already know it’s going to be a great year,” she continues.

“Yeah?”

“Of course. Because I’ll have you.”

Murphy chuckles, his heart warming at his girlfriend’s words. “Who’s the sap, now?”

“You bring it out in me. It’s a little disgusting.”

“It’s a good look on you, though.”

Emori ducks her head, but it doesn’t hide the adorable blush that spreads across her cheeks. Murphy wishes he could reach across the table and kiss her, but he knows that defeats the purpose of them not being completely public with their relationship yet. He just has to keep reminding himself that it’s nice to have Emori all to himself.

“This is kind of an early dinner reservation,” Emori mentions once they have their food. “Not that I mind, but I know you don’t like to eat this early.”

“There’s actually one last surprise that we have to be on time for,” Murphy says.

Emori perks up. “Are we going to see a play?”

“Maybe.”

She spends the rest of dinner listing off shows that he could possibly be taking her to, but he doesn’t want to spill the beans.

“You know I’m just going to figure it out based on the direction we start walking in, right?” Emori asks as they put on their coats after Murphy’s paid the check.

“So let me just keep you in suspense for five more minutes.”

Murphy starts to grab Emori’s hand on their way out of the restaurant, but catches himself at the last moment. If she notices she doesn’t say anything, so he just smiles and leads her in the direction of their next destination.

Emori squeals as the Walter Kerr Theatre comes into view a few blocks ahead. Murphy can’t help but laugh at her excitement.

“You’re taking me to _Hadestown_!” she says as she squeezes his arm.

Murphy grins at her. “I had a little help arranging this one. Sterling’s gonna take us on a backstage tour after the show.”

“You talked to Sterling all by yourself?”

“I did. Mostly over text, so not a lot of time for him to ramble like he did when I met him in Phoenix.”

“You really outdid yourself today. I feel so spoiled. Now you have to up your game for next year.”

“Please, challenge accepted. I thrive off of planning romantic gestures.”

Emori links her arm with his as they reach the theatre. Murphy presents their tickets and they find their way to their seats. He notices a few whispers from people around them, as if they’re trying to place why the two of them look familiar, but thankfully nobody really bothers them. Murphy does love the way he blends in a bit more in New York. He doesn't feel like he has to constantly be on alert. If he didn’t know any better he’d say he’s starting to like it here a bit more than he does in LA. But then again, he thinks he’d like anywhere that Emori is.

In the time that he’s been in New York, Murphy has met a couple of Emori’s _Once_ tour friends, namely Sterling and Echo. Emori was the closest with them while they were touring, and she thought it would be nice for Murphy to meet them properly, especially now that they were actually dating. Sterling and Echo both got a kick out of that, making jokes about how the entire cast of _Once_ was just waiting for something to happen between Murphy and Emori. It sounded a lot like how everyone at _Alpha_ seemed to feel on the subject, so all in all the two of them must have been pretty insufferable. Sterling was still pretty talkative, even though he seemed less nervous upon his second meeting with Murphy. He mentioned that he was in rehearsal to take over for Orpheus in _Hadestown_.

When Murphy was thinking about what to do for Emori’s birthday, he remembered that she’d said she still hadn’t gotten a chance to see _Hadestown_ even though she’s been obsessed with it since it was Off-Broadway. He thought seeing the show and maybe getting a backstage tour would be the perfect outing. Not wanting to make Emori suspicious, he asked Echo for Sterling’s number and planned the whole thing with him. He takes a great deal of pride in the fact that Emori really had no clue.

They watch the show and both have a great time. Sterling is incredibly talented, and Murphy is still in awe of his talent, especially after having seen him in two roles now. Every so often, Murphy turns to Emori as she watches the show, because her reaction is part of the reason he planned this whole thing. Her eyes are filled with wonder as she watches the show unfold, and it’s the first time he really understands why she loves theatre so much, why she didn’t want to leave it behind completely. When they go backstage and Sterling shows them around after the show, Emori is even more in her element, asking questions about the automation and the tech process; all sorts of things Murphy wouldn’t have thought to ask. He’d spent a lot of time being sad that Emori wanted so badly to go back to theatre after leaving _Alpha_ , not understanding why she preferred it to television. But seeing her light up all throughout the show and as Sterling shows them around, it makes sense to him. This is her home, the same way _Alpha_ was his. He’s glad that she’s back doing what she loves. All he ever wants is for her to be happy, because if there’s anything he’s learned over the years of knowing her it’s that Emori being happy makes him happy in turn.

They get a quick drink with Sterling at a nearby bar before heading back to Emori’s apartment. They get a cab instead of taking the subway, and Emori rests her head on Murphy’s shoulder as they ride in silence.

“You know I almost auditioned for _Hadestown_?” she says after a moment.

Murphy frowns, looking down at her. “You did?”

Emori nods. “For one of the Fates. My agent knew how excited I was about it. But it was right as _Alpha_ was starting to take off, so in the end, I wouldn’t have been able to make it work.”

“I didn’t know that.”

“I never told anyone. I was a little bummed when it happened, so I never got around to seeing it, even though I had a bunch of opportunities to. I guess the prospect of what might have been made me too sad to want to go. I’m far enough removed from that feeling now, though.”

“I guess that’s the unforeseen curse of a steady gig,” Murphy says.

“Yeah. And I think when I was missing theatre when I talked to Kane after season two ended, I kept thinking back to how I felt when I didn’t even get the chance to audition for _Hadestown_. I didn’t want to miss a moment like that again. So I listened to my gut. It was hard, but I’m glad I did in the end.”

“You know, seeing you in _Once_ and then seeing you talking to Sterling about the show tonight, I think I finally get it. Why you wanted to leave. And I’m glad you made that choice for yourself, because you seem so happy.”

Emori pats his leg. “You’re a part of what makes me happy.”

Murphy is glad she can’t see his face heat up in the dark. “Yeah, but it’s important that you’re fulfilled in your career, too. I know it’s no secret that I really didn’t get why you left, but I understand now. And I’m sorry if I made you feel guilty for deciding to leave.”

She reaches up to kiss him on the cheek. “That’s really sweet of you to say.”

“You’re so important to me, Mori, I just want you to be happy.”

“And I am. Thank you for saying that, John. And for all of today.”

“You’re welcome. I’m just glad I could actually celebrate your birthday with you this year.”

“You’ve really made it extra special.”

“So do you think I’m in the running for boyfriend of the year?” he jokes.

Emori chuckles. “Maybe.”

They make it back to Emori’s apartment and once they’re inside, Emori immediately wraps her arms around his neck and kisses him. He welcomes her kiss, glad to finally be able to touch her now that they’re alone again. Every now and again he thinks about how lucky he is to be with this amazing woman everyday and that she wants to be with him, too. It’s everything he could have ever imagined it being and more, and he doesn’t know how things could get better than this.

Murphy wakes up the next morning to the smell of coffee wafting in from the kitchen. He rolls over to find that Emori isn’t in bed. He takes a moment to wake himself up fully, planning to get up and meet Emori in the kitchen, but she comes back to the bedroom, a mug in each hand.

“Good morning, sleepyhead,” she says. She hands him his mug and kisses him on the cheek before going back to her side of the bed.

Murphy smiles. “Hi, I love you.”

“Are you talking to me, or to the coffee?”

“Maybe both.”

Emori chuckles. Murphy puts his mug down on the bedside table and lies back as he checks his phone. It’s a Sunday, and he’s excited to enjoy a lazy day with his girlfriend before he has to work again tomorrow.

“Ugh, your bed is so comfortable. How do you stand to get out of it every morning?”

“It’s taken a lot of practice. But _Alpha_ did a good job of training me for early mornings. Theatre people so rarely have such early mornings. Unless they’re performing on a morning show.”

“Now that kinda makes me want to try theatre.”

“I could totally see you in a play. That’d be a fun, low key project for you.”

Murphy shrugs. “We’ll see. Haven’t thought much past the movie, to be honest.”

Emori nods, taking a moment to sip her tea. One of the reasons that Murphy and Emori felt like they could actually try this whole relationship thing was because they were both going to be in the same place for a few months. They haven’t exactly talked about getting serious besides saying they can’t see themselves with anyone else, but things feel serious to Murphy, and he’s pretty sure Emori is on the same page.

Murphy’s movie wraps in mid-December, and they haven’t talked too much about what comes next, since they’ve just been enjoying the moment as they’re in the beginning phases of their relationship. He figures he’ll probably stick around and do Christmas and New Year’s in New York with Emori, but after that, he has no idea what comes next. It’s a little scary, and he’s never been in a relationship this serious before, but it’s Emori. He knows in his gut that after everything they’ve been through, they’ll be okay.

“So you don’t know what project you might wanna do next?” Emori asks.

He shakes his head. “Not really. I’ve just been focusing on the movie. And enjoying my time with you. That’s what’s important right now.”

She blushes. “Yeah, but you have to work, John.”

“I know. But our relationship is still so new, and I just love being here with you. It’s kind of hard to think about when the movie wraps.”

“Should we talk about it?”

“Yeah. But not right now. I just wanna kiss you.”

Emori chuckles, but puts her tea down and leans into John’s space to press a kiss to his lips. It’s the first time in a while that they just make out lazily, no real destination in sight. Murphy has gotten so used to Emori always being around, and the thought of going back to LA after he’s done with his movie is starting to feel less and less enticing.

They’re interrupted by Emori’s phone buzzing on her bedside table. She checks it, but it turns out it’s just a text from Echo. Murphy picks up his own phone as she goes to check hers, making a face at the lovey-dovey photo that Bellamy and Clarke sent in the _Alpha_ group chat. They’re on vacation in Montreal, and they never let up on sending cute pictures to everyone. He misses them a lot, and they’re still disgustingly cute. Today’s photo is of Clarke standing at the stove attempting to cook. Bellamy sent it along with another text that’s just a couple of heart eye emojis. Murphy chuckles and shows the photo to Emori.

“Did you see this?” he asks.

Emori’s eyes widen. “I hope this cooking lesson goes well. Hey, we never send cute pictures of us in the group chat.”

“We’re not Bellamy and Clarke.”

“That doesn’t mean we can’t try to out-cute them.”

Murphy laughs as Emori hops up to take a picture of him. She gently places her socked foot on his chest.

“Smile,” she says.

“That’s not on brand for me.”

Emori rolls her eyes and takes the picture anyway. She sends it in the group chat. Murphy looks a bit ridiculous and somewhat unsure of what Emori is doing.

“Are you sure you didn’t just take this to show off your koala socks?” he asks.

“That might have been an added bonus. It’s still a cute photo of you.”

She stares down at her phone before looking back at Murphy. There’s something on her mind, but she doesn’t immediately say it. Instead she flops back down on the bed, resting her head on his chest.

“What’s up?” he asks.

Emori shakes her head. “It’s nothing.”

“Mori, you can tell me.”

She takes a deep breath before continuing. “I was just going to ask what you thought of me putting that picture of you on my Instagram story.”

Murphy doesn’t answer right away. He’s honestly a little shocked that Emori is the one suggesting this first. He thought for sure he’d be the one to cave and ask if they could go public before she did.

“I know we said that it’s kind of nice that the whole world doesn’t know right now,” Emori continues. “That we like our little bubble. But I’m just so excited about being with you, and I want everyone to know.”

By now a wide grin has spread across Murphy’s face at Emori’s little speech. He loves her so much, and he’s elated that they’re on the same page.

“Please say something.” She lifts her head to look at him and frowns when she sees his dumb smile. “What?”

“Nothing. I like our little bubble, too, but I’ll be honest, it’s getting harder and harder to not reach for your hand when we’re out in public. So I’m totally fine if you wanna put that on your story.”

Emori smiles and nods before picking up her phone again and adding the picture of Murphy to her story. She tags him and captions it “My favorite dork”. She quickly closes Instagram, probably to avoid the inevitable flood of notifications.

“Your DMs are going to be a lot of fun later today,” Murphy jokes.

“I don’t care. And I’m sure it’ll just be people screaming about how excited they are.”

“That’s true.”

Murphy’s phone rings and he frowns as he looks at it. It’s a FaceTime from Raven. He answers it and her face fills up the screen. She’s in her house in LA, looking wide awake for how early it is.

“Why are you up?” Murphy asks.

Emori sticks her head on Murphy’s stomach so her face is on the screen. “Hi, Raven!”

“Momo!” Raven answers with a bright smile, before immediately launching into the real reason she called. “Did you two just randomly decide to go public today?”

“That does not answer my question of why you’re awake at seven am!”

“All the notifications from you guys and Bellamy and Clarke woke me up. But then I saw that Emori posted that photo of you on her story, so now I’m awake.”

Emori laughs. “Oh, yeah. I thought the picture was cute, and John said it was fine.”

“Holy shit. Guys, this is really real, you’re Instagram official!”

Murphy grins and looks at Emori who smiles up at him. “Yeah, I guess we are.”

“Wow, this has been such a long time coming, I could cry,” Raven says. “But I think I’m just gonna go back to sleep.”

“Sorry to have woken you,” Emori says.

“Just this once I’ll let it slide. I’m happy for you.”

“Thanks, Raven,” they both say as their friend hangs up.

“I didn’t think of it like that,” Emori says. “That we’re Instagram official.”

“Me neither. But I guess that makes sense.”

“It’s a nice feeling.”

Murphy nods. “You know we’d be even more Instagram official if one of us posted something on our feeds and not just something in our story. We’re on each other’s stories all the time.”

She smirks. “What did you have in mind?”

Later that afternoon, Murphy and Emori go get lunch at a cafe they both like. They sit in their favorite spot by the window so they can people watch as people outside pass by. Emori sips on her latte and Murphy is struck by the way the light is coming in through the window. He pulls out his phone and gets his camera ready.

“Smile,” he says.

Unlike when he didn’t smile this morning, Emori actually listens, tilting her head and holding up her mug. Murphy might be a little biased, but it’s a perfect photo. He makes a quick Instagram post, tagging Emori and the cafe before adding a caption:

_Already got this Insta boyfriend thing down._

He turns his phone around to show it to Emori. She laughs when she reads it, which Murphy takes as her seal of approval. He hits post and puts his phone down, though he doesn’t lock it. Mere seconds later, likes and comments on the post flood in. It’s a little overwhelming, but also hilarious to watch unfold in real time.

“Fuck,” Emori says staring down at his phone. “I think you broke the internet.”

A comment flashes on his screen that reads in all caps, “ARE YOU TWO DATING??!!” Murphy laughs and simply responds by saying, “Yes.”

Over the next couple of days, there’s a bit of a media frenzy surrounding the fact that after years of speculation it turns out John Murphy and Emori Chiu are actually dating. _Alpha_ fans are ecstatic, tweeting all sorts of nice messages at them, a couple even going so far as to send them congratulatory DMs, just as Emori predicted.

Murphy has never understood why some people are so obsessed with celebrity relationships. He’s just a normal person, and he so happens to be in love with another person who is famous. It’s something that’s always made him wary of dating since he made his way into the spotlight, just another reason he and Emori created their little bubble for their first couple months together. But everyone knowing doesn’t bother him as much as he thought it would. In fact, he’s really happy about it. Maybe it’s because he’s certain this thing with Emori is going to last, maybe it’s because after four years of intense media scrutiny, he’s developed more of a thick skin. He’s not sure what it is exactly, but not much else matters to him right now besides his relationship. For the first time in a long time, Murphy is incredibly happy.

Murphy brings Emori to the movie’s wrap party at an upscale bar in Soho. They mingle with the producers and some of Murphy’s co-stars before retreating to a booth in the corner. Emori leans her head against Murphy’s shoulder, Murphy with an arm slung around Emori. He’s glad they can finally do these sorts of things in public and that he doesn’t have to hold back showing her affection.

“What are we going to do now, John?” Emori asks out of the blue.

Murphy frowns. “What do you mean?”

“Well you’ve wrapped your movie. And I know you’ll be here for the holidays, but what then? Are you just going back to LA?”

Murphy sighs. He’d been thinking about this a lot recently, and they hadn’t really broached the subject together. In all honesty, he wouldn’t have expected her to bring it up tonight. But it makes sense that it’s on her mind now that the movie’s over.

“Well it’s not like we’re gonna break up,” he says.

“I know. But it’s not like your next project is just going to magically be in New York, either.”

“Yeah, I know we can’t control that. But I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. I didn’t know when I was gonna bring it up, but since you mentioned it, maybe now’s the moment.”

Emori lifts her head to look at him, an eyebrow raised in confusion. “What are you talking about?”

“Call me crazy, but I kind of like New York? And I really wasn’t expecting to. So I was thinking, maybe I could just stay?”

Her face softens at his words. “You’d move here?”

“I’d do anything for you,” he answers simply.

Emori reaches up to press a quick kiss to his lips. “I love you so much.”

“I love you, too. You’ve made a New Yorker out of me!”

She laughs before resting her head back on his shoulder. Murphy absentmindedly rubs her arm as they sit together watching the other partygoers. He was nervous to tell her that he’d been thinking about moving to New York. He’s not sure why, especially when deep down he knew she’d be excited. But it’s still a big step. They’ll have to talk a lot more about this whole thing, but it feels like their first step to being serious. Murphy is committed to Emori and to this relationship, and he wants to be with her as much as possible. Sure, they’ll both have to travel around for certain jobs. That’s just the nature of being an actor. But being here with Emori this past fall has made him realize that he doesn’t care where he is as long as he’s with her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed! Let me know what you think. 
> 
> If you want more Memori fluff from me, don't forget I'm writing for t100 Fic for BLM and you can prompt me through there. More info is on [our carrd](https://t100fic-for-blm.carrd.co/). 
> 
> And don't forget to come find me on [Tumblr](https://queenemori.tumblr.com/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/queen_emori).


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!! It's crazy to think we're at the last full chapter! I'll wait to get sappy and emotional at the end, so I hope you enjoy.

Murphy sits in the audience at opening night of Emori’s play. It’s the end of July, and she’s in a production of _Big Love_ at Williamstown Theatre Festival. She’s playing a character named Lydia, which the internet got a kick out of when she started sharing info about it on her social media.

The rest of the cast of _Alpha_ were sad that they haven’t been able to make it to any of Emori’s plays. They make fun of Murphy for being the only one to be able to do so, even before the two of them started dating. Luckily, everyone’s schedules lined up so they could also make opening night of _Big Love_ an _Alpha_ cast reunion to support Emori.

“So what is this play about?” Bellamy asks as they wait for the show to begin.

“Emori explained it to me, but I still don’t completely get it,” Murphy says. “Basically these fifty women are forced to marry their fifty cousins, so they flee from Greece to Italy and seek refuge.”

“Oh, so like _The Suppliant Women_?”

Murphy frowns. “Huh?”

“It’s a play by Aeschylus. It’s said to be the earliest surviving play of the western world.”

He almost laughs out loud at how Bellamy says this like it’s the most obvious statement in the world. “Oh. Well it seems like you know more about it than I do.”

Bellamy narrows his eyes. “Didn’t you have to take a theatre history class when you were in college?”

Murphy snorts. “Don’t ask me that like I paid attention.”

“You know, they might have more information about it in the program.”

“I kind of like being surprised.”

“Well don’t look at me when it doesn’t make sense,” Bellamy huffs before turning back to his own program. Murphy chuckles to himself at his friend’s indignation on the situation.

The lights dim and the show begins, Emori making her way onstage in a slightly tattered wedding dress. Murphy chuckles and he ignores the way his stomach flips at the sight of her in a wedding dress. The play becomes chaotic almost immediately, as the actors that play Thyona and Olympia enter. Thyona throws plates across the stage as Olympia sings “You Don’t Own Me”. By the time another person enters, all three women are singing at the top of their lungs. The show only gets weirder from there. It’s very physical, everyone throwing themselves to the ground and shouting at each other, every so often interrupted by monologues that Murphy can’t necessarily keep up with. It’s a bit of sensory overload, and he’s glad he’ll be around for longer so he has the chance to see it again.

Even though Murphy’s not completely sure what’s going on, he thinks Emori does a great job. Which isn’t at all surprising, given how talented she is. In some of Lydia’s quieter moments, he finds he’s able to actually pick up on what’s going on. He watches as she falls in love with Nikos, the groom that she is set to marry. They dance together in one of his favorite moments of the show.

“Sometimes people don’t want to fall in love. Because when you love someone it’s too late to set conditions,” Emori explains. “You can’t say I’ll love you if you do this, or I’ll love you if you change that because you can’t help yourself. And then you have to live with whoever it is you fall in love with however they are and just put up with the difficulties you’ve made for yourself because true love has no conditions. That’s why it’s so awful to fall in love.”

Emori’s speech sticks with Murphy for the rest of the show. In the past he’s been afraid of love, worried what giving himself fully to another person would mean, especially when he felt like such a mess himself. Over the past year he’s learned a lot about himself and about love. It’s even scarier than he imagined, but he’s found the person that’s made it all worth it. He wants nothing more than to take all the hurdles life throws at him, because he knows he’ll have Emori by his side through it all. She’s his partner through everything, so he can’t say he thinks that it’s awful to fall in love. He couldn’t be happier that it’s happened to him.

In the past nine months, Murphy has gotten to experience all the things he never thought were possible for him with Emori, and he cherishes every minute of their time together. They’ve moved pretty quickly in their relationship, but it doesn’t feel fast to Murphy, not when he’s spent so much time in love with Emori before they were together. There weren’t many loose ends for him to tie up in LA before he moved to New York. He moved into Emori’s apartment in February and they signed a lease together in April. He doesn’t care what anyone else thinks about the pace they’re moving at, because all that matters is they’re okay and Murphy couldn’t be happier.

All in all the play has a fairly bleak outlook on marriage and love. Though that makes sense, considering the women were forced to marry their cousins. Murphy and the _Alpha_ crew wait for Emori to get out of costume and join the rest of the party. They applaud when she emerges from backstage, and she rushes towards them with a big smile on her face.

Murphy opens his arms for her and she easily steps into them. He presses a kiss to her forehead.

“Congratulations, baby,” he says. “You were amazing.”

“Thank you,” she says, stroking his arm.

“Quit hogging her, you see her all the time,” Raven groans.

Emori laughs and greets the rest of their friends, starting with Raven.

“You were so great, Momo!”

“Thank you, I’m so glad you guys could come!”

“We wouldn’t miss it,” Bellamy says. “Especially for the moon-eyed look on Murphy’s face when you walked out in a wedding dress.”

Murphy’s face heats up. He hadn’t even noticed Bellamy looking at him during the show. Is he fucking with him? Whatever it is, he’s not a fan.

“I was admiring the costume design,” he mumbles, though he knows nobody believes him.

“And I bet you Murphy’s real glad you played the one sister that _didn’t_ kill her husband at the end,” Josephine jokes.

Murphy glares at Josephine. “I think we should focus on the fact that Emori is amazing and talented and not my reaction to the piece.”

Clarke shrugs. “We can do both.”

“Really, Clarke? This is behavior I expect from Bellamy and Josephine, but you? I’m wounded.”

“Bellamy must be rubbing off on her, then,” Raven says.

“All jokes aside, it was a great show, Emori,” Harper says.

Emori smiles and Murphy wraps an arm around her shoulder. He’s glad that they’re back on topic. Whether or not it affected him seeing Emori in a wedding dress has nothing to do with what they’re all here for.

“That’s a pretty physical show,” Clarke remarks. “How are you not exhausted?”

“Oh, don’t let my made up look fool you. I am so tired. This tech week has felt especially long. So I’m glad we’re finally open and I’ll get to rest up a little during the daytime. But I can collapse after I spend time with you guys! You came all this way.”

Their group heads into the lobby where the party is being held. Emori gets pulled away for a few photos and to talk to some people, but for the most part, she spends time with them, and the _Alpha_ crew is all back together for the first time since Clarke and Bellamy’s wedding in September. Murphy has missed them all so much. He was worried that their being apart now that the show had ended would change their dynamic somehow, but they’re still in sync as a group. Not much has changed. Besides Bellamy making fun of Murphy every chance he gets. It must be payback for when Murphy used to do the same thing when Bellamy and Clarke first started dating. Bellamy looked so smitten that Murphy didn’t know how he got anything done.

“You guys are really cute together,” he says at one point in the evening, probably after Murphy and Emori have been in their own world for a little too long.

Murphy turns to Bellamy and frowns. “Thank you?”

“Sorry, it’s just nice to see you guys be in love instead of just pretending you’re not. I know it’s been almost a year now, but we haven’t seen you guys in person. You can’t fault me for making mention of it.”

“That’s nice,” Emori says, resting her head on Murphy’s shoulder.

“It’s not nice, Mori. It’s thinly veiled with making fun of me somehow.”

Bellamy laughs. “I wasn’t making fun of you. That time, at least. But I think making fun of you a little is only fair.”

“Yeah, we should get to make fun of you a little bit,” Josephine adds. “You guys are even more disgusting than Bellamy and Clarke with your love.”

“Hey, you’re one to talk!” Murphy protests. “You’re insufferable when Gabriel’s around.”

Raven chuckles. “And you’re forgetting the most important part, Josephine. This is so much better than watching both of them be sad and mopey about the other.”

Emori lifts her head from Murphy’s shoulder, an eyebrow raised. “Okay, I have to ask. How often did you guys talk about us behind our backs before we got together?”

Their friends are silent, exchanging looks as if they’re deciding how much they want to reveal.

“Not that often,” Clarke finally says.

“Well it sure took you a long time to think about it,” Murphy says.

“It came up a couple of times back in season two when we suspected Murphy might have liked you,” Harper answers. “Then again in season three after we found out you were leaving and we suspected you might like him back. And then it was just a constant stream of texts once Murphy got back from Phoenix.”

Murphy leans over to Clarke and whispers, “That sounds like it was pretty often to me.”

Clarke laughs. “Well that’s not what’s important! What’s important is that you’re together now and you’re happy.”

“And after seeing that show, I’d say Murphy is pretty much ready to walk down the aisle,” Bellamy adds before lifting his drink to his lips.

Murphy turns to glare at Bellamy. He’s slightly sensitive to talk about marriage lately. Not because it freaks him out or anything. Even though it hasn’t been a full year, Murphy and Emori have had a lot of conversations about marriage. The first few were just a continuation of the fact that both of them said they couldn’t see themselves with anyone else. Marriage is something they both see in their future. And it’s not like they’re taking things slowly. Even though Murphy didn’t officially move in with Emori until February, they’ve basically been cohabitating for the entirety of their relationship. The main takeaway from their conversations is that neither of them is in a rush. They’ll know when the time is right, and they’re taking things day by day.

If anything, Murphy hates that Bellamy’s right about the effect the show has had on him. Even though a lot of it was lost on him, he was able to put into perspective how he feels about Emori and even though it should scare him how deeply he feels for her, he just wants to be with her more than anything else in the world.

The rest of the _Alpha_ crew goes back to their normal lives after their weekend in the Berkshires, but Murphy sticks around. He’s not doing much, and he’d gotten lonely in the apartment in New York without Emori there. Now that she’s not in rehearsal all the time, they can spend some time together. She shows him around Williamstown and even drives him to other little towns in the Berkshires when there’s a food place she knows he’ll like.

“Oh, Echo is coming to see the show this weekend,” Emori says close to the end of the week. “I got you guys seats next to each other. And maybe you can get lunch with her beforehand?”

“By myself?” he asks slowly.

She frowns at his reaction. “Yeah, I can’t go, I have my call time. What’s the matter, I thought you liked Echo.”

“She’s nice. But I’ve never hung out with her without you there, too.”

Emori reaches up to kiss his cheek. “You’ll be fine. And I’ll be there when we get drinks after the show. She’s not as intimidating as she lets on.”

Murphy raises an eyebrow. “I don’t believe you, but okay.”

“Thank you, I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

Murphy doesn’t know what it is about Echo that sets him on edge. Every time he and Emori have hung out with her, she seems like she’s trying her hardest to figure Murphy out or catch him in a lie or something. He thinks it’s pretty obvious that he’s got nothing to hide. He loves Emori, it’s not like she needs protecting from him. And shouldn’t she know this? She was her tour roommate, he’s positive she knows what happened in Phoenix.

Saturday rolls around, and Murphy is still slightly unsettled by the idea of getting lunch with Echo all by himself. He waits by the door of the cafe they’re meeting at, fooling with his phone to occupy his time. He wishes he could text Emori, but she usually shuts her phone away while she’s getting ready for a performance, so she wouldn’t answer. After a moment he looks up and sees Echo walking toward him from the parking lot. Even though she smiles as she approaches, Murphy can’t say he feels all that comforted by it, though he does his best to match it.

“Hi, John,” she says once he’s within earshot.

“You can call me Murphy,” he answers.

“Right, sorry. It’s weird to get used to, since I only ever hear about you from Emori.”

“Fair. Shall we head inside?”

They order their food at the counter, then take a seat at a table by the window.

“So you’ve seen the show already,” Echo starts. “How’d you like it?”

Murphy nods. “It was interesting. I don’t think I fully understood it, so hoping it makes a bit more sense this time around.”

“You weren’t familiar with the show?”

“No. But I _did_ learn that it’s inspired by _The Suppliant Women_ , which is said to be the oldest existing play in the western world.”

Echo laughs. “Yup. We put it on when I was in undergrad, so I’ve spent some time with it.”

“Who did you play?”

“Thyona.”

Murphy nods, picturing Echo as the angry older sister who hatches the plan to kill all their husbands in the first place. That tracks.

“I’m excited to see Emori as Lydia,” Echo continues. “I’m sure she’ll be way better than the girl who played her in my college production.”

“She’s amazing. I know I’m a little biased, but everything I’ve seen Emori in is just so different from the last thing. She’s one of the most talented people I’ve ever met.”

Murphy sips his drink, taking in the odd grin on Echo’s face. He really doesn't know what to make of this woman half the time.

“What?” he asks after a moment.

“Sorry. It’s just so sweet to hear you talk about Emori that way.”

“She’s my girlfriend.”

“I know. But I’ve only ever really heard her gush about you, so it’s nice to see you do it, too.”

Murphy chuckles, ducking his head. “She gushed about me?”

“Please, don’t act like you don’t know how in love with you she is. But I’m really glad you guys figured everything out. She seems a lot happier than she was last year. I know part of it was just allowing herself to be happy, but I know you have a lot to do with it as well. It seems like you really bring out the best in each other.”

“Yeah, I can’t think of a time in my life when I’ve been happier.” Murphy grins, and he knows he looks like an idiot, but he doesn’t care. And Echo seems to find it cute, so it’s not a big deal.

After that, their lunch feels a bit easier. Murphy doesn’t remember what he was worried about now that he’s spending time with Echo alone. He gets why Emori likes her so much, and he’s glad that she had such a good friend while she was on tour last year.

They get to the theatre and sit in their seats quietly as people filter inside. Murphy actually takes the time to look through the program this time. There’s a bit of added context in the dramaturgy notes that definitely makes the play make more sense. Murphy almost forgets that Echo is there next to him until she randomly asks him a question.

“Don’t take it the wrong way when I ask this, but do you have any regrets about the way you and Emori got together?”

Murphy looks up at her with a frown. “What do you mean?”

“I guess it was pretty immediately obvious from the way Emori talked about you that she had feelings for you. And from the way she talked about you, I figured you must be into her, even though I hadn’t met you. I mean, you guys FaceTimed practically everyday. That’s a little much, even for friends.”

Murphy snorts. In retrospect some of their behavior does seem a little ridiculous.

“And I’m glad you guys are together now, because you’re clearly both happier, but do you ever wish that maybe you’d figured things out sooner?” Echo asks.

Surprisingly nobody has asked Murphy this question before, but he’s not surprised that Echo is the one to bring it up. From what he knows of her she’s very blunt. He doesn’t have an answer at the ready, so he takes a moment to think.

“I don’t have regrets,” he decides. “You can definitely say we were being a bit stupid, especially after the entirety of last year. But I think as crazy as it is, it’s part of our story. And I don’t wanna change anything about it.”

Echo nods, a smile on her face. “That’s really sweet. You should write that down to save for your wedding vows.”

Murphy chuckles and is slightly shocked that the mention of a wedding doesn’t make him blush. It feels natural, the thought of marrying Emori. And for the first time it doesn’t feel like a vague concept or a blip in the distant future. It’s his reality and he’s more than ready for it to happen.

Murphy loves lazy afternoons with Emori. They haven’t had one in a while, since she’s been in Williamstown rehearsing, so he relishes in just sitting on the couch with her, happy to be in her presence. He’s on his laptop, scrolling through different news articles and Twitter aimlessly, while she sits with her legs in his lap reading a book. Silence with Emori has always been comfortable, something he enjoys, unlike silence with other people. Murphy would much rather talk, even if he has nothing to say. But with Emori it’s enough to just be in her presence. They don’t have anything to do, since it’s a Monday, meaning Emori doesn’t have a show.

“We should get lunch soon,” Emori says after a moment.

“Can we go to Haven?” Murphy asks. “I really want that peanut butter bar again. Oh, or Chocolate Springs?”

“I don’t feel like driving to Lenox, John.”

“I can drive, if that’s the issue.”

“I should never have taken you to Lenox. You only like the food there.”

“I can’t help that it’s all delicious! And it’s not like things are that far from each other in the Berkshires.”

Emori shakes her head and goes back to her book. Murphy chuckles. They both know this just ends with them ordering in.

“We could try the Thai place in Pittsfield that Echo told us about,” Murphy suggests.

“Still not in Williamstown, John.”

“She made it sound so good, though. She said she went all the time when she was at Barrington Stage last summer.”

“I’m glad that you and Echo are getting along,” Emori says, changing the subject from food.

“Yeah. She’s cool. A little less scary now that we’ve talked more.”

“She says she’s given you her seal of approval.”

Murphy’s eyebrows shoot up. “Oh? I didn’t realize I was working towards that.”

Emori chuckles. “You would have gotten it anyway. She says you seem like a great boyfriend and that we’re almost too in love with each other. Which were also things she said to me before we were dating, though not necessarily with those exact words.”

Murphy laughs. It’s a running joke between everyone that knows them that not much has changed about how Murphy and Emori act around each other, except now they can just kiss each other too.

Emori lifts her leg and gently pushes him with her foot. “We haven’t decided on lunch yet, John.”

“I haven’t seen you come up with any options! And you never seem to want what I suggest anyway.”

She laughs. “Well at least I don’t act like a baby when I don’t get my way. Let’s decide soon though, I’m hungry.”

Murphy doesn’t answer right away. He thinks back to his conversation with Echo before the show the other day, how he said he doesn’t regret all the time he and Emori spent waffling over “will they, won’t they.” He doesn’t regret it one bit, and he thinks it just makes him more sure that he wants to be with her forever. He knows her almost better than he knows himself. He knows how to comfort her when she’s sad, knows what all of her different faces mean, knows the right thing to say to make her laugh. He’s never been more sure of anything in his life.

“Marry me,” he says.

Emori’s eyebrows shoot up in shock and she laughs. “What?”

“Marry me. I’m serious. We know we love each other and that we want to be together.”

Murphy hops up from the couch, putting his laptop on the coffee table and going to his duffle bag in the corner of the living room. He’s still not sure what possessed him to bring the ring to Williamstown with him, but as he reaches into the inside pocket, he couldn’t be happier he thought to bring it.

He takes a deep breath and goes back to the couch, ring box in hand. Emori’s face is a comical mix of confusion and excitement. She’s so fucking adorable, Murphy can’t stand it. He kneels on the floor next to her.

“I spent so long waiting in limbo thinking you were never going to love me back. And I know we really haven’t been together all that long, but I just keep thinking about what Bellamy told me at the wedding. About how when you know, you just know, and you want nothing more than for your forever to start. And I know I want that with you. Emori, you’re my best friend, and I fall more and more in love with you everyday. Why wait to start forever when we can just do it now?”

He opens the ring box to reveal a simple, white gold diamond ring. He knew she wouldn’t want anything flashy. Emori gasps, looking from him to the box, tears welling up in her eyes. Murphy laughs a little to himself as tears sting his own vision.

“Emori Chiu, will you marry me?”

“Okay,” she says with a nod.

Murphy frowns. He’d expected a bit more of a reaction than that. “Okay?”

She laughs, tears falling down her face now. “Yes! I’ll marry you!”

Murphy grins, wiping a tear from his eye as he slides the ring onto her right hand. She pulls him up from the floor to kiss him deeply.

“I love you so much,” she mumbles against his lips.

“I love you, too.”

“Have you been planning this?” she asks, pulling away to look at him.

Murphy shakes his head. “Not at all. I was just waiting for the right moment.”

“Well it was perfect.”

“I’m glad.”

Emori giggles. “You’re my fiancé.”

Murphy chuckles, his heart warming hearing Emori say those words out loud. “I could get used to hearing that.”

“Well I’ll definitely be saying it a lot in future.” She kisses him again, slow and deep as if they have all the time in the world. Murphy gently caresses the side of her face as they kiss, his hand making its way to her hair. For as many frenzied kisses as they’ve found themselves in, this feels like one of the few times they’re really in no rush. They have the rest of their lives ahead of them.

Emori breaks the kiss, slightly out of breath. “John, we still haven’t decided on lunch.”

Murphy laughs. “I mean, I’d say getting engaged necessitates a celebratory trip to Haven.”

Emori rolls her eyes fondly and Murphy just watches his fiancée in awe.

“You’re driving,” she says, finally giving in.

“I knew you couldn’t resist that peanut butter bar.”

“It is really good. But this is our last trip to Lenox while you’re here. It’s not like there’s nothing to eat in Williamstown.”

“I can live with that. Hey, that was kind of our first engaged compromise.”

Emori chuckles. “We’re gonna have this marriage thing in the bag.”

Murphy kisses Emori one last time before hopping up from the couch. “I’m gonna get my shoes.”

Murphy feels like he’s floating as he gets ready to leave the house. He’s elated that the woman he loves wants to spend forever with him, too. They’ve come such a long way from when they first met and they’ve been through so much together. He’s still in some shock that everything has led them here, to this moment. In all his wildest dreams, this isn’t how he pictured his love story with Emori going, but he knows without a doubt he wouldn’t have it any other way.

**End of Part Three**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you'd like a taste of what Big Love is like, click [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HgA2pyBEohg&ab_channel=SignatureTheatreNY) to watch a trailer from Signature Theatre's production. And here's [You Don't Own Me](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cTpvirQ-hPA&ab_channel=LesleyGore-Topic) if you've never heard that song before. We did Big Love at my undergrad and it's really a wild show.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you guys liked it! Definitely let me know what you think. All that's left is the epilogue, so I just want to say thank you for coming on this wild journey with me. I have had loads of fun sharing this story with you and getting to hear all your thoughts. This is probably my favorite thing I have ever written, and I am so glad to have gotten to write Murphy and Emori in a wildly different setting than canon and even though it was super self-indulgent and incredibly angsty, I'm so glad you guys have enjoyed it so much. Your comments and all the love have absolutely fueled me.
> 
> Another special thank you to [Mobi](https://mobi-on-a-mission.tumblr.com/) for being the best beta a girl could ask for and also this story's biggest fan. It truly would not exist without her, and I am glad that we are no longer enemies now that it is finished! 
> 
> Another huge thank you to [imunbreakabledude](https://imunbreakabledude.tumblr.com/), the first Lydia shipper and Alpha fan! Thank you for coming up with the ship names for me and for helping me with fan reactions to things as well!
> 
> Going into the new year, I actually don't have many Memori stories in the works! The multi-shipper in me snapped out with my current WIPs, so it's a lot of Murphy-centric stories as a result. So if you'd like to see a Memori story from me, or you'd like another chapter of [Piece Me Back Together](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27457063/chapters/67126150), don't forget I am accepting one-shot prompts and WIP updates through t100 Fic for BLM. Check out more information on [our carrd](https://t100fic-for-blm.carrd.co/). 
> 
> And if you want to come shout with me, you can find me on [Tumblr](https://queenemori.tumblr.com/) or [Twitter](https://twitter.com/queen_emori). I'm looking for new people to follow on Twitter since I just made it, so come say hi if you have one!


	22. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Friday! Very excited to share the epilogue with you guys tonight.

**Epilogue: Emori**

If someone had told Emori Chiu when she signed onto _Alpha_ that she’d meet the love of her life, she would have laughed out loud. She was there for work, not romance. She immediately knew John Murphy was something special, sure, but never in her wildest dreams would she have pictured them being together. It’s one of the few times she’s been glad to have been wrong about something in the end.

Emori has never been one to let her guard down. It’s always been the easiest way for her not to get hurt. And there was certainly no reason for her to let her guard down when she was doing a job. But there was something about John that made her feel like she could be open with him, like she could trust him. Maybe it was the way he hung onto every word she said when they first met, or the way he lit up when she walked into the room. In retrospect, it was obvious that he was into her, but Emori was too lost in her own world, too focused on the show to notice.

She and John have come a long way since their story began, and though there have been a lot of tears and even some heartbreak along the way, she wouldn’t trade it for the world. She loves him more than anything, and she still has to pinch herself sometimes when she remembers she gets to marry him.

When Emori and John announced their engagement less than a year after they’d started dating, the internet lost its mind. It had lost its mind when they confirmed they were together, but this time around there was a lot more scrutiny. There were countless articles filled with unsolicited opinions wondering what the rush was and if it would really last. Most of it made Emori laugh, considering how people in the media used to wish so badly for them to be together, and then now that they actually are together, there are a lot more questions.

If this were anyone else, Emori would probably be thinking the same things. One of her best friends from high school got engaged to a guy she started dating her senior year of college right after graduation and when Emori found out she had to refrain from asking why on earth she would do such a thing. How could she decide to spend her life with someone she barely knew? What if they started living together and learned that they couldn’t stand the way the other person chewed? What would happen if they weren’t on the same page about certain aspects of life? Had they even talked about children? The practical part of Emori’s mind is usually on in full gear, but with John, things are different.

Emori knows John so well. She knows when to give him space when he gets mopey, what helps him out of his bad moods, and when he’s probably had enough to drink. She knows how to make him laugh, which is a big deal, because he’s not one to laugh at just any joke. She knows his favorite foods and the best ways to make him smile. She doesn’t think she’s ever known anyone so well, and he in turn knows everything about her. They figured all of this out before they started dating. So sure, the practical part of Emori’s mind has still been at work in the past year, but it’s also taking into account that she doesn’t have to spend time getting to know John since he’s already her best friend. They talked about marriage almost immediately, and John told her he would propose when the moment felt right. Apparently the moment was when they couldn’t decide what to eat for lunch on a lazy Monday, but it’s a moment that felt absolutely perfect, nonetheless.

Now a month later, Emori smiles to herself, surrounded by all the people she loves most at her engagement party. She pats John’s leg before standing, and he smiles up at her as she clinks her champagne glass with a knife.

“If I could have your attention please,” she begins. “Now I know that John is normally the one to give heartfelt speeches, but he told me I could take a stab at it today.”

She looks around the room, her heart warming as she looks from her _Alpha_ friends to Echo and Sterling, everyone that she holds near and dear to her heart. She can’t imagine this day without them.

“So, Bellamy and Clarke don’t know this, but two years ago at their engagement party, John asked me why anyone would want to celebrate their engagement with the people they worked with. I turned to John and said, ‘Wouldn’t you want to celebrate with the group of people that saw your relationship through its beginnings?’ And in the moment, John said no, but clearly he’s changed his mind.”

Emori pauses as people get out a few laughs. She’s starting to understand why John loves the attention that speeches bring him.

“I guess all the _Alpha_ people saw John and me through the beginning phases of our relationship, though we didn’t actually get together while _Alpha_ was airing. But you were all so nice to our faces, even while we were being idiots. Though I’m sure you were all calling us idiots behind our backs. Every one of you here in this room is a part of our story. It’s a convoluted and confusing story, that we’ll definitely have to give an abridged and sanitized version of to our children. But it’s our story, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.”

She puts a hand on John’s shoulder and his smile when she looks at him fills her with such warmth. Emori smiles back, tears forming in her eyes. She’s not sure how John ever makes it through these without crying.

“I never spent much time thinking about love or if I would ever find it, and after a while I kind of gave up on the whole idea. I thought maybe the moment had passed or that it was too late. But John never gave up, and I’m so glad he didn’t. John, I didn’t think I could ever love someone as much as I love you. You coming into my life was such an unexpected surprise, and I am so grateful for our friendship and everything that has led us to where we are today. Thank you for being my best friend, and thank you for loving me. I am so excited to start our forever together. And I have never been more sure of anything in my life than what we have.”

Emori wipes a tear from her eye before raising her glass.

“So I’d like to propose a toast. To John and to my favorite unconventional love story.”

Everyone raises their glasses and toasts, but Emori doesn’t notice, too wrapped up in her fiancé as he stands up and takes her face in his hands to kiss her. She laughs when he pulls away and she sees the tears that have formed in his eyes. She wipes at them with her free hand.

“I love you,” John says.

Emori smiles. “I love you, too.”

“Was your goal to make me cry or something?”

“Obviously. It wouldn’t have been any fun if it hadn’t been.”

“Well, it was a wonderful speech, Mori. Couldn’t have said it better myself.”

She chuckles. “That’s high praise coming from you, the king of romantic speeches.”

John laughs. “Oh, I didn’t realize I had a title. I feel so official.”

Emori shakes her head before leaning in to press another kiss to John’s lips. She wishes she could take it further, but that will have to wait until they don’t have guests. The only unfortunate thing about being the couple in love is all eyes are on them. Unlike at Bellamy and Clarke’s wedding, they can’t sneak away without being noticed. Not that they got away unnoticed that time.

“Now if you two are through staring at each other, we’ll come say hello to you,” Bellamy jokes as he and Clarke near them both.

Emori laughs, pulling Bellamy in for a hug.

“We’re so happy for you guys,” Clarke says. “Even though we know you snuck off and had sex in the middle of our wedding reception.”

Murphy grins. “No regrets!”

“I take full responsibility, but also no regrets,” Emori says.

Bellamy chuckles and shakes his head. “You two are perfect for each other.”

“And don’t you forget it,” Murphy says. “Bellamy, stay tuned for all of your best man duties once wedding planning really kicks into gear.”

“You know I only made you help so you wouldn’t spend all your time feeling sorry for yourself, right?”

“Yeah. And now you get to help me as payback because you were a terror to work with.”

“We don’t even live in the same place!” Bellamy protests.

“I will fly you to New York myself, I don’t give a damn!”

Emori rolls her eyes and Clarke just laughs as the two of them continue to bicker.

“Very excited to see what type of groom Murphy turns into,” Clarke muses.

Emori shrugs. “As long as Bellamy gets him a stripper for the bachelor party, I think he’ll be alright.”

“Momo!” Raven calls as she runs up behind Emori and gives her a hug from behind. She laughs and turns to face her friend.

“Your speech was so good, who knew you were such a wordsmith!”

“I think John is rubbing off on me a little bit.”

“Makes sense. It was only a matter of time.” Raven pauses, a curious glint in her eye, before adding, “Also I hate to make this about me, but who is that very tall woman standing by the cupcakes?”

She turns to where Raven is pointing and sees Echo talking to Sterling. “You mean Echo? She’s one of my friends from the _Once_ tour.”

Raven nods. “Can I meet her?”

Emori laughs, but links arms with Raven and starts to lead her over to Echo. Given all the things that Raven has done for her, it seems only right that she does her a solid. Sterling has ventured away, leaving Echo by herself and she smiles as she sees Emori coming.

“Your speech was beautiful, Emori,” Echo says once they’re close enough to hear her.

Emori gives Echo a hug. “Thank you. I’m so glad you could make it.”

“I wouldn’t miss it.” Echo turns her head and smiles at Raven. They get quiet, sizing each other up, and Emori chuckles to herself. She’s not sure why she didn’t think to introduce these two to each other in the first place.

“Echo, this is my friend Raven. She was an executive producer on _Alpha_. Raven, this is my friend Echo. We were on tour together.”

Echo grins, extending her hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Raven.”

Raven smiles back, shaking Echo’s outstretched hand. “It’s nice to meet you too, Echo.”

“So I can leave you two to get to know each other?” Emori asks, though she doesn’t wait for an answer before walking away.

John raises an eyebrow at her as she makes her way back over to him. She threads her arms around his waist.

“Since when are you a matchmaker?” he asks.

“Raven asked if I could introduce her. I figured why not. All of our friends deserve to be happy.”

John grins. “You really are a lot more of a romantic than you let on.”

“Maybe. But I was not like this before I met you.”

He smiles and presses a kiss to her forehead.

“So is this engagement party with your co-workers everything you dreamed it would be?” Emori asks.

“It’s better. Because I never would have expected any of this to be with you.”

Emori smiles and reaches up to kiss John. He hugs her closer as they watch their guests interact around them. She never feels more secure than when she’s in John’s arms, and being surrounded by all their friends as they celebrate their love, Emori doesn’t think she’s ever felt happier. She gets to build a life with the man of her dreams, her best friend. She wakes up everyday excited to build a life together and see what’s in store for them, and she’s never been more thrilled that this is her forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed! Let me know what you think. 
> 
> Since I got sappy last week, I'll just say thank you again for following this story and showing it so much love! It's been an absolute blast sharing it with you guys and I'm so happy you liked this ridiculous idea of mine.
> 
> I've got a lot of prompts in the works for t100 Fic for BLM, so I'll still be around. Check out [our carrd](https://t100fic-for-blm.carrd.co/) for more info if you're ever interested in prompting me! There are other awesome Memori writers involved too, so definitely check them out as well.
> 
> Come say hi on [Tumblr](https://queenemori.tumblr.com/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/queen_emori)!


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